


Unsteady

by otayuri_oh_nice



Series: Unsteady [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Music, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Otabek Altin, Bottom Yuri Plisetsky, Bromance, Clubbing, Concerts, DJ Otabek Altin, Drinking & Talking, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, International traveling, JJ is a little shit, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Leo is a good friend, M/M, Manager Victor Nikiforov, Motocross, Otabek just wants the ground to swallow him whole, Pining, Rimming, Shower Sex, Singer Yuri Plisetsky, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, So much fucking music, Strangers to Lovers, Switching, Tattoos, Tomorrowland, Top Otabek Altin, Top Yuri Plisetsky, Yuri lost his inspiration and is annoyed, music festivals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-10 17:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 139,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10443204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otayuri_oh_nice/pseuds/otayuri_oh_nice
Summary: Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass.Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)- Or: JJ uploads one of Otabek's remixes of Yuri's songs to YouTube and Otabek freaks out.- Or: what happens when you take episode 1, replace figure skaters with musicians and exchange Victuuri for Otayuri. Aka another strange AU no one asked for.





	1. Chapter 1

Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass.

**Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)**

Before he even as much as clicked on the link in Leo’s message, Otabek already knew what he would find. He knew sending JJ the remix had been a bad idea from the start, but he’d done it anyways because he was slightly drunk and his judgment less-than-ideal. Now he had to face the consequences.

Finally he clicked on the link and YouTube opened up in a new tab. The video itself wasn’t more than the actual CD cover with some words written below on a black background, but the music was, just like he feared, his remix.

Unsteady (O. Altin remix) – Yuri Plisetsky 

Trying to keep his nerves at bay, Otabek tried to reason with himself. Maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, after all he could simply ask JJ to take it down and that would be it, surely no one but them had even seen it. YouTube was a giant platform and Yuri had about a billion and one fans who constantly posted videos, surely this one just drowned somewhere between all the other ones, no big deal, right?

 _Wrong_.

Somehow in less than twenty-four hours the remix had gone viral across all social media platforms with more views than Otabek was even willing to read, the comment section going haywire with critique and praise. Otabek felt mortified.

Only a few weeks prior he applied in answer to a casting call sent out by Yuri’s label in search for supporting acts—preferably either pop artists or DJs—to go on tour with Yuri for the next four months. Like anyone who listened to music and knew what counted as good, Otabek loved Yuri’s music. He was one of the currently most popular and wanted alternative rock acts with a bunch of awards to his name, his latest album reaching platinum status within weeks.

Leo and JJ somehow sat through his nerves and constant texts as he waited to hear back from the label, hoping and praying that they would choose him, or maybe at least give him a chance to present them more of his work than the two required songs for the initial application.

When an e-mail popped up in his inbox from the label, Otabek downright refused to open it. Instead he made Leo read it first and then either tell him about its content or delete it should it contain a rejection. It was an invitation to fly out to St. Petersburg for closer consideration, flight and hotel paid.

Sitting in the waiting room together with several other candidates was excruciating. As far as Otabek could tell there were people from various places around the world present, hoping to get the spot just as much as Otabek. Just from looking at them Otabek didn’t recognize anyone besides Emil Nekola, a really talented DJ from Czech. Leo had once sent him a link to one of his tracks.

When his name had finally been called, Otabek stood up and went in with confidence. He could totally do this, no problem. He’d played in clubs before in front of relatively big audiences so if he could do that, how much harder could it be to play a few tracks in front of what seemed to be not more than five people?

After his performance Yakov Feltsman, the person in charge of the final decision, looked pretty pleased with him and let him know that he would receive an email in the next forty eight hours letting him know if they chose him or not. Otabek felt good, his set was solid and he didn’t slip up or anything so his chances were surely pretty good, or at least he hoped so.

Unfortunately all he got less than twenty-four hours later was what looked like a standard copy-and-paste rejection with zero personality, the same one everybody else received not even stating his name in the greeting. Otabek had been devastated. Going on tour with someone as successful as Yuri could’ve been his chance, but of course it didn’t work out.

Embarrassed by his failure he’d boarded his plane back to Almaty and buried himself in his apartment. He’d been so sure he stood a chance to get the spot, but obviously he wasn’t good enough.

After going through all that, now he had to deal with his remix going viral because of course that had to happen, of course JJ had to make him feel ten times worse than he already did. The people who followed him on social media knew he’d been in St. Petersburg for the casting thing, knew he failed, and now this. They probably thought he was pathetic or something, or maybe petty, or possibly both.

The moral of the story was probably not to make remixes when slightly drunk and especially not send them to JJ that same night while still drunk—his only consolation was that he’d sent him that remix instead of his rendition of ‘[Gorgeous](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr9TaQw-L-M)’, now that would’ve just been the cherry on top of the failure cake. All he could hope for was that Yuri wouldn’t see it, or if he would that he didn’t know that he was among the people who applied because he seriously didn’t need that humiliation.

 

* * *

 

“Emil just finished his set so you’re on in thirty minutes,” Victor Nikiforov, his manager, said but Yuri barely paid attention to him.

“Yeah, whatever,” he just said and continued to look at himself in the mirror, ignoring Victor’s slightly annoyed and/or worried expression. After a few more seconds he finally left and Yuri was alone again.

It was only tour stop number four of the European leg of his tour but Yuri already felt sick of it all. Emil, the dude who opened his shows, was fucking annoying with his stories about his Italian boyfriend, and his music wasn’t even that good, the shows went great and the audience loved it, but Yuri’s heart wasn’t really in it. Victor was his fucking extra self, though with a new additional layer of fucking annoying since he’d gotten married to his choreographer, Katsuki Yuuri, a month before the tour started.

Looking at the fact that he was three albums into his career, and now more successful than ever, Yuri knew he should be happy, feel like he was on top of the fucking world because that’s exactly where he was, but really he felt barely anything. Something about all of it was off. Usually during his previous tours he used to spend every free moment he had on writing down new song ideas, snippets of lyrics or instrumental arrangements, song titles or anything at all, yet there he sat staring at himself in the mirror, his mind completely blank.

His inspiration was on a foreign low and Yuri had no idea what to do about it. He’d never felt like this before. When he asked Victor about it after probably drinking a glass of Champaign too much, he only told Yuri that he had to give it some time and that he should enjoy his success, the sold out concerts and the love he got from his fans, Yuri’s Angels, a name he fucking did not chose and wasn’t fond of.

Also, give it time his ass. This wasn’t the type of business where he could give shit time. After Europe and the few Asian stops his tour would be over and he would have to start working on a new album so how the fuck was he supposed to give it time? Fucking Victor, useless as always.

Annoyed Yuri pulled out his phone and jumped over to twitter to distract himself. Scrolling through his feed and notification he noticed that several big fan accounts— Yuri’s Angels Spain, Canada and Kazakhstan—had tweeted a link at him with all caps yelling that he simply had to check out whatever the link led to. If this was some bullshit gossip article again spreading farfetched rumors he was going to fucking flip shit because he was not in the mood for that.

The door opened behind Yuri and Victor’s face appeared in his mirror again. “Ten more minutes.”

“Fuck off!” He knew how much time he had left, this wasn’t his first damn tour, he knew how all of it worked.

The door closed again and Yuri finally gave in and clicked on the link. _This better be fucking good._

* * *

“You look like shit,” JJ said bemused once Otabek accepted his call. Leo lightly laughed at the comment while Otabek just glared at his camera.

“Because you’d look any better after running from one job to the other without as much as a ten minute break,” Otabek answered and slouched down on his couch. Juggling three part time jobs while trying to make a name for himself was way harder than he ever anticipated it would be. “I swear if Phichit doesn’t stop planning photo shoots happening in seventeen different locations on the same day with a way too tight schedule, I will quit.”

“You said that last time and didn’t do it,” Leo reminded him. “Besides who else would pay your sorry ass that much cash for doing what, holding up a DSLR and pressing a shutter?”

“At least you get to look at hot models all day several times a month, people would kill for that,” JJ chimed in. Maybe he did get to look at hot models, but honestly none of them were even remotely as hot as Yuri. He was still just that tiny bit salty that Phichit gave the shoot involving Yuri to Seung-Gil of all people despite knowing how well it went the last time Seung-Gil worked with Yuri.

“He doesn’t care, he only has eyes for _Yuri_ ,” Leo sing-songed while lightly strumming a chord or two on his guitar. “Speaking of which, you were so panicked that shit would hit the fan after JJ posted your remix and see, nothing happened.”

“Sure, nothing, besides the three million people who watched the video on YouTube and my social media turning into hell for a week straight. Twitter legit managed to crash my phone several times because of floods of notifications.”

“Don’t be a whiny bitch, Altin, others would kill to have their shit go viral,” JJ argued. “If one of my tracks were to blow up I’d be milking that success and living it up.”

“Now you’re just making me sound ungrateful.”

JJ raised an eyebrow. “If the shoe fits…”

“No fighting, guys,” Leo interjected. “We’re all friends here.”

“I’d be over the moon if one of my original tracks would get this much attention, but that’s just a remix,” Otabek explained with sigh. “It’s not like people listen to it and like it because I remixed it, they just do it because it’s one of Yuri’s tracks. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“You need to stop selling yourself short,” Leo said, his phone chiming with a notification in the background. “David Guetta didn’t start taking off until he was like thirty five or something, so chill my dude, you’ve got time.”

“Don’t even bring up that dick in my presents,” JJ said, disgust in his voice. For reasons he refused to explain JJ hated David Guetta and was known for actually leaving the room whenever one of his songs was played on the radio or at a club. It was kind of hilarious. “Like he’d even want to be like Guetta. Otabek is already way better than that French ass will ever be.” As JJ spoke Leo’s phone chimed again. “Who’s texting you that much?”

“Nothing, it’s just Guang-Hong,” Leo said trying to sound casual about it.

“Just you say, but the very obvious blush on your face tells a very different tale,” JJ teased. “I swear if you don’t do something about that crush of yours sometime soon I’ll tell him myself.”

“You would not!”

“Try me,” JJ challenged with a grin on his face.

“No meddling with Leo’s love life,” Otabek said calmly. “Once he’ll be ready to tell him, he’ll do it, until than keep it to yourself, JJ, for once at least.”

“I’ve already apologized like seventeen times for uploading the song, will you fuck off about it already!”

A second later Otabek almost jumped off his couch as his doorbell rang loudly.

“Expecting company?” Leo asked and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Who knows maybe it’s Yuri following Otabek’s mating call?” JJ joked and both him and Leo laughed while Otabek just rolled his eyes.

“Now that would be amazing!” Leo exclaimed while trying to catch his breath,

“You both suck,” Otabek said, getting up. “I’ll call you back in a second.” Before either of them could say anything more, Otabek ended the call and abandoned his laptop on his coffee table.

With quick steps he crossed the relatively small distance between his couch and the door, part of him realizing that he indeed looked a bit shit in his gray sweatpants and the random shit he pulled out of his closet, but he didn’t care much. It was probably just the elderly lady from the apartment three doors down coming over to ask him to change a light bulb for her or if he had sugar.

His heart quite literally ceased beating as he threw open the door and his brain short-circuited once he realized just who exactly stood in front of his door.

“Otabek, starting today I will help you become a star,” Yuri Plisetsky announced standing in front of Otabek’s door. “With my assistance and guidance you’ll play main stage at Tomorrowland next year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been mulling over this idea ever since I stumbled upon that remix of 'Unsteady' and worked my way through several different AU ideas. This was the final result. It's odd as hell, I know, but I had fun writing it so I hope you enjoyed reading it. :)
> 
> There used to be a link to the song, but the video got deleted, but if you want to listen to it, it's called 'Unsteady (Jack Novak & Stravy Remix)' by X Ambassadors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned in comment replies and on tumblr, 'Unsteady' is now a multi-chaptered story. Let's see how long it'll take until this will turn into a dumpster fire (laughs nervously). Thank you so much for reading and I hope this won't disappoint!
> 
> not beta'd.

“Can I get you something?” Otabek asked, remembering the manners his mother had taught him relentlessly throughout his childhood, somehow finding his voice. Looking around Yuri sat down on his couch, his facial expression unreadable.

“Chamomile tea if you have any,” he said simply.

Quickly Otabek left the living room and walked into his small kitchen while pulling out his phone from his pocket. His heart was beating heavily and his mind was going at an impossible speed, thoughts racing, chasing each other and slipping away so quickly Otabek could barely concentrate on anything.

Maybe he was more tired than he thought, having some majorly vivid hallucination right now because how the hell could this be real? Yuri Plistesky sitting in his living room, looking at him with those green soldier eyes that looked even more intense and beautiful in person than on photographs or videos. But JJ and Leo heard the doorbell so it had to be real, somehow.

After putting on the water, Otabek unlocked his phone with trembling fingers and pulled up their group chat.

**Me: Guys, I’m literally freaking out.**

**Leo: ????**

**JJ: What’s up? Did the postman bring you another outrageous bill? Did you watch too much porn?**

**Me: Not funny, Leroy! I’m serious right now.**

**Me: I think I might actually have a heart attack.**

**Leo: !!???**

**JJ: Has your keyboard stopped working besides those two, Leo?**

**Leo: Fuck off bro, the ??? simply bring my thoughts across best.**

**Leo: Okay, Beka, calm your tits and tell us what’s up.**

**Me: Yuri Plisetsky is sitting in my living room.**

**JJ: Cool story, bro.**

**JJ: Nice try, Altin.**

**Leo: That joke stopped being funny even before you ended the call.**

**Me: I’M NOT JOKING! He is actually there, sitting on my couch, I swear!**

**JJ: How the fuck would that be possible though? Didn’t he play a show in Barcelona last night or something?**

**Leo: Also why would he show up at your place? Does he want to sue you or something for the song? I’m pretty sure that’s not something he can do. Should I ask Guang-Hong? Working toward that degree has to be useful for something.**

**Me: He doesn’t want to sue me and I have no clue how it’s possible that he’s seriously here but he is and I am about to loose my mind. What do I do?**

**JJ: Lets say he really is there, hypothetically, I would say talk to him. I heard you’re supposedly a charming person underneath everything else, if one can believe your conquests during your time here and with Leo.**

**Me: Not helping. How do you even talk to someone like him? He’s a super star! And I’m a guy working three part time jobs to somehow pay his bills. HELP!**

**Leo: Bro, seriously, calm down or you’ll actually get some panic attack or something and dude will legit think you’re weird and I doubt you want that, right?**

**Me: Right.**

**Leo: So, why are you texting us instead of talking to him.**

**Me: Making tea. Freaking out. Still no helping!**

**Leo: Make the tea and go talk to him, ask him what he’s doing at your place, idk, ask him about his flight, whatever, just talk to him like to a normal person or whatever. I know he’s like your celebrity crush nonplus ultra times twenty and shit, but if you treat him like he’s better than you, he’ll do that too and ain’t nobody likes that, yeah?**

**JJ: Since when are you so damn wise, de la Iglesia? But yeah yeah, talk to him like to any other person too, but maybe don’t swear, who knows if he’ll like that or not.**

**Leo: What did he say, besides asking you for tea?**

**Me: He said he wants to help me get to Tomorrowland next years.**

**JJ: WHAT?!**

**Leo: WHAT**

**Leo: ???!!!!!!!**

**Me: Same.**

**JJ: So let me get this straight, THE Yuri Plisetsky, winner of various Grammys and MTV awards and shit, flew all the fucking way to Almaty to show up at your apartment, announce he’ll make you famous and is now waiting for you to make him tea like you’re bros or something?**

**Me: …pretty much.**

**Leo: Real talk, Altin.**

**Leo: How much did you smoke?**

**Me: Nothing! You know I stopped after that one night two years ago.**

**Leo: You say that but this sounds literally insane, like some anime level shit.**

**JJ: You watch too much of that shit. But it’s true, it does sound like some shitty movie plot. I mean honestly, Yuri fucking Plistesky? You know we love you and shit, no offence, but like no fucking way.**

**Me: Fuck you, too, Leroy. And there is a fucking way because it’s true! Come on, the water will be done in a second and you’ve literally not helped me in any useful way!**

**Leo: Behave normally. You know how that works right? Just go out there and talk to him. Can’t be that hard. You speak his language and shit, right?**

**Me. Yeah.**

**JJ: See, then you don’t even need to stress out about forgetting a word in English or whatever. Just be nice to him, listen to what he has to say and fucking go for it. Just think of TOMORROWLAND.**

**JJ: I’d sacrifice my nuts for a chance like that.**

**Leo: I’m pretty sure Isabella would so not let that happen, no matter if the reward was Tomorrowland or Ultra.**

**JJ: Yeah okay, then maybe my arm or something. That’s not the point!**

**Me: Fine okay. I can do this.**

**Me: Right?**

**Leo: Totally.**

**JJ: Not at all.**

**JJ: Also change your clothes so he won’t think you’re nasty, even if you are.**

**Me: Asshole.**

**JJ: Keep us updated!**

Following JJ’s advice, Otabek quickly rushed over to his bedroom and changed into a pair of jeans and his favorite black hoodie with the white rectangle on it. There was unfortunately nothing he could do about how tired he looked, the awful shadows under his eyes, but it had to do.

With the tea in hand he finally wandered back toward the living room. Standing in the door for just a moment he felt like he was looking straight at a mirage, at something that simply couldn’t be there, an illusion. But he could hear the sound of Yuri writing something on his phone so he was actually there.

Despite traveling for however long it must’ve taken him to get to Almaty, Yuri looked good, amazing even. His beautiful blond hair was up in a simple bun with a few strands hanging out of it, his clothes mostly dark with a few animal print accents, a black velvet chocker around his neck and various little piercings lining his ears. He looked like a masterpiece, something that shouldn’t be in an apartment like this, that shouldn’t have to stoop so low as to have to sit on a shitty fifty bucks hand me down couch and drink cheap tea.

“Figuratively or literally?” Yuri asked once Otabek finally managed to pep-talk himself into actually walking over to the couch instead of lurking around like some creep. Yuri seemed to be looking down at something.

“What?” Otabek asked, confused, and handed the tea to Yuri before sitting down next to him at an appropriate distance, that still felt too close, like he simply shouldn’t even sit on the same piece of furniture as him. It was definitely some sort of panic, paranoia and his inner fanboy talking and making his thoughts go absolutely overboard but he had no idea how to stop any of it.

Instead of answering Yuri pointed a slender finger at something on the coffee table. For just a second Otabek found himself too intrigued and distracted by the assortment of little rings in silver and gold littering Yuri’s hand as well as his burgundy colored nail polish to actually pay attention to what Yuri pointed at. “Figuratively or literally?” Yuri repeated.

Breaking out of his stupor, mentally kicking himself because this was honestly getting ridiculous, Otabek finally looked at the table and realized that Yuri meant a sticker crookedly stuck close to the upper left hand corner reading ‘Fuck David Guetta’ in bold black letters.

“Figuratively,” Otabek said. “A friend of mine put it there during his last visit, he kind of really doesn’t like the guy.”

“You should tell your friend that he’s an asshole with poor taste,” Yuri said, gruffly, before taking a sip of his tea. “Guetta is a good guy, great DJ. I worked with him last summer on a few tracks.”

 _Great move Otabek, telling your idol your friend hates one of his friends._ But, despite being a Yuri fanboy—honestly there was no way he could deny that one so he could as well embrace it, even if only in his mind—he hadn’t known about his collaboration with Guetta. But it made sense, for both of them, to want to work together. Not that either needed the others fame to perpetuate their own success, but still, it made sense, join their forces in a sense. Otabek wondered how it felt like to work with either of them, to watch them work their music magic in a studio, learn tricks and new techniques from someone like Guetta.

Was that what Yuri meant when he said he would help him get to Tomorrowland?

“Can you do me a favor?” Yuri asked after a moment of silence looking straight at Otabek. Damn, he hadn’t even realized that he’d been starting at Yuri. _Fantastic_.

“Sure.”

“Stop fucking looking at me like that,” Yuri said with an annoyed huff. Otabek frowned, confused by his request. Had he been looking at him weirdly? “You’re looking at me like I’m some fucking alien so I’d appreciate it if you could just, you know, stop.”

“Of course,” Otabek assured him and looked away, embarrassed. Great, not only was he caught staring but on top of that he made Yuri uncomfortable. This was truly going great, about as great as the world’s worst nightmare. “Sorry.”

“Whatever,” Yuri deflected with a sight wave of his hand. “I’m used to people looking at me all sorts of ways, not like I have much of a choice really, but if we’ll work together I’d be nice if at least you wouldn’t look that way at me, like I’m something shiny or some shit.”

“So you really meant what you said?” Otabek asked, reluctantly, after a few minutes of silence. He was still kind of half sure that this was just some kind of joke or a dream. The Yuri Plistetsky, super star extraordinaire, sitting in his small Almaty apartment looking as out of place as humanly possible, his clothes alone probably worth ten times more than all of Otabek’s belongings combined. Otabek was pretty sure that the jacket with the tiger on the back that Yuri wore was Gucci.

“No, asshole, I just flew almost eleven hours against my managers advice and orders for fucking fun,” Yuri answered, unimpressed, his tone harsh. “But sure, if you don’t want to, I know where the door is.” With that Yuri placed his tea on the coffee table and got up, actually ready to walk out of the door and disappear as abruptly as he’d appeared. Otabek’s stomach flipped and his heart squeezed with panic.

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry,” he somehow managed to say, his voice far more unsure, and somehow pleading, than he wanted it to sound, and then stood up. “It’s just…you know, you’re Yuri Plisteksy.”

“I am aware.” Yuri looked him straight in the eye as they stood opposite each other. It hadn’t registered with Otabek until then how much taller Yuri was, which honestly shouldn’t be such a surprise to him since Yuri was nearly six feet tall, but having him look down on him definitely hammered that fact home. Otabek honestly just wanted to become one with his carpet withering away under Yuri’s hard stare. “So, do you want my help or not?” Yuri reached out his hand toward him and for a moment Otabek had no idea what to do with either his gesture or his question.

He took Yuri’s hand and shook it, a silent agreement.

“Good. You have potential, Otabek, so let’s do something about it,” Yuri said and, for the first time since Otabek opened his door, something that might actually be something like a smile made it on Yuri’s face. “I’ll have Chris, one of my bodyguards, pick you up tomorrow at nine so we can go over the contract and discuss the next steps.”

Bodyguards? That made sense considering who Yuri was, and the fact that he literally walked into a strangers home. Otabek wondered if this Chris guy was standing out in the hallway as they spoke, listening, ready to burst through the door and punch his lights out should he harm Yuri in any sort of way. The thought sent a shiver down his spine and just once again reminded him of just who Yuri was, the fact that he came from a different universe than Otabek, a superstar.

But one thing confused him about what Yuri had said. “Contract?”

“I’m Yuri Plisetsky,” he pointed out as thought that was a valid answer to his question. “I can’t risk you running off to the press with anything and everything I tell you, now can I, so a contract. Show up, look it over and sign it, or leave it. It’s up to you. It makes no difference for me, if you come along or not, there’s a tour waiting for me, but I would like to help you, Otabek. Your remix was good, but I know you can be better than that.”

“Thank you,” Otabek said, feeling like he probably should’ve said that way sooner already.

“Whatever,” Yuri said, waving him off for the second time before making his way toward the door. “It was nice to meet you, or whatever.”

“Likewise,” Otabek said, unlocking his door feeling somehow convinced that he would never see Yuri again once he would step out of his apartment. But, lost for anything else he could possibly say, he watched Yuri step out and start walking away.

“By the way,” Yuri said with a small smile looking back at him over his shoulder, “that sweater looks good on you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Otabek is a serious fanboy, JJ and Leo still so don't believe him, and Yuri is a bit of a dick, what else is new really? I had the scene with the Guetta sticker in my head for weeks now, so it feels nice to finally have it written down, even if it probably doesn't come across as funny as I thought it was.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it didn't disappoint you! I hope I can make this story live up to its potential somehow! Any headcanons or ideas you have for shenanigans that could go down are greatly appreciated since I'm always on the lookout for inspiration and ideas :)
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Otabek stared into his mirror for surely half an hour now desperately trying to figure out how to make himself look less like a mess than the previous day. He didn’t even want to try and imagine what Yuri must’ve thought when he opened that door and looked like someone had chewed him for a few hours before spitting him back out. Otabek was determined to leave a better impression this time, to look more presentable and, somehow, behave more like a normal human being than whatever his behavior had been the previous day.

In the end he settled on putting his hair into a semi lazy bun. Paired with his black jeans, light gray shirt and leather jacket he didn’t look half bad, though honestly, why was he even trying so hard. It wasn’t like Yuri even cared, but Otabek cared, unfortunately. For some reason he wanted to impress the guy, even if it made no sense at all.

Thankfully Otabek hadn’t taken a single day off from his shitty part time job #1 so his boss had, after a few minutes of persuasion, given him the day off. Of course Otabek didn’t mention the real reason why, instead told him something about having to help his mother with family related stuff. Hopefully his meeting with Yuri would end before he would have to rush to shitty part time job #2.

On the dot at nine his doorbell rang. Quickly Otabek finished lacing his boots and opened the door to find a tall blond guy with a brown undercut wearing sunglasses, a black shirt and pants standing in front of his door.

“My name is Christophe Giacometti, I’m here to pick you up to meet Mr. Plisetsky,” he said, his voice accented though Otabek couldn’t quite place it. It definitely wasn’t anything Russian, or Slavic in general, the last name not fitting it either.

Wordlessly Otabek stepped out of his apartment, locked the door and followed Chris out of the building and toward a sleek black car, some Mercedes-Benz model with tinted windows. The only other time Otabek remembered being in a Mercedes was back in the US when Leo’s grandfather drove them to the mall, though his car was probably as old as time itself, nothing in comparison to this one.

The drive to Yuri’s hotel didn’t take long thanks to the calmer traffic after the morning rush hour ended, though Otabek had no idea where exactly they were going. His best guess was one of the more expensive hotels, he was Yuri Plisetsky after all, so it only made sense, but he definitely found himself caught off guard when Chris announced that they had reached their destination a few minutes later.

The Ritz-Carlton was a beautiful monster of glass and steel, clear lines and windows all over reflecting the sky and sunlight making the building almost sparkle, modern and stylish. It definitely seemed like a place Yuri would stay at.

Otabek followed Chris wordlessly through the lobby toward the elevators not missing a single look any of the staff were giving him. Was it so apparent just how out of place he truly was? Otabek was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to afford a night even in the cheapest room, maybe a broom closet if even.

If the lobby and the exterior were extravagant, it was nothing compared to the gigantic hotel room—more like hotel apartment of outrageous proportions—Chris led him into. What he guessed was the lounge, or living room, had light marble flooring covered by a few cream colored carpets, soft looking velvet sofas and armchairs, a gigantic flat screen TV and a wall of windows looking out at the mountains on the horizon. It was breathtaking, something Otabek had only ever seen on pictures online when, on tipsy nights with Leo and JJ, they would plan their perfect vacations including only the most expensive flights and most extravagant hotels, prices they could never afford even if they’d not spend a penny for eighty years straight.

But there he was standing in possibly the most outlandish room he’d ever been in with a body guard standing somewhere behind him watching his every move as he waited to meet _the_ Yuri Plisetsky. How the hell did he get here?

When he texted Leo and JJ about it last night they squeezed every single detail out of him they could get their hands on, laughing at how much of an embarrassing idiot he was when he mentioned Yuri reprimanding him for staring and reminding him of just how damn lucky he was. JJ of course added that, once Otabek's career would take off, he demanded a small percentage of Otabek’s income since he’d been the one who made all of this happen. Laughing and rolling his eyes Otabek told him to keep on dreaming and better work on his own career instead of wanting to profit off of his, not that he had one.

Suddenly the silence was interrupted as a pair of double doors flew open and Otabek thought he would honestly die right on the spot because this was just unfair, no other way to put it. Yuri looked amazing yesterday, but it was nothing to the way he looked right now walking toward him.

His hair was open and easily flowing down his back, the same chocker around his neck and his body clad in an almost floor-length silk dusty pink robe embroidered with different flowers and designs, his hands littered with the same rings as the day before. Yuri looked absolutely stunning; his appearance completely different this time then anything Otabek had seen him in ever before. He was used to Yuri wearing designer clothing, dark and littered with animal print, spikes and jeans with rips, but this was something else.

Otabek was pretty sure he just forgot his own name and how to properly form words. What were words even, languages. All he could do was stare, even if a voice inside his mind screamed at him that he’d already had Yuri complain about that once and he was sure he would simply get thrown out for not following Yuri's request not even twenty four hours later.

Yuri would be the death of him, easy as that. No one should look this good, it should be illegal somehow.

“Thank you, Chris,” Yuri said, looking at the man behind Otabek. “You can fuck off now, I’ll be able to handle Mr. Altin perfectly on my own.”

“I’ll be next door if you need me,” Chris said and then disappeared through the same doors through which Yuri walked in seconds ago closing them behind him.

“Do you plan on standing around and gawking or do what you came here to do?” Yuri asked Otabek then, his eyes and face neutral, almost calculating, evaluating his reaction.

“Sorry,” Otabek said, the word almost falling out of his mouth before he could properly think of an actual response.

“Sit down.” Yuri pointed toward one of the armchairs. Without as much as trying to say anything else, Otabek walked over and sat down. Slowly Yuri followed him and sat down in the armchair opposite to him, his legs crossed over each other exposing his left one.

A tattoo sneaked up his leg from his ankle toward his knee in a thin strip of cheetah print in black and white ink fading out like smoke toward the edges. Otabek had seen pictures of it in different magazines and online, seen Yuri’s fans get similar ones to somehow feel connected to their idol, yet it somehow still looked completely different in person.

“It was the first one I ever got,” Yuri said, pulling Otabek out of his thoughts, an embarrassed blush creeping onto his cheeks realizing that he’d been caught staring once more like some fucking creep. Honestly, Otabek wouldn’t be surprised if Yuri would soon change his mind about wanting to help him. He wouldn’t even blame him for it. “I know it’s fucking tacky and kind of looks like shit, but whatever. It’s part of who I am so I sure as shit won’t have it removed. Fuck those scars and the pain, besides Victor and my fucking Angels would probably lynch me if I tried.”

“It doesn’t look bad,” Otabek said. “It’s definitely unique.”

“That’s definitely one way to put it,” Yuri said with a huff and a slightly raised brow as though Otabek’s words and behavior somehow amused him.

“A few years ago when I was nineteen my friends Leo and JJ flew in to celebrate my birthday with me,” Otabek said, remembering just how much shit they’d done during those two weeks. He had no idea if Yuri as much as cared to listen to his stupid story, but once he started he couldn’t stop. “Long story short, one night they decided to get completely shitfaced and somehow we ended up at a tattoo parlor. Being the least drunk one I tried to talk them out of it but in the end JJ got a tramp stamp of his own initials and Leo a shitty looking piñata with the words ‘Fiesta Like Theres No Mañana’ underneath it.”

“That JJ, is that the same guy as the dude who put that sticker on your table?”

Otabek nodded lightly. “That’s him.”

“You have some fucking weird friends, Otabek,” Yuri said and shook his head, a small amused smile on his face. Yuri probably thought he was some sort of freak with odd friends, but telling him that story had been more than worth it even if only to see that smile on his face. It suited him way more than the pissed off scowl he usually wore.

“Maybe, but those tattoos make for good party stories.”

“I take you didn’t get anything along with them.” Otabek shook his head, thankful that he’d been sober enough to refuse no matter how much Leo and JJ tried to talk him into it. Yuri looked him up and down then, shamelessly and slowly. Somehow it made Otabek feel more exposed and naked than ever in his life before despite being fully dressed. “A shame, really. I’m sure some ink would look good on you.”

Was that yet another complement? A slightly less straightforward one than the last one, but still a complement nonetheless, right? Otabek had no idea what to say to that. Should he thank him? Deny it? He came up blank because how do you react when the person you admired for years says something like that to you?

“Anyway, as much as I enjoy this conversation, we have things to discuss in regard to our possible future arrangement,” Yuri said matter of fact, his mood shifting momentarily to something way more serious. Otabek immediately missed the almost carefree smile on his face even if he wanted to punch himself for it.

Yuri reached for something lying on one of the shelves of the bookshelf behind him. Turning back Yuri placed the papers on the glass coffee table and slid them toward him. Otabek looked at the paper and then back up at Yuri. Fuck were his eyes gorgeous. _Focus!_

“Those papers are a unilateral NDA I’d very much like for you to sign. Take your time and read it. In short all it stands for is basically you not being able to tell anyone about anything I tell you, especially anything concerning the things I might share about myself. Should you break that, I basically get to sue your ass so hard you’ll never be able to pay for it even if you’d take seven bank loans and sell your soul to the devil and your body to every demon you can think of.”

Otabek was honestly amazed by the fact that Yuri could deliver a speech like that with something that was almost an innocent smile and a certain edgy sweetness in his voice coated with poison. Everything he said made sense and Otabek wasn’t in any way surprised by the fact that Yuri wanted him to sign an NDA.

“I have to protect my privacy, I’m sure you can understand that,” Yuri added. “Any of the people who work with or for me are obliged to sign that.”

“I totally understand, just give me a minute,” Otabek said trying to sound understanding. He didn’t plan on running to the press with anything he’d get to know about Yuri, didn’t plan on telling anyone about any of it, except for maybe Leo and JJ, but he could survive without it if in exchange it meant he’d get to know things about Yuri in the first place, get to spend time with him, learn things from him and potentially finally make all the things he’d dreamed about since he’d been a kid his reality at last.

“Take your time,” Yuri said and leaned back in his armchair, his hands resting in his lap, his eyes watching Otabek attentively. Otabek could practically feel it on his skin and on his face like standing in the sunlight, a sort of warmth that almost burned making him nervous, even more than he already was. “You can, of course, take it home with you and consult a lawyer if you don’t trust me.”

Like Otabek could even afford a lawyer of any kind.

A few minutes later Yuri handed him a pen and he signed the papers. Sure having the threat of being sued into oblivion was definitely making him feel a bit queasy but really he could understand it. Anything he’d see or hear during their time together could potentially lead to some asshole killing Yuri’s career if the wrong people got the wrong info about him so it made sense for Yuri to try and protect everything he’d worked for.

"You know, Otabek, in theory all it would take to get you to Tomorrowland, even this summer, would be a few calls, pulling a few favors, dropping a name or two—mine might be enough—and throwing some money at it," Yuri said after putting the signed NDA back on the shelf and then leaning back in his armchair again, "but that wouldn't be satisfying, would it? Besides, what kind of main stage act would you be if no one even really knows your name and your shit?"

"I guess not a good one,” Otabek said with a shrug, his eyes focusing—in the least creepy way possible—on Yuri’s right wrist and the tattoo on the inside of it. As far as he could tell, and remember from pictures and interviews, it showed the signs for back, pause, play, next and shuffle in black ink, simple yet logical considering his occupation. Before he could get caught, again, Otabek raised his eyes and looked at Yuri’s face instead.

"Exactly. So I'll help you work your way toward earning that spot, being invited because people will be dying to hear you, willing to pay upward of six hundred euro to catch a glimpse of you on that fucking stage screaming your name like you are everything they ever wanted."

Was this really happening? Would he actually stand on that stage next year, play in front of a crowd bigger than he could imagine, take the place most of his favorite DJs had taken over the years. It seemed like a dream, something too good to be true, yet he knew Yuri had the power to make it happen if Otabek would do his part. "Okay."

"My tour ends in two months, after that I'm mostly free to do whatever, except if Victor comes up with PR shit or interview requests and some other bullshit come in,” Yuri said, leaning forward now, his head lightly tilted, his eyes still somewhat cold and judging. “Are you willing to leave your current life behind and follow me?"

"I have three jobs and I kind of need to pay rent, you know."

"I'm aware," Yuri said, skeptically. "The US is full of jobs, I'm sure we'll manage to find you something. I'm pretty sure Babicheva could use another guy at her studio."

"Babicheva, as in Mila Babicheva?" Otabek tried not to come across as shocked and excited as he felt, but honestly, how could he not be if Yuri just casually mentioned a job opportunity under one of the most requested music producers internationally? There were people who would literally commit murders to get a chance. Leo and JJ would lose their shit once Otabek would tell them about it. Wait, could he even tell them about it? _Shit_.

"She helped me with my last album," Yuri said sounding like it wasn't a big deal, like it didn’t mean that his album now stood ranked among the greatest of the last decade even if only because Babicheva had something to do with it. "She likes me so I'm sure she'd at least consider you. But that still doesn't answer my question. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it, follow my guidance and move at least until Tomorrowland next year?"

This was basically making a deal with the devil, wasn’t it? Selling his soul for his dreams, though this devil looked more like an angel that stepped right out of his wildest dreams than the red horned thing people usually thought of. Otabek liked the life he had even if making ends meet was struggle and his three jobs were slowly wearing him down, but Yuri was offering him something no one else ever would offer him again, a once in a lifetime opportunity. He’d be a massive idiot to decline, wouldn’t he?

After making Tomorrowland he would never have to worry about rent like this anymore, he wouldn’t have to live in an apartment with a shower that rarely offered water that was anything close to hot, wouldn’t have to run from job to job to stay afloat.

No, after Tomorrowland he would be finally able to enjoy his life, live a life at all that didn’t revolve around scratching enough money together by the end of the month. The fact that he would spend more than a year with the person he dreamed of as much as meeting for years and years made it even more tempting.

“Tell you what,” Yuri said, interrupting his thoughts. “Take your time, think this through and in a months time, let me know what you decide on. Give me your phone.”

Stunned and grateful for the twig of trust and time, Otabek reached into his pocket to get his phone, unlocked it and handed it over to Yuri. He watched as Yuri’s fingers whizzed across the screen doing whatever before handing the phone back. Otabek had to try his hardest to not laugh or blush like a twelve year old when he saw what name Yuri had put in—that hot blond.

This had to be a dream, no way was any of this real.

“Now that the business is out of the way, I need you to do something for me,” Yuri said, a mischievous glint in his eyes that Otabek had no idea what to think of. As if the outfit Yuri wore alone wasn’t killing him enough as it was, he wasn’t sure if he could take any more. Otabek watched as Yuri reached for something lying on the floor next to his armchair just out of Otabake’s view and then held it toward him. A DSLR camera? “I need a new picture for Instagram,” was Yuri’s way of explaining what he wanted before getting up and walking toward the window.

In theory Otabek knew he should get up and do what Yuri asked of him, especially since it was such a simple task, but somehow he felt unable to move. How the hell did he end up right here in Yuri fucking Plisetsky’s hotel room about to take pictures of him with a DSLR that, just looking at the brand and model, was more expensive than any camera he ever used for any of the jobs Phichit had given him.

“I thought you knew how to use those, Otabek,” Yuri said over his shoulder. At that Otabek frowned, confused. He’d never been around when Seung-Gil had his shoots with Yuri, especially since they all happened abroad, so how did Yuri know?

Finally Otabek got up and moved across the room to find a good spot to take the picture. The fact that Yuri was a natural at this point was a given, but no matter how many pretty models Otabek had had in front of his lens, none of them looked like Yuri.

Usually he always looked angry, powerful or haunting in his pictures, no matter if professional ones or just on Instagram, but this was a side of Yuri Otabek had never seen before. Standing at the window with the mountains in the distance, his hair and robe softly blending with his fair skin and the sunlight on him, the ghost of a smile on his face, he almost looked ethereal, unguarded and honest, like he was trying to show him something but Otabek didn’t have a clue what.

Maybe one day he would understand if, of course, Yuri wouldn’t give him a heart attack in the meantime. The chances for the latter were pretty high.

“I do my homework, Otabek. Besides, that angry South Korean dickface, whatever his name was—honestly how can anyone be just that rude and cold—might have mentioned a certain Otabek Altin during a rage fueled phone call loud enough for me to hear.”

At that he unfastened the knot of his robe and let the fabric slide off of his shoulders, revealing more of his flawless skin, until it rested in the crooks of his elbows. There was a dangerous edge in Yuri’s eyes as he turned his head just enough to look at Otabek, two more of his tattoos now visible on his left arm and back. Otabek was pretty sure he wouldn't make it out of that room alive.

* * *

 

Yuri sat in his dressing room backstage hours before his next concert in Tokyo trying to prepare himself for the show. After so many months on the road he felt more exhausted than after any of his previous tours, more than ready for the next month to pass and for the madness to the over. How ironic that his tour was literally called ‘Welcome to the Madness’, never had the name made this much sense to him.

[ _Don't let these pretty eyes fool ya_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uSiqJRMbsY)

[ _Things ain't what they seem_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uSiqJRMbsY)

Absentmindedly Yuri raised his glass of water toward his phone, toward the music playing off of his playlist, as though to raise a toast toward the lyrics feeling them being way truer than he’d want them to be.

With a heavy sigh Yuri slouched in his chair, a headache slowly building only adding to his annoyance. He’d been on many tours yet never had he felt this drained, this uninspired and done with everything and everyone. He tried to sit down and write new lyrics a few times, having more than enough time to do so on the plane or his tour bus, yet anything he came up with was complete shit, worse than his first ever lyrics written when he was a kid, or he didn’t come up with anything at all. Usually either situation ended with Yuri throwing an angry fit at whoever dared cross his path directly afterward, no matter if they’d actually done anything or not. It was frustrating beyond measures.

Yuri almost wanted to laugh at himself, at how pathetic and sad it really was, when he realized that the last time he had anything close to fun, felt anything close to relaxed and positive, was during his impromptu visit to Kazakhstan.

_Fucking ridiculous._

After leaving Almaty a few hours after Otabek left, he hadn’t heard from the guy, not even a single word. Fucker. Yuri didn’t know what he expected, really, but somehow he thought the guy would at least text him once throughout the past month, but considering his behavior, the most definitely entertaining awkwardness he radiated, he wasn’t surprised after all.

The fucking loud vibrating of his phone pulled Yuri out of his thoughts. Ready to ignore whoever it was, or maybe just throw his phone across the room so it wouldn’t buzz again, he looked at his screen and couldn’t help but smirk as he read the two words.

**Otabek Altin: I’m in.**

Quickly Yuri unlocked his phone and texted Victor to move his ass over to him because he needed to talk. Yuri was prepared for Victor to take ages to respond, and even longer to show up, but sooner than he thought his door opened and the asshole walk inside.

“What can I do for you, Yuri?” Victor asked with a smile.

“I need you to call the guy responsible for my Seattle house and tell him to get it ready within a months time,” Yuri began, checking the points off in his mind as he went along. “Next book a flight from Almaty to Seattle—first class if possible—for whenever we’ll get there once the tour will be over and organize international shipping for whatever shit Altin wants to take along with him.”

"Do you really think this is a good idea, Yuri?" Victor asked, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his voice skeptical and his mouth a pressed straight line once he was done.

"I've sacrificed everything to be where I am today, so _we_ could all be here now, do you really think I don't know what the fuck I am doing?" Yuri questioned, his words sharp. "To get from point A to point B, this is the only way I see fit right now."

"And you think it's fair to drag some stranger into this?"

"The stranger has a name, and yes, I think it is more than fair. If I keep the promise I made, while at the same time getting to point B, I think this will be more than fucking mutually beneficial for both him and me. Besides, if he didn’t think that way, too, he wouldn’t have signed the NDA nor agreed to follow my lead, plus I totally tested him, so quit questioning my decisions, Victor, and instead go and do your fucking job."

"Questioning your decisions and keeping you out of trouble _is_ part of my job."

"Whatever," Yuri said waving him off dismissively. "Just fuck off already, I need to prepare."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Yuri finds more ways to kill Otabek slowly on the inside BUT things start to take shape, to Seattle we go (soon). Honestly I live for writing fanboy Otabek and Yuri's dialogues, it's just so fun! I hope you enjoy it all as much as I do! :)
> 
> Also, thank you so much to my friend Kiarana (yakoucchu on tumblr) for coming up with the idea for the tattoos that Leo and JJ got, along with letting me use them for this fic!! :D
> 
> Question: do you think Yuri would be more of a giant mansion or outrageous penthouse apartment type of guy? I'm still trying to figure out his place for Seattle (I've literally looked through real estate pages with actual houses and apartments up for rent for prices I fear as much as looking at, because that's the type of research I do hah). 
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU to everybody who showed so much love and support for this fic so far. I'm honestly so overwhelmed and overjoyed by your positive response I can't stop smiling! <3

**Leo: Seattle, huh? Would've thought someone like him would rather opt for something like, ya know, LA to chill with all his famous buddies and shit.**

**JJ: Does Plisetsky even have friends?**

**Leo: According to his Instagram he has a fuck ton.**

**Me: I can't believe I'm actually doing this. It's crazy.**

**JJ: Not again, Altin. We've been over this a million times already.**

**Me: Doesn't change the fact that it's absolutely insane. Maybe I shouldn't? What if I make a complete ass of myself?**

**Leo: If he didn't throw you out laughing after the way you acted the last two times, I'm pretty sure you're good. It seems like, for some reason, he likes you, well, at least enough to want to help you so stop being a whiny bitch and get your ass on that flight.**

**Me: I'm almost at my parent’s house. The flight leaves at 2 am.**

**JJ: What, will you miss mommy or something? You're a fucking adult, and you've spent years with us so wtf? Also don’t text and bike, that’s how people die.**

**Me: Ever heard of busses?**

**Me: Also, shut up, asshole, I'm leaving for over a year so of course I want to say goodbye instead of just disappearing like you did.**

**JJ: Don't remind me, my folks still hold that against me, it's ridiculous.**

**Leo: You surprised? You were seventeen and just boarded a random plane to fly out to hang with us. If I were your father I would've kicked your ass and grounded you so hard you'd still feel it today.**

**JJ: I'll let your future kids know so they'll be aware of how crazy their dad is.**

**Me: ANYWAY. I'll text you tomorrow or whatever. FUCK.**

**JJ: Oh he really is stressed, look at that, he's cursing and using all caps.**

**Leo: Then stop teasing him you dick.**

**Me: GOODBYE**

It felt weird to walk from the bus stop to his parent’s house for the last time. The next time wouldn’t be until after Tomorrowland next year, if, of course, he would actually make it onto that stage. JJ was right, Otabek had spent portions of his life away from home across his teenage years and after, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard to say goodbye all the same.

According to what his mother said on the phone two days earlier his entire family would be home including his older sister, Nura, who just won her final gold at Worlds and officially retired from figure skating. It’d been bittersweet to watch it. She was the pride of their family, their country, won all the medals and broken the world record numerous times, the star of the senior ladies division.

Otabek could only hope that their parents would one day be just as proud of him as of her because of his music and his accomplishments. Maybe with Yuri’s help all of it would be possible.

“Beka!” his younger sister, Amina, exclaimed as she opened the door, the biggest smile he’d seen in weeks on her face and her hair up in space buns. Without a second thought she launched herself into his arms, something that had been much easier when she was seven instead of seventeen. “I missed you!”

“Missed you, too,” he said only now really realizing that it’d been weeks since he’d last been at his family’s house and that in just a few hours he would leave the country. It was insane.

Minutes later his entire family was gathered around their dinner table, the room filled with the cacophonic sound of cutlery against porcelain, voices talking over each other and his father’s favorite classical pieces playing softly in the background. Otabek didn’t contribute much to the discussion. Instead he just watched the others, listened to Nura’s stories from the banquet at Worlds about how some Japanese skater had gotten drunk and pole danced with a Swiss skater, about how angry the silver medalist had been because she couldn’t deal with Nura winning gold yet again. His father told stories from his office, his mother about the high school class she was teaching and how all of them collectively decided that Milan Kundera should go fuck himself—their words not hers—which very much upset her.

“So, Beka, you’re leaving for the States again?” his mother asked, the very question she’d already asked him at least four times since he’d told them about it hours after sending the text to Yuri.

“Yes,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I got a job opportunity that’s really a once in a lifetime thing so I really want to pursue it. I think it could really help me finally do what I’ve always dreamed of doing.”

“Aren’t there any music related things you could do somewhere…closer?”

Otabek knew she wasn’t asking these things to upset him by any means, that she meant well by wanting to keep him close to home, but it also didn’t make any of this easier. He wanted to say that he didn’t have a choice, but he did and he’d decided on agreeing to the deal and moving to Seattle with Yuri. No matter how much it would suck to be away from home again, from his family, he knew that he would come back happier afterward, if everything went as planned.

After Tomorrowland he’d finally be able to help his parents the way Nura did, would be able to support his family financially so his parents could finally retire and stop working to keep everybody afloat. Sure the prize money from the Grand Prix or Worlds and sponsorships was nice, but financing a career and an entire family was still hard, and Otabek hated that Nura had to do it all on her own for so long. With his three shitty part time jobs there was only so much he could do, keep himself alive with a roof over his head but that was right about it.

“If the job will make you happy and get you closer to the career he’s always dreamed of,” his father began with a small smile on his tired face, “than I am very happy for you and will only encourage you to go after it. Having all our kids nearby is a nice idea, but I want you to be happy, son. I know that what you’ve been doing here hasn’t been what you dreamed off, that it didn’t give you fulfillment of any kind. Will this job in America make you happy, bring you satisfaction and contentment?”

“It will,” Otabek said and lightly nodded.

“Then I don’t see a problem with it. Go after your dreams because it’s your time to shine now.”

“Thanks, äke.”

Whatever uncertainty and worries he’d felt about his deal with Yuri and moving to Seattle before evaporated from his mind after what his father said, after he saw the encouraging smile on Nura’s face and the thumbs up Amina was giving him across the table.

After dinner Otabek left the house with a heavy heart. He hated saying goodbye but if Nura could do it for competitions and to train in Russia for over ten years, then he could too, just like years ago. This time he knew what he was getting himself into, knew what America was like, unlike when he first flew there without a clue and a poor excuse for English skills.

But, his father was right, now was his time to shine. His family would still be there next year, plus they could always talk on the phone or via Skype so really he had no reason to be sad. Lying to them about the exact reasons why he was going to America left a bitter taste in his mouth, although what he told them hadn’t been wrong per se. He wished to be honest, been raised that way, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Maybe at some point he’d ask Yuri about it, if he could at least tell them something, but the time wasn’t right quite yet.

For now he needed to get home, grab his things and then make his way to the airport.

Otabek could still remember the moment when he received his email with his flight details and staring at them in complete disbelief. Business Class it said instead of Economy. He was sure it had to be some kind of mistake, maybe Mr. Nikiforov had accidentally booked something wrong, but after a quick email exchange he was assured that there was no mistake and that Yuri insisted on Business Class for him personally. That on top of Yuri paying for shipping of some of his things and letting him stay at his place, it simply seemed too much.

Maybe one day Otabek would be able to repay him somehow, though what could someone like him possibly want that Otabek could give him? Yuri already had more money than Otabek could imagine and thus probably also already owned anything he could ever wish for.

Just as his flight was called for boarding—sitting at the First Class Gate was honesty so strange, especially among business men in designer suits and ties while he wore anything but—his phone vibrated in his pocket. Instead of checking who was texting him, he unlocked his phone just to turn it off completely. It was probably just Leo or JJ writing him flight horror stories to freak him out because apparently that’s what friends do.

The flight from Almaty to Frankfurt am Main, Germany, would take just under nine hours and Otabek was more than ready to spend all of them sleeping. His entire journey to Seattle would take just over twenty-five hours with Otabek arriving at two pm local time, which honestly already messed with his brain as to how that worked exactly. He could only imagine the awful jetlag he’d suffer. His only consolation, no matter how mean it probably was, was that Yuri would suffer the same fate, his flight going from Bangkok, which was an hour ahead of Almaty.

After all the safety instructions were done and the flight attendants handed out drinks and anything else they could want, Otabek pulled his phone back out. According to the flight attendant that’d passed him minutes ago the flight had on board wifi so he wanted to quickly check his texts, social media and emails, and then finally go to sleep.

To Otabek’s surprise he didn’t find any texts from Leo or JJ, but instead a whole series of texts from Yuri. After he texted Yuri a month prior that he accepted the deal, Yuri had only texted him once to asking him for his email address and to say that he was happy to hear it, so Otabek was more than surprised that Yuri had sent a grand total of eleven texts while his phone was off.

**that hot blond: hv u evr felt lonly in a crwd?**

**that hot blond: cnt remmbr a tm I didn't fl lonely**

**that hot blond: fuck ur hot u knw tat rigt?**

**that hot blond: wna kno a scrt?**

**that hot blond: id toyalu fyvk u bt I wnt**

**that hot blond: nit brxausr I dnt wamt to bit bwxayse y diny thunk od mr tjay wy**

**that hot blond: I grt thst I wildny wany to fyvk me eithy**

**that hot blond: plud I cnt do iz evn ig I wnt to**

**that hot blond: fick beung lonely is awfyl**

**that hot blond: there ayr so mny ppl hrrr yet I'm alone.**

**that hot blond: pathetuc isn't it?**

Otabek had no idea what to think of any of those texts, the fact that all of them were barely legible didn’t help much either. Either Yuri had a habit of texting in code or he was drunk, the latter definitely more likely. But why would Yuri text him, of all people, while drunk? It made no sense. He probably just clicked on the wrong chat and that’s how those texts ended up with him and not whomever they were actually intended for.

But, curiosity got the better of him, so Otabek scrolled back up and tried to decipher exactly what each of them said. It definitely made him frown and feel only so much more confused. Yuri Plisetsky, the superstar with more friends and acquaintances than Otabek had met throughout his entire life, was lonely? How was that possible?

‘Have you ever felt lonely in a crowd’, he asked and no, Otabek had never felt that way. During his time in the States he always had Leo, their friendship starting the day he arrived and alive until this day. Back at home he had his family and some other friends. He never really left lonely, never felt truly alone, and even if he did, all it took was texting Leo or JJ, or both, and the feeling would go away.

‘I can’t remember a time I didn’t feel lonely’, Yuri continued, at least that’s what Otabek thought the text was trying to say, somehow. Maybe it wasn’t even Yuri texting, maybe one of his friends stole his friends and way trying to trick him or something? _Not very likely_. But again, how was it possible that Yuri would feel lonely, especially on tour surrounded by people?

‘Fuck your hot you know that right?’ text number three said, this one definitely solidifying Otabek’s theory that those texts weren’t intended for him. There was no way in space and time that Yuri Plisetsky, the arguably most gorgeous human being to ever walk the face of this planet, would think of him as hot. Next to him, Otabek was barely mediocre, if even.

Instead of continuing, Otabek closed the app, locked his phone and put it aside. The content of all of them didn’t matter and he definitely shouldn’t think about the fact that he had texts on his phone saying that Yuri Plisetsky thought of him as hot and wanted to fuck him because that was literally insane and no one would believe him anyway. Hell even Otabek didn’t believe it even though he’d read all of it.

Needless to say Otabek didn’t sleep a single second during his first flight.

An hour into his second flight from Frankfurt to Chicago his phone vibrated again seconds before he almost fell asleep. Annoyed, and just a little curious, Otabek fished out his phone and checked to see who texted him this time. A tiny part of him hoped Yuri texted him again, even if it were some cryptic nonsense again, he wouldn’t care. But instead of Yuri it was Leo in their group chat.

**Leo: Yo Altin, have you heard about this? (link)**

Somehow he almost felt a déjà vu back to the day JJ had uploaded his remix with Leo ending him a similar text, but instead of leading to YouTube, the link led him to some gossip website.

‘Yuri Plisetsky Drunk Off His Mind After Concert’ the title read coming along with some pseudo article chronicling the events and pictures showing Yuri dancing with some bottle in his hand, his hair flying all around him, a smile on his face, another one showing Yuri sitting on a table with a different bottle in his hand and the third one a barely conscious looking Yuri leaning onto his manager as they were exiting a club or something.

So Otabek was right, Yuri had accidentally texted him while drunk during the after show party closing his tour. That explained why almost none of the words had been spelled correctly and why none of it made any sense at all. Maybe he was simply a sad drunk and that’s where the lonely talk had come from? But looking back at the pictures he didn’t look sad or lonely, he was smiling like he was having a good time dancing with all those people around him. But the drunkenness definitely explained the entire part about Yuri going on about how he wanted to fuck Otabek.

Either way, it didn’t matter. Those texts didn’t matter. Yuri probably didn’t even remember sending them so Otabek should just forget about them, too. _Yeah right._

**JJ: Plisetsky living it up one last time before settling down, huh?**

**Leo: If you ask me, he lived it up a little TOO much.**

**JJ: Go hard or go home.**

Otabek turned off the vibration of his phone and stuffed it back into his carry on while Leo and JJ continued bickering. Otabek was too tired to join them, already exhausted emotionally even though he hadn’t even arrived yet, hadn’t even spent an hour with Yuri in the same house yet.

 

* * *

 

Walking half alive though the airport in Seattle Otabek spotted a black haired guy dressed in black with black sunglasses, just like Chris months ago, holding up a sign with his name. Never did Otabek think he’d actually find himself in a place where someone looking like a member of the Men in Black would be waiting for him at an airport with a sign. It made him feel way more important than he was.

“I’m Georgi Popovich,” the man introduced himself in Russian, adding, as quietly as possible, that he worked for Yuri. “If you could follow me, please.”

Just like in Almaty, the guy, presumably another bodyguard or something, led Otabek to a sleek Audi with tinted windows. He opened the door and took his luggage before getting into the car as well and taking off. Otabek had no idea where exactly in Seattle Yuri lived, how long it would take them to get there, so he slouched in his seat and looked out of the window.

It was a gray day but it didn’t look like rain. The streets were busy, rush hour going on in full force, so they got stuck at numerous traffic lights and intersections. Absentmindedly Otabek quickly texted his parents that he made it, as well as sending a picture of the view out of the car window to Leo and JJ.

**JJ: Wondering if the prince is already waiting for you at his castle.**

**Leo: Does that make Otabek the knight or something?**

**JJ: Can’t decide between Shrek and Donkey.**

**Me: Why am I even friends with you two?**

**Leo: Because you love us.**

**Me: I think I might have to reconsider.**

**JJ: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**JJ: You’d miss us too much.**

**Leo: Before we’ll know it he’ll replace us with Yuri, you’ll see.**

**JJ: I’ll kick that Russian’s ass if that’ll happen. We were here first.**

**Me: Do I get to have a say in this?**

**Leo: If Plisetsky’s bodyguards kill you, do I get your vinyl collection?**

**JJ: So THAT’S why you’re friends with me, de la Iglesia? I always knew you couldn’t trust Americans.**

**Me: Besides I’m already getting that collection.**

**JJ: You fucking wish, Altin!**

Otabek shook his head and looked out of the window just as Georgi took a right into an underground parking garage entrance. At the push of a button the gate opened and they disappeared inside, the tires squeaking on the strange garage flooring until he swiftly took a left into a parking spot marked with a sign reading ‘Reserved for Penthouse’.

Turns out the sign was quite literal because the elevator took them straight to something that could only be a penthouse of excessive proportions filled with designer furniture, lamps and carpets, the walls dotted with art and pictures, the floors sparkling clean.

“Mr. Plisetsky’s apartment spans over two floors, the main one and the upper one holding the master bedroom as well as the guest bedrooms and bathrooms,” Georgi explained as Otabek followed him, his mouth hanging open like he was some kind of idiot but honestly that apartment was insane. There were cheetah print pillows on black velvet couches, pictures of tigers decorating a few walls, cat toys and accessories standing and lying around practically everywhere, the rooms all big and spacey filled with natural light, the outside walls all completely made of windows. “The door in the lounge leads out onto the outside area with a hot tub and a pool.”

_Of course it does._

After they were done with the main floor, Georgi led Otabek up the stairs onto the second floor and showed him his room, a guest bedroom almost the size of more than half of his apartment back in Almaty, the bed twice the size of his, the sheets black silk.

“You will find the things you had shipped over here in terms of clothing packed away into the walk in closet,” Georgi said and pointed toward a door to Otabek’s right. “This is the biggest guest room Mr. Plisetsky has so I hope it is to your liking.”

“Definitely,” Otabek said, his brain still trying to catch up but feeling more than overwhelmed.

“That’s nice to hear,” Georgi said just as a fluffy cat walked into the room. Most of her fur was light cream, her paws and a few other spots in a light black. “That is Mr. Plisetsky’s cat, Katya. She is very friendly. Anyway, Mr. Nikiforov asked me to let you know that Mr. Plisetsky’s flight was delayed and that, instead of arriving before you, he will most likely arrive later tonight.”

A delayed flight, was that what they called Yuri drinking his ass off and thus missing his flight? Even if, it was none of his business.

“Please make yourself at home,” Georgi continued. “The fridge is fully stocked so please don’t hesitate. Mr. Plisetsky said you can move freely around the entire place, besides his bedroom. If you need me, just let me know what you need and I’ll see what I can do about it.” At that Georgi handed him a piece of paper with a phone number on it before disappearing.

Otabek was alone in Yuri fucking Plisetsky’s penthouse apartment with his cat rubbing her head against his leg like he was some kind of family member that had finally come home. Maybe he was more exhausted than he thought he was, maybe he was just having some very elaborate hallucination or dream and was actually still on the plane?

For years he wondered what Yuri’s place would look like yet somehow this apartment simultaneously looked exactly and nothing like what he imagined. It was lavish and expensive and over the top with animal print and CDs, vinyl collections and instruments, but at the same time it looked way too sterile, like no one actually really lived here, ever.

Slowly he walked back downstairs, the sound of his footsteps muffled by his socks and plush carpets. It was almost eerily quiet, too quiet in all the wrong ways. Walking back through all the rooms Otabek let his eyes wander over all the pictures on the wall and quickly he came to realize that most of them showed either stock pictures of animals, pictures of Yuri’s cat, shots with his manager and his husband, a picture with what he assumed was Yuri’s grandfather and his parents, and a few framed magazine covers from the very beginning of his career. Amongst all of that there was a strange void of pictures with friends of any kind.

Back at home Otabek had a ton of pictures on his walls with Leo and JJ, with some of his friends from school and work, yet Yuri had none. Sure there were Nikiforov and his husband, as well as Yuri’s bodyguard Chris and also a picture with Georgi, but that didn’t really count since they were staff, right?

Maybe, despite being drunk texts, some of it was still true? Was it possible that, of all people, Yuri Plisetsky was lonely?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traveling confused Otabek and a very drunk Yuri who definitely shouldn't be near his phone, what time to be alive? Poor Otabek, I'm sorry. Also I hope you can decipher those texts! My phone literally HATED me while I typed them because autocorrect aggressively tried to fix everything. OOPS.
> 
> Fueled by today's revelations brought to us by Yamamoto-sensei about Vol. 6 and stuff, I wrote a new chapter. I know this has a lot of texting and traveling so it's kind of a filler BUT it sets up things that will be relevant down the line so I hope you still enjoyed it! 
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In today's chapter we ask ourselves: how much more straight forward does Yuri have to get until his words will finally break through Otabek's thick skull.

Otabek woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Originally he planned on staying awake to fight his jetlag immediately and wait until Yuri would arrive so he could thank him in person and come across like a normal human, but it seemed like lying down for just a second had turned into a good few hours. At some point afternoon had turned into night, the world outside his window dark.

With a sigh Otabek rolled over and felt around the bed trying to find his phone to make the ringing stop. Just as his finger touched the object, the ringing subsided and he quickly realized that it hadn’t been his phone that rang but Yuri’s.

"What do you want from me?” Otabek heard Yuri bark at his phone in Russian. The sound was coming from outside through his slightly opened window. Yuri must’ve either just walked onto the rooftop or already been out there before. “Oh now you care and worry about me? That's just fucking precious!”

Even if Otabek wouldn’t hear the pure anger in each word he heard, the words themselves would’ve brought that emotion across just fine. For a moment it was quiet as Yuri listened to whatever the person on the other end said.

Otabek knew that he shouldn’t listen, that it was more than rude and intrusive of him to do it, but to stop he would’ve had to move, close the window, yet, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t do it. Instead, feeling guilty as all hell, he continued to lie on his bed, which might as well have been a cloud due to how soft and comfortable it was, and listened to Yuri’s angry conversation like a complete asshole. His mother would be disappointed.

“What, are you afraid I'll run out of money and stop paying for Sasha’s university and grandpa’s medical needs?” Short break. Who was Sasha? His girlfriend or boyfriend? “Now you suddenly care, huh? Remember what you did when she got the letter from fucking Harvard? Exactly, _nothing_. You didn't even bother congratulating her so fuck off, I can do whatever the fuck I want and you can't stop me anyway, mama.” Otabek’s mother would smack him across the head if he ever dared to talk to her like that, but judging be the way Yuri spoke, it seemed like it wasn’t the first time they were having this conversation. “It's my fucking money, my fucking career, and my fucking life. As long as I'm still standing, Sasha and grandpa don't have to worry about a fucking thing so you don't have to work to support them, don’t have to pretend to care about either of them.”

Another short break followed by the sound of something made of glass breaking. Otabek couldn’t help but flinch at the sound. He really shouldn’t be listening to this, then again, if Yuri didn’t want anyone to hear he shouldn’t stand outside and yell his words. They were in America and he yelled in rapid fire Russian, probably not used to anyone being around who would understand his words. Otabek was the worst, disgusting and despicable.

“No, I'm doing it. I'm working my fucking ass off for this bullshit family so show some god damn gratitude! Or even better, just go back to not caring and leave me the fuck alone, that’s what you’re best at anyways!" A moment later Otabek could hear something, most likely Yuri's phone, smack against something and then fall onto the floor with loud clattering.

If it were anyone else, his sisters, Leo or JJ, Otabek would immediately get up, go downstairs and ask if there was anything he could do, say something hoping to cheer them up, but there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t even supposed to hear any of that conversation and bringing it up would just make things awkward, and probably make Yuri even angrier than he already seemed to be.

After staring at the ceiling for another couple of minutes, Otabek picked up his phone to check the time, curious how long he’d slept, but found that his battery was dead. He forgot to plug it in, to even find his charger stuffed somewhere between his things. With a sigh he put the phone back down and rolled out of bed. Looking into the mirror hanging next to the door he realized that he looked like shit, his hair sticking up everywhere, his shirt more wrinkled than not. Quickly he pulled out a different one from his suitcase and then made his way downstairs. Luckily he had at least been smart enough to take a shower before his accidental nap.

It was painfully quiet, no music, no voices, nothing. Not even the sound of the street about twenty floors below them. Otabek was used to hearing his neighbors talking through the walls, someone walking through the hallway or up the stairs, the floor creaking as he moved from room to room, but here there was nothing. Most of the lights were off downstairs, the hallway dark and only illuminated by the bit of light coming in through the doorways and windows, stripes of cool moonlight.

The sliding glass door leading onto the rooftop was wide open and, the closer he got, the surer Otabek was that he could hear someone—Yuri—moving around in the pool. Reaching the door and stepping outside he noticed the broken pieces of glass forgotten on the floor along with a puddle of liquid, whatever that glass might’ve once contained.

Otabek had been right, Yuri was in the pool along with a clear bottle of something. His wet hair was sticking to his back and shoulders, his body almost ghostlike illuminated only by the pool lights all around him. All the other lights were off. A few feet away from the pool Otabek could see Yuri’s phone reflecting the moonlight when he looked at it at the right angle.

Walking closer Otabek wondered what he could say, if he should say anything at all or if maybe he should turn around and go back inside. His decision was taken from him when Yuri turned toward him, his eyes looking around until they landed on him. Yuri didn’t say anything, instead he moved further into the water, turned away again and took a swing from the bottle. Even if the lighting was odd, Otabek was pretty sure the bottle in Yuri’s hand contained alcohol of some sort.

Did Yuri have a drinking problem or was Otabek just projecting the typical rock star bullshit stereotypes on him right now? Just because he got drunk at his own party and was now drinking after an obviously infuriating phone call didn’t mean he had a problem. Maybe Otabek was the one with the problem, his brain malfunctioning whenever he as much as looked at Yuri, the fact that he was almost naked and wet standing in a pool didn’t really help him much either right now, even if he couldn’t properly see most of Yuri’s body.

"Yuri, how about, if you must drink, you'll at least get out of the pool?" Otabek finally said, genuinely worried that Yuri might get too drunk and accidentally drown.

"Just because I let you stay at my house, for fucking free no less, don’t think you have the right to try and tell me what I can and can't fucking do, asshole. If I want to drink in my own fucking pool, I will. Problem?" Yuri’s words were harsh, sharp, so different from the way he’d spoken to him so far.

Otabek lightly shrugged. "I just don't want you to drown."

Yuri turned around then and looked at him. "Then maybe come inside and watch me," Yuri said, his eyes half lidded, his words lightly slurred but with a distinct flirty undertone, one eyebrow cocked. How was he jumping from angrily yelling at his mother minutes ago to suddenly flirty? Just how much did he drink already? And why?

Instead of following Yuri’s request of getting into the water with him, Otabek bent down to roll up the legs of his pants and then sat down on the edge of the pool, his legs in the water, his eyes on Yuri. Yuri shrugged at that, moved to the opposite edge of the pool to put away the bottle before sinking under water, pushing himself away from the edge and just diving across from one end to the other.

Seconds passed before Yuri’s head pocked out of the water again just at the edge of the infinity pool. For a moment he stayed there before repeating the entire thing in the other direction. Otabek’s mouth went dry when Yuri lifted himself out of the water across the pool from him and sat down on the edge mirroring Otabek’s position, his hand around the bottle standing next to him.

Shadows danced across Yuri’s face and body, the droplets of water sparkling, his tattoos somehow now looking even more vivid than normally. Otabek could see the blue and black rose design on his left arm, the tombstone on his right one, the words written on the inside of his left wrist— _I’m not afraid to walk this world alone_. Otabek had never questioned the meaning of those words but looking at Yuri now, remembering the drunken words of his texts, he wondered if those words inked into his skin were still true.

“Why are you drinking again, Yuri?” Otabek asked, carefully, convinced he wouldn’t receive an answer anyway, or that Yuri would just call him an asshole once more and ask him to go back inside instead of watching over him. At first Yuri remained silent, his eyes glued to the city beyond the rooftop, the lights and cars, the barely there stars.

“I drinking to forget sometimes,” Yuri finally said quietly, barely more than a whisper just loud enough for Otabek to hear it as though he feared that, if he’d say it any louder, a stranger might hear it.

“To forget what?” Otabek prompted hanging on to every single word that came out of Yuri’s mouth, soaking up every detail he could get about this person he’d admired for so long.

“To forget just how much I fucking hate this life sometimes.”

There was indifference in Yuri’s voice with just the smallest hint of sadness around the edges. The words themselves surprised Otabek, made him wonder. How could Yuri hate the life he lived? He was successful, he was rich, he had everything anyone could only dream of, so what was there to hate? Was this about what he said on the phone to his mother, or maybe the lack of friends in his pictures around the penthouse?

Did he hate this life because he was lonely? Was that it? Otabek had no idea, hoped that Yuri would say more, clarify what he meant, but Yuri remained silent, took another sip of his vodka instead of speaking. He didn’t even pull a grimace, barely even reacted at all, like the alcohol didn’t burn, like it was just water.

 _You have everything_ , Otabek wanted to tell him, _how can you hate any of this_ , he wanted to ask, but he didn’t voice either of those things. At the end of the day he knew it was none of his business. They weren’t friends, even if Otabek wanted to be, so he had no right to Yuri’s thoughts, couldn’t expect him to share his deepest feelings with him. Otabek was just a guest, someone Yuri wanted to help for reasons Otabek didn’t know, besides what Yuri said, the fact that he was good and had talent that Yuri wanted to help him expand.

“Is that what you were trying to say in your texts last night?” Otabek asked, figuring this was the easiest way to somehow ask about them.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Yuri deadpanned and Otabek knew, even if he’d ask further, he wouldn’t get anything more than that. They were just drunk texts; he should really just forget them, just like he said he would hours ago. Yuri didn’t remember sending them anyway.

They were silent for what felt like hours, both lost in their own thoughts surrounded by nothing but the faint sound of an ambulance driving down the street far below and the pool lightly splashing as Yuri moved his legs. Otabek had to aggressively remind himself not to stare at Yuri, at his flawless skin and his ink, at how good he looked even with his hair sticking to his face and shoulders.

“Otabek?” Yuri asked after a while, turning around to Otabek and looking him straight in the eyes with a strange sobriety and seriousness on his face and in his eyes. “Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Once you’ll hit success, make Tomorrowland’s main stage next year,” Yuri started, his words surprisingly clear, no slurring or anything despite how much liquid was gone from his bottle, “promise me you won’t forget about the people who were there for you before, your family, Leo, and JJ, the people who were by your side and supported you all those years before you made it.”

Somehow Otabek felt like this was about more than just Yuri reminding him to not forget about his friends, about more than just a simple promise, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint and understand the expression on Yuri’s face, the strange undertone in his voice, this streak of something in his eyes.

 

* * *

 

The next morning it was as though nothing of the previous night had been real, like nothing happened and Yuri hadn’t said a thing. When Otabek walked into the kitchen Yuri was already there wearing nothing but a pair of black joggers hanging way too low on his hips busying himself with what looked like pancakes, Katya sitting by her bowl meowing loudly to get his attention.

“Do me a favor and feed her,” Yuri said without turning around or saying as much as good morning. “It’s in the cupboard next to the fridge.”

“Sure,” Otabek said, ripping his eyes away from staring at Yuri like the creep that he seemed to be—honestly, was Yuri doing this on purpose to test him or something, to torment him somehow, or simply because he just wasn’t used to anyone being there with him—and did as he was asked. Holding Katya back with one hand he put the contents of the small tin can into her bowl before releasing her. She basically jumped at her bowl as though she hadn’t eaten in days.

While Yuri carried their plates Otabek followed him with two steaming mugs of coffee. He had no idea where Yuri was leading him, and really, he didn’t care much either. He stopped in his tracks as his eyes caught a predominantly purple poster on the wall, one he somehow hadn’t noticed the previous day.

‘Welcome to the Madness’ it read in a font that looked like someone had written the words with a marker by hand. In the center was Yuri standing with his back toward the camera wearing tight black leather pants and black boots with studs, his blazer pink, purple and gold pooling around the crooks of his elbows exposing the upper part of his back, his shirt black with sparkling accents, and his hair wild, part of it up in a bun. His head was turned sideways so he looked over his shoulder, his profile revealing one green eye accented with dramatic black eye shadow and an expensive pair of sunglasses sitting on his nose. Four blocks of dates, cities and venues stretched out across the bottom of the poster, all the dates of his United States and Canada tour for his latest album.

Even if Otabek would never admit it, that outfit was one of his favorites and, shameful as it probably was, he did have a poster of Yuri in it hanging somewhere in his apartment back in Almaty. Each time someone asked him about it he pretended that Amina had put it there and he simply forgot to take it down. Luckily it was somewhere where Yuri couldn’t have seen it during his visit, because that would’ve simply been the worst moment of his life if he would’ve seen it.

“Either you get your ass in here or I’m going to eat your food, too,” Yuri yelled from somewhere breaking Otabek out of his stupor. He seriously should get a grip because this was honestly pathetic. He was here to become a serious DJ and not to fulfill his fanboy dreams and stare at Yuri’s belongings and the man himself.

“Sorry,” Otabek said walking into the dining room. Yuri’s penthouse had more rooms than a single person could honestly need. The dinner table was gigantic and could surely fit twelve people with ease, the wood a deep cheery, the chairs matching, the walls a pristine white and the floor light parquet.

“Whatever,” Yuri said waving him off with a flick of his wrist like a few times before. At some point before Otabek joined him, Yuri had put on a shirt, thankfully. “It’s been a while since I last cooked anything so I hope these don’t taste like shit.”

How it was possible that, despite drinking however much he had last night, Yuri still woke up before him, looked almost rested and presentable while Otabek felt like he could crawl right back into bed and sleep for a week? Then again his body was most definitely still very much running on Almaty time, which meant it thought it was just past midnight instead of eleven am. Yuri on the other hand had spent the past several years touring all across the globe so he was probably used to this.

Contrary to Yuri’s worries, the pancakes were great, probably even better then those Otabek made for himself sometimes. Otabek wasn’t a bad cook by any means, but judging by that it seemed like Yuri was probably better than him. Was there anything this guy wasn’t amazing at?

They ate in silence until there was nothing left, Yuri’s phone occasionally buzzing. Otabek was surprised to see that his screen wasn’t cracked or anything, wondering what kind of magical model Yuri had because Otabek’s screen had a giant crack after falling from his sofa which was nothing to how Yuri had treated his phone last night.

Yuri finally gave in and picked up his phone, his facial expression angry as though he felt offended by whoever texted him and thus disturbed his breakfast. He typed something almost aggressively, his nails clacking against the screen, and then put it back down with a sigh.

“Chris is coming by at two to pick us up,” Yuri finally said leaning back in his chair. “That should leave us with enough time to make it across the city to meet with Mila at three. She said she’d like to meet you to see if you’re the right guy for the job. Don’t worry, she might be a bit fucking crazy, but she doesn’t bite, well, unless you ask her to.”

So this was actually happening, Yuri had been serious when he said that he would introduce Otabek to Mila. Immediately he felt nervous, and more excited than was probably appropriate, because he desperately wanted to get that job, wanted to impress one of the most important people currently active in the music business. It was a dream come true for any aspiring musician on this planet and Otabek seriously couldn’t believe his luck. Not only was he having breakfast with Yuri fucking Plisetsky like it was no big deal at all, he was also going to meet Mila Babicheva.

“I like that look on you, that excited spark in your eyes, it’s cute,” Yuri said casually before getting up. Otabek just looked at him lost for words at which Yuri only smiled. God his smile was beautiful. Yuri picked up his plate and mug and walked toward the door. Just as he was about to step out of sigh, he stopped and looked back at Otabek over his shoulder. “I really do think you’re hot, by the way.”

Otabek’s jaw nearly hit the ground while Yuri walked away. This was like the sweater compliment all over again and you would think it wouldn’t hit him so hard the second time around yet there he was sitting in sheer disbelief at the words he just heard.

_Wait._

Did that mean Yuri did remember sending those texts?

Did that mean all of it was true?

And that they really were for him and not someone else?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...'Welcome to the Madness' happened and I kind of died just a little (by that I mean I died and ascended into heaven (who am I kidding I went straight down to hell)). So what better thing to do when you've been blessed by our queen and savior, Kubo-sensei? Exactly, use it to fuel your creativity and write a new chapter. It's a bit shorter than yesterday's chapter (again) BUT important no less. I mean, last chapter we got some background info on Otabek and his family, and today on Yuri.
> 
> I wonder if Otabek survived that final comment from Yuri.
> 
> Also Yuri's poster pose was inspired by [this piece of fan art on tumblr.](http://felicitatem.tumblr.com/post/159424098948/3-ko-i-couldnt-wait-welcome-to-the)
> 
> Okay guys, I know I've been putting out chapters quite fast recently but I don't know how long I can keep it up. Please don't be disappointed once I'll hit the point where there will, inevitably, a break between chapters that's longer than 24h.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #CheshireCat & #Bambi
> 
> ;)

“You look nervous,” Yuri observed making Otabek want to laugh because yes, of course he was nervous, obviously. “You really have no reason to be. She’s just a producer.”

“Just a producer,” Otabek repeated with a shaky huff.

“Okay, maybe she’s more than that, but still there’s no reason to be nervous. She likes your stuff and I’m sure she’ll like you, too. Besides, if you managed to handle whatever last night was, this will be like a walk in the park.”

Otabek didn’t think Yuri would bring up their pool conversation ever again, especially not in such a casual manner, but maybe he was right? Then again talking around a pool to someone who’s drunk and emotional in a strange way was something completely different than walking into a studio to meet someone who might actually consider hiring you, allowing you to take the next stop toward what you always dreamed of.

But he was handling being around Yuri arguably well, so maybe he’d be able to do it around Mila too. At the end of the day, Yuri was far more famous than her, and been his idol for years.

He could totally do this and he wouldn’t embarrass himself.

“We’re here,” Chris announced about twenty minutes later as they stopped on the side of the road. He turned of the engine and got out of the car.

As the door closed behind him, Otabek could feel a hand on his shoulder squeezing it lightly. Turning his head he saw Yuri looking at him with a ghost of a smile on his face. “Relax, Otabek, you’ve got this.”

Mila’s studio was inside a two story high red brick building that looked as nondescript as any of the other buildings along the street, the front flanked by big black framed windows and only a small metal sign next to the heavy entrance door gave away what was inside. Silently Otabek followed Chris and Yuri inside, the air cool and the lighting natural, a woman sitting behind a desk looking up at them smiling as her eyes fell on Yuri. Neither said anything as they continued walking.

Down the hallway they stopped in front of a window and looked into one of the recording studios. Inside were two people, some guy sitting behind the mixer consoles and next to him stood Mila Babicheva, her hair even redder than Otabek remembered it from the few pictures he’d ever seen of her. She was tall and beautiful, her clothes dark, one headphone shell pressed to her ear as she pointed at something on the console and said something to the guy.

“She always lets me wait like it’s some kind of hobby of hers,” Yuri said, quietly. “She thinks it’s adorable when I get angry and she knows I hate waiting.”

“Is that why you always go on stage right on time instead of letting the crowd wait like others do it?” Otabek asked, curiously.

“Precisely.” Yuri nodded. “It always pissed me off when I went to concerts as teen so early on I decided I wouldn’t subject my audience to that arrogant bullshit. Besides I hate waiting backstage for hours, it’s annoying.”

Just as Yuri finished talking, the door opened and Mila and the guy appeared. “I need that track done in two days so don’t disappoint me,” she said to him in English with barely an accent. The guy nodded enthusiastically and hurried down the hallway over to the second recording studio. Mila lightly shook her head before turning her attention over to them, her eyes zeroing in on Yuri. “Cheshire Cat,” she said to him in Russian, a bright smile taking over her face. “It’s been a while.”

“You’re late,” Yuri said flatly, his words and tone having no effect at all on Mila’s expression, if anything they only made her smile wider.

“Is that your friend, Cheshire Cat?” she asked then and looked at Otabek, her eyes giving him a once over about as shamelessly as Yuri had done months ago. “You were right, he does have a pretty face and eyes.”

Otabek was speechless, caught off guard by Mila’s friendly aura, the way she handled Yuri and what she’d just said to him. On top of that he also couldn’t help but notice the light blush dusting Yuri’s cheeks. What exactly had Yuri told Mila about him and how did the supposed prettiness of his eyes fit into it? Immediately Yuri’s words came back to him, the fact that he thought of Otabek as hot, the fact that the content of his texts had been the unfiltered truth.

Yuri would be the death of him, somehow, sooner or later.

“Now look at that, he’s blushing,” Mila commented still looking at Otabek. “That’s precious, Bambi.” _Bambi_? Did Mila give everyone she met a nickname like that? And also why Bambi? “Anyway, come on in, we have things to discuss.”

Otabek looked at Yuri as though silently asking for help, or some sort of explanation as to what just happened and why he ended up with that nickname, but Yuri just shrugged and followed her inside. The recording studio was spacious with soundproof walls and carpeted flooring in a light cream color, the mixing consoles way bigger than any Otabek had ever seen in person, the booth behind the window above the consoles equally as big with several microphones and instruments.

Mila sat down in one of the heavy black leather armchairs and motioned for Yuri and Otabek to sit down on the couch opposite to her. Chris quietly excused himself and left the room as though assured that there was nothing there that could harm Yuri.

"You're very lucky, Bambi," Mila said and Otabek couldn't agree more. "I'm currently working on finalizing the lineup for my upcoming show at the 'Moonlight' next month and you, Bambi, are one of the very few special snowflakes that has made it onto my list." She smiled widely and then handed over a flyer. It was glossy and intricately designed with lots of colorful lines and shapes, the font standing out above the background and a picture of Mila in the middle dressed in studs and leather. "And you, Cheshire Cat, stop grinning, this has _nothing_ to do with you. I want Bambi for his music and not your pretty face."

"I didn't say a thing, and I'm not fucking grinning," Yuri argued while trying his hardest not to grin but failing miserably at it. Why was he grinning anyway?

"So, Bambi, I have a job for you, besides the gig," Mila continued and looked at Otabek again. "I know you can work Cheshire Cat's music with ease, so now I want to see if you can do the same with other artists, too. _Disclosure_ need remixes of some of their tracks for a special edition of their album. I want you to come by Monday. I’ll show you how to work all of our equipment and then I want you to work your magic on 'You  & Me', it's Cheshire Cat's favorite," Mila said and winked toward Yuri. "If you can make the track as good as your version of 'Unsteady', you're in."

Was it really this easy? Mix a track and he would seriously get a spot working for Mila, mixing songs for all sorts of musicians under her guidance? It seemed too good to be true, along with that gig she was talking about. Otabek heard about that show before, saw artists take off after they played at that club during Mila’s events. Making the lineup was like winning the aspiring DJs lottery or something. There had to be some kind of hook, something, anything, because this was too good to be true.

“Bambi has that look in his eyes,” Mila said, lightly leaning forward and watching him curiously. “You’re wondering if there’s some kind of hook, don’t you?”

“I told you he’s the worrying type,” Yuri reminded her quietly.

“No need for that, you’re among friends, Bambi,” she said with a smile, open and welcoming, warm and friendly. Otabek heard a lot of stories about her, people ranting about how strict and almost evil she was, how scary she could get if you did something wrong or not up to her standards. Looking at her in real life, sitting in the same room as her and listening to her talk, Otabek couldn’t see any of it. She didn’t seem scary at all, quite the contrary actually. Also, had she just called him a friend? “Cheshire Cat said you need a job, showed me your music, as much of it as he could dig up online that is, and I like it. I have a free spot and it’d be a damn shame if I’d let someone like you slip through my fingers. Besides, wouldn’t want Cheshire Cat to scratch out my eyes if I’d be mean to his Bambi.”

“Oh shut up, will you, baba,” Yuri groaned angrily. “I have no idea what you’re on about so fuck off.”

 

* * *

 

"Why does she call you Cheshire Cat?" Otabek asked as they walked back to the car about an hour later.

"According to Mila, and Victor, I had this huge grin on my face when we walked into that studio for my first meeting with her," Yuri told him while putting his sunglasses back on. "She looked at my grin, at my Gucci Tiger jacket and voila Cheshire Cat. It's been almost three years and she's still calling me that so, bad news, Otabek, you're probably stuck with Bambi forever."

“But why Bambi though?”

“Well you’re small and you have nice brown eyes,” Yuri explained, his tone casual like all of it totally made sense.

“I’m not small.”

Yuri raised one eyebrow at him skeptically. “What are you, five four or something?”

“Five six.” Okay maybe he was a little short but it’s not like he chose to be or could influence it somehow, or that Yuri was so tall.

“Case and point,” Yuri said while opening the car door. “I like it though.”

How was Yuri doing this, so casually flirting with him like it was second nature, like it was almost meaningless, just something he said because he could. A voice inside his mind reminded him that there was a very big chance he actually did meant all of it, but another one told him that it still didn’t mean anything because who was Otabek anyway.

“Where to now?” Chris asked once they were seated. “Home?”

“The diner,” Yuri said and looked at Otabek in the corner of his eye.

Despite the fact that Seattle probably had a million and one diner, Chris seemed to know exactly which diner Yuri meant. He pulled away from the curb and they made their way through the busy rush hour filled streets past recklessly driving cabs and different stores, fast food chains and hotels.

As they drove Otabek mulled over everything that happened at Mila’s, the spot he somehow got at her event, the implications of that, and the fact that he would get to remix a _Disclosure_ song which, if he’d do a good enough job, might actually end up on their actual album. Yuri was definitely keeping his promise, not that he was surprised because he never doubted that Yuri would, but actually having it happen and knowing that it would were two different things. The gig at Mila’s event was a big deal and would give him a far bigger audience than any he ever performed for. Luckily he still had a month to mentally prepare himself for it, somehow.

“The ‘Stairway to Heaven’ is my favorite place to eat at in the entire city,” Yuri said once they got out of the car and walked toward a dark building with rundown exposed wooden frame windows and the name in cursive metal letters hanging above the door. The inside was equally dark, the walls a deep wine color, the floor dark wood matching the almost black tables, booths and chairs. On the other end of the room was a small stage with some guy on it playing guitar and softly singing something, a song Otabek didn’t recognize.

Many of the tables were occupied by couples or groups, none of them paying any sort of attention as they walked inside. Waiters and waitresses dressed in ripped jeans and shirts with the diner name written in the same font as outside printed on them, black combat boots and fingerless gloves hurried through the room carrying drinks and dishes smiling and laughing, talking to each other or the patrons.

Wordlessly Yuri led him over to a corner booth further in the back of the room slightly shielded from the rest of the diner, privet and quiet, as quiet as it could be with live music and other people’s chatter.

“Thank you,” Otabek said, honestly, to break the silence.

“For what?” Yuri wondered, curiously.

“For introducing me to Mila and just everything.”

Yuri shrugged and waved him off. “It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s not nothing, Yuri,” Otabek said, his tone serious. Maybe for Yuri all of it didn’t mean much, but it meant a whole lot to Otabek. This, all of it, could change his life completely in every way he knew.

“I said I would help you and I intend on keeping my word so you’re welcome. But, you heard Mila, she didn’t give you a chance because of me, you can thank yourself for that. I told you you’re good, maybe now you’ll finally believe in yourself a little more.”

For just a second Otabek swore it looked like Yuri was about to reach out and touch his hand but then halfway there he changed his mind and picked up the menu lying in front of him instead.

"Yuri, hey, it's good to see you," a woman said with a smile on her face and a cheerful voice. Otabek was sure she appeared next to them seemingly out of nowhere. "And look at that, I never thought I'd see the day you'd actually bring proper company, such good looking company at that."

Yuri closed his eyes and breathed in calmly before opening his eyes again and faintly smiled at the women. "Dana, this is my friend Otabek," Yuri said. "He's my new roommate."

"Roommate? What having trouble paying rent on your own?"

"Something like that." Yuri shook his head, amused. "So will we get something to eat or will you have my friend starve?"

Dana wrote down their orders in her small black leather notebook, winked at Yuri, the simple gesture saying more than it probably should, and then disappeared again. Otabek was just a little confused but didn’t say or ask anything.

“Anyway, I thought, since you showed me your place, well, not like you had much of a choice since I just showed up and everything, I thought I could show you a place that means something to me,” Yuri said, leaning back against the backrest, his eyes looking straight at Otabek’s face. “I know you probably expected someone like me to frequent some stuck up five star restaurants and all that other shit you read about in gossip magazines, but I actually really hate those places. I much prefer coming here where no one cares who I am. I’m just another wallet ordering nothing more special than fries or whatever.”

“This definitely seems more like your thing than some strange French restaurant serving things no one can even pronounce.”

“Exactly,” Yuri said, nodding. “See, I knew you’d understand me. So, since I kind of dragged you halfway across the world and you’ll be around for a year, maybe it’s time to get to know each other a little better. I’m actually not quite as depressing and weird as last night. Or as obnoxious as you must think I am because of those texts. I probably should’ve given Victor my phone when he asked for it instead of going on to drink even more and then merrily type away stupid shit.”

“Maybe next time you can type your unfiltered words with autocorrect on, at least I’d be able to understand what you’re trying to say without having to painstakingly decipher each word.”

“I don’t think there will be a next time,” Yuri said and somehow Otabek immediately felt like he’d overstepped some kind of line with his words, with the way he said it. “Otabek,” Yuri said, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Stop looking like a kicked puppy or something. It’s not how I meant it, okay? Next time I can just tell or show you my thoughts directly, instead of having to get completely shitfaced in Thailand and type them out barely seeing the keyboard.”

Oh.

_OH._

Dana came by with their drinks, her eyes looking between them like she was assessing the situation and trying to see if she could fish for details. But she quickly hurried away when Yuri scowled at her.

“Tell me something about yourself, your family,” Yuri said the sounding genuinely curious. “While you can read anything there is to know about me on Wikipedia, I don’t have that option for you, at least not yet.”

“For what its worth, I’d much rather hear about you from you than whatever I find in your search results,” Otabek said, honestly, leaving out the part of how he’d read Yuri’s Wikipedia article a few times over throughout the past few years.

“There really is nothing interesting to know about me,” Yuri noted with a shrug. How wrong he was. Everything, every tiny little detail about him was interesting in ways they weren’t interesting about other people. “So?”

“Contrary to you, my life really isn’t interesting. _I’m_ not really interesting,” Otabek said whith earned him a skeptically glare from Yuri across the table. “I have two sisters, Nura and Amina. While Amina is the smartest of the three of us, Nura is, or rather was, the athlete. She used to be a figure skater, number one amongst the ladies for years.”

“Really? I used to love figure skating as a kid, always watched it on TV with my grandpa,” Yuri said smiling at the mention of his grandfather, the elderly man he’d seen in a few pictures with Yuri back at the penthouse. “I was never any good though, never had time to do anything with it, especially once I decided to commit to my music. What is it like to have a sister like that?”

Otabek never really thought about it much. All that’s ever been on his mind was just how proud he was of Nura, of everything she’d achieved. The way it made him feel had never been important in any way. Never did anyone ask him about it, not even Leo or JJ. So, how did it make him feel, really?

"It's guess it’s always been kind of hard, somehow, living in Nura's shadow,” he said honestly after staying quiet for a moment, thinking. “She's always been the star with golden medals making our parents and country proud. Next to that, who am I, really?"

"I think that's how Sasha must have felt," Yuri said then, his hand on his glass, his finger drawing absent minded circles on it, "at least until she decided to upstage me by turning out to have an IQ probably twice as high as mine and making it into Harvard with quite literally perfect grades."

"Sasha?" Otabek asked, happy to get that information without having to reveal that he listened in on Yuri's conversation.

"My sister, Alexandra, she's in her second year now," Yuri said with an honest smile on his face, the type of smile you smile to yourself and not for others, rare and beautiful. "She's the most intelligent person I know, and she's also the most gorgeous one in the entire world, way better looking than me."

"I seriously doubt that," Otabek said before even realizing it. His eyes went wide as his mind caught up with the words he said.

"Is that a complement?" Yuri asked, his smile turning into a pleased smirk. "Thank you, if it is one, of course."

"It is."

Once their food arrived they dug in like a pack of hungry wolves. Even if the diner didn’t look like much, their food was absolutely amazing, the friend just right and the burgers the best ones Otabek had ever tried. Of course he wouldn’t tell Leo about it, or his grandmother. She would get very upset and probably never invite him over for Christmas again.

"Do you want to know something no one else knows?" Yuri asked after a while.

Was that even a question? "Sure."

"The first song I ever wrote, if you could even call it that, was for and about Sasha," Yuri said and smiled that private smile again. "I was like seven or eight and just so proud of being a big brother. I wanted her to feel special."

Even though he knew he would probably regret saying this, Otabek still did it because telling weird and embarrassing stories seemed to be his new thing. "The first mix I ever made was of a Backstreet Boys song." Yuri looked like he was _this_ close to laughing out loud and trying his best not to by biting his lower lip. "Don't laugh! It wasn't my decision or like my type of music even. My friend Leo used to be totally in love with them when we were like thirteen or something. I wanted to do something nice for him and so I tried to make a cool mix of his favorite song. It was the worst, honestly, I had no idea what the hell I was doing but I tried my best."

"Sounds like you're a great friend," Yuri said with something strange in his voice, like a wistfulness or wonder. "Should I feel special because you made a mix of my song, or were you just going for what would get you the most views?"

Otabek desperately wanted to tell him he was insanely special, the most unique person he knew but it seemed like the words got stuck in his throat. The effect Yuri had on him was truly unfair, the fact that Yuri seemed to have absolutely no problems with saying whatever he wanted while Otabek constantly felt lost for words, floored by this person in front of him.

"Relax, I'm just teasing," Yuri said and Otabek wanted to pretend like he didn't hear the tiny smidge of something that sounded suspiciously like disappointment in his voice. _Great_.

"You _are_ special, Yuri," he finally said.

Yuri looked away then, his voice quiet as he said: "don't say it if you don't mean it."

"I do mean it."

"Good," Yuri said, turning back around to him and raising his glass to take a sip, his eyes smiling brightly over the rim of his glass. Otabek wanted to live in the way Yuri looked at him, in the expression on his face. Maybe there was a chance, somehow, that Yuri could like him once they would get to know each other more.

"I'd like to meet Leo and JJ one day. They seem a little crazy, judging by the little bit you told me about them, but they're important to you, are a key piece of who Otabek Altin truly is."

"I'm sure they'd agree in a second."

"Right," Yuri said and lightly nodded. "For just a moment I forgot."

"I'm supposed to Skype with them next week Friday, if you want, you can join me at some point," Otabek said instead of commenting on Yuri's words, the way something in his eyes changed, that strange unhappiness flickering in them again, barely there, the same one he's noticed in Yuri's eyes while they talked at the pool. It wasn't even how Otabek meant his words, didn't mean they'd want to because of who he was fame wise but rather because of what he meant to Otabek, but the damage was done nonetheless.

"Great," Yuri said and smiled, but it wasn't the same anymore, the smile not reaching his eyes, fake and hallow. Otabek wanted to say something that would make him laugh and smile a real smile again, but he came up blank. _What can I do or say to help you so you might hate this life a little less?_ Instead, feeling strangely brave, he reached out across the table and touched Yuri’s hand. Otabek was prepared for him to pull away, give him a strange look for it, but was surprised to find that Yuri didn’t do either of those things.

Yuri moved his hand just enough to hold on to Otabek’s as though he was grasping for a lifeline, something, anything, that felt real, honest, and true. Maybe, with a little luck and time, Otabek could be whatever it was that Yuri needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mila is handing out weird nicknames like candy, the question of who Sasha is was solved (no angst here) and Yuri is still coming on strong AF but his words are slowly breaking through that thick skull.
> 
> Originally this chapter ended differently with our boy still being a bit too clueless and shy to function BUT then I read the chapter again, after letting it sit for a few hours, and finally changed my mind. I changed the ending, added two paragraphs, and then spent another hour breaking my brain over a single sentence because I wanted it to be perfect.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #CheshireCat & #Bambi receive an upgrade.

**Leo: So we’ll get to meet your boyfriend tonight?**

**Me: He’s not my boyfriend.**

**JJ: …yet.**

**Leo: Exactly.**

**Me: Will anything I say make you stop?**

**JJ: Unlikely.**

**Leo: Don’t think so.**

**Me: Why do I even tell you things? If you say shit like that later I will fly out to San Fran and lynch you, Leo, and then I’ll be coming for you, JJ.**

**JJ: Oh, I’m so scared, Leo, protect me. You’re fucking tiny, Beka, could you even reach my face to punch me?**

**Leo: Boys, enough, we’re grown men, we do not fight like angsty teenagers.**

**JJ: Speak for yourself, de la Iglesia. Remember that one time we got into that bar fight and Beka got that one dude square in the face and dude went down like a log?**

**Me: Can we not talk about that?**

**Leo: It was a very heroic moment, you should be proud of yourself. If you weren’t so hella gay you totally would’ve gotten laid that night.**

**Me: I’d like to think I could get laid without having to punch a strange so he would stop harassing the person I would get laid by.**

**JJ: Guess we’ll have to ask Yuri for his opinion on the matter.**

**Me: I swear to god, Leroy, don’t you dare.**

**Leo: Come on, Beka, relax. We won’t embarrass you, at least not entirely. As your best friends it is our honor and duty to embarrass you just enough to see if the target of your admiration will still like you despite how much of a dork you are.**

**JJ: I’m totally with him on that one, Leo. But, we’ll try to be on our best behavior since he’s like famous and shit, will that put you at peace?**

**Me: I will be at peace once that conversation will be over.**

**Leo: Otabek, why must you be so boring yet so easy to tease?**

**Leo: Fine, JJ, swear with me that we’ll behave so Otabek over there won’t get a heart attack worrying that little Yuri might find out how much Otabek likes him.**

**Me: You two are literally the worst.**

 

* * *

 

"So, JJ, you were the one who uploaded the song, right?" Yuri asked sitting next to Otabek on the couch in the living room with Otabek’s laptop standing in front of them on the glass coffee table. Somehow they’d gotten through the introductions without any incidents so far, though Otabek didn’t trust either of his friends to keep it cool even for a second. He just waited for either of them to say something mortifying.

"Guilty," JJ said and did a swooping gesture with his hand and bowed his head as though he sat in front of an audience.

"You know, Yuri, the day you showed up at Beka's, he was on a call with us and," Leo began to say while trying not to laugh, "the funny thing is that JJ and I were joking about how funny it would be if you stood outside that door."

"Later when he told us it was you, we didn't believe him for a second yet there you are," JJ added. "You think if I upload a remix of one of Tiësto’s songs, he'll show up at my house, too?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think Tiësto is into guys," Yuri said and cocked an eyebrow making Otabek and Leo laugh while JJ just looked incredulously into his camera.

"I like you, Yuri," Leo said between laughs.

"Also Guetta isn't a bad guy, you just seem to have really bad taste," Yuri added.

"Otabek you dickhead, you told him about that?" JJ asked, pretending to be more shocked than he actually was which was given away by the slight upward quirk on his mouth.

"If it's a secret, maybe don't plaster stickers about it on other people's furniture," Yuri said quietly while Leo was having a field day rolling on his couch and Otabek just looked at Yuri. Somehow he thought Yuri would be more reserved during their Skype call, more cautious about his words, but he should've known that that wasn't who Yuri was. He was a natural and he was able to handle his friends with ease. _Fuck_.

"So, Yuri, thanks to you our boy got a gig at the 'Moonlight', huh?" Leo asked sometime later.

"Oh no, I had nothing to do with that, he's won that spot all on his own. I was just the one who dropped off the music at the right place, nothing more and nothing less," Yuri explained and smiled just enough for Otabek to see it. Otabek swore he could even see him ever so lightly blush. "I'd ask them to put you two on the guest list, but I know you don't exactly live anywhere around here."

"That's unfortunately true, but who knows, maybe we'll managed to get enough money by the time our boy will make Tomorrowland," JJ said, his voice firm and full of conviction, like there was no other possibility, like he simply knew, somehow, that Otabek would make it even if he wasn't too sure about it himself. Sure, he wasn't half bad, Mila said he's amazing even, but to get on main stage you have to be one of the best. But what if he wasn't? Wouldn't ever be?

 

* * *

 

On Saturday Otabek walked into Mila’s studio and felt like he was about to walk into a room for his final judgment. Maybe feeling that way wasn’t too far off the truth since today was the day Mila would hear the final version of ‘You & Me’ Otabek had decided on, and it would decide if he would get to work for her or not.

Over the past six days Otabek had worked harder on that single song than on any remix he ever made before, made multiple different versions of it, switched around parts so many times that, at some point, it all just sounded like nothing.

After the Skype call the previous night, the way his friends had spoken about him, the conviction in JJ’s voice and what Yuri said, along with telling him that he would get the spot easy before he left the penthouse, he felt a strange sense of calmness crawl up his neck as he got closer to the door, closer to stepping in front of Mila.

“Bambi,” she said with a giant smile on her face as she noticed him walk inside. “You’re early. I like that. Shows you really want this. Good Bambi.”

“Thank you, I guess?” he said a little unsure. Mila’s bright personality still tended to overwhelm him a little sometimes; a detail that seemed to amuse her immensely.

“So, do you have what I asked from you?” She sat down in her leather chair looking up at him expectantly. As those words crossed her lips, her playfulness and easy going vibe seemed to fade away a little and got replaced by seriousness, the same one Otabek had seen on her when she talked to that guy before their first meeting.

“Of course,” Otabek assured her and got to work pulling up the final version. _Deep breath in and out, you’ve got this._

[The song began to play over the speakers scattered everywhere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUkkaqSNduU) around the recording studio engulfing them in sound making it seem like they stood inside the song, were somehow part of it. The violins slowly grew louder, more prominent, along with the voice that seemed much more haunted coming along with an echo before a second violin track appeared in long strokes. For a moment everything fell away besides the original violins and then the beat dropped, the bass quality way better than what he thought it was over his headphones.

Otabek watched Mila throughout the entirety of the four minutes and forty two seconds of the song trying to catch every reaction she showed. Seeing her move her foot in the beat after the bass set in felt way more satisfying than it should, the feeling only growing when she closed her eyes and lightly lulled her head as though she was truly losing herself in the music, unwilling to ruin her immersion with the song by seeing anything.

Mila kept her eyes closed even as the last note of the song faded away and nothing but silence was left behind, the room suddenly feeling empty without the music. Otabek was sure she could hear how hard his heart was beating, could somehow feel just how on edge and nervous he was. The tension grew almost tangible the longer Mila remained silent, seconds seemingly stretching endlessly, felt like impossible hours, like time had stopped altogether, the moment froze without Otabek knowing.

“That, Bambi,” she finally said, her voice giving nothing away which Otabek was ready to count as very bad sign until she raised her head and he saw the almost mischievous smirk on her face, “was _fucking_ amazing. I knew you’re incredible, but this, Bambi, this took it to a whole new level and I’ll be damned if you leave this building without agreeing to work for me. _Discloser_ will be more than pleased by this, and here they dared question my opinion on giving a rooky a chance. I’m Mila Babicheva for a reason. So, Bambi, you in?”

About two hours later when Otabek got back to the penthouse and told Yuri that he’d been right, that he did, in fact, get the spot, Yuri pulled him into their first ever hug and Otabek was sure his heart would give out.

Months ago he could barely imagine even as much as talking to Yuri and now he got a happy hug from him. It was insane on every level but Otabek didn’t dare question it. Instead he put his arms around Yuri and just enjoyed the moment for what it was, the person he used to idolize and now dared to call a friend showing Otabek his happiness. Never had Otabek imagined he would ever accomplish anything that would get Yuri Plisetsky to congratulate him.

“Will I _now_ get to hear the track?” Yuri asked after he pulled away. “You’ve been keeping it hidden like some kind of dirty secret and I’m fucking curious, asshole, come on.”

“No can do,” Otabek said, even if only to tease Yuri because he enjoyed the playful expression on his face, this sort of excitement in his eyes that was just such a stark contrast to how sad he sometimes looked, how empty his eyes seemed to be at times. In moments like these they were full of life, a more vivid green than it should be possible, the most beautiful eyes any human ever had.

“Why not?”

“I told you I’d show it to you at the gig and no matter what you’ll do, I won’t change my mind.”

Yuri squinted his eyes at him, his eyebrows pulled together in what Otabek was sure was supposed to be a scowl but didn’t quite get there. “Not fucking fair, Altin. You know I hate waiting.”

“Then maybe it’s a good way to practice your patients,” Otabek offered, bravely. Otabek had no idea what came over him, maybe the relief of having gotten the job at Mila’s, maybe the way Yuri acted toward him, treated him like a friend and even flirted with him shamelessly. Maybe he would one day reach a point where he could do that too, when he would stop being afraid of saying something wrong all the time.

 

* * *

 

Three weeks into Otabek's stay at his penthouse, Yuri found himself wondering when in all hell he got this pathetic. Somehow, for reasons he couldn't quite explain, he could just sit there for hours in complete silence and just watch Otabek do whatever the fuck he was doing with his DJ equipment, headphones on his ears, attention focused like a laser. Yuri wasn't even sure if Otabek was aware that he was in that room with him at all.

Otabek was fascinating, different from all the people Yuri met across the years because of his fame. Sure he was awkward at times, seemed to get embarrassed easily and struggle with finding the words he wanted to say, but for once Yuri felt like it wasn't because of blind star struck worship, but maybe simply because Otabek liked him, even if only as a friend.

"How's your pet project going?" Victor asked over the phone while Yuri walked through his empty penthouse. Otabek was over at Mila's studio working on whatever it was that Mila had him do. It was easy to see the sheer joy and gratefulness on Otabek's face, even if he tried to play it cool. It still showed in his eyes, that wonderful spark of excitement, the very one Yuri lost at some point throughout the years.

"He's not a fucking pet project, asshole," Yuri growled.

"Good. So, how is he?"

"Fine, I think. He's nervous because of the 'Moonlight' gig next week but I'm sure he'll be fine," Yuri said and sighed. He'd watched Otabek work himself close to a fucking panic attack just days ago because of the gig and Yuri felt lost, unable to help him because he simply didn’t know how. It'd been so long since Yuri last felt afraid of stepping in front of a crowd; he barely knew what to say while trying to resist the overwhelming urge to apologize because he felt like it was maybe his fault somehow, no matter how ridiculous that feeling was.

"Maybe do something nice for him to cheer him up," Victor offered. "Help him take his mind off of the gig. Remember how I took you to the zoo to see the tigers the evening before your first major gig because you were just that nervous?"

"I do remember but I don't think he shares the same tiger enthusiasm as I did at sixteen," Yuri pointed out.

"Then think of something else he might enjoy," Victor said and for a moment both of them were quiet. Yuri could hear Victor moving around, the sound of a drawer opening and closing, a pot or pan being moved around. "You know, Yuri, it's nice to hear you care about another person. It's been a while."

"What the fucks that supposed to mean? Maybe you forgot but I was the one who paid for like seventy percent of your wedding."

"That's different."

"How the fuck's that different?"

"You care about him differently than about us," Victor said, his tone turning strangely soft and somehow making Yuri angry for whatever reason. Why couldn’t Victor speak like a normal fucking human being for once instead of spewing cryptic shit at him? "Anyway, Yuuri is about to come home and I need to finish making dinner. Take care, Yuri."

This was bullshit. Victor was, per usual, barely helpful outside of his job. Why Yuri even bothered with talking to him about this, he didn't know.

 _Probably because you don't have any friends_ , a voice reminded him. It was true, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. He wished to have someone who loved him as much as Leo and JJ seemed to love Otabek, this special feeling shared between friends, or maybe something more like what Victor and Yuuri had, love in its romantic form, something Yuri had been convinced for year was just bullshit, something he didn't need. But at seventeen or twenty he didn't know shit about what it felt like to be truly lonely.

 

* * *

 

**Me: JJ, this is Yuri. Do me a favor and don't save this under my actual last name.**

**JJ: Sure thing! So what can I do for you?**

**Me: Tell me, what are some things Otabek likes?**

**JJ: Besides music, you, and jerking off (not necessarily in that order)? Motorcycles, watching shit on the couch like a lazy ass, watching and listening to people playing the piano, sappy shit...**

**Me: All right, thanks.**

**JJ: Be nice to our boy, eh? He might not look like it, but he's a gentle soul, plus if you hurt him in any kind of way, Leo and I will find you and definitely not care about who you are.**

**Me: Good luck with that, but don't worry, I won't. I know he's a good guy.**

**JJ: The best.**

**JJ: Also don't play with him, it wouldn't be fair and he doesn't deserve it.**

 

* * *

 

A knock at the door caught Otabek's attention. He was surprised that he even heard it despite being lost in thoughts and slightly panicking internally. The 'Moonlight' gig was about twenty-four hours away and, even though he'd played at clubs a couple of times before, he felt like it would be the his first time all over again.

"Come in," he called out and put his laptop aside.

The door opened and Yuri stepped inside wearing all black, jeans that seemed tight enough that they might as well have been painted onto his skin, his shirt the complete opposite, loose and what seemed like at least a size too big and slipping off of his right shoulder.

"Okay, no, this is bullshit," Yuri declared after taking one look at him. "Get up."

"What?" Otabek asked, confused, wondering if he'd done something, anything, wrong.

"Otabek, get the fuck up and put on something warm, ideally something made of leather, and meet me downstairs," Yuri commanded, his voice serious but with something lingering at the edges that wasn't anger or frustration but something soft and almost worried. What the hell was going on?

Before Otabek could ask, Yuri turned around and walked out leaving him behind stunned. Slowly he slipped down from his bed, found his leather jacket and changed into a pair of jeans before following Yuri's request to meet him downstairs.

"What's going on?" he finally asked. Yuri didn't answer, instead waited patiently as Otabek put on his boots and then stepped into the elevator after him, Yuri pressing the garage button.

"You're on the brink of pushing yourself into another fucking panic attack so I have something I hope might help you calm down a little, clear your mind or whatever," Yuri said as he led him through the garage past expensive cars and empty spots toward his Audi. Instead of unlocking it, Yuri walked past it toward something hidden away under a black fabric cover. "I bought this like a year ago. I didn't know what to spend my money on, saw it as we drove past the dealership and decided to go for it. Shamefully I've never actually driven it, probably because I don't even have a drivers license for it."

Yuri pulled down the fabric and revealed a black and silver BMW bike that definitely looked like it’d never been touched or driven, shiny and new. Otabek had no idea what to say even though he desperately wanted to say something, especially as he noticed the hopeful look on Yuri's face and in his eyes.

"JJ said you like bikes so I thought that maybe going for a ride, or simply giving you the option to do it whenever you feel like you might need it, could help you, somehow," Yuri said with a shrug, the hopeful enthusiasm slowly fading. "I don't know, it's probably stupid. Forget about it."

When did Yuri talk to JJ, and why didn't JJ say anything? Also did Yuri Plisetsky really go out of his way to think of something to cheer him up? This was crazy, and amazing in so many ways. People said Yuri was a selfish man, a star only thinking of himself, his career, not caring about anyone or anything else, but Otabek knew better. Clearly none of those people met the real Yuri Plisetsky, the one who did care, even for someone like him.

"Thank you," Otabek finally said and caught Yuri's wrist just as he wanted to walk away looking disappointed.

"It's nothing," Yuri said dismissively.

"Look at me," Otabek said softly, carefully, a request and not an order. After a few seconds Yuri complied, turned his head just enough to look at him almost shyly which was honestly bizarre. Yuri was many thing, but shy certainly wasn’t one of them. "This isn't nothing, Yuri. This means a lot and it's great, seriously. Shows that you care even though you don't have to, even though you could just let me sit there and panic not giving a shit, but for some reason you do give a shit so thank you. The least I can do is take you for a ride. I do have a license and you have a bike."

At that Yuri smiled, the expression on his face turning soft with almost something like relief hushing across his eyes. He nodded and then, once Otabek let go of his wrist, walked over to a box next to the wall to pull out two black helmets.

“Do you have a specific spot in mind?” Otabek asked before putting the helmet on, his heart already starting to pick up at the just the idea of sitting on a bike with Yuri and having his arms around Otabek, even if only so he wouldn’t fall off the bike.

“Saltwater Park Road,” Yuri said, clearly a street name though it could have very well been made up, Otabek wouldn’t know. As though reading his expression, Yuri pulled out his phone from his pocket and typed something into it before securing it into the mount more or less in the center shielded behind the windscreen. Google Maps was open and the navigation ready to lead the way.

Even though the night had long started the city still buzzed with life even on a Thursday, the streets still packed with cars and cabs, though Otabek barely noticed any of it. His mind was constantly torn between trying to stay focused on the road while not getting them into an accident like a responsible and sane human, and trying not to think about Yuri’s arms around him, his body pressed against his back. It was beyond stupid and he really should get a grip but he couldn’t help himself.

Half an hour later they found themselves on a long parking lot illuminated by orange cones of streetlamp light and with only a car or two still parked on it. Yuri’s phone declared that they had reached their destination all the way at the end, the shore only a couple dozen or so meters away from them. Silently they got off the bike, took off the helmets and began to walk. Otabek didn’t question where Yuri was leading him, simply followed, curious as to where they were going.

In the end they sat down on one of the many dry logs lying along the shore, the only sound the calm waves, the typical sounds of the city absent. The sky was dotted with stars and far more visible than from Yuri’s rooftop, the light pollution a little less severe outside of the city center.

Otabek could feel himself relax, the peacefulness calming his nerves and the worries in his mind slowly growing quieter until all of it was nothing more than barely audible background noise. Yuri had brought him out here so he could clear his mind and he’d been right, it definitely helped.

For what felt like hours they just sat there next to each other looking out toward the water or the night sky in comfortable silence.

"I've been thinking about your gig tomorrow," Yuri finally said, his voice quiet and sounding almost unsure.

"Okay?"

"I've been debating if I should go or not. I don't want your moment to turn out to be about me, the press just watching me instead of listening to you because you deserve all the attention that gig will give you," Yuri began, his eyes glued to the water as though seeing just that would make this easier for him. "But then I realized that I'm selfish and I wouldn't want to miss seeing you up in that booth. But ultimately it's up to you."

"I want you to be there," Otabek said, honestly, his words coaxing Yuri into turning around to him.

"Otabek, there's one thing you need to be prepared for," Yuri said, his voice almost pained in a strange way, like he hated having to bring all of this up. "Somehow we managed to slip by for the past month but tomorrow that will end. Pictures will be taken, printed and posted with questions upon questions. Are you completely sure you want to be seen with me? They will ask who you are, will try to find out anything there is about you online, and above all they will ask who you are in relation to me."

"I know that, Yuri," Otabek said and reached out to take Yuri's hand carefully into his, though giving Yuri enough time to decide if it was okay nor not. For someone who had the reputation of being reckless, selfish and having anger issues, Otabek was surprised to find that Yuri cared, that he cared far more than anyone seemed to give him credit for. When Yuri offered to go for a ride he definitely hadn't expected to have a conversation like this, to hear Yuri almost apologize for who he was with unsaid words. "I don't mind or care. There's nothing they could find that'd be newsworthy, merely make a connection between Nura and I, which is not the worst thing that could happen. The question should rather be if you mind, if you want to be seen with a no name like me."

"Beka, I don't care if you're famous or not, don't care what people will think. It doesn't matter,” Yuri said with pressure behind his words like it was crucial for Otabek to understand and hear this somehow. The way Yuri looked at him right then, it almost seemed like he was trying to find something in Otabek’s eyes, like he was looking for answers to questions Otabek didn’t know. “I like you, like spending time with you, and I don't care if you work three part time jobs, for Mila, or if you'll make Tomorrowland because neither defines you, only you define you, your personality and the way you treat people. If being famous taught me anything, it's that it's empty, meaningless from the moment on you let it consume you. Letting it define who you are is dangerous because it leads to loosing who you really are, and honestly, I don't want the same thing to happen to you."

"Is that what's happened to you? Why you're lonely?"

Yuri’s green eyes suddenly looked slashed with something deep and dark, empty and searching, pleading and yet silent. Otabek didn't need him to say anything, to tell him _yes_. That look alone was answer enough.

"Beka?" he asked instead of waiting for Yuri to say anything more, or to answer his question because he knew nothing more would come, that saying this much had already been a lot for him.

"Sorry, it just slipped out."

Otabek smiled at that and lightly squeezed Yuri’s hand. "I like it, _Yura_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I'd have a chapter for today but it seems like my brain had a different plan. Also, somehow, this ended up being the longest chapter yet and honestly, it has way more emotions than I planned on. Beka and Yura made an appearance - why does that excite me this much? Also our boys hugged and Otabek didn't combust. I'm proud of him.
> 
> The parking lot at the end of Saltwater Park Road is real, thanks Google Maps.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Yuri for everything in this.

Across the past month Otabek had gotten acquainted, though not quite used to, many things regarding Yuri. Seeing him standing in his door wearing yet another tight pair of black jeans and a loose black studded crop top that threatened to slip off of his shoulder whenever he moved too much, it still caught him off guard. It took all of his willpower to not stare at the flawless expanse of skin between his jeans and his crop top, even though he’d seen Yuri shirtless surely a dozen times already.

Otabek was pretty sure that that damn piece of loose fabric would be the sole cause of his death.

“Beka, less staring more getting dressed, Chris will be here in a few,” Yuri said and then clapped his hands a few times in that ‘hurry up’ type of way. “That shirt, by the way, is fucking sinful.”

“Should I change it?” Otabek asked, unsure if Yuri meant his words in a good or bad way. Maybe wearing a black tank top with a bunch of slits along the sides was laying it on a little too thick after all.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Yuri declared. “Personally I wouldn’t mind if you’d skip wearing a shirt all together, but I’m not sure that’d be socially acceptable.” Yuri laughed a little at his own words and then left, his footsteps echoing down the hallway and the stairs. Why Yuri felt the need to put on boots with heels that only made him so much taller than he already was, was something Otabek didn’t quite understand, but they looked amazing—[black leather, silver studs and buckles, metal plated heels along with metal toecaps](http://www.alexandermcqueen.com/Item/index?cod10=11182891po&siteCode=ALEXANDERMCQUEEN_DE)—and Yuri could pull them off so incredibly flawlessly. Then again Yuri could probably put on a potato sack and still look like a model.

This would be a long night, though Yuri's comment and outfit definitely helped take off Otabek’s mind from worrying, at least for a moment or two. The closer they got to 'Moonlight' the more his nerves returned, though at the same time they mixed with some sort of anxious excitement and a few sprinkles of infinite happiness. This was it, his debut on the big kids playing field. From here on out everything was designed to help him get to Tomorrowland. If he could impress the people present tonight, the press, people from the music industry and the audience, everything would change and he would be a step closer to fulfilling this dream he had for so long.

Wanting to make main stage had never been about wanting fame or a fortune, but rather wanting to share his passion with others, showing that he was good, his music worth listening to. Otabek dearly hoped the set he prepared, just over thirty-eight minutes, would do the trick, be good enough to capture everybody's attention and allow them to have a good time.

And he hoped it would impress Yuri, not that he would admit that out loud, though knowing Yuri he was probably aware of it to some degree.

Two days earlier Otabek had already been at ‘Moonlight’, along with some of the other DJs, for final preparations, finalizing the lineup order and Mila’s final decision on who would get how much time. But as they walked into the club on the event day it looked completely different than two days earlier.

According to Mila the ‘Moonlight’ used to be a wine cellar many decades ago before the original owner sold it to someone, who then sold it to someone else and decided to change it into a club. For the first decade or so it ran under a different name with marginal success until it received a complete makeover, a new name and new people were hired for management and event planning. The ‘Moonlight’s popularity skyrocketed once Mila decided to have her events there and thus making it the hottest club in Seattle.

Predominantly cold white and blue lights dimmed down just enough so you could see where you were going but not enough to ruin the atmosphere illuminated the club. The bar was lined with white neon lights and the shelves holding any and all imaginable liquors had a dark blue backdrop with equally dark blue neon lighting, the DJ booth and stage seemed even darker. A small LED panel below the stage would show the name of the DJ playing, along with his social media handles so people could check out more of them. The floor was pitch black and the walls raw exposed bricks and wood dotted with small LEDs creating almost a sky-like illusion, the tables dark wood and metal, and the dance floor black parquet with just the right amount of smoke wafting over it to add to the slightly eerie feeling.

After showing his badge, Otabek was led toward the backstage area while Yuri stayed behind to check out the VIP area, find himself a good place with just the right view and check out who was already there and who was still supposed to come. Otabek was pretty sure he didn't want to know, though it was no secret that major artists sometimes showed up to check out the lineup Mila decided on. Just last year he’d seen pictures of Lady Gaga, Martin Garrix, Dimitri Vegas and Adam Lambert at this exact event, and the thought that people like them could show up during his gig terrified Otabek beyond measures, as though having Yuri in the crowd wasn’t stressful enough.

Emil, who had beaten him to the punch at becoming Yuri's support artist on tour, was among the DJs who would play tonight. He smiled as Otabek walked into the backstage area before returning his attention back to his phone. Otabek was one of the last to go up to play snagging the best time slot somehow between midnight and one am, which meant he had a lot of time to kill until then.

Of course he spent most of it worrying sick, trying to distract himself by texting Leo and JJ, and then also talking with Nura on the phone for a few minutes. Thanks to her Otabek found out that, Yuri being Yuri, he somehow set up a live stream for the Altin’s as well as Leo and JJ so they could see Otabek play despite not being able to make it in person.

**Me: Thank you.**

**that hot blond: who spilled?**

**Me: Nura.**

**that hot blond: I was sure it’d be JJ. And you’re welcome. I know you’d secretly been sad that they can’t be here so…**

**Me: You’re awesome.**

**that hot blond: I know, but I don’t mind hearing you say it, or technically read it.**

**that hot blond: You too, btw.**

Never before had Otabek felt such an overwhelming urge to kiss someone as he felt right now. Maybe it was a good thing that Yuri wasn’t next to him, but rather among the VIP crowd probably dancing to whichever DJ was currently on, because Otabek didn’t trust his own judgment and self-control right now, at all.

Minutes bled into half an hour and then an hour until Emil was halfway through his set and one of the staff members let Otabek know that he should slowly get ready to take over.

**that hot blond: Go get them, Beka.**

**that hot blond: Seduce me with your music.**

Otabek’s first reaction, making him immediately feel like a jerk, was that Yuri was drunk texting him again, but he quickly realized that that couldn’t be true. There were no typos in those texts. Plus Yuri said that next time he would text him his thoughts without needing to get drunk as hell. _Yuri, this is so not helping!_

Two days earlier Otabek and Emil had practiced their set transition so it would go as smoothly as possible so three minutes before Emil was done, Otabek stood ready to take over. Emil nodded at him halfway through his final song, took off his headphones and took one last look across the dancing crowd before vacating the spot behind the turntables taking his laptop with him.

Otabek took his place, hooked up his laptop to the setup and got ready to transition into his first song. While Emil started strong and tried to come on hard with bass heavy songs and fast paced tracks, Otabek wanted to start out with something a bit slower, something that seemed to fit the atmosphere of the club.

‘[Lights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJateQnpJak)’ started out with a not too fast paced relatively basic beat and a slightly haunting track over it before it picked up speed as a second track line joined in along with the vocals, the bass increasing. With a light smile Otabek watched white lasers dancing across the crowd, bodies moving in slow sways, hands raised, heads lulling from side to side until the saxophone track started one and a half minutes into the song. Immediately the crowd began to move a little more lively and getting into it even more.

Nervous as he was, Otabek slightly messed up the transition into ‘[This Game](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZFf4L3vtmA)’, something that made him panic more than it probably should, but looking out at the crowd it seemed like no one had really noticed his mistake. Mila probably did though, as well as all the music industry people out there tonight, but Otabek tried his hardest to push that thought aside and instead feel reassurance thanks to how much the crowd seemed to be into his music. ‘This Game’ was definitely the longest track on his list and still relatively tame giving the crowd a breather after Emil’s crazy set, something they seemed to welcome.

Otabek let his eyes wander toward the VIP area of the club to his right searching for Yuri, his mane of light blond hair standing out of the crowd surrounding him. Otabek swore he saw Yuri wink before he had to look away and transition into the next song, the one Yuri had been waiting for to hear and asked to listen to basically every single day since Otabek returned from Mila’s after showing it to her.

‘[You & Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUkkaqSNduU)’ filled the air as a smile grew on Yuri’s face. Otabek watched fascinated as Yuri slowly began to sway to the music with much more grace than anyone wearing those crazy heels should be able to. But he did it, his eyes closed and his arms raised above his head, hips moving right with the beat. Otabek could watch him for hours, days, months, and never get bored of the way Yuri’s body moved like he was born with music inside of him, with a sense of musicality that most people could only dream off and a body perfectly designed to show just that through every spin, every sway and dip, his hair flying everywhere like a halo.

Originally ‘Life’ was supposed to come after the Disclosure track, but Otabek remembered Yuri’s request for Otabek to seduce him with his music so he made a last minute decision to play a different song instead. Maybe it was a bit daring, putting it on too thick just like with his shirt, but he didn’t care in that moment. He felt high on adrenaline, on the energy of the crowd, the power he wielded with his tracks putting a spell on the crowd making them follow his lead blindly and willingly.

‘[Turn Me On](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGJmObaqbmQ)’ came on strong from the get go with a heaver bass track and the vocal starting almost immediately, two words repeated a few times in a lightly hushed manner, suggestive. The track was definitely of the more lively and wildly danceable variety, the crowd moving faster and more manically, bodies jumping and bumping into each other, groups and couples forming. Across the room Otabek met Yuri’s eyes, saw him cock his eyebrow just right, the message coming across loud and clear, before Yuri went back to dancing and Otabek wanted to die knowing he got himself into this position all on his own.

To top it all off the next song on his list was ‘[Renegades](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3No_knFTkJs)’, another remix of one of Yuri’s songs, bringing the crowd back down from their high just enough to let them breath again. Yuri looked surprised the moment he heard his own voice come from the speakers. Otabek hadn’t told him about the track, had to try and suppress his grin as hard as possible while he was working on the track with Yuri in the very same room watching him. It was meant as surprise and it seemed like it worked out perfectly, Yuri’s smile wide and gorgeous, his hair slowly starting to stick to his face.

Otabek was pretty sure he didn’t look much better. Up behind the deck the air was thick and hot, pearls of sweat forming on his face but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered besides the music and the dancing crowd, the subtle taste of success slowly forming on his tongue and the explosive mix of emotions shooting through his veins.

Up next was ‘[Boneless](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE391tvVZgY)’ followed by ‘[Kommst Du mit ihr](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWYMUWD66w4)’. Having a club full of Americans dance to a song in German was quite the experience. It seemed like none of them cared about the fact that they didn't understand any of the words and instead danced almost twice as hard as though to make up for it. The bass line seemed to go over the crowd in waves, crashing through their bodies hitting them hard exactly the way Otabek hoped it would. It was a highly suggestive song with lyrics that seemed needy and slightly psychotic but it was fun, perfectly danceable.

Otabek’s amusement only grew when ‘[стихия](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gmSD4wC4Rg)’ started to play shifting the mood from harsh German to slightly hushed Russian. Otabek had seen the original version of the song on one of Yuri’s playlists and felt inspired enough to try and work out a remix of it, a worthy one that was good enough to be played at ‘Moonlight’. Judging by the whooping from the crowd, raised hands and even more people squeezing onto the dance floor, voices trying to shout the words butchering every single one of them, jumping once the beat dropped, it seemed like Otabek had managed to do it.

Before Otabek even realized it he was on his final song, ‘[Spectrum](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9sptyygpc8)’, a song by one of his favorite artists. JJ once made fun of him for it stating that it was just way too depressing and odd, but Otabek couldn’t agree. He thought Florence + The machine was amazing, both on and off the record, one of the few artists currently who could sing without the constant help of auto tune, just like Yuri.

Just like Emil had done before him, Otabek vacated his spot halfway through the song so the next person could take over. By the time he stumbled into the backstage area he felt both exhausted and bursting his energy, his body buzzing with adrenaline and excitement over how surprisingly well everything went despite his mistake at the beginning. If playing at a club like this felt this amazing, how mind blowing would it be to stand on main stage at Tomorrowland and command a giant crowd like that?

Leaving his laptop behind backstage, just like they’d agreed upon with Mila so they could have some fun after their performance, Otabek set out to find Yuri wanting to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

Otabek getting drunk off his ass was totally Yuri’s fault, and he did feel bad about it—especially when thinking of the disgusting hangover Otabek would be suffering from the next day—but he looked so happy and had so much fun as they danced that Yuri didn’t quite realize how much he had given him until it was too late. He would definitely apologize profusely for it tomorrow.

And maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t have come on quite as strongly as he did while they danced to ‘[Everyday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LELFIuhSPCI)’ by Ariana Grande, but honestly Otabek had practically asked for it with his set. Then again, Yuri was the one who asked Otabek to seduce him in the first place. But what could he say? Otabek was hot as fuck, was a great damn guy and his music literally fucked Yuri like no other music had in a while. At the end of the day he was also just a human with basic needs, _okay_. With just a little luck Otabek wouldn’t remember it tomorrow and save Yuri the embarrassment and having to explain his actions. But, judging by the way Otabek had gotten into it, it seemed like he enjoyed it just as much as Yuri did.

On their way back to the penthouse the only thing Yuri could think about was just how fucking amazing Otabek’s set was, the songs perfect and the fact that he remixed another one of his songs, and done a fucking brilliant job at that, was almost more than Yuri would’ve ever dared ask for. Otabek had been so nervous about the gig, so afraid that people might not like his stuff, that they might boo him off the stage, yet the exact opposite happened.

Yuri watched every single DJ that played before him, and marginally paid attention to the two after him, and none of them were even half as good as Otabek. Maybe he was a bit biased but he had fucking ears and a taste in music making his opinion as valid as any, thank you very much. Why Yakov had chosen Emil as his support instead of Otabek was beyond him, honestly. Then again, at the time Yuri didn’t even know Otabek had applied, didn’t know who he was, and didn’t find out about it until sometime after Otabek agreed to become his sort of protégé or whatever.

With a little help from Chris, Yuri managed to get Otabek into the elevator and into the penthouse without letting him fall on his face. Once inside Yuri said goodbye to Chris and then planned on leading Otabek upstairs but of course someone had to choose that exact moment to call him because that was simply Yuri’s luck. Who the fuck felt the need to call him at three fucking a.m.?

“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Yuri said after he helped Otabek sit down on the couch. Quickly he walked out into the hallway and pulled out his phone sighing just a little as he noticed the caller ID on his display.

"Why are you awake Sasha?" Yuri asked, skipping greetings of any kind, while slowly making his way into the kitchen to fetch Otabek a glass of water.

"Believe me I’d love to go back to sleep but my phone imploded with alerts about a certain brother of mine supposedly getting drunk off his tits again with some shiny new arm candy so I thought I'd call," she explained sounding a little sleepy but with that snarky undertone that probably was some kind of genetic family thing.

"First of all, I'm not drunk, I had like two drinks," Yuri said leaning against one of the kitchen counters and rolled his eyes. Why was everybody so fixated on how much he did or didn’t drink? "Secondly that 'arm candy' or whatever is my friend. He's been staying at my place for a month now."

"You have a hot guy staying at your place and you didn't tell me? I thought you love me!"

"I did, until, you know, remember what happened with Alexei?"

"That was one time and I apologized nine million times already," Sasha practically groaned. She had apologized, a lot, but that didn’t mean the entire thing hurt any less at the time, and didn’t fuck him over for the years to come. "So, tell me about that new friend of yours."

"Back off, Alexandra, I mean it," Yuri said, his tone serious. He loved Sasha but he was painfully aware of her charm and beauty, two things not many people were able to resist.

"Don't worry, Yuri, I can practically hear how much you like him. I'm just curious, and on the other side of the country. Is he treating you well?"

"I'm the older one, shouldn't I be the one to ask you that and not the other way around?" Yuri inquired almost a little touched and amused despite everything.

"Don't have a lover right now so, nope, I'm asking you."

"He's not my lover, let's start with that.” _Unfortunately._ “He's a friend, whom I happen to like a lot. End of story."

"Sure it is," she teased but thankfully dropped the subject. "Have you heard from mama recently?"

Yuri snorted, recalling their last conversation. "Oh I did. She called pretending to suddenly care about me, and my _drinking habit_ , which I don't fucking have. Guess she's afraid I might end up like papa or something, lose all my money and she’d have to go back to work."

"You're nothing like him, Yuri, and you'll never be so just forget about mama and her shit."

"Yeah," Yuri sighed a little too sadly. He didn't want to be upset right now, certainly not because of some bullshit related to their stupid parents. Today was Otabek's big night and being sad was not an option, even if the night was coming to a close. "Sasha, go back to sleep. It's a Saturday. Being awake at half past six is disgusting on a weekend."

"Love you too, big brother. Have fun with your new friend."

After ending the call Yuri just stood there for a few more seconds just breathing with his eyes closed. He didn’t want to think about their family right now, about anything really, and certainly not about any of the alerts about him that Sasha mentioned. Whatever the press wanted to think and say about him, he didn’t give a fuck. It wasn’t like he could do anything about it anyway. He just dearly hoped that the major story of the gig was all about Otabek and his brilliant set, and not Yuri fucking Plisetsky drinking with someone, most likely just some meaningless fling because somehow the press had gotten the idea that Yuri was the type of singer to sleep around.

To be fair that might’ve been true at one point in his career but it had gotten old pretty quickly once Yuri realized that it definitely didn’t make him happy in any sort of way and the void inside of him was still there. Years had passed since then but the reputation remained. He already felt bad about it on Otabek’s behalf. It was infuriating and Otabek didn’t deserve being slandered as meaningless no one because of him.

Otabek was many things, but definitely not meaningless, at least not to Yuri.

Quickly Yuri took off his shoes, his feet already screaming at him for hours in pain. Maybe one day he would finally learn the lesson that putting on heels of any kind for a club event that went for hours was a bad fucking idea. Immediately he sighed with relief feeling the cool tile flooring beneath him, soothing and blissful. With a glass filled with water Yuri walked back to the living room ready to make Otabek drink all of it but he was already lying on his side asleep, seemingly dead to the world. Dumbstruck Yuri just stood there for a moment and watched him like a fucking creep.

He looked impossibly peaceful, his face relaxed without any of his usual worries or confusion, stoic neutrality or frowns. At some point half of his hair had fallen out of his bun and now covered part of his face, beautiful, thick black strands. Before he could change his mind, Yuri reached down and pushed the hair out of his face realizing that it was just as soft and nice to the touch as he imagined it, though feeling much thicker than his own fine blond hair.

“Don’t leave,” Otabek murmured, both words lightly slurred, and caught Yuri’s wrist just as he was about to leave so Otabek could sleep peacefully.

“I hate to disappoint you but I don’t think that couch is big enough for two,” Yuri lied because obviously it was but he definitely didn’t trust himself right now.

“Then we could go upstairs.” _Fuck_. Why was drunk and half asleep Otabek this damn brave? This guy would be the end of Yuri and, fuck, he was a bad person, he knew he was and knew he shouldn’t but instead of saying no, he helped Otabek get up from the sofa and toward the stairs.

Yuri knew he should lead Otabek into his room, dump him on his bed and then leave, but he was a weak fucking person, at least when it came to Otabek, and a part of him wanted to keep an eye on him just in case. Yuri definitely didn’t want Otabek to somehow end up the way Bon Scott had, even less since it would be entirely his fault at that.

“Okay, this will come across the entirely wrong way but do you think you’ll manage to take off your pants, and your shoes?” Yuri asked, not because he wanted to see Otabek half naked—okay, yeah he did but in a different context than this—but rather because he knew, from experience, how shit it was to sleep in tight jeans.

Otabek managed to get the job done halfway before flopping over onto his back on Yuri’s bed in an odd fit of drunken giggles. It was fucking cute, even though Yuri wanted to kick himself for thinking that, and entertaining but not very helpful. Somehow Yuri managed to pry off Otabek’s boots and pants before helping him lie down properly and pulling the blanket over him.

After getting rid of his own pants and changing into a less ridiculous shirt, Yuri slipped into bed next to him. Somehow he imagined their first night sharing a bed a little differently but he definitely wasn’t about to complain. This didn’t mean anything though. Yuri wasn’t even sure if Otabek really knew where he was exactly, or that Yuri was there next to him.

Looking at him, his sleeping form, peaceful and calm, gorgeous despite his messy hair and tiredness showing beneath his eyes, it almost hurt. Yuri had met so many people across the years but no one was like Otabek, none of those other people left any sort of impression on him while Otabek was like an enigma that fascinated Yuri like nothing else.

Otabek made him feel things Yuri hadn’t felt in such a long time, made the loneliness in his heart disappear for a little while, made him feel like he was special because of who he was as person and not just because he was a rock star. Otabek looked at him and actually saw him, the real person somewhere hidden inside of this shell, the person Yuri longed to be again but couldn’t quite get a hold of because it’d been so fucking long since he could just be Yuri the human and not merely Yuri Plistetsky the star.

“Good night, Beka,” Yuri whispered even though Otabek was long asleep and didn’t hear a thing. It didn’t matter, not really. Looking at him, pushing a strand of hair from his forehead as carefully as he could, Yuri wished that Otabek could, even if only for a moment, see himself the way Yuri saw him. Again and again Otabek showed how little he thought of himself, especially in comparison to Yuri, and it hurt to hear it each time because Otabek was worth so much more than he gave himself credit for. He was a great person with a big heart, wonderful friends and a family that loved him, yet he so easily doubted himself. Yuri wanted to show him just how special he was, show him how much he mattered, but he didn’t know how.

Yuri heart sunk a little more as he came to the painful realization that he wished, more than anything, to be more to Otabek than just his host, friend and helping hand, but he was beyond afraid he might never be more than that.

 

_You can say what you like_

_Cause see I would die for you_

_I'm down on my knees_

_And I need you to be my guard_

_Be my help, be a savior_

_Who can_

_Unbreak the broken_

_Unsay these reckless words_

_Find hope in the hopeless_

_Pull me out the train wreck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beka wants a kiss, Yuri is in desperate need of the worlds greatest hug (preferably from Beka), and I need tissues.
> 
> Piecing that set together was a pain and a half (and originally I totally didn't plan on it but I'm overly ambitious like that), I'm sure half of the songs don't work together but bare with me, I have no clue about DJing and everything. I tried my best.
> 
> As for Yuri's shoes, I wanted to find them on the US page, but they didn't have them, so the German one it is.
> 
> So...all of this happened. I'm sorry about that ending, honestly, it's all Yuri's fault, and Sasha's, kind of. Also the last few lines are song lyrics that supposedly come to Yuri's mind as he tries to fall asleep. They're taken from James Arthur's song 'Train Wreck'. This song might pop up again later. 
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a deep breath, I promise it'll be all right.

“I’ve noticed a trend with all those article titles about last night,” Yuri said with his iPad in hand and twitter open, along with safari and a bunch of different gossip and celebrity news websites.

They’d gotten up hours ago. Otabek was definitely confused when he woke up next to Yuri in Yuri’s room, and bed, because he’d been convinced that he totally dreamed all of it. But it looked like he hadn’t, which made him smile, especially remembering the soft feeling of Yuri running his fingers carefully through his hair. After lying around for a few more minutes, he got up quickly, showered and made breakfast as way of saying thank you.

Now they were sitting on the sofa in the living room. It was a gray rainy day outside so neither of them really felt like doing much. Otabek was still tired from the gig, his head hurting thanks to his hangover, so he very much welcomed the idea of just lounging in comfy clothes.

“Being what?” Otabek asked, his phone in his hand with a few texts waiting to be read and answered.

“It seems like they are quite fond of calling you the ‘underdog’, like writing your actual name would be too much work,” Yuri said and snorted lightly. “With my name, I get it, I’ve seen it misspelled in every possible variation, but your name is easy. Lazy dickheads.”

“They definitely could’ve come up with something worse than underdog.”

“Still lazy as fuck off them,” Yuri said and then lightly bumped his foot against Otabek’s leg as though to get his attention, like he didn’t have it yet. Otabek looked up from his phone at Yuri. “Listen to this: ‘ _Babicheva’s Moonlight – All the highlights featuring everybody’s favorite underdog_ ’ and ‘ _Kazakh Underdog throws crowd onto their knees_ ’. See, I told you you’d fucking smash the competition.”

“You did.”

“And then of course, there are the inevitable ones like ‘ _Plisetsky seen dancing and drinking at ‘Moonlight’ – Who’s the man by his side?_ ’ or ‘ _Into You – Plisetsky only had eyes for the underdog. Is there more to the story?_ ’. I told you this would happen. I’m sorry about it.”

“You have no reason to be sorry, Yura, I told you already two days ago that I don’t really care,” Otabek reminded him, leaving out the fact that he wanted to answer the second article title’s question with ‘I wish’.

“Now that’s one I can agree with: ‘ _Check out the hottest Kazakh import from last nights ‘Moonlight’ event’_. This one has a bunch of pictures of you up on stage, damn, they definitely captured how handsome you are,” Yuri blabbed on while Otabek just stared at him. Was he serious? And what did he expect him to say or do when Yuri said things like that? “ _’We were promised Gold but received bronze at best_ ’ of shut the fuck you stupid old prick. Honestly, why do hundred-year-old fucks even attend events like that? Like they have a single idea what good fucking music is. Or this one ‘ _A set riddled with issues and mistakes – fool’s gold at best_ ’. Okay, you slightly messed up one transition, boo-fucking-hoo, everything else was fucking on point and perfect. Fucking bastard focusing on a single mistake and discrediting the entire set based on it. How do those fucks even know your last name means gold? Also don’t they realize how fucking lame their references or metaphors or whatever are?”

Those were the articles Otabek had been afraid of, ones that noticed the mistake he made, that called him out on it, that judged his tracks harshly. He knew that not everyone would like his music; there was no music in this world that would satisfy every single person there was, but still. He felt the weight of the few negative reviews weigh him down way more than the positive ones managed to lift him up. It was foolish to feel this way, knowing that the positive words outweighed and outnumbered the negative ones by a tenfold or so, but it didn’t make it any less hard.

But, at the end of the day, as musician he had to be prepared for as much. He would always have people who wouldn’t like him, who would call him out and throw names at him. Yuri could sing a song about it just like any other artist out there too. As much as Otabek and Leo liked Guetta, JJ seemed to hate him twice as much. That was simply how art resonated with people, easy as that.

“Hey, this one sounds funny,” Yuri said bumping against his leg again. “ _Our Top 5 moments of Plisetsky’s night at Babicheva’s ‘Moonlight’ Party_. Let’s see what Buzzfeed decided on. Their shit is always kind of ridiculous so I read it for entertainment, you know, get a good laugh at their bullshit because honestly it’s never worth shit.”

“Let’s hear,” Otabek said, not wanting to go against Yuri’s enthusiasm and entertained smile.

 _“#5 – His Alexander McQueen heels raising him above the crowd and underlining his dancing skills_.” Yuri snorted. “I’m not sure if that counts as moment but okay, I’ll take it.”

“You really did look good in them,” Otabek quietly added earning him a wider smile from Yuri. Maybe he should complement him more often if it meant he’d get to see that smile because of it.

“ _#4 – His glamorous selfie moment with Lorde_ ,” Yuri continued while Otabek felt his stomach sink. He hadn’t known that Lorde had been there and somehow not knowing had felt much better. _Oh god, who else had been there?_ “I like her, she’s cool. That selfie got a fuck ton of likes, too. Next time you have to be in it, too.”

“In a selfie…with Lorde?” Otabek asked in disbelief.

“Get used to it, Beka, you’ll be one of us soon enough so better start early with realizing that taking selfie with other stars is nothing more than taking selfies with acquaintances for likes and getting your name out there. Those people, including me, ain’t special so there’s no need to feel excited by their attention,” Yuri said with a shrug. How wrong he was because Yuri was definitely special. “Then again, our selfie after your gig got even more likes, in case you didn’t know.”

Somehow Otabek had completely forgotten about that selfie, or maybe he tried to not think about it too much, worried what the comments might be saying. He would have to remember to check it later.

“ _#3 – The face of cute disbelief when the swoon worthy underdog played a remix of his song_ , okay but that picture is awful, I look like some fucking idiot,” Yuri said and turned his iPad around so Otabek could see the picture that offended him so badly. He had no idea why Yuri thought it was a bad one when in really it was beautiful and cute with a slightly haunting touch thanks to the lighting. There was a light blush on Yuri’s cheeks that Otabek hadn’t been able to see during his set.

“It’s a great picture,” he finally declared. “I didn’t know you liked the song that much.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I thought I would drop dead as it came on,” Yuri said, sitting up a bit straighter, his legs crossed in front of him and his body turned enough so he could look straight at Otabek. “When I heard your version of ‘Unsteady’ I was amazed by how good it was but I didn’t know you so it didn’t matter that much, I mean it did but in a different way. But last night, your version of ‘Renegades’, that was something else entirely. Also, it doesn’t seem like anyone picked up on it, but I swear that sequence, ‘You & Me’, ‘Turn Me On’ and ‘Renegades’, for a moment there I was convinced you were trying to tell or ask me, in a very elaborate way, to fuck you.”

Otabek was pretty sure that was the moment he died, at least it felt like it. He knew he’d probably come on a bit too strongly when he decided to throw in ‘Turn Me On’ between those other two songs, but he didn’t quite think Yuri would interpret it that way, even if, somewhere in the back of his mind, he couldn’t say that what Yuri said wasn’t true.

“Beka, relax, I’m just teasing,” Yuri said and playfully shoved his shoulder laughing. “You’re cute when you look all shocked and blushing, I couldn’t resist. Anyway, _#2 – His selfie with the underdog. HOT ALERT_. It’s a good selfie, I’ll give them that, but don’t they feel just a little embarrassed by having to write about it like that?”

“Do I want to know what made top of that list? The cute moment when you had to help me leave the club drunk like some idiot?” Otabek joked though he felt legitimately worried about what could be on number one. That article was weird beginning to end and it would definitely take Otabek quite some time to get used to reading these types of things in regards to himself, even if he wasn’t the center of attention in this one but Yuri.

“No, it’s much better, and even comes with some pictures,” Yuri said, cocking his eyebrow at him. “ _#1 – The intimate and definitely PG18 dance Plisetsky shared with everybody’s favorite Kazakh underdog, Otabek Altin, to Ariana Grande’s ‘Everyday_. Well at least Buzzfeed bothered to dig up your name and even added links to your social media and soundcloud so people can check you out. Wow, never thought I’d see the day I would praise Buzzfeed for anything. I mean they did call me an edgy, angsty and overrated teen star after my first major gig at seventeen in New York City. I’m still fucking salty about that.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’ve always been an amazing artist,” Otabek said, truthfully, remembering that very article. He also too painfully clearly remembered writing a bitter and slightly too angry commenter underneath it because Leo and JJ were filthy enablers and had talked him into it, but Yuri didn’t have to know that.

“And that’s all that matters.”

 

* * *

 

Mila was off the hooks happy the following Monday when Otabek showed up for work. She praised him for what felt like hours—five minutes—and only criticized him a little bit for the messed up transition and a few other minuscule things no one besides her seemed to notice. Once she was done with that she handed him his new assignments and then left, work turning into its usual blur.

Just before Otabek was about to leave Mila caught up with him again and pulled him aside to inform him that she’d gotten at least four emails from different people asking how they could book Otabek for their clubs. Otabek was speechless since he definitely didn’t expect such a positive response that quickly, clubs already reaching out showing interest in him. Mila crossed two of the clubs off the list stating that they were shit and he was too good to stoop that low, that it would just get him a bad reputation if he were to show up and play there, but definitely encouraged him to take the other two gig.

Two weeks later Otabek and Yuri walked into a club a few blocks away from ‘Moonlight’ since Otabek would DJ at their themed party, something involving way too many neon lights and items of clothing, the people too bright and colorful somehow. The crowd practically lost it once he stepped behind the turntables, a reaction Otabek definitely hadn’t expected but enjoyed immensely nonetheless. This time he felt way less nervous than during the ‘Moonlight’ gig, felt assured that he could totally pull off a good set and grant everyone a good time.

More pictures of him and Yuri made it into gossip magazines, more reviews rolled around after that gig and the next one a week later. It was crazy to say the least. Having a connection to Yuri definitely helped, Otabek wouldn’t dare think otherwise, but Mila assured him time and time again that all the clubs that wanted him cared more about the quality of his sets and tracks than any connection to musicians and stars he might have.

Slowly the weeks started to bleed into each other turning into a blur between work, preparing new sets and tracks, spending time hanging out with Yuri, getting to know and more comfortable around each other though there were a lot of things Otabek knew Yuri never talked about, and the occasional Skype calls with Leo and JJ, and Otabek’s family. Things were picking up traction, his name slowly getting out there, even if making big stages like Ultra, Coachella or Tomorrowland were still very far away dreams.

 

* * *

 

Even though Yuri had an abundance of instruments all around his penthouse, and especially in his music room, Otabek had never heard him play any of them despite being there for almost three months now. So on an early Wednesday evening he was surprised when he picked up the sound of someone playing the piano. At first Otabek thought Yuri was simply listening to some classical music, as out of character as that seemed, so he went back to answering Mila’s email and putting down a list of songs for his next gig in a week’s time in San Francisco so he could show it to her. Leo was already beyond excited that he’d finally get to see him live while JJ was upset because he still had to wait and rely on Yuri’s live stream.

The piano music stopped for a while but started back up after a couple minutes passed. The melody seemed strangely sad and like no classical piece Otabek knew. The quality of the notes also didn’t sound like something coming out of speakers, some sort of studio recording, but like someone was playing it live right now.

Otabek put his laptop aside, stopped petting Katya, much to her annoyance earning him a loud complaining meow from her, and followed the sound, curious. The only times he’d seen Yuri play the piano was in videos of acoustic sessions or shitty fan videos from his concerts. He knew Yuri was good but seeing the music happen right there in front of him was something completely different than seeing it in a video.

_[Laying in the silence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQYiYx_o_2s) _

_Waiting for the sirens_

_Signs, any signs I'm alive still_

_I don't wanna lose it_

_But I'm not getting through this_

Yuri voice carried through the hallway perfectly harmonized with the sad tune of the piano, his words feeling raw and stripped back, lyrics Otabek had never heard before. Was that a new song? Something by another artist that Yuri heard and wanted to try and play himself?

_You can say what you like_

_Cause see I would die for you_

_I'm down on my knees_

_And I need you to be my guard_

_Be my help, be a savior_

_Who can_

_Unbreak the broken_

_Unsay these reckless words_

_Find hope in the hopeless_

_Pull me out the train wreck_

Otabek could practically hear the pain in each word Yuri sang, the sense of desperate pleading in both the stronger, harsher moments and the softer, quieter ones. It sounded like something Yuri would write, like something Yuri would sing, but why was it just so awfully sad though also unbearably beautiful? What was going on? Did something happen and Yuri hadn’t told him? Was he hurting because of something?

"I've never heard that song before," Otabek said standing in the door to the music room. Yuri sat behind the piano with his head hanging low, his hair like a curtain, and barely any lights turned on inside. At his words Yuri jump on the bench, fingers slamming down on the keys where they'd rested, the sound making both of them flinch. "Sorry."

"Whatever," Yuri said, waving him off before turning around. "You weren't supposed to hear that yet."

"Sorry, I heard you play from across the house and it sounded so sad, I thought I'd come check on you," Otabek said, truthfully. He wanted to point out how, if he wasn’t supposed to hear it Yuri should at least close the door to contain the sound, but he didn’t say any of it. "The song, as much of it as I heard, was really good, beautiful even. It sounded almost like a plea to someone."

Yuri hesitated, opened his mouth just to close it again. Throughout all the time he'd spent with Yuri around the penthouse or out in the city grabbing a bite to eat or going for a ride, never had he seen Yuri lost for words in such a way, unsure about what to say. Words always seemed to come easily to him. Otabek was the one who never had the right ones.

"It sounds that way because it is," he finally said, his voice uncharacteristically uncertain. "I...god damn it. This is the first time I've written, and finished, a song in what must now be one and a half years? It feels so good to write again, to feel this strange creativity once more almost like its ripping me apart of I don't write it down, if I don't play and sing it."

Otabek swore he could see tears pooling in Yuri's eyes, his words sounding both relieved and desperate at the same time, like he wasn't saying quite everything he wanted but had to fight against himself to try and do it.

"Do you have a title for it?" Otabek prompted and came a little closer. Yuri moved aside on the bench and then patted the space next to him, remained quiet as he waited for Otabek to sit down.

" _'Train Wreck'_ ," Yuri said with a quiet sigh. "My life is a fucking train wreck. Might not seem like it but it's true. Putting on that perfect fucking smile for an hour or two, it's easy because that's enough for the cameras, the people, because none of them care enough to ask and look deeper because, really, they just don't care. What do they care if I'm lonely, if I feel like my own life, my fame and stupid fucking name, are about to crush me like a car hitting a wall at full damn speed. The only person who cared during the last couple of years was Victor, but the fuck can he do. Can't do shit. But there is someone who is there now, who cares, who sees things other people don't want to see and I'm so _afraid_."

"Afraid, of what?"

"Of losing that, too, of being alone again because I don't think I can do it for much longer. I love my music, I love performing and seeing the happiness on the faces of those who comes out to see me, but I hate everything else. I hate the person I've become because of it, because I let my fame define and shape me. Maybe it sounds needy and selfish but I've been standing on my own for just so fucking long and I'm tired and sad and fucking pathetic."

"You're not selfish, needy or pathetic, Yura, you're simply human. It's only natural to want to not be alone, to want someone to love you," Otabek said calmly, his heart breaking for him, breaking into pieces with every word that crossed Yuri’s lips, even more because he wanted to be the _one_. Carefully Otabek reached for Yuri’s left wrist and turned it over so they could both see the words written across his skin. “You might not be afraid to walk this world alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it, doesn’t mean you can’t want for someone to walk this world along with you.” Slowly he raised Yuri’s wrist further until his lips lightly touched those words, kissed Yuri’s acceptance of solitude, hoping he would understand the gesture, the silent offer. "Tell me, what can I do to help you?"

For a moment Yuri just looked at him as though everything that just happened caught him off guard, like he expected many things to happen but not this. The silent tears still pooled and sparkled in his eyes that looked at Otabek searching for an answer, for the right words to say, a light blush dusting Yuri’s cheeks.

Otabek let go of his wrist and just continued to watch and wait while Yuri took his own wrist into his hand, his right thumb slowly running over the words Otabek had kissed, an absentminded motion.

"You could," Yuri tried but trailed off before looking away toward the windows, as though whatever it was he was about to say was too hard to voice while looking at him. "Fuck, Beka. I’m in love with you, okay, and I desperately want you to kiss me but I’m too fucking afraid to do something about it, to ask for it."

Otabek was convinced he heard him wrong, though he didn't know how that'd be possible since Yuri was so close to him, his words slow and too clear to be misheard. His heart slammed against his ribcage and he felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He wanted to kiss Yuri after their text exchange at 'Moonlight', wanted to kiss him even more after the he'd taken care of him when he was drunk, and felt like he would go mad if he wouldn't kiss him after he heard him sing that song with so much loneliness and despair. But never did he think he actually would be right there. Never did he think he would get to hear Yuri say that he was in love with him.

“I wrote something for you,” Otabek said then, knowing all too well that this wasn’t quite what Yuri was going for but music seemed to be the clearest way to get his feelings across, a universal language they both spoke better than Russian or Kazakh or English. “I’m not as good at singing as you, nor at playing the piano, but…”

For a moment Otabek closed his eyes, recalled the notes he’d written down, the words he composed, put together choosing only the perfect ones, the hours he spent at Mila’s trying to make it all fit together as clearly as possible during his breaks.

And then he began to play, note after note until he sang, slow words coming out a little shakier than he wanted them to but he’d always been a bit self conscious of his singing voice.

_[At first I thought you were a constellation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwMN8QtWCic) _

_I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation:_

_You’re as beautiful as endless_

_You’re the universe I’m helpless in_

At some point, despite trying to stay focused, to get the words right, Otabek could feel Yuri rest his head against his shoulder, swore he could hear Yuri quietly cry and fighting not to. It took every ounce of willpower he had left to not stop and do whatever it would take to make Yuri stop crying. He continued to play, continued to sing hoping Yuri would understand.

_I thought I’d never find you_

_When suddenly I saw you._

_Like a telescope_

_I will pull you so close_

_’til no space lies in between_

_Then suddenly I see you_

The final notes faded into silence and the air around them seemed to stand still, time loosing all its meaning, the only sound Otabek could hear was the loud beating of his own heart. Patiently he waited, the longer he did, the more he wondered if maybe it was too much, if maybe he shouldn’t have but then Yuri finally moved, raised his head off of his shoulder, his eyes fixed on something in front of them.

“Beka, please,” he said, his words nothing more than a whisper barely audible enough for Otabek to hear it, understand the meaning, relief racing through his body, heart and mind.

Hesitantly he raised his hand toward Yuri's face, his fingers lightly touching his chin to coax him into turning his face back around toward Otabek, to look at him again with those beautiful green eyes that held an entire universe, beautiful yet sometimes so empty it pained him to see it. All he wanted was for Yuri to be happy because he deserved it so badly.

"Are you sure?" he asked, probably more for his sake than Yuri's.

"Only if it's what you want and feel this way, too," Yuri said quietly as though afraid somehow that speaking too loudly would break the moment, as though the words he’d sung hadn’t been clear enough somehow.

Otabek imagined how it would feel like to kiss Yuri probably more times than he was willing to admit even to himself, yet none of it came even remotely close to the real thing. The world didn’t stop, didn’t end or switch directions, his heart didn’t give in and he didn’t, in fact, die, yet he felt like Yuri somehow reached into him and touched him in a way nothing and no one ever had.

Their kiss was soft, careful, the light brushing of lips, testing, like the way you touch water before going in to make sure you won’t freeze or boil. It was subtle, quiet and perfect like a beautiful melody played off in the distance, the sound sweet and intricate until it grew a little louder, a little firmer, their kiss turning just that little deeper, that little bit needier, more demanding yet not harsh or rough. Otabek could feel Yuri’s hands on his neck moving across his skin setting it on fire, Yuri’s fingers moving into his hair, holding on to him as though to make sure that this was real, that he wouldn’t just disappear, turn out to merely be a dream.

“Oh Yura,” Otabek said as they pulled apart just enough to catch their breath, foreheads resting against each other. “Of course I am in love with you, too.”

Otabek didn’t know when admiration for a star, as unattainable goal, had changed into shades of adoration, and then finally into love. He didn’t care and it didn’t matter, what did matter was that Yuri felt this way too, that maybe this was what Yuri had tried to tell him so many times yet Otabek hadn’t understood it until now. Maybe he could be what Yuri needed after all, could help him fill that void inside of him with love and care, show him just how special, beautiful and deserving he was as person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri sang on the edge of breaking into pieces, Beka sang hoping to catch him before the fall, and I finally got to write that damn fucking kiss.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU to everyone who's been reading this story from the start, who just discovered it today, and to all you lovely people who left comments on the chapters telling me all your thoughts! :3
> 
> Enjoy!

Walking into Yuri’s room that night ready to go to sleep felt like the last time had been a lifetime ago. The last time he barely knew what he was doing, where he was going, but this time Otabek was completely sober even if his head was still lightly spinning in disbelief over what happened not even two hours prior. His heart swelled at the memory of Yuri’s words, his lips against Otabek’s and the way Yuri looked at him as though he found whatever he’d been looking for in Otabek’s eyes.

Slowly Otabek sat down on the edge of Yuri's bed, noticing once again just how soft and comfortable it was, and looked around. After he woke up in Yuri’s bad after the ‘Moonlight’ gig he’d been too overwhelmed, and hung over, to properly take in his room. It was gigantic with a wall completely made of windows, the other three painted in purples and grays, a halfway opened door led into Yuri’s walk-in closet surely filled to the brim with expensive designer pieces. Against the wall exactly opposite of the bed stood a metal shelf holding some of Yuri’s awards, his golden Grammys and Золотой граммофон, silver ECHOs and MTV EMA’s. All the way at the top was a framed platinum vinyl next to the cover of his latest album, obviously the thing he valued most.

After dumping his phone on the bedside table, Otabek moved further onto the bed until his back was against the headboard. He could still hear the shower running in Yuri’s en suit bathroom. The door creaked open quietly and Katya came inside, jumped onto the bed and crawled onto his lap demanding attention and affection. Absentmindedly Otabek ran his hand through her fur as he waited.

Otabek had no idea what would happen next, if Yuri had any sort of expectations toward what he wanted to happen, if they’d just sleep or do anything more than share a few more kisses. Either option was fine with him, really, though something about the idea of going all the way just didn’t sit quite right with him at this point. Maybe it was silly, considering their age and who Yuri was, and surely no one else would think that way besides him.

At some point while Otabek was lost in his inner debate and thoughts, the sound of the shower disappeared and was replaced by a hair dryer and then silence. It wasn’t until the bathroom door opened and Yuri walked toward the bed that Otabek looked up from Katya. Although he looked tired and his eyes were still a little red from crying, Yuri was beautiful. His shirt and shorts a stark contrast to his usual outfits, much looser and toned down in shades of gray and black, though Otabek didn’t doubt that both were brand pieces.

“Hey,” Yuri said quietly as he climbed onto the bed after turning off the lamp on his bedside table. Even without any lights on the room still wasn’t completely dark since enough moonlight came inside through the windows that didn’t seem to have curtains.

“Hey,” Otabek answered and met Yuri in a kiss leaning over toward him. The movement was enough to disturb Katya and coax her into moving off of the bed and toward her own one close to the windows.

Yuri pulled away a moment later and repositioned himself so he kneeled on the bed facing Otabek, his hands in his lap and his head lowered while he worried his lower lip. It was easy to see that there was something on his mind, something that was bothering him. Instead of asking, making him talk, Otabek sat up a little straighter and just waited. He knew that once he’d be ready, Yuri would speak. If he had to wait an hour or five in silence, so be it.

"Otabek?" Yuri finally asked, his voice a little unsteady. After Yuri transitioned into calling him by his nickname for the past almost two months it felt almost strange, and kind of worrying, to hear him go back to his name.

"Yeah?"

"I want to ask you something, even if it scares me like hell,” Yuri said without looking up, his eyes seemingly glued to his palms. “I swear there is a reasoning to it, there really is, one that doesn't really have anything to do with you, so don't even try and worry about it from that angle, okay?"

If he wasn’t worried before, he definitely was now. What happened between the time they split to go take showers and now? Had he done something wrong? No, Yuri said it didn’t really have anything to do with him, but with whom or what then?

"Yura, just ask, please, because you're just making me nervous and worry instead of not."

"Sorry."

Hesitantly Otabek reached for Yuri’s hand, slowly enough to let him decide of he wanted to be touched or not, and then squeezed his hand reassuringly, thankful that Yuri didn’t pull away. "Don't be, I know you mean well. So, what is it?"

Yuri cursed under his breath then, waited a moment or two before it seemed like he finally convinced himself to speak. "If I'd tell you I don't want to have sex with you, at least not for now, will you mind?"

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, Yura. Has someone else? Is that what you're afraid of?" The mere idea that someone might’ve done something like that to Yuri made Otabek’s blood boil and freeze at the same time.

"No, it's not like that,” Yuri assured him and then squeezed his hand a little. “It's just...during a time in my career I drowned myself in meaningless flings with people I didn't know, threw myself into 'relationships' with people who told me all the things I wanted to hear just so they could fuck me and brag to their friends about it. I knew that but pretended not to care or mind. I thought it made me happy because it made the loneliness go away for that little while, until I realized that it's all bullshit.”

Yuri paused then and sighed, his hands trembling just that little bit making it all too clear just how hard it was for him to say all of this. Otabek wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to say anything and that he understood, but as tough for Yuri as it seemed to be, it also sounded like Yuri needed to say it somehow. If letting all of these thoughts out would help him, Otabek was willing to listen to anything he had to say regardless of how much time Yuri would need and how much his heart bled the more he did.

“I was lonely and none of those people actually cared. And I know this is making me sound so fucking cheap and easy, but the worst part is, it's not even a lie. I was cheap and easy because, even if mostly subconsciously, I just wanted to be loved. I loved the feeling of being desired by all those people, made myself believe that that was somehow worth something, and I wanted to not be alone but it always ended the same way: Me being alone and feeling so much worse than before, like I wasn’t worth more than a couple cheap drinks, fake words and a quick fuck. I know I flirt a lot, I know I talk without a filter sometimes, but honestly, I’m far weaker and less confident than you might think even if I hate it.”

“You’re not cheap or easy or any of that, Yuri, don’t ever think like that,” Otabek said using Yuri’s moment of silence to speak up. “You are worth so much more than you think, and anyone who thinks otherwise can go fuck themselves because they don’t know anything. I hope you know that I would never think of you like those people did, that I would never do something like that to you.”

While Otabek spoke Yuri finally raised his head and looked at him, his expression slashed with something Otabek couldn’t quite name. Slowly Yuri moved a little closer, close enough for Otabek to pull him into a hug, Yuri’s head resting against his chest and his arms holding on to him like he was trying his best not to fall apart right now. How was it possible that someone like Yuri who, on the outside, seemed to be on top of the world, have everything and anything anyone could ever want, was so broken and fragile on the inside? How could anyone let it come this far? How didn’t anyone notice the pain and loneliness in his eyes, the effect other people’s actions had on him? How could anyone just use him and then throw him aside like an unloved toy?

“I trust you, believe me I do,” Yuri said, his voice quiet and his hand moving up toward Otabek’s shoulder holding on to it, “but I can't change what was in the past and the ghosts and fears that haunt me, the fear that if all of this happens too quickly, that if I trust you and give all of myself to you right now, you'll disappear, too. This sounds horrible and I'll understand it totally if you feel offended or angered by my words, but I hope you'll understand where I'm coming from.”

“I’m not angry or offended in any way, if anything I’m appalled by the fact that people have treated you this way for so long that you started to feel like this,” Otabek said, his tone quiet to match Yuri’s. Briefly Otabek wondered if Yuri could hear just how hard his heart was beating until he realized that, yes, he definitely could considering his ear was almost exactly above it. Carefully Otabek moved enough to lightly kiss the crown of Yuri’s hair. “I said it before and I’ll say it again. I will never make you do anything you don’t want, you hear? I’m perfectly content with this, content knowing you feel for me the way I do for you, kiss you and hold you. I care too much about you to just go on and hurt you like they did.”

“I know you care, Beka, and I know you see me for who I used to be, who I wish to be more often than not, just Yuri and not the shiny star up on stage. I don't want this to be like all the shit I used to do. I want this to mean something more because you matter to me in ways no one has mattered to me in a long time, if ever even.”

Yuri leaned back just enough to look up at Otabek, his hand moving from Otabek’s shoulder up his neck and onto his jaw, Yuri’s thumb lightly tracing his cheekbones. Time seemed to stand still around them as Otabek felt like he could get lost in Yuri’s eyes wishing, irrationally, to somehow take away his pain. While he couldn’t do that, he wanted to try and show him that things could be different, that relationships were something loving and warm and not cold and traitorous.

For a while they just kissed, nothing demanding or overly passionate but enough to hold a certain meaning, to bring across what they felt without having to say it, lips and tongues, hands wandering into soft hair and the quiet of the night around them.

 

* * *

 

“If you don’t hurry up we’ll miss our flight,” Otabek called out toward Yuri’s room, his own tiny suitcase packed and ready to go.

“They’ll fucking wait,” Yuri called back. “Also I hope you remember what I told you about clothes. They know we’ll be arriving today or tomorrow because of your gig so there is a chance someone might be sticking around the airport, or hotel, to take pictures like fucking vultures.”

Otabek wasn’t a fan of flying and, even if their flight was just over two hours, the idea of having to dress up for it seemed strange to him. But Yuri told him before that things like these were part of the job, that being in the public eye meant you had to look decent when you left your hours even if the chances of being seen were minimal. If he were going alone no one would care, but having Yuri tag along definitely changed everything.

His outfit wasn’t anything special, anything he hadn’t worn before but it definitely wouldn’t have been his first choice for flights: his favorite leather jacket over a black button up shirt, black jeans and his favorite combat boots with the laces only done halfway, a pair of sunglasses sitting on his head even if only because he knew Yuri hated that.

“Yeah, I remembered,” Otabek called back after a moment and sighed. They were totally going to miss their flight; he had no doubts about that.

Finally Yuri emerged from his room [dressed almost entirely in black except for a white turtleneck sweater](http://tokyofashion.com/harajuku-guys-street-styles-wool-coat-biker-jacket/). His coat seemed to be at least a size or two too big and his pants too short showing off his equally black socks and a pair of shiny black creepers. Of course, to make up for the lack of animal print in his outfit, his suitcase was cheetah print and could probably be spotted from a mile away.

“Come on, Beka, give me a kiss and stop worrying, even if we’d be three hours late, they’d wait,” Yuri said leaning down for a much too short kiss.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how airports and flights work,” Otabek mumbled and followed Yuri downstairs and into the elevator.

Otabek didn’t quite understand what Yuri meant with their plane waiting for them until they got out of the car on an airport that definitely wasn’t the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Wordlessly he followed Yuri and Chris into the small building where they handed over their stuff to the airport staff and then walked outside and toward a small white private jet.

“Told you they would wait,” Yuri said with a smile and tugged him closer by their intertwined hands. No matter how many times they’d already kissed, Otabek couldn’t get enough of it always craving just a little more whenever they stopped.

“Could’ve told me you own a plane,” Otabek said as they walked up the stairs. The inside was luxurious with velvet seating, cream carpeted flooring and polished tables, a smiling flight attendant welcoming them and asking how their day had been so far. It felt more than surreal, like Otabek was in a dream, a reality he imagined many times but never thought he would actually find himself in.

“Where would the fun be in that?” Yuri teased and flopped down into one of the seats after taking off his coat. The flight attendant picked it up and put it away along with Otabek’s leather jacket.

Otabek’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to find a text from Leo in their group chat.

“Leo is asking where we’ll be staying,” Otabek said to Yuri.

**Me: Hotel Nikko San Francisco or something like that.**

**Leo: DAMN SON.**

**JJ: You sure he’s not your sugar daddy or something?**

**Me: ???**

**JJ: Isn’t that like a five star or something?**

**Leo: I think it’s /only/ four stars.**

**JJ: And Yuri is willing to stay there? I’m shocked!**

**Me: Could you like not be dicks?**

**JJ: Be nice to us or I’ll snitch you out to your boyfriend for being mean.**

**Me: What kind of logic is that?**

**Leo: We’ll he’s your daddy right so JJ will snitch you out to him.**

“What’s so funny?” Yuri asked, curiously while Otabek tried his best not to groan in frustration while also trying not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of what Leo and JJ were saying.

“Leo and JJ are being their usual idiot selves,” Otabek said vaguely.

“Meaning?” Knowing it was probably a bad idea, Otabek handed his phone over to Yuri so he could see for himself, have a good laugh or something.

“Didn’t know you had a daddy kink, Beka,” Yuri said, chuckling, before he typed something into Otabek’s phone.

“Cause I don’t,” Otabek argued regretting his decision to show the texts to Yuri. A moment later Yuri handed him back his phone with a suspiciously mischievous smirk on his face. That couldn’t mean anything good.

**Me: If anything Beka is my daddy, and not the other way around *smirking cat emoji***

**Leo: OMG**

**JJ: I FUCKING KNEW IT!**

**Leo: Keep him, keep him!**

**JJ: Otabek = Daddy fucking confirmed!**

“Yuri,” Otabek practically whined knowing Leo and JJ would never let go of this ever again. This would be a long trip.

 

* * *

 

The following evening Otabek and Yuri arrived at the club an hour before Otabek’s gig so they could hang out with Leo beforehand. According to Mila this was one of the most popular San Francisco clubs, words that didn’t make Otabek feel any less anxious as he thought about the press presence and the amount of people who would be there. A couple of paparazzi managed to shoot a few pictures of them as they were leaving the hotel but Yuri didn’t seem bothered by it so Otabek tried to ignore it, too.

Leo arrived a minute or two after they got out of the car, his outfit consisting of black jeans, a blue long sleeved shirt covered in rhinestones and half his hair held up in a bun.

“Yuri, meet Leo, _properly_ , Leo this is Yuri,” Otabek said knowing full well that he definitely didn’t have to introduce Yuri, and that they’d already talked over Skype a good few times but it was hard to lay off old habits and the manners his mother had taught him.

“Like there’s anyone who doesn’t know who Yuri is,” Leo joked and fist bumped Yuri. “Either way it’s nice to meet you in person, finally.”

“Likewise,” Yuri said with a smile that Otabek knew wasn’t quite as happy as he wished it would be. It was the fame related comment, most likely, that caused him to tense up ever so slightly. Maybe Otabek should’ve said something about it to Leo beforehand, but then again, that would mean sharing definitely very private information’s about Yuri, which was something he wouldn’t, and couldn’t, do.

“I’m sorry about the jokes yesterday,” Leo said as they walked inside, Leo, Chris and Yuri showing off their VIP cards and Otabek his DJ badge the club had sent him to their hotel earlier that day. “I hope we didn’t make you feel uncomfortable or anything.”

“I thought it was funny, Beka looked horrified though,” Yuri said and lightly bumped his shoulder against Otabek’s.

“I don’t doubt that,” Leo laughed.

Together they walked over to the bar, ordered drinks and spent the remaining time until Otabek’s set talking. Otabek loved seeing how easily Yuri got along with Leo, how they just naturally transitioned into making jokes like old friends and, thankfully, the whole fact that Yuri was a star didn’t seem to matter in any sort of way. Leo treated him almost the same way he treated any of their other friends, though maybe with a little more respect and less dirty jokes. They’d probably reach that stage soon enough though.

During his set Otabek watched Leo and Yuri dance like there was no tomorrow, the fact that Yuri wasn’t alone in the crowd somehow making Otabek feel relieved and happy. For so long Yuri had been surrounded only by people like him, celebrities, or people who were just after his fame, so having Leo with him was surely a nice change. Plus Leo was someone Otabek trusted not to pull anything stupid.

The crowd before him reminded Otabek of the crowd at ‘Moonlight’ when it came to the size. More and more people seemed to flood the dance floor as his set went on, just over an hour in length. Half of the songs were brand new remixes he’d prepared over the past week, the rest were ones he’d created for gigs at previous clubs, a balanced mix between ones that let the crowd go completely crazy, jumping and shouting along with the lyrics, others a bit calmer giving them a moment to calm down, get a drink or rest before going over to another more danceable track. People seemed to like these sorts of sets and Otabek loved putting them together, his transitions clean and error free by now.

After his set Otabek went out to find Yuri, this time deciding to definitely not repeat his mistake of getting drunk as hell like at ‘Moonlight’. In the background some other DJ took over shouting something into the microphone to hype up the crowd with marginal success.

“That was amazing!” Yuri exclaimed as he spotted Otabek coming toward them. A moment later he crossed the distance between them and pulled Otabek into a tight hug.

“No damn wonder the reviews are so amazing,” Leo added. “I mean what we heard and saw through the stream was amazing, but the live experience is ten times better. I hope JJ fucking cries himself to sleep out of jealously for missing out on this.” Leo laughed while Otabek just shook his head.

“He’ll get that Tomorrowland invite with ease,” Yuri said after pulling out of the hug, a smile on his face. “You’ll see by the time March comes around you’ll make Ultra and after that all the doors will be wide damn open like they should be.”

“Even though you already had our approval as Otabek’s friend,” Leo said, his hand on Yuri’s shoulder, “that comment just earned you my approval as his boyfriend.”

“Well then I hope I won’t disappoint you or do anything to lose that,” Yuri said sounding like he meant it way more seriously than Leo did.

“All right, enough talking, it’s time to dance,” Leo announced a moment later, “even if this DJ is pretty shit compared to you.”

Together they mixed back under the crowd and danced to every song the DJ put on, tracks that seemed sometimes too fast and other times way too slow as for a club, but neither of them cared. Leo and Yuri were definitely better dancers than Otabek but he didn’t really care, and it seemed like Yuri didn’t either.

Many songs later the first notes of ‘[Arrow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amtUE_oyoXw)’ came over the speaker, a strangely romantic sounding song as for a club. Otabek put his hands on Yuri’s waist and pulled him closer, Yuri’s arms around his neck, his blond hair falling around their faces as he leaned down. As the song slowed down for a moment, Yuri pulled his hair up into a bun before swiftly returning to their dance, slow and intimate as though all the people around them weren’t there, as though nothing and no one but them mattered.

Otabek listened as Yuri started to sing along with the lyrics, his voice beautiful, something he could listen to for hours. It was hard to decide who sang it better, the original artist or Yuri, though maybe Otabek was just that little bit bias. Forgetting completely that they were out in public Yuri leaned down and kissed him, the music fading into the background, the club around them forgotten. Yuri tasted sweet and fruity with just a hint of vodka, his body hot against Otabek’s, his hands wandering just that little bit underneath Yuri’s shirt and over the flawlessly smooth skin of his back.

They didn’t notice when the song changed into a different one and then another one, didn’t pay attention to the time passing around them, barely paid attention to the fact that they moved way too slowly for the song playing over the speakers.

“Get a room,” Leo joked at some point, a grin on his face and a drink in his hand.

 

* * *

 

Otabek and Yuri returned to their hotel room sometime past four am exhausted and sweaty. The gig had definitely been a success, as well as their time at the club before and after with Leo. Yuri seemed so happy as he danced and joked around with Leo, as they danced and kissed. This was the life Yuri deserved, doing things that made him smile and feel good about life, spend his time with people who cared. Otabek was thankful for his friends, for the fact that Leo treated Yuri like one of them, like they’d been friends for years and not just a couple of weeks, someone they’d only known thanks to interviews and videos before that.

After showering they fell into their giant bed in their way too expensive and oversized hotel room. Both feeling too buzzed still from all the excitement and dancing they decided to check out what was on TV. Considering the time there was nothing really interesting so they settled on some nature documentary about giraffes with the volume turned low.

Moving a little closer Otabek snuggled up against Yuri’s side, his arms around Otabek, and his head resting somewhere close to Yuri’s shoulder, the soft sound of Yuri’s heartbeat in his ear.

"Beka?" Yuri asked after a while just as Otabek was about to fall asleep, his eyes closed and thoughts a little slow already.

"Yeah?" he mumbled.

"Are you awake?"

"Kind of," he admitted though quickly shook off the sleep as he noticed the uncertain yet also lightly needy tone in Yuri's voice, like whatever it was he wanted to say was important, like he had to say it before he could get scared.

Otabek still felt overwhelmed by how much trust Yuri seemed to have in him, the fact that he was willing to offer up so many things about himself without ever being asked to do it. It made Otabek feel special, made him feel how much Yuri cared without Yuri having to say it explicitly, his actions and pieces of his thoughts speaking volumes.

"There's so much about me I never told you," Yuri said slowly, his fingers running through Otabek’s hair absentmindedly, "and I'd like to tell you, at least some of it, but will you listen?"

"Whenever you'll be ready for it you know I'd like to know everything there is to know about you," Otabek reminded him, words he said to Yuri a few times already since their first kiss almost a week ago and also before that. “I’ll always listen to whatever it is you have to say.”

"You know what’s funny and maybe a little ironic about the fact that Sasha is studying at Harvard?”

“No.”

“You know how my Wikipedia page says that I graduated high school?” Yuri asked, pausing long enough to wait until Otabek lightly nodded. “You'll probably think I'm dumb when I tell you this, but I've never actually graduated. I dropped out at seventeen and later on edited my own Wikipedia page so people wouldn't judge me, wouldn't think of me as just another teenager that was too stupid to finish school.”

“You’re not stupid, Yura,” Otabek reminded him while he took in the piece of information Yuri had given him. He didn’t really care if Yuri graduated or not since it didn’t matter in any sort of way. He made it in life without it, didn’t need that piece of paper to prove that he was intelligent or worthy of something or another.

“I know. I was one of the best students in my year but I made a conscious decision to sacrifice my education for the sake of my music."

“And it definitely paid off,” Otabek said and moved his head just enough to kiss Yuri’s shoulder. “I did graduate and it didn’t really do much for me. You didn’t miss out on anything, believe me. Finals week was possibly the worst week of my entire life. I was so panicked that I would fail a subject I was convinced I would die.”

“I never went to prom.”

“You won like twenty or more awards, those are worth more than all the proms in the world,” Otabek said and lightly chuckled. “I went and it was pretty lame. Maybe if I were there with Leo and JJ it would’ve been fun, but without them it was uneventful. My date was this guy called Samir, the classical jock type right, the most popular guy in my grade. All the girls, and some of the guys, were super jealous and everything thinking that I was like the luckiest person ever or something. Little did they know just how lucky they were that they didn’t go with him. Samir got drunk out of his mind like twenty minutes after we arrived and spent the better half of the night puking his guts out with his buddies while I just went home and played video games with Leo and JJ.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri said quietly.

“Don’t be,” Otabek said. “So you see, you definitely didn’t miss out on anything.”

With a smile Yuri moved them around flipping Otabek onto his back and leaning down to kiss him, slowly, deeply, like nothing else mattered and he wanted to say everything and anything through just that kiss. Otabek ran his hand down Yuri’s back and the other up his neck and into his hair. How much time passed he didn’t know, didn’t care, their kiss only turning deeper, more heated and almost a little desperate, their bodies flushed against each other, Yuri’s hand wandering up Otabek’s chest underneath his shirt, exploring.

Remembering the conversation they had last week they stopped before they could go too far just to regret it later no matter how amazing it felt in the moment. It was hard to pull back and stop, especially when Yuri looked so gorgeously disheveled, his eyes half-lidded and pupils blown wide, but it would be worth it, show that Otabek could keep his word, that he wouldn’t abuse Yuri’s trust. He could never.

"My parents hate me," Yuri said continuing their conversation from before their make out session as though they never stopped talking, his finger drawing little absentminded patterns on Otabek's chest. "And they hate Sasha, too. But they love my money, take as much of it as I'm willing to give them, greedy yet never saying thank you, never acknowledging all things I gave up so they could sit on their lazy asses in their spacious apartment and designer clothing using money they didn't do shit for. And I let them, allow it, because it makes them shut up, distracts them enough that they don't bother me. Then again it's not like they care about me at all, not really."

"I’m so sorry, Yura,” Otabek said tightening his arms around Yuri just a little. His heart ached at Yuri’s words, at the fact that his own parents didn’t love him, though he’d known about it already, at least somewhat. How could his own parents not see how amazing of a person Yuri was?

“Don’t be,” Yuri said with a sigh. “Not your fault. Not even mine, at least I don’t think, though maybe, I don’t know. Grandpa always tells me that I’m a great kid and that he loves me, it helps, but hearing my parents talk about how useless I am for years growing up, it hurt. I thought if I made it with my music I could show them that I am useful, that I can accomplish something, but nothing changed when I got my record deal. Nothing changed when I won my first award, and nothing changed when I won my first Grammy.”

“I heard you on the phone with your mother,” Otabek confessed, hesitantly. "I heard you talking to her during my first night at your penthouse. My window was open and you yelled loud enough for me to hear. I’m sorry.”

“If anything I should be sorry for having that be the first impression of me and what it means to share a place with me,” Yuri said angling his head around enough so he could look up at Otabek, his chin resting on the back of his hand.

“I could hear the pain and sadness in your voice as you spoke to her."

"I don't want to give her the power to make me upset, yet the extremely rare occasions on which she does call, it indeed still hurts every time,” Yuri agreed, sadly. “My family is nothing like yours. Your parents sound like such nice and loving people, something I couldn't even imagine growing up. Even as little kid I knew I was nothing but a bother to my parents. Why they had Sasha after me is something I will never understand."

“One day I’ll introduce you to them,” Otabek said with a smile.

“They’d probably hate me, too,” Yuri said. “The evil rock star making headlines drunk off his ass digging his claws into their amazing son.”

“Don’t be stupid, Yura,” Otabek said and shook his head. “You’re not evil or digging your claws into anything. I’m sure they would like you, especially because you’re helping me, letting me stay at your house, and give me something no one else ever did before.”

“Being what? A credit card connected to a bank account with too many zeros?”

“I was going to say love but sure, I’m just here for your credit card,” Otabek said, jokingly, and kissed Yuri’s forehead. “Thank you, Yura.”

Yuri frowned at that. “For what?”

“For trusting me enough to tell me all of this, sharing it with me even though I can see how much it scares you.”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri opens up more, Otabek is torn between wanting to kill and hug his friends, and I have too many feelings, as always.
> 
> Золотой граммофон - Russian Music Prize  
> ECHO - German Music Prize, I think it's the most important one in Germany.
> 
> [Here's the 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two songs that work well with this chapter are "Litost" by X Ambassadors and "H.K. Farewell" by Placebo.

Somewhere on the edge of his conscience Otabek was sure he could hear something ringing but he was still way too asleep to make himself wake up and do something about it. Instead he snuggled up toward the warm body next to him and tried his best to ignore the ringing. After a few more seconds it stopped.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Yuri said, the rumbling sound of his voice right next to Otabek, as the ringing started up once more. “I will cut this bitch if this isn’t important.” Otabek could feel Yuri lightly leaning away, probably trying to find his phone with his right hand. “What the fuck do you want?”

Giving up on his sleep, Otabek opened his eyes, his ears picking up the quiet sound of someone talking on the other end of the line in quick Russian. Moving his head around Otabek looked up at Yuri, his blond mane a fuzzy mess around his head and spread out across his pillow, his face pulled into a scowl.

“What?” Yuri practically yelled. “I have no fucking idea what you’re on about, asshole.” More Russian followed, the words still too quiet for Otabek to hear them leaving him clueless as to what this fight was about and with whom Yuri was talking. The language pointed either toward his family or his manager, but would Yuri talk like that to him?

“You’re fucking kidding me right now,” Yuri said, some of the fire gone from his voice. That definitely couldn’t mean anything good. Listening a little closer Otabek was pretty sure he could hear the words twitter, People Magazine and Teen Vogue somewhere between all the barely distinguishable angry words. “I still don’t get why though, what fucking happened?”

Otabek sat up and continued to watch Yuri, his eyes lightly moving around as he listened, the scowl between his brows only deepening and darkening. Otabek wanted to ask what was going on but he knew better than to intrude on other people’s conversations, even if this was Yuri and they were in a relationship.

“He wants to talk to you,” Yuri finally said and held the phone toward Otabek. Confused Otabek continued to just look at Yuri as though his mind didn’t quite process what to do until he finally reached for the phone, reluctantly.

“Otabek, this is Victor Nikiforov, Yuri’s manager,” the voice on the other end said. Although Otabek knew about this man, had seen his name and heard Yuri talk about him, he’d never heard his voice. He definitely wasn’t too sure what to make of the various shades of annoyance and anger in it.

“Good morning,” Otabek said, lamely. “I know who you are.”

“I don’t doubt that. Okay, listen, you two, and particularly your friend, have gotten yourselves into quite the situation here,” Victor began, his words immediately sending Otabek’s mind into worrisome overdrive. Out of habit, he slid out of bed and began to lightly pace across the carpet as he listened, something he usually ended up doing whenever he was having a phone call that made him nervous. It used to drive Leo and JJ mad. “Usually these things are supposed to go differently with Yuri telling me about them beforehand but he didn’t. I’ve been swarmed with interview requests, phone calls and question, and I am sure your public inbox doesn’t look much better either. In the normal world these things, people getting into relationships and things, are not a big deal, but in this world, it’s a very big deal and now you, and I especially, have to deal with the aftermath.”

“Wait, one question, what does my friend have to do with any of this?” What did Leo do? What did he miss last night that somehow caused Victor to sound so angry despite his words coming across controlled and professional somehow at the same time?

“They pulled the picture off of his Instagram.”

“What picture?” Now that made no sense at all. They didn’t take any pictures last night, not even a selfie, no matter how unusual that was for them. They’d been too busy dancing and having a good time so what picture was he talking about? “No one from the media follows him, just a bunch of our old friends and a few of his co-workers.”

“Then it seems like one of them decided to spill it somewhere. Either way, it doesn’t matter. The picture is absolutely everywhere, and there are questions everywhere in reaction to it,” Victor continued, his words still barely making any sense. “They know it’s Yuri, it’s easy to see with the hair, tattoos and clothes, and they know it’s you, partially because you played there hours prior, because they recognize you, and also simply based on the fact that you two have been seen with each other a lot these past weeks. Your name is everywhere along with Yuri’s.”

Listening Otabek walked over to the nightstand and picked up his phone wanting to check which picture Victor was going on about. In the meantime Yuri had pulled out his iPad and was looking down it on it like it personally offended him though with a glint of something else in his eyes that Otabek couldn’t name and couldn’t focus on while Victor continued to talk in his ear.

“Believe me, I don’t care about whatever it is you two are doing and having, I won’t ask questions because that’s none of my business until you make it my business, like right now. My only complaint, really, is that Yuri didn’t tell me so I could’ve been prepared for this and we could’ve done this in a more controlled manner.”

Otabek felt horrible, even if only by proxy since Leo was his friend and thus his responsibility, in a way. His Instagram finally opened and there it was, right at the top, the picture Leo posted. Objectively it was a really good picture, Otabek and Yuri caught in a kiss with smiles on their faces, Otabek’s hand on Yuri’s neck, Yuri’s hands on his waist. Victor was right, it was very easy to figure out that it was Yuri, despite the lighting and his face only being in profile. His tombstone tattoo was clearly visible, his clothes and hair unmistakable.

The fact that Leo had posted made it clear that it was Otabek along with him on the picture. Even if someone didn’t know that Leo and Otabek were friends, all it would take was scrolling down his profile for a moment to find an abundance of selfies and pictures they had taken together over the past years.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, quietly.

“Not your fault, kid, you couldn’t have known,” Victor assured him while Otabek pulled up some gossip magazine just to see Victor’s words proven right. They were right at the top, the main topic of discussion. _Oh god_. Sure, Otabek had made those pages before and slowly he was starting to get used to the articles talking about his music, criticizing or praising it, and also to the articles wondering what connected him to Yuri in ones that focused more on him than Otabek. But this was different. “Yuri should have known better though. But, listen, as long as this storm is going in full force I wanted to offer you to take over as your manager for as long as it does, mostly because I do not trust the two of you to handle your inbox on your own, especially not after last night.”

“Yes, please,” Otabek said, his words coming out not nearly as strong as he wanted them to. “I mean, thank you.”

“It’s better I tame the entire mess than just part of it,” Victor said with a sigh. “Just send me over your login data for your email and I’ll take care of it.”

Otabek had no idea what to think once the call ended and he gave Yuri back his phone. After dropping his own onto the bed, Otabek walked over to the window trying to somehow clear his mind. Looking outside somehow only made it so much worse as he noticed the still relatively small amount of people gathered in front of their hotel and on the other side of the street, all eyes turned toward the building and the main entrance. He’d seen things like this happen in movies, heard that they happened in real life, fans of actors or musicians camping out in front of their hotels but he had never seen it happen in real life, not with his own eyes, and especially not because of him, or Leo.

Judging by the amount of animal print and occasional cat ears it was clear that those were Yuri’s Angels. Otabek could only imagine what was happening on twitter, discussions between Yuri’s fans most likely ripping Otabek into pieces for something or another.

Yuri warned him this could happen all the way before his ‘Moonlight’ gig, had warned him that being seen together would raise questions and gossip would be thrown right and left, yet somehow back then it seemed so unreal that he didn’t quite think about it. And even after the gig, and all the other clubs they’d gone to together for his gigs, it still never seemed like a big deal. All those articles about Yuri were rather entertaining instead of intimidating. But right now, with their relationship dragged out into the open involuntarily, made only worse by the fact that Leo was the one who posted that picture, it was a tenfold worse than the word intimidating managed to bring across. This felt like staring a predator right into the eyes and knowing a single hit or bite could kill you.

A knock on the door caught Otabek’s attention, yet before either him or Yuri could move to open it, the lock clicked open and Chris stepped into the room. Despite the early hour, and the fact that they’d come back to the hotel truly late, Chris looked way more awake than Otabek felt, his face relaxed and calm.

“The hotel management gave Victor and I a call,” Chris said. It took Otabek’s mind a moment to catch up and for his English skills to kick in so he could understand what he was saying. “The main entrance is a definite no go. The hotel said they can take care of it if you want to stay longer in the city, call the cops and have the people removed as much as possible, but Victor said I should get you to the airport and back to the penthouse to avoid any more problems. So get your things packet so we can leave soon. In the meantime I’ll make the call to get the plane ready in time.”

Once he was done speaking and received the smallest of nods from Yuri, Chris left, the door clicking softly shut behind him, the silence returning to their room. Otabek turned back toward the window, his eyes back to the people outside because of them, because of that damn picture, because of Leo and whoever decided to spread the picture further.

Otabek saw Yuri’s reflection in the widow growing closer before he felt Yuri’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Yuri said, his voice small, the exact opposite of how he sounded while he talked to Victor minutes earlier. Otabek wanted to say something, anything, but he was too overwhelmed by everything happening all at once without any sort of warning to get the words right, to even form them in his mind. He didn’t know why Yuri, of all people, was apologizing and he couldn’t make his mouth and vocal chords form the words to ask, couldn’t say anything at all for a while.

“We should pack,” was what he did say in the end. It wasn’t remotely what he meant to say, the tone all wrong, the words not saying anything but it was all he managed to do.

Otabek wanted this life, knew what he was getting himself into when he accepted Yuri’s offer to help him get to Tomorrowland, but the real deal was much more complicated and complex than anything he imagined.

Wordlessly they packed up their things and changed into basically the same outfits they’d worn on their flight to San Francisco, neither bothered enough to choose something different. This wasn’t how this day was supposed to go. In his mind Otabek imagined them ordering some breakfast to their room, spending a few more hours just relaxing together and ignoring the world outside, maybe meet up with Leo again in the evening before they would return to Seattle.

The entirety of the Internet discussing their relationship definitely wasn’t on his list in any sort of way.

 

* * *

 

**Me: Leo WTF?**

**JJ: What did he do this time?**

**JJ: Don’t tell me you flirted with Beka’s man.**

**Leo: IM SO SORRY**

**Leo: I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD PAY ATTENTION**

**Leo: I WAS DRUNK AND DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY**

**JJ: Hello? What happened?**

**Leo: Check any social media, asshole. I feel so bad for this.**

**JJ: HOLY FUCK. Leo you idiot!**

**JJ: How bad is it, Beka?**

**Me: Don’t ask.**

**Leo: Tell Yuri I’m incredibly sorry! I didn’t even tag you guys in the picture or anything, no hashtags nothing.**

**JJ: No offence, Leo, but you don’t even have that many followers, how did the press get it?**

**Leo: IDK!? Someone must’ve screenshotted it and posted it somewhere, what do I know?**

**JJ: You are such a fucking idiot. What did you expect to happen when posting a picture of Otabek kissing fucking YURI PLISETSKY?!**

**Leo: I don’t fucking know, okay? I was drunk and didn’t think about it, just posted it like any other picture we ever took at a party of us.**

**JJ: There is a fundamental fucking difference between pictures of you and me that ain’t nobody gives a shit about, and pictures involving people like Plisetsky. And here you always accuse me of being irresponsible.**

**Leo: I’M SO FUCKING SORRY. WHAT CAN I DO? SHOULD I TAKE IT DOWN?**

**JJ: Like that will change shit, idiot.**

**Me: It’ll be taken care off so I hope it’ll calm down soon enough.**

**Me: I feel so bad about it though. I don’t even know what to say to him. I don’t even know what to think myself. It’s all so much at once, you know?**

**JJ: Take a deep breath, okay, don’t panic and worry, and just talk to him about it once you’ll calm down a little. I’m sure he’ll understand.**

**Leo: Why do you feel bad about it? I’m at fault not you!**

**JJ: Exactly, de la Iglesia fucked up royally, not you.**

**Me: But I invited you to come along, I introduced you and you were my responsibility, thus this is kind of my fault, too. He looks so…idk? I don’t know what to fucking do.**

**JJ: He’s used to these things, I’m sure he won’t be mad at you. He’s been in those papers a billion times and honestly there are worse headlines than these ones. I mean they used to write horrible shit about him so this is nothing, right?**

**Leo: Should I text him and apologize personally?**

**JJ: No.**

**Me: No.**

**JJ: You did enough, mate, just leave it.**

**Leo: I’m so sorry…**

 

* * *

 

No one really said as much throughout the entirety of their two hours flight and the drive back to the apartment. Chris tried to start a conversation once in the plane and once in the car but both his attempts were met with things that barely passed as answers, a mumbled word or two. Yuri’s eyes were glued to the window watching the world outside whizz past them. He seemed calm despite everything, lost in thoughts, but nothing that really alarmed Otabek.

Otabek spent half the flight texting with JJ and Leo trying to clear his mind and failing at it spectacularly. He could see various other texts waiting to be answered from his sisters but he didn’t have it in him to open either of them, read them and answer them. Not talking about it with them felt much easier for now.

He didn’t want to talk at all right now, because, just like he said in their group chat, he felt too overwhelmed by everything. He could see the number growing next to his twitter app telling him that people were most likely tweeting at him, or talking about him. Part of him wanted to see what it was they were saying, but a different one, the stronger one, knew that it was better not to, that it didn’t really matter what it was that they were saying.

How did Yuri get used to these things? How did anyone get used to this? How would Otabek get used to his? At this point it wasn’t like he had much of a choice, really. At least they had Victor who could take care of everything, all the questions people had, the interviews and everything else he’d mentioned on the phone. Otabek had no idea what he would’ve done if Victor wouldn’t have offered to take up the job as his temporary manager, had no idea how he would’ve handled any of this. Probably not very well, that much was clear.

Victor was right, if they would’ve discussed this first, it would’ve felt differently, Otabek was sure of it. If he knew he would wake up to Yuri’s fans loosing their minds and his inbox exploding, he would’ve reacted differently. But they had no warning, nothing. Otabek felt like an avalanche had hit him for reasons he didn’t even know how to properly explain. He wanted to ask Yuri about it, ask for advice, but the words died on him every time he was about to try.

At the penthouse they split up to their respective rooms to unpack and change into different clothes. All of it felt wrong, cold somehow. They were joking and teasing each other with smiles on their faces when they were leaving, yet they came back silent.

How could he fix this?

Everything was so awfully quiet. Otabek could hear Katya downstairs eating her dry food, the pieces clacking against the metal of her bowl, that’s how silent it was. Sitting on his bed he wondered what he could do, what he could say, to somehow fix this? How could he apologize for the mess he caused, even if only by proxy?

The sound of Katya eating stopped and silence returned until Otabek picked up a new sound, a strange one he couldn’t quite place at first. Someone talking maybe? Laughing? No, that didn’t seem right somehow.

Slowly Otabek got up and decided to check what the sound was, see what Yuri was up to, try and finally say something. Standing in Yuri’s door his eyes wandered over his room. The bed was empty, looked untouched, the walk-in closet door closed with Yuri’s suitcase standing next to it.

Otabek’s heart sunk as he finally spotted Yuri sitting on the floor next to the windows, his legs pulled up to his chest and his head resting against his knees. His shoulders were lightly shaking while some strangled sound escaped him. Maybe he wasn’t taking everything as easily and lightly as Otabek thought he did?

“Yura, what’s wrong?” he asked, quietly, crouching down next to him. No answer, instead another nearly silent sob.

It took Otabek more than four hours and Yuri sitting alone crying quietly to realize the mistake he’d made. _Fuck._ Instead of talking to him, reacting to his unnecessary apology like a normal human being, Otabek remained silent, said they should pack their stuff like some fucking heartless monster. Yuri opened his heart to him, told him about his fears, about being left again, about just being hurt once more after letting someone in.

Even though he hadn’t meant for it, Otabek hurt Yuri.

“Yura, I’m so impossibly sorry,” he said, his voice coming out mangled, weak and shaky. “I’m sorry for what happened and I’m sorry for not saying anything, for shutting you out. I just feel so bad about all this and I felt, well still do really, so overwhelmed by everything that happened that I just couldn’t find the words to say. Please don’t cry. None of this is your fault, Yura.”

“Never do this again, Otabek, don’t shut me out like that again after I laid my fucking soul bare in front of you,” Yuri said, his voice not much stronger than Otabek’s though still somehow sounding firmer and more serious. “It’s not fair and you said you wouldn’t.”

“I know saying that I’m sorry doesn’t suffice in any way, but I am sorry. This world, your world, it’s all still so new to me and I just didn’t know what to think and want to say, how I should react and how I could apologize to you for everything. I should’ve told Leo not to take any pictures, of if he had to, to at least not post them, but I didn’t _think_ , didn’t know.”

Otabek was almost shocked as Yuri moved his arm, unwound it front around his knees and then reached for Otabek’s hand almost blindly, like he needed something to hold on to.

“Stop saying that,” Yuri mumbled, his voice turning shakier. “Don’t say it isn’t my fault when it is. It’s not your fault, or even Leo’s. It’s my fault. Victor said so too. I should’ve known better. You said it yourself, this is my world, one I’ve been part of for so many years and I should know that kissing you in public was a bad idea before we could discuss it, before I told Victor about it.”

For a moment he paused, his shoulders shaking again. Otabek’s heart broke in to a million little pieces as he listened and watched. Letting go of Yuri’s hand, he moved closer, sat down on the floor next to him and pulled Yuri against his chest. Yuri gave in, followed, his hand clutching the front of Otabek’s shirt, his face still hidden behind his curtain of hair.

“Yesterday at the club, that was the first time in years that I felt normal again, like just another person out at a club with friends having a good time,” Yuri continued. “And for a while I simply forgot that I’m a star, that people watch me, that they care about what I do and whom I kiss. I simply forgot and it felt so wonderful. I just focused on you and Leo, forgot all the rest, and I wanted to kiss you so bad because you looked so happy and you looked at me in that special way you do and I simply did it without thinking of the consequences.”

He paused again and finally raised his head, his hair moving aside as he looked up at Otabek, his face the perfect picture of misery making Otabek feel only so much more guilty for causing him to look like this. All he wanted was to show Yuri that love was something good, that relationships could be nice and that he wouldn’t hurt him, yet he’d done just that, broken everything he promised he wouldn’t do because he’d been too caught up with worrying about himself, feeling overwhelmed without the guts to ask how all of it made Yuri feel.

“Because of me we can’t even enjoy our time after your gig, can’t do anything in public without everyone getting into our business, without Victor coming after me, and I’m so sorry about it, Beka. You don’t deserve this. Don’t deserve to suffer because of me. How can any of this make you happy, how could I possibly make you happy when all I do, all I cause by being me, is problems?”

“Yuri, listen to me,” Otabek said hoping he would listen, hoping he would somehow manage to find the right words even though his head was fuzzy with too many words and feelings flying around. “I don’t care what they are writing, honestly, I don’t. This wasn’t because of what they wrote; I didn’t actually read any of it. I was simply overwhelmed by the fact that they wrote anything at all. I simply have to get used to this, to the attention, nothing more and nothing less. This is all still so new to me and I didn’t know how to react but now I know. I know I shouldn’t have shut you out, should’ve said something, anything, doesn’t matter, and I swear that next time I will. I said I wouldn’t hurt you but I did and I feel terrible because of it. Can you forgive me? Give me a second chance?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You did nothing wrong here, Yura, you hear? I made a mistake and Leo made one, too, but that doesn’t matter. So what if people know? Let them know I’m the luckiest man to walk this earth right now, whatever, I don’t care.”

“How can you say that? How can you say that when I just cause trouble, dump my baggage on to you because I can’t deal?” The sheer amount of pain and disbelief in Yuri’s voice made Otabek feel like he was chocking, like he couldn’t breathe or think. What could he do to try and help Yuri see that he was worth so much more than he gave himself credit for?

“Everyone has baggage, Yura, it’s okay to want to share it with someone, let another person help you, let them in,” Otabek said, his tone hushed, the closest to something that sounded remotely soothing he could muster, his arms pulling Yuri that little bit closer. “I’ll gladly help you if you let me, gladly take some of it from you. I told you it’s okay to want to not walk alone and I’ll walk with you without a moment of hesitation if you still want me to. I made a mistake and I promise not to do it again. And believe me, I don’t care if you’re famous or not, don’t care if our picture will be on the front page of every gossip magazine in existence every time we walk out of the door holding hands or kissing or whatever. All I care about is you, _us_ , if you still want there to be an us.”

“Of course I do, Beka,” Yuri said after the briefest moment of hesitation with the ghost of a smile on his lips, a sight that made Otabek’s heart soar. He’d been so afraid Yuri would decide that this mistake had been one mistake too many. “Just, please, talk to me no matter how overwhelmed or upset you are. I can’t deal with this again, with worrying that I fucked something up once again like so many times already. I know I can’t expect for everything between us to go smoothly, I know that’s not how things work, but at least don’t shut me out, okay? That’s all I ask for.”

“I promise I’ll talk to you next time no matter what,” Otabek said, honestly, meaning it more than anything ever before, underlining his words with a kiss on Yuri’s forehead and his cheek. “Also, Yura, never think you’re not making me happy, that you’re causing me problems or anything like that, because it’s not true. You make me happier than any other person before, make me feel for you in ways I’ve never felt for another person.”

“Kiss me,” Yuri said, quietly, a request and not a demand, one Otabek was all too willing to follow, another silent promise to not hurt him like this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter happened, the picture happened, Otabek kinda fucking up happened, we're learning the lesson that communication is fucking important, and I am pretty sure we are slowly but very surely reaching the end of road blocks, happiness already shimmering on the horizon. Bear with me, please, I promise fun things will finally happen. 
> 
> **Announcement: Since I have work to do, a revision of a project, I'll be switching to a chapter every two or three days for now because I can't possibly do both well at the same time. I hope you understand. I don't want to mess up this story by not being able to focus on it properly.**
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	12. Chapter 12

“Beka?” Yuri asked, his head still resting against Otabek’s chest. Otabek had no idea how much time had passed while they sat on the floor just holding each other and exchanging a few kisses after he’d apologized and they’d made up.

“Yeah?”

“I’m hungry,” Yuri said with a light huff. “We didn’t eat shit yet.” After their harsh wake up call and sudden escape, they didn’t stop by anywhere to eat, the plane only offering a few measly crackers that didn’t do much.

“Come on, I’ll make us something.”

Slowly they untangled their arms and legs and got up, Otabek’s body aching a little from sitting on the hard floor but he didn’t care. It’d been worth it. While Otabek went downstairs, Yuri stayed behind to change into something that didn’t smell like plane air and tears, according to Yuri.

The fridge was fully stocked, surely curtsey of Georgi who also fed Katya while they were gone. Otabek didn’t really know what to make, his stomach way beyond caring and just wanting something, anything, to eat. For a moment he considered making pirozhki for Yuri, knowing they were his favorite, but that would take way too long and he doubted that either of them was in the mood to wait. But maybe he’d make them tomorrow or something. Quietly he pulled out a few different ingredients, took out a pan and then tried to somehow turn all of it into something edible. Gordon Ramsey would probably not be amused or impressed.

After a while he heard Yuri coming down the stairs and then felt Yuri’s arms around his waist from behind, Yuri resting his chin on Otabek’s shoulder watching his handiwork. All of it felt so mundane yet so amazing at the same time, comfortable, even though he could still feel this bit of tension between them, their emotions still too raw and needing more time to calm down. Either way Otabek was simply thankful that Yuri hadn’t thrown him out, that he accepted his apology and given him a second chance despite how badly he messed up.

“I could really get used to this,” Yuri said underlining his words with a soft kiss to Otabek’s shoulder. “I should get you some shitty apron with some really terrible fucking line printed on the front. Or that photo shopped naked torso one I saw online. Or, of course, you could simply cook shirtless.” That was his Yuri again saying things like that making Otabek blush even though he really should be used to it by now.

“If I’d follow your opinion I’d end up walking around naked.”

“And that would be a bad thing why?”

Otabek didn’t answer that one; he just lightly shook his head. This felt so much better than the guilt and pain of seeing and hearing Yuri cry because of him. He wanted to be the one to make him smile, laugh and flirt, instead of sad.

Once their food was done they moved onto the couch and put on the TV with some random episode of something currently on. They’d both already seen it but that didn’t matter, it was just background noise after all. Quietly they stayed downstairs for a while even after they were done eating and the episode ended. At some point Katya joined them demanding affection and attention by pushing her way onto Yuri’s lap and looking at him expectantly with nearly yellow eyes. With an absentminded smile on his face Yuri petted Katya and rested his head against Otabek’s shoulder.

“Katya was a gift from my grandpa,” Yuri said a few minutes later. “I always wanted to have a cat but needless to say my parents were not having any of it. So when I finally moved out into my first shitty flat, grandpa got me Katya so I wouldn’t feel alone and so I could finally have the cat I dreamed off. It scares me a bit to think that she was already a few years old when I got her meaning that in just a few more years she’ll die.”

“It’s nice of your grandpa to buy her for you,” Otabek said instead of commenting on his Katya will die in the future worries. Everyone and everything would die one day so Yuri shouldn’t worry about it, rather cherish the time he still had with her. “He sounds like a good man, from what you’ve told me about him.”

“Grandpa is the best. When you’ll go on tour, or come along on my next one, or we’ll simply decide to go, I’ll introduce you to him in Moscow. I’m sure he’d like you.”

Otabek couldn’t get over the fact that, looking at the way he spoke, it was so easy to see that Yuri saw this, their relationship, as something reaching much further than just Tomorrowland next year, even if it started out as just that but by now turned into something hopefully long lasting that he wanted to hold on to. It made Otabek’s heart soar with happiness because he wanted that, too.

“I hope so,” Otabek said trying to imagine what it would feel like to meet someone who meant so much to Yuri, who was there for him in times when his parents failed at being parents. “I’ve never been to Moscow before so you could show me around.”

“Only if you show me Almaty. I didn’t really get to see shit last time besides busy city streets from the window of my car and the mountains in the distance from my hotel. Then again those are the things I’ve seen of most places I’ve been.”

“Since you mentioned that you liked ice skating, I’d show you Medeu, you know, the ice skating rink,” Otabek mused. “I’m sure Nura would love to come along and show off, who knows, maybe she even knows someone who could get us the rink for an hour so we could just skate without having to worry. There must be some kind of benefit to having a national hero as sister. And I could show you all the places I used to explore as a kid, the beautiful mountain trails and everything else you’d like to see.”

“It’s a deal then,” Yuri said and smiled at him, that unguarded and happy smile. It didn’t quite have its full intensity yet, though Otabek couldn’t blame him. After everything that happened that day, the toll it had taken on them, it’d definitely take a bit until they’d be fully back to normal, a new and improved normal in which Otabek would pay more and better attention, just like he promised.

Hours passed quietly as they continued to talk about nothing in particular, enjoying each other’s company in the safety of the penthouse away from the storm online. When it was just the two of them it was so easy to forget that Yuri wasn’t just his boyfriend, just another person with some sort of job instead of an international superstar. Though a normal job definitely wouldn’t be able to pay for a penthouse like this one.

“We could listen to some music?” Yuri offered after they decided to go back upstairs to Yuri’s room. Otabek lightly nodded while moving across the bed until his back rested against the headboard while Yuri rummaged through one of his nightstands until he found a pair of red headphones. “I know I have a whole penthouse wide hi-fi system and shit but I’m too lazy to go and turn it on so headphones it is,” Yuri declared as he climbed onto the bed and laid down with his head on Otabek’s lap.

“It’s fine,” Otabek said with a light smile and took the ear bud from him.

“How about I pick a few, you pick a few and then we’ll let that playlist play on shuffle?”

They did just that. Quickly a list of various artists formed. Otabek didn’t recognize all the songs Yuri picked but from what he saw the list followed a common theme of rather calm tracks, nothing too harsh or loud.

The first song was called ‘[Haze](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCd9Z6cc_6Y)’, a track Otabek didn’t know, which started out slow with the slightly hushed voice of the female singer joining in after a few seconds. The instrumental itself was pretty interesting, a relatively simple arrangement that switched almost halfway through into something a little more complex while the singers voice stayed almost exactly the same throughout the entire thing. It’d be quite monotonous if you’d only listen to the vocal track, Otabek decided.

_And I get drunk_

_On a boy who asks me if I'm up_

_Tells me he can't understand his luck_

_To know me, to love me_

_To hold me, show up_

_I'll be your empathetic savior_

_Call me up, I'll meet you later_

_You can praise me for the way_

_I always know just what to say_

_I'll carve into your ribs_

_And leave you crying for a kiss_

“There’s a [cover](https://youtu.be/cK4VcoIAmqg?t=36s) of this song on YouTube,” Yuri said loudly enough over the music, “and, as much as I usually prefer originals, I actually think I like the cover just a little more. It has more feelings to it although the track is good either way.”

_I met a boy_

_Who never knew the taste of haze_

_To him the whole world is a stage_

_While I am fifty shades of beige_

Next up came a song Otabek had picked. ‘[Sweater Weather](https://youtu.be/GCdwKhTtNNw?t=13s)’ was a bit quicker than the previous track, the drum steady and the guitar track waving in and out, the voice showing definitely more variation than in the previous one. It was one of his favorite tracks from that band.

_And what I think about_

_One love, two mouths_

_One love, one house_

_No shirt, no blouse_

_Just us, you find out_

_Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no_

“Didn’t know you listen to The Neighbourhood,” Yuri said while lightly fidgeting with the headphone cable, absentmindedly.

“They’re one of my favorite bands, actually,” Otabek said. Slowly he raised his right had and started to run his fingers through Yuri’s soft hair, something he knew Yuri liked. Immediately the fidgeting stopped and Yuri closed his eyes, relaxing into the touch, into the music. “There’s another band called Civil Twilight, do you know them?”

“’[Letter From The Sky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wa7dFR09vU)’ is on this playlist so yes I know them, why?”

“They have a song I’d really like to remix soon,” Otabek explained. His list of potential songs for remixes was long, but he’d been thinking about that particular song for a while yet somehow never gotten around to do it.

Yuri smiled. “I very much second that idea, even if I don’t know which one. Plus I call dibs on being the first one to hear it.”

The song ended and transitioned into the first calm beginning of guitar notes and a light drum beat belonging to ‘[I Wanna Be Yours](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jnbg3mHojg)’, Alex Turner’s voice coming in a few seconds later. It’d been what felt like years since Otabek last listened to any song by the Arctic Monkeys, the smile on his face growing only bigger as Yuri started to quietly sing along. The shade of his voice was completely different than Alex’s but fit with the song quite amazingly nonetheless.

_Hold your hair in deep devotion (How deep?)_

_At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean_

_I wanna be yours_

_Secrets I have held in my heart_

_Are harder to hide than I thought_

_Maybe I just wanna be yours_

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Otabek asked, jokingly. Yuri opened one eye to look at him, smirked and continued to sing without answering the question. Otabek just shook his head and continued to listen.

“’[Girls Just Want to Have Fun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UodDJEE49V0)’, really, Beka?” Yuri asked as the next song began to play, a laugh coloring his voice.

“It’s a good cover,” Otabek argued and lightly shrugged.

“Gives me war flashbacks.”

“Why?”

“I once played at this birthday party type thing, I don’t know, Victor made me do it ‘cause the pay was good,” Yuri began to say. “Anyway, one of the songs they wanted me to sing was ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ since it was like the birthday girl’s favorite song or some shit. I was _this_ close to pretending I’d lost my voice or was feeling sick just to not have to do it. Victor, of course, caught on to what I was doing and wasn’t having any of it, as always. So I went on that stage, performed a few songs including this one and somehow managed not to rip out my own ears off.”

“Come on, the song isn’t that bad.”

“I have an image to uphold and that song doesn’t fit into my scheme,” Yuri argued with a huff. “That’s like, I don’t know, imagine you’d get to play one of your awesome sets at Ultra and then they’d ask you to add a mix of fucking ‘Barbie Girl’ or some shit. How would that make you feel?”

“I’d be at Ultra, plus I’d remix the song hard enough until it would fit into the set, so I don’t think I would care.”

“Beka!” Yuri groaned obviously not getting the answer he wanted. “Just skip to the next song or something, whatever.”

_[And away we'll go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdB296pKdPI) _

_And we'll ride in slow_

_It's all I see_

_When I make believe_

_That I'm falling for you_

_You know it's true_

_Yeah, I'm falling for_

_Oh, what else can I do?_

_I'm with you_

_This is all I do know_

“Now it seems like you’re trying to tell me something here,” Yuri joked, referencing the same question Otabek had asked before.

“Maybe,” he just said, the same non-answer as the one Yuri had given him. It was a good song, definitely quicker than most of the songs they’d listened to so far even if the beginning was quiet and slowly building. Otabek wasn’t that into Grouplove but that song definitely had something, this particular shade of happy and cute mixed with fun that came across unforced and nice.

Slowly the song ended and changed into the beautiful guitar melody of ‘[Youth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QT5eGHCJdE)’, another song Otabek really liked but hadn’t heard in a long time. It fit the theme of their playlist, calm yet with a light tragic feeling to it. ‘Youth’ definitely was one of those songs that perfectly captured emotions, pain and sadness, realization and growth described with carefully crated lyrics and a perfectly matched instrumental. The song somehow always reminded Otabek to not give up hope, to hold on to his dreams even if life was hard and it seemed like nothing he wished for would ever truly happen.

_And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones_

_Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone_

That was until Yuri showed up and it seemed like maybe his hopes hadn’t been in vain for all those years. In a sense he was still breathing and bleeding, the words used in the song to signify that you’re still fighting, still hoping, still have room for emotions.

“This is one of my favorite songs,” Yuri said, quietly. “I covered it like three years ago or something for BBC Radio One Live Lounge. Got a tweet from the band afterward telling me they really enjoyed it.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, it is, though you know what’s sad?” Yuri waited a moment for Otabek to shake his head lightly before continuing. “It’s sad when these things stop being exciting, when interactions with people you used to admire loose their charm because you know you’re one of them. I don’t know, maybe it sounds like I’m full of myself, but I don’t know. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Forget about it, I don’t want to kill the mood or whatever.”

“You’re not killing the mood, Yura,” Otabek assured him while the song ended and the next one came on, ‘[Sweetest Perfection](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvx92CrYaRA)’. “You know I like listening to all your thoughts and memories, no matter when or about what, so don’t worry about it.”

For a while they just sat there and listened quietly. At some point Otabek switched from running his fingers soothingly through Yuri’s hair to tracing his tattoo without paying much attention, just an absentminded motion. Every once in a while Yuri opened his eyes for a few seconds and smiled up at him, a sign that he liked whatever song started to play, in this case ‘[In My Veins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0KZuZF01FA)’. Otabek had once found that song randomly clicking his way through songs on YouTube aimlessly, just something he used to do to discover new and different ones. It was like a little calm gem, the artist joining his list of favorites quickly thereafter.

_Everything is dark_

_It's more than you can take_

_But you catch a glimpse of sunlight_

_Shining, shining down on your face_

“I know I surely asked you this before, but would you ever get something inked yourself?” Yuri asked sounding genuinely curious and looking up at him with those gorgeous eyes, pools of green with tiny specks of gold and blue.

“Maybe if I’d find the right motif, I would,” Otabek said while continuing to lightly trace the rose tattoo on Yuri’s arm, the different shades of blue and the straight geometric lines in black. “I like your tiger tattoo.”

“Is it the only one you like?” There was almost something teasing in the way Yuri asked that question, like he knew what the answer was but wanted to hear it anyway.

“I like all of them, even the tacky cheetah print,” Otabek said with a light chuckle, “although the words on your wrist make me sad each time I think about them and what must’ve led you to getting it done. But the tiger, or the lion, seem closest to something I would consider for myself, you know?”

For some reason Otabek’s words made Yuri smile in that fond way he sometimes did and Otabek swore he could feel his insides melt all over again, his heart fluttering. Seeing that smile on Yuri somehow made him feel special because he’d never seen him smile that way at anyone else but him, like a different kind of gift Otabek wouldn’t want to share with anyone because it was too precious.

“So if you were to find that right motif, whatever it might be, where would you want it to go?”

“I guess that would depend on what it is, don’t you think?”

“I usually decided on what I wanted after I decided on where I wanted it,” Yuri said and held up his right wrist to look at the ink on the inside. “This one was the only one where it went the other way around.”

“Would you want to get anything more than the eight you have?”

“Maybe, depends on the motif,” Yuri answered and smiled that smile again, his right hand reaching up toward Otabek, sliding onto his neck and lightly pulling him down for a kiss. The position was a bit awkward but it seemed like neither of them really cared.

“What’s your favorite animal?” Yuri asked after pulling back again, his hand still on Otabek’s neck, fingers running over the shorter hair of his undercut.

“Bears.”

“Interesting,” Yuri said with a smile and this glint of something in his eyes that Otabek couldn’t quite explain, like he had an idea of some sort but didn’t want to share it just yet.

They continued to listen to their playlist with Otabek running his fingers through Yuri’s impossibly soft hair, massaging and lightly scraping his scalp, and Yuri occasionally checking something on his phone or just lying there with his eyes closed. Slowly Otabek could feel the last of the tension ease away from them, this weird dissonance he’d felt after this morning and the conversation on the floor finally subsiding. Of course Otabek still felt bad about what happened but he accepted that they would make mistakes along the way and the best thing he could do, now and in the future, was to remember not to make them twice, to try harder next time, learn from them.

"You scratched off most of your nail polish," Otabek noticed as he watched Yuri add another song to the playlist. Most of Yuri’s nails only had a few patches of dark blue left on them, the edges rough.

"Oh yeah I do that sometimes when I'm anxious or sad or stressed. Victor hates it,” Yuri said, sounding lightly surprised like he hadn’t noticed it until now. Immediately Otabek felt bad again, the bit of guilt coming back because he was the reason behind why Yuri had felt like that today. “And no, Beka, don't."

"Don't what?" Otabek asked, slightly confused.

"You were about to apologize again.” _Very true._ “I don't want you to. It's okay. We talked it out and everything is fine. No more apologizing, yeah?" Somewhere on the edge of his mind Otabek noticed that ‘[Work It Out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InCL-1JvMN0)’ was playing in the background, how ironic though fitting.

"You sure?" Although he could feel that the tension between them was gone again, he still wanted to hear it, that they really were okay again, that he didn’t need to apologize again even if he totally would.

"Most definitely. If everything wasn't okay I would've long thrown you out but I didn't, did I? Everyone makes mistakes, people get hurt even if only accidentally, but you genuinely apologized and I accepted your apology so there's nothing more to be said, _please_." As he spoke Yuri raised his hand to Otabek’s cheek again, his fingers lightly tracing his cheekbones and then along his jaw, carefully, slowly, softly.

“I can paint them for you, if you want,” Otabek offered as change of topic, following Yuri’s request while leaning ever so lightly into Yuri’s feather light touch.

At that Yuri raised an eyebrow clearly caught between confused, curious and amused. “Do you even know how?”

“I can braid hair and paint nails,” Otabek mused, “things you inevitably learn when you grow up with two sisters. I can even put eyeliner and some other stuff on other people pretty decently. Nura taught me so I could help Amina when she reached the age for it, since Nura couldn’t be there to do it herself. I might’ve spent a good few years away from home at Leo’s and JJ’s, but I’ve never neglected by brotherly duties.”

"Have you ever considered putting some on yourself?"

Otabek thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. "Not really."

"I think some black or gold eyeliner would really suit you, underline your beautiful eyes." Yuri smiled then with that little mischievous shine in his eyes that usually never meant anything good.

"Why do I get the feeling I’ll regret mentioning this?" Otabek asked, more amused than really meaning it.

"How about this, you'll do my nails and I'll get to do your eyes." Otabek hesitated while Yuri put on the undoubtedly cutest pretty please expression he’d ever seen, pouting with eyes big and everything. "Fine," he gave in because he couldn't say no to Yuri, was too weak to say no especially when he looked at him like that. Immediately Yuri's face lit up. "But do you know how to do it?"

"Tch, who do you think was doing my make up for the first year or two until Victor hired a make up artist for my tours and shit?" Yuri said lightly laughing, pulling the ear bud out and then walked over to his en suit bathroom. A few moments later he returned with a pencil, nail polish remover and a single vial of golden nail polish. "If the press can make jokes and shit about your last name, I can roll with it too, have a metaphorical piece of you on me. Fuck that sounded way less cheesy in my head." He blushed furiously and Otabek fell in love with him all over again. Unable to help himself, Otabek pulled Yuri into a kiss.

"Just don't poke out my eyes, I kind of need them, you know."

"Can't make promises," Yuri said with a smirk.

Once all the leftover nail polish was gone, Yuri handed him the polish and his hands. It’d been a while since Otabek had done this the last time considering he didn’t live at home anymore and Amina preferred to do it herself by now, but he still tried his best. Somehow he managed to put on two thin coats on each nail without getting the polish all over Yuri’s skin, which was honestly a minor miracle.

“How come I’ve been doing this for like ten years straight yet you’re still somehow better at it than me?” Yuri asked while inspecting the results. “Thank you.”

With a smile Yuri leaned in for another kiss, deeper and more passionate this time then their previous ones. It felt intoxicating and addicting in the best way possible, like something Otabek could do all day every day and never get bored of it, the feeling of Yuri’s soft lips against his, the quiet noises of pleasure he made occasionally.

“Now it’s your turn,” Yuri said, his lips beautifully red and lightly swollen from kissing, his eyes soft. “Just trust me, I know what I’m doing. I didn’t fuck up my eyes all these years either so...”

Otabek wasn’t the biggest fan of having sharp things near his eyes and had to concentrate way more than was probably necessary so he wouldn’t flinch away. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Yuri, because he did, but it was still a weird feeling, especially when Yuri told him to open his eyes and look up toward the ceiling so he could color in his waterline. He knew there was a reason why he never did this to himself.

Yuri looked beautifully concentrated, his brows lightly pulled together and biting his lower lip, his left hand holding Otabek’s chin so he wouldn’t move while he worked with his right one. It didn’t take long yet it still felt like it took an hour at least.

“Voila,” Yuri finally announced once he was satisfied with his work, a smirk on his lips. “Damn, how is it possible that you look even fucking hotter than you already do, honestly, this isn’t fair.”

“Says you walking around in all those sinful clothes driving me crazy,” Otabek noted.

Yuri pulled a mock surprised expression that looked almost believable if it weren’t for the satisfied glint in Yuri’s eyes as though he finally knew that whatever plan he’d been following had worked out just the way he wanted. “Really? Didn’t notice that.”

“I’m sure you didn’t.”

“Let’s take a picture.” Yuri reached for his phone then and moved around to sit next to Otabek instead of in front of him. Otabek pulled Yuri just that little bit closer while Yuri raised his phone and snapped a picture, or rather an entire series. Looking back on it Otabek could see that it was a nice picture, and that Yuri was right, the golden eyeliner did look surprisingly good. “Damn I really want to post this, I mean the people deserve to know how fucking hot my boyfriend is.”

“Victor will kill you,” Otabek said recalling Victor’s angry voice from just that morning.

“Not if I ask him this time,” Yuri said and pasted the picture into a text message before typing something below it. “Speaking of which, kind of, what did your family say about _the_ picture?”

He totally forgot about the still unread text messages from his sisters. “Didn’t check it yet. It didn’t seem that important with everything else that happened, really.”

Yuri’s phone chimed then with a text message. “Victor says I will be the death of him, like that’s something new. He’s been telling me that for years yet he’s still alive and well. But he also said that I can post it, if we’re a hundred percent sure we want to make this official.” At that Yuri looked at him, a sudden shade of insecurity lightly darkening his eyes. “Do we? Do _you_?”

“I want you, and I don’t mind the idea of everyone knowing that I’m yours,” Otabek said trying to not sound as oddly nervous as he suddenly felt. It was one thing to change your Facebook status that no one even cared about anymore, yet letting the entirely of the internet know about it was something entirely different because people most definitely cared, watched, judged. “What if people decide that I’m not good enough for you?”

“Then they can go fuck themselves, like I care about their useless opinions,” Yuri said. “So you’re okay we me posting it?”

“Yes,” he said and then kissed Yuri again, meaning it. It couldn’t get any more crazy than everything already was because of Leo’s picture. At least this time they were the ones in control of the picture and the caption coming along with it. This time Otabek knew what to expect so it wouldn’t overwhelm him again. “But maybe I should text my sisters back first so Nura won’t rip my head off, again, for not telling her anything.”

“Would you trust me with her number and sending her a message of my own?” Yuri asked sounding almost reluctant and unsure.

“Sure, though I should probably tell her not to show it to Amina because, if she get’s your number, your phone will probably never stop ringing with new messages.”

While Yuri laughed at his words, Otabek reached for his phone abandoned on the nightstand. Quickly he opened Nura’s messages—a bunch of question as to why she hadn’t been informed that her baby brother was secretly making out with a rock star—and typed in a heads up along with an apology for not saying anything.

“What time is it in Kazakhstan right now?” Yuri asked without taking his eyes off of his phone.

“Just past ten in the morning, I think,” Otabek said after calculating the time difference in his head. Just to be sure he opened the time app on his phone and switched to the world clock, Almaty appearing at the top.

“All right, thanks.”

“Will you tell me what you’re writing?” Otabek asked, curious.

“Nothing special or interesting, really, don’t worry about it,” Yuri said instead of giving him a proper answer. A minute later he clicked send. “Okay, Instagram, are you really, _really_ sure you’re okay with me posting the picture and everything? I mean I’ve posted pictures of us before so it’s not like people don’t know, plus Leo’s picture, but like once I post this, there’s no going back, well, besides breaking up with me or whatever.”

“That’s the last thing I want to do so yes, I am sure. Are you?”

Instead of answering the question Yuri typed away on his phone and a moment later a notification appeared on Otabek’s screen telling him that Yuri had tagged him in a picture, not the one he showed him but a different one the same series in which Yuri kissed his cheek while Otabek smiled, the caption not more than his handle, three emojis—the Kazakh flag, a heart and the Russian flag—and two hashtags—#boyfriend & #relationshipgoals.

 

* * *

 

**Me: Good morning, Nura, this is Yuri Plisetsky. I wanted to apologize for the media storm we kind of caused with last night’s picture, and the fact that Otabek probably didn’t tell you anything about him and I. That’s kind of my fault, so don’t blame him, please. I had him sign an NDA months ago and I’m sure he simply wasn’t sure if he could tell you or not.**

**Either way, I thought it’d be the right thing for me to do, text you myself to introduce myself, apologize and, in a way, thank you, I suppose. Your brother is a truly great guy and I can only count myself as lucky to have him here with me. When I showed up at his house earlier this year I didn’t think I would end up falling in love with him, but I did, and now I can only hope that you, and your family, will think of me as worthy of him.**

**I know I’m not your average person, which makes my life, and now his life, that much more complicated, but I will try my best to make this easier for him, to be there by his side when he needs someone. He really does mean a lot to me and I feel honored to be able to call him my boyfriend. I know there have been many things said about me over the years, the media branding me as selfish and kind of an asshole, but I will do my best to show you, and him, that I’m a good person underneath it all, that I have changed and that it isn’t who I am anymore.**

**Nura Altin: As long as you make him happy, I don’t care who you are or who you used to be. All I want is for him is to live a life that makes him feel content, happy. For me as his older sister it’s amazing to see him finally doing what he always wished to do, thanks to you.**

**Nura Altin: But, Plisetsky, I swear I will kill you with my figure skates, or strangle you with my golden medals, if you break my baby brother’s heart.**

**Nura Altin: PS. I like the picture you posted on Instagram. I always told Beka he should try eyeliner but he never wanted to listen to me. You look good and happy together.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on ACTUALLY making a detailed playlist but somehow I suddenly had ten songs and it just worked (I actually have like 15 but these ones fit the best). Also it felt so nice to just write our boys being happy and doing something nice without anyone crying or telling sad stories? I said the angst would subside and I hope this is keeping my promise. :)
> 
> Also finding all the songs on youtube and linking them took so long, omg, wtf. Hope you like them!
> 
> PS. Red headphones, anyone?
> 
> **Announcement: Since I have work to do, a revision of a project, I'll be switching to a chapter every two or three days for now because I can't possibly do both well at the same time. I hope you understand. I don't want to mess up this story by not being able to focus on it properly.**
> 
>  
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	13. Chapter 13

“I hope you don’t mind me coming along to Mila’s today,” Yuri announced during breakfast one morning at the beginning of October. It was normal for them to eat breakfast together in the morning and then split up until Otabek would return from work later in the day. After the initial work-in time, Yuri had stopped coming along saying that being at the studio when he couldn’t write a single lyric even if he tried was too depressing. Otabek could totally understand that, so he was surprised when Yuri said he wanted to come along today.

“Why?” he asked, curiously, after taking a sip of coffee.

“I may or may not have started working on a new song, a different one then ‘Train Wreck’, and I want to see if Mila will let me use one of her studios to, you know, play around and see if I can make something out of it,” Yuri explained sounding happy as he did.

“That’s great, Yura. What kind of song?”

Instead of answering Yuri pulled out his phone, typed something in and then slid it over to him with his notes app open. Otabek picked it up and started to read over what he could only presume were the lyrics of whatever song Yuri was talking about.

[ _Am I coy enough?_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HnsDH7mOnA)

[ _Not boy enough?_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HnsDH7mOnA)

_You wanted me in this dress_

_Or nothing else_

_You say I am_

_I am not scared enough_

_Prepared enough_

_You wanted me in distress_

_I've nothing left to fear_

_I am, I am here_

“Interesting lyrics,” he finally said just lightly concerned and wondering. “So what’s it about, really? I mean reading the lyrics is one thing but I know you, everything has some meaning.”

“Someone’s been paying attention, huh?” Yuri said, taking back his phone. “It’s basically about the expectations people put on me, what they want to see from me standing in conflict with what I want, the fact that maybe I don’t bring to the table whatever it is that they expect me to bring. Also the whole white thing, and the whole snow part in the working title, ‘Snow Cats’, basically white stands for purity, right? Well in context it would rather stand for this idealized version of me that people, and especially my Angel’s, see.”

Even if the meaning of the song was rather heavy, Otabek was fascinated. It was one thing to read up all these things online, yet hearing Yuri himself talk about it, explain it to him so almost casually, it was amazing, felt like a privilege Otabek never thought he would have.

“You have that worried and slightly sad look in your eyes, Beka, honestly, there’s no need for it. This is basically my way to deal with this, usually. I write it down, sing it, record it and save myself the time and money for a therapist or whatever,” Yuri said with a huff and something that looked like a carefree smile. "Don't sweat it, Beka, it's really not that deep of a song, I just talk a lot and that makes it sound like way more than it really is. It'll probably end up like many of my songs, thrown into the archive until I'll run out of money in like thirty years and scrap them all together for a ‘unreleased B-sides’ album to get some more money for shit songs nobody will like."

From all the ways Yuri could be dealing with his past and the pressure of being as big of a deal as him, writing songs as therapeutic measure definitely seemed like the healthiest way to do it. Seeing him write again at all was already such a good sign that Otabek almost forgot to worry, _almost_. Yuri was strong, a grown adult, so Otabek knew he could deal with his own stuff perfectly fine, but that didn’t mean Otabek wouldn’t offer his help without a second of hesitation. Then again a lot of artists wrote songs about bad breakups, toxic relationships, their history with drugs or near death experiences so it wasn’t like this was something no one else was doing.

“I’m sure it’ll be a good song,” Otabek finally said.

“Guess we’ll see,” Yuri said with a light shrug. “I have this guitar melody for it stuck in my head, honestly, I’ll go crazy if I don’t put that on record. I mean I could go and like record it here, it’s not like I don’t have the instruments and rudimental enough equipment, but if I go to Mila’s I at least get to occasionally watch you looking all focused and sexy doing whatever it is you do.” With a smile Yuri leaned in for a kiss as though to underline his words. “Honestly, I’ll probably never understand that side of music properly.”

“I can explain it to you.”

“As long as I get to listen to your voice, you could probably read out an instruction manual for a TV or lawn mower and I’d be fucking fascinated,” Yuri said and kissed him again. The thing was, Yuri could sing the alphabet forward and backward in English and Russian, and Otabek would probably still think it was a masterpiece simply because of Yuri’s voice so he could understand where Yuri was coming from. Though Otabek didn’t quite see where the appeal of his own voice was.

After breakfast and getting dressed they drove together to Mila’s on the bike, much to Chris disliking. He didn’t seem to mind when they went on nightly rides, but wasn’t fond of it during the day. It was easier to spot Yuri in broad daylight so it kind of made sense, but it wasn’t like they planned on walking around the city or at a mall. A few minutes of slightly annoyed complaining, explaining and a surprisingly small amount of cursing, Yuri managed to get Chris to let them go.

“Cheshire Cat, what a surprise,” Mila said, stopping dead in her tracks as Otabek and Yuri walked into the building. Quickly a smile grew on her face, her interest immediately piqued. “You want to stalk your boyfriend at work now, make sure Bambi doesn’t feel lonely, hm?”

“Actually I wanted to know if you have a studio free that I could use,” Yuri said ignoring everything Mila said.

“No sex in my studios, you have a whole penthouse for that.”

“Oh my god, you are the worst, Mila, what the fuck,” Yuri said with a huff while Mila started to full on grin, her eyes shining with amusement. “As if I would ask you about that. Fuck. No, I want to record music. Maybe you forgot but like I’m kind of a musician so that’s what people like me do sometimes.”

“You haven’t recorded anything in what, over a year as far as I’m aware,” Mila commented.

“Tell me about it. So, do you have a studio for me or do I have to go and find a different place?”

“You know there’s always a place for you here, Cheshire Cat, don’t be silly. Studio D is all yours,” she said and handed him a small silver key with a golden ‘D’ keychain attached to it. “Should I call up some guest musicians to help you record parts?”

“Tch, as if I need amateurs in my fucking studio. I can play everything I need just fine, thank you very fucking much.”

Despite having guest musicians with him on tour, Yuri was one of those few artists that insisted on recording their entire albums themselves, voice and instruments and lyrics. How Yuri could play all of them well enough for it to work was a mystery to Otabek. Sure he could play the piano and some guitar, but neither nearly well enough to be worthy of being recorded for anything, let alone an album or a single to be released to the world.

Having Yuri in the studio right next to Otabek’s definitely made work that little bit more complicated. Resisting the urge to wander into the studio and just spend the entire day listening to whatever Yuri was playing and recording was getting increasingly harder as time went on. Of course, as soon as Otabek’s break started a few hours later, he went to check on Yuri.

Looking through the window he could see Yuri standing further in the back with a black Fender in his hand, his fingers flying through different chords as he thrashed his way through a very loud and very heavy guitar riff, scratchy and rough. Yuri’s hair was flying everywhere as he got more and more into it as though he stood in front of an audience giving an elaborate show, presenting his talent to them. Otabek was in awe by both the music and Yuri himself, the passion with which he played, his eyes closed and lightly biting down on his lower lip, brows pulled into a light scowl. This was Yuri in his element, music running through his veins, the air he was breathing and the muscle beating in his chest, it was so easy to see.

The next time Otabek managed to sneak a peak Yuri sat behind a drum kit beating the shit out of it with his sticks, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, his hair in a bun that was definitely slowly falling apart. The beat was crazy fast, elaborate and just as loud as his previous guitar riffs. No wonder Yuri lost a percentage of his hearing since he started his career.

Slowly October progressed with Yuri coming along to the studio a few times a week playing random songs and recording vocals with the help of Mila’s most trusted employee. Mila quickly figure out that having Yuri around was tempting to say the least, so she piled even more work onto Otabek to keep him busy. Thankfully Otabek loved what he was doing, working with music just like he always wanted to, so he didn’t mind at all. Yuri found it incredibly amusing. Sometimes when taking breaks he would slink into Otabek’s studio, put his arms around him and just watch whatever he was doing over Otabek’s shoulder, asking occasional questions or pointing out that something sounded good or that something else could need some more work.

“Beka, would you be interested in mastering the song I’m working on?” Yuri asked somewhere halfway through October as they were both taking a break together. “I mean I know you’re busy and all so it’s okay if you don’t have the time.”

Somebody pinch Otabek because this had to be some sort of dream. He’d dreamed of working with Yuri fucking Plisetsky on an album, or just a single song, for years and now Yuri sat next to him on the couch with his legs in Otabek’s lap casually asking him to do just that.

“Even if I wouldn’t have time, I’d make time for you,” Otabek said earning him a kiss and one of those beautiful open happy smiles. Worth it, even if it meant he would have to work overtime. Otabek didn’t care.

“You’re the best,” Yuri said and kissed him again, and again, and a little more, their food quickly forgotten on the coffee table.

 

* * *

 

It was almost a little strange not to spend his birthday back at home after doing so for the past few years. Sure Otabek had spent several of them away while he was at Leo’s or JJ’s, but he’d gotten used to having his family around during the most recent ones. Yuri had offered to buy him a round trip ticket so he could go, but ultimately he declined and chose to spend it with Yuri instead.

Of course he woke up to a display filled with texts from his sisters and parents, as well as a bunch of messages in his group chat with JJ and Leo consisting of really bad puns and shitty memes. It made him smile all the same, quickly typing back replies before getting out of bed.

“Туған күнің құтты болсын, Beka,” Yuri said as Otabek walked into the kitchen. For a moment Otabek wasn’t sure what he’d just heard, convinced Yuri hadn’t even said actual words, until his still slightly sleepy brain kicked into motion a little more properly. He hadn’t heard anyone outside his family during phone calls talk in Kazakh, so hearing someone else speak it always caused his brain to malfunction for just a moment. Finally Otabek realized that what had seemed like gibberish to him a moment ago was actually Yuri’s attempt at wishing him a happy birthday in Kazakh. “Okay, judging by the expression on your face I’m going to assume I just butchered that way worse than I thought I did. Fuck, I even had Nura teach me how to do it properly and yet I still failed. Then again it’s not like I can speak completely accent free English after so many damn years either.”

“Рахмет, Yura,” Otabek said, smiling, touched by the fact that Yuri went as far as reaching out to his sister to learn those words. Leo and JJ once tried but, upon looking at the phonetic way of how to say it, they immediately gave up. “You did say it with a bit too much of a Russian pronunciation but I could still understand it so don’t worry about it. It’s the though that counts.”

“Since we don’t have time for cake, here’s a muffin instead,” Yuri said and presented him with a chocolate muffin with golden icing and a single lit white candle in the middle, his name written beneath it slightly messily in black. “Make a wish.”

At this point there really wasn’t much left that Otabek could wish for, having already gotten more than he ever dared to wish for. But, with one thing in mind, he leaned a little forward and blew out the candle and then kissed Yuri.

“Thank you,” he said once more.

“Don’t thank me yet,” Yuri said, the familiar mischievous glint shining in his eyes. “Instead go and get dressed, something comfy like joggers and a sweater will suffice since we’ll spend quite some time in the car.” That certainly explained why Yuri wore a light gray pair of joggers hanging low on his hips and one of Otabek’s sweaters, the very one he complemented him on after he showed up at his place the first time. But it didn’t explain, in any way, what plan Yuri was following, especially since it involved driving somewhere.

“Even if I ask, you won’t tell me where we’re going, will you?”

“Not a damn chance,” Yuri said with a grin. “So, come on, get dressed, Chris is already waiting for us.”

Curious as to what kind of crazy idea Yuri had come up with exactly, Otabek went upstairs, got dressed as instructed and soon they found themselves in the back of Yuri’s Audi driving out of Seattle and eating breakfast on the go. According to Chris the drive would take like two hours or a little more, which definitely made Otabek curious. He didn’t know the State of Washington nearly enough to even try and guess where they might be going, so instead he watched the scenery outside of the car and enjoyed the simple feeling of Yuri’s hand in his.

It wasn’t until they’d driven along endless forest lined roads for what seemed like way longer than two hours, and Chris put on the turn signal, that Otabek looked at what was ahead of them. Quickly he spotted a sign reading ‘Riverdale Raceway’. What was Yuri planning that involved a raceway? Were they going to drive around in sports cars, and if so why was this place seemingly in the middle of nowhere?

“So I might’ve talked to Leo and JJ,” Yuri began, probably sensing his confusion. “And they might’ve told me about that one time you guys went motocross together, since you wanted to try it and whatever, and they might’ve mentioned how you really seemed to like it but then never really had the money to go again.”

“What?” Otabek asked, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of thought Yuri seemed to have put into something as trivial as his birthday and whatever they could do to celebrate it. Not only did he talk to his sister, but also to Leo and JJ? He wondered, for just a moment, how much Yuri had to threaten them that they actually managed not to ‘accidentally’ spill any of this to Otabek.

“I may or may not have rented out one of their tracks just for us for today, along with an instructor, more for me so I won’t break basically every bone in my body since I so don’t know how to handle a bike, and everything else we might need.” Suddenly Yuri hesitated, the smile lightly faltering on his face. “Is that too much? Did I…go too far?”

“Too much? Probably, I mean I don’t even want to know how much money you had to pay,” Otabek started still trying to figure out what to say or think or do, “but no, you didn’t go too far, don’t even worry about that, come on, Yura.” Carefully Otabek raised his hand and touched Yuri’s cheek. “This is amazing. No one has ever done anything like this for me. Thank you.”

“How about you thank me after we’re done with this and somehow manage not to break something.”

“If you’ll keep on talking about breaking things you’ll end up actually doing it, at least that’s what my mom always used to say when I was little and afraid of trying something because of the tiny possibility of getting hurt,” Otabek recalled. He could still remember the day he first sat on a bicycle and was terrified of the entire thing. He kept on saying how he would surely fall and break his arm, which, in the end totally happened, of course.

“Only one way to test that theory,” Yuri said before getting out of the car.

Not even a minute later they were approached by a middle aged man all dressed in leather and armor looking like he was about to go into battle instead of motocross. His hair was shaved short and his eyes a muddy brown, the smile on his face wide with just a tiny hint of not quite real and genuine to it.

"You must be Yuri, Otabek and Chris," he said coming to a halt in front of them, his hand stretched out toward them. "I'm Samuel and I'll be your instructor for the day."

Before Otabek could voice the question of how exactly they could go on the track wearing what they were wearing, Samuel led them into one of the buildings and into a small side room. Inside were hangers full of clothes, mostly black with a few neon accents, helmets, boots, and gloves.

"Told you I got everything we'd need. I basically told Samuel our sizes and let him buy all this shit since it's not like I would even know what the fuck I would be supposed to get. I told him to get everything in three sizes per person just to be sure."

All of this must've cost Yuri a fortune or two, motocross gear definitely not belonging to the type of things considered cheap. Otabek was speechless. Yes, Yuri liked to throw his money at things, especially designer clothes he would probably either never wear or only wear once since he already had more than anyone could realistically need in a single lifetime, yet the fact that he was willing to spend that much on Otabek simply because he knew this was something he would like, Otabek had no idea what to say to that. There was no way he could ever repay him for this, nothing he could do or buy ever able to match the value of this.

Immediately Otabek could hear his mother’s voice in his mind reminding him that it was rude to think about the monetary value of gifts, that one should simply be thankful instead. And he was, extremely so.

Ignoring the fact that Chris was with them in the room, currently in the middle of taking off his shirt to change into his gear, Otabek turned to Yuri and pulled him into a kiss taking him by surprise. It didn’t take long for Yuri to melt into it, his arms around Otabek’s waist pulling him just that little bit closer. The temptation of just forgetting what they actually came here to do and instead just spending the whole day making out was insane but after a few more kisses, and a quiet though not so subtle cough from Chris, they broke apart.

There was something inexplicably sexy about Yuri dressed head to toe in leather and hard plastic armor, gloves and heavy boots with his helmet and goggles in hand, and his hair up in braids and a bun. Somehow, Otabek thought, this shouldn’t be so enticing yet somehow it was. Looking at Chris wearing almost the exact thing though with blue accents instead of white ones, he just looked normal, like any other guy wearing motocross gear.

The only conclusion to this was that Yuri really looked amazing in anything he wore, easy as that, and Otabek was insanely attracted to him. Not that either of those revelations were really anything new.

Once they were fully dressed they met up with Samuel at the track. Next to him stood four different bikes in different colors and of varying models, though Otabek’s knowledge of dirt bikes was rather limited so he didn’t know what their differences were. Quickly Samuel assessed everyone’s knowledge and experience level—turns out Chris and Georgi, who couldn’t come along because he caught the flue and was basically chained to his bed by his girlfriend, came to the track at least twice a month and were sort of really good at this—and then assigned everyone a bike of an appropriate level.

Chris took off down the dirt track while Samuel continued to explain a few basic rules for the track, safety measures, what to do in case either of them falls and other similar things. Otabek listened attentively and Yuri nodded along every once in a while. It was almost strange to see Yuri listen to a stranger talk for that long without interrupting or telling them to get to the point. Maybe he really was kind of afraid of somehow getting hurt. Victor would probably cry bloody murder if he did.

Getting on the track felt amazing, just like it did when he went with Leo and JJ, though Otabek liked to think that he was just a tiny bit better at it this time than last time. Slowly, way slower than Chris at least, Otabek made his first round trying to acquaint himself with the track, terrain and bike. The feeling was definitely different than on his bike at home or on Yuri’s, staying in control definitely more challenging but nonetheless a hell of a lot of fun.

Off in the distance Otabek could see Yuri practicing staring and stopping with Samuel. As for the fact that Yuri never drove a bike before it didn’t even look half bad, as far as Otabek could tell. It definitely looked like he was doing better than JJ had, then again JJ hadn’t taken all of it nearly as serious as Yuri seemed to. And to think he was doing all of this just for Otabek, it still felt unreal but amazing at the same time.

Two rounds later Chris challenged him to a race, which ended with both of them almost falling off their bikes in two different turns. Both of them laughed and continued their race, dirt flying everywhere as they went along, the sound loud mixing with their hollering goading each other on about who would win and alike. Even if Chris tried to carry himself with this very professional aura most of the time, he was actually kind of a fun person once he relaxed a bit and stopped insisting on calling him Mr. Altin at all times.

After a few slow rounds and an approving look from Samuel, it seemed like Yuri felt brave enough to join their races. Wordlessly Otabek and Chris agreed to take it down a notch to make it fairer though it was only a matter of time until Yuri would totally notice and get angry because of it.

“Having fun?” Yuri asked during a break resting his arms on the handlebars of his bike, his hair fuzzy and sticking out in every direction with a bad case of way too cute helmet hair.

“It’s amazing,” Otabek said, honestly, and smiled. “Thank you so much for this, seriously. I’m still kind of speechless at how much thought you put into this, and how much trouble you must’ve gone through to make it happen.”

“For you, Beka, anything,” he said and leaned over for a kiss tasting just a little bit salty, his words making butterflies explode in Otabek’s stomach, his heart beating just that little bit quicker. How anyone could hurt someone like him, someone so thoughtful and caring, loving and wonderful, Otabek would never understand and would never let it happen again.

Of course, since Yuri had talked so much about falling and breaking things, he did end up falling off his bike three times laughing hysterically each time. Fortunately he didn’t break anything though.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later they returned to the penthouse ready for proper showers and then a definitely well deserved nap. Both had been way too buzzed from racing and the adrenaline shooting through them to sleep in the car, even though they did try. Otabek had many birthdays but this one was definitely turning into one of his favorites, giving the time when his parents told him that, besides all the presents he’d gotten that year, he would also get another sister a good run for its money.

Together they fell into bed half an hour later, exhausted. Otabek could barely keep his eyes open at this point though sharing a few more lazy kisses with Yuri was just too good to not do it, running his fingers through Yuri’s soft hair still a tiny bit damp from his shower, and slowly drowning in the almost drunk way Yuri looked at him. Even just lying in bed and taking a nap together like that would’ve been more than enough as gift, as weird as it might seem. Otabek didn’t really care much for Yuri’s money, though on days like this it definitely had it’s perks and he wasn’t about to deny that it felt great to do something that was fun, and expensive, and for once not have to worry about every penny, but he would love Yuri all the same even if he were a poor street musician.

“I love you,” he said, quietly, the words coming over his lips naturally, feeling truer than anything, like a revelation overcoming him. There had been a few times before when he wanted to say that, but it never felt quite as right as it did in that moment.

“Beka,” Yuri practically whined. “You’re tired and half asleep, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I might be falling asleep, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

The blush dusting Yuri’s cheeks just then was beautiful, his almost shy smile something Otabek wanted to fall asleep and wake up to every day for the rest of his life if possible. “Happy birthday, Beka,” he finally whispered, kissing him softly.

Otabek didn’t mind that Yuri didn’t say it back, his actions more than enough on their own as testimonies of his feelings, besides, after everything Yuri went through, he could understand it and wait, remind Yuri of his love in the meantime because Yuri deserved to be loved and cherished all day every day.

Sometime later Otabek woke up from his dreamless nap, his body feeling so much better, the exhaustion almost completely gone, the part of it sitting deeper waiting for proper sleep instead. Slowly he opened his eyes to find Yuri peacefully sleeping next to him just like he’d seen him before falling asleep. Though, looking at him a little closer, Otabek was sure the braids in his hair hadn’t been there before. He was sure Yuri had his hair completely loosely when they lay down, but maybe he’d woken up in the meantime and braided it, for some reason. Or maybe he just didn’t remember it correctly.

Trying to decide if he wanted to sleep some more or get up, Otabek let his eyes wander a little further over Yuri’s sleeping form, his hand curled up in front of his chest, the gray shirt he wore that Otabek was sure was actually his and definitely hadn’t been there before either. Did Yuri get up at some point and change into different clothes? If so, why?

But what really caught Otabek by surprise, definitely confirming his theory that Yuri did get up, that his braids hadn’t been there before, were the light blue thigh highs paired with a matching garter belt and panties peaking out from beneath his shirt.

_Holy_

_Fucking_

_Shit_

This simply had to be some sort of dream because there was no way Yuri was actually wearing that. Not that Otabek was complaining, quite the contrary really, but it just seemed crazy, impossible and really unexpected. Sure Yuri wore a lot of crazy clothes, crop tops and high heels, skin tight pants and shirts showing off almost more skin than they were covering, but this still seemed like something Otabek would possibly dream off at night but never encounter in real life, never even as much as have the guts to talk about it with Yuri.

"Ah fuck," Yuri said, ripping Otabek out of his thoughts, squeezing his eyes shut only a second or two after opening them. "God fucking damn it."

"What's wrong?" Otabek asked suddenly alarmed. He'd woken up next to Yuri many times by now, yet the only times he ever cursed first thing after waking up was because his phone rung him out of sleep, and not because he’d looked at Otabek.

So maybe this wasn’t a dream after all?

"I fell asleep, that's what's wrong."

"Isn't that usually what you do when you take a nap?" Otabek asked even though, looking at Yuri's outfit and hair, he had an idea of what was wrong with the picture in Yuri's mind. What has happening, seriously, Otabek was both confused and curious by Yuri’s reaction as well as whatever led him to put on _that_.

"Well yes but I had this whole fucking plan, okay, but of course I blew it," Yuri said rolling onto his back and covering his face with his hands, half his words coming out muffled.

"And what exactly was that plan?" he asked, amused, assured that he hadn't done anything wrong after all, that everything was okay.

"I know you usually don't nap longer than an hour so I got up after you fell asleep and changed," Yuri slowly recounted. Otabek didn't realize that Yuri paid enough attention that he knew how long he napped, especially since he didn’t do it very often, didn't think he'd notice such a minor detail but considering that it was Yuri, he shouldn't have been surprised. "So when I got back I wanted to just, you know, wait the remaining time, watch as you sleep—honestly how can someone look that fucking hot when they sleep with their hair all fucked up around their face—but I guess I must have fallen asleep, too. The plan was for you to wake up, see me look all good and shit, and then to see what would happen next. I even had a song I recorded recently that I wanted to show you to, you know, set the mood or whatever. It's your birthday after all so I wanted it to be special, damn it."

"It was and is special, Yura, I mean no one ever rented out an entire motocross place for me nor slipped into bed next to me looking like the fulfillment of all my wishes and sinful thoughts turned bit a single human."

"You like it?" Yuri asked, hesitantly rolling back onto his side, a blush all across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He looked so breathtaking Otabek could barely believe that this wasn't just a dream, that it was actually real. Yuri Plisetsky lying in bed next to him wearing what had to be the sexiest outfit anyone had ever worn, especially since Yuri wore it just for him.

Otabek reached out and ran his hand slowly up Yuri's thigh, the lightly blue looking beautiful against his porcelain skin and contrasting against Otabek's own darker one.

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" he asked, his hand resting on Yuri's hip. "Just because it's my birthday, and I said that I love you, doesn't mean you have to feel pressured into anything."

After their initial conversation about the topic weeks ago, everything Yuri told him, Otabek wanted for Yuri to be sure about this, wanted to triple check, if needed, that this really was what Yuri wanted, and not him acting on whatever he thought Otabek might want or expect.

"I know," Yuri assured him and moved closer, their lips barely a breath or two apart. "There are other things we can do besides _that_ , if you want."

In that moment Otabek swore just kissing him, feeling Yuri’s skin beneath his fingers, his hands on Otabek's face and moving into his hair, even that would be more than enough, more than he would've ever dared ask for. The idea of exploring further, feeling more of Yuri, tasting him and kissing more of his body, just thinking about it nearly drove him mad.

“Then maybe we should stick to the plan,” Otabek said looking into Yuri’s eyes. Although he couldn’t see it, he knew Yuri smiled at that, could see it in the expression in his eyes. After a moment he closed the remaining distance and kissed him, slow and maddening, almost chaste compared to some other kisses they shared.

For just a moment Yuri broke away enough to push his hand under his pillow and find his tiny remote. With hungry eyes Yuri continued to look at him while pressing play, the remote quickly thrown on the nightstand and immediately forgotten.

[The room filled with the sound of a lone heavy guitar melody](https://play.spotify.com/track/4s9P15MhJw4DnkE93dYgBc) followed by Yuri’s voice after a good few seconds. Even though Otabek had been in the studio right next to him the whole time, had worked on ‘Snow Cats’ and ‘[Gorgeous Nightmare](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVNNXo8QFF4)’ for Yuri, he’d never heard him work on this song. It was slow and sensual in that rich natural way, instead of forced and fake. It was different from most of Yuri’s music, as were the other two new songs, but nonetheless enticing, Yuri’s voice velvet and smooth though with a little roughness in all the right places.

With quick moves Yuri repositioned himself so he was straddling Otabek, pulling him into another kiss, open-mouthed and hot, their hands wandering, exploring. Greedily Yuri pushed up his shirt and then helped him take it off completely, Yuri’s eyes looking wild, his hands tracing over Otabek’s chest and torso with silent fascination before they kissed again.

After a while Yuri’s shirt joined Otabek’s on the floor, Otabek’s eyes practically glued to Yuri’s now exposed skin. Sure he’d seen him without a shirt before yet the context was different now, the feeling something else, warm skin against warm skin as they kissed, bodies flushed against each other.

Slowly Yuri started to move his hips in almost perfect synch with the beat, their cocks dragging against each other creating just enough friction through the layers of clothes to make Otabek’s breath hitch in his throat, his grip on Yuri’s hips tightening ever so slightly. For a moment he felt like an overly excited horny teenager again ready to come just from that, the feeling simultaneously too much and way too little leaving him thirsty for more, greedy.

With a little less finesse than Otabek hoped for it, he flipped their position, Yuri lying on his back, his legs spread apart and inviting. He was so impossibly beautiful; Otabek still had no idea how he’d gotten just this lucky. They kissed again, slower this time yet not a bit less needy and just a little rough around the edges, passionate and almost demanding.

Otabek broke away to catch his breath before moving on to kissing along Yuri’s jaw, down his neck and along his sharp collarbones, stopping on one to kiss, suck and lightly bite just enough to leave a mark, the place carefully chosen so that Yuri could hide it with a shirt tomorrow. Observing and absorbing each of his reactions he went on to tease one of Yuri’s nipples with his mouth and tongue enough for Yuri to start making those amazing little sounds, quiet moans and groans.

Slowly he kissed his way further down Yuri’s body, watching every bit of skin he could see along the way, the ink on his arms and the tiger peaking out from the side of his ribs, as though he tried to memorize every inch, make a map of it in his mind, detailed and perfect so he could never forget, until he got to the garter belt. Quickly he unclipped it from the thigh highs and then looked back up at Yuri, the expression on his face wild, his pupils blown wide, his lips red and swollen, his braids and hair ruined in the best way possible.

“Are you really sure you want this?” Otabek asked, his fingers hovering over Yuri’s panties, the telltale wet spot on the front turning pale blue into a darker shade a dead giveaway of what Yuri was feeling, but Otabek needed to be sure.

Yuri nodded enthusiastically, once, twice.

“I need to hear you say it,” Otabek said. “I don’t want you to regret this afterward.”

“I could never regret doing anything with you.” Yuri voice was a little unsteady but sounding no less honest and throwing Otabek down onto his knees, metaphorically, since he was on them already, literally. “And yes I am sure, damn it.”

Yuri lightly raised his hips off of the bed while Otabek pulled the panties from his masterpiece of an ass and revealing his with pre-cum glistening cock before pulling them down his long gorgeous legs, throwing the panties onto their growing pile of clothes on the floor.

“You’re so beautiful, Yura,” he said, marveling over the angel like creature lying before him, a halo of hair, eyes so vividly green, intense and unique he’d recognize them anywhere, his skin flawless and fair.

Taking one of his legs, Otabek slowly kissed along the sensitive skin on the inside of his thigh while trying to catch every reaction from Yuri he got, his head falling back onto the pillows, his lips parted into another little whimper. Once he reached Yuri’s cock, his tongue slowly swirling around the head and along his slit, Otabek was sure he could get drunk just off of the now completely unguarded moans coming from Yuri. Eagerly he continued running his tongue along the underside of him and then finally taking the head into his mouth.

“Beka,” Yuri moaned and Otabek thought that would be enough to make him come even though he hadn’t even touched his dick yet. He’d never heard anyone say his name quite like that, wanted to hear it over and over again, intoxicating and mesmerizing, breathless.

One of Yuri’s hands moved into his hair, gripping at it, while the other bunched up the blanket they lay on, knuckles white, his back arched beautifully. Otabek had seen Yuri in many positions doing many things, yet seeing him give in to the pleasure quite like that, it was something that would haunt his dreams forever, more beautiful to watch and listen to than any masterpiece of unimaginable value.

“Beka, I…” was everything Yuri managed to say before he came with another loud and long moan that was somehow more satisfying to hear than anything Otabek had ever heard before. He continued sucking until he was sure he’d gotten all of it before sliding off of Yuri with a lewd pop.

“You okay, _tigryenok_?” he asked watching Yuri’s chest heave, his breathing crazy and heavy, his eyes closed as he slowly came down from his orgasm. Otabek swore it looked like Yuri was glowing just a little bit.

“More than fucking okay, holy fuck,” Yuri said, his voice hoarse from the sheer volume of that last moan. “If I’d known you could do that with your mouth I would not have waited this long.” Finally Yuri opened his eyes and looked at him, his expression bright as though he’d just found the biggest treasure mankind had ever known, smiling and his eyes shining.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Otabek said a little lamely but didn’t really care.

“Enjoy is not a nearly strong enough word. But now it’s my turn, it’s your birthday after all so it’d be unfair if only I got something.”

“You don’t have to. I’m perfectly content with what I got,” Otabek said and cocked his eyebrow.

“Don’t be ridiculous, _medvezhonok_ , besides, I’m pretty sure your dick would disagree with what you just said.”

So Yuri got his way—honestly how was Otabek supposed to resist when Yuri looked like that and even went as far as giving him another pet name, he was just human and weak after all and Yuri was the most enticing and brilliant being he’d ever encountered. Otabek nearly ascended into heaven in the process while losing his mind somewhere along the way, the image of Yuri with his perfect lips around his dick forever branded on his mind.

“I love you, too, Beka.”

Otabek was the luckiest guy on the planet and no one could ever convince him otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So new Yuri music, Beka's birthday, and me getting to write some smut for these two, plus looking into motocross since, yeah, I have no idea about that but once I had the idea, I had to do it.
> 
> Also, I have no clue what 'Snow Cats' by AFI is really about so I just tailored it a new meaning to fit the story. Plus neither Davey Havok's or Craig Mabbitt have the color of voice that I envision Yuri would have, but those songs kind of suited Yuri as a character so here you go. I know technically The Blancos exist in this universe but whatever, I wanted Yuri to have that song so...just roll with it ;) Also, yes, the 'Radio Lust' link leads to spotify instead of YouTube since I couldn't find the song on there. 
> 
> Mastering a song - basically polishing it up, correcting any possible inconsistencies in the mix etc. to get a song/album ready for distribution. 
> 
> Yuri's outfit was [totally inspired by this.](http://istehlurvz.tumblr.com/post/155334750369/this-is-incredibly-self-indulgent)
> 
> **Announcement: Since I have work to do, a revision of a project, I'll be switching to a chapter every two or three days for now because I can't possibly do both well at the same time. I hope you understand. I don't want to mess up this story by not being able to focus on it properly.**
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, SO much to everyone who sent me questions for Yuri. I had a really hard time picking out "the best ones" because honestly I would've loved to just take them all but this chapter is already WAAAAY too long. I'M so sorry if your question didn't make it but please don't be upset. I loved all your questions, honestly!  
> Thank you once more and enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Also #FuckJason

Yuri always hated getting out of bed no matter what fun activities might await him throughout the day. Not that any waited for him today, really, which didn’t add much to his enthusiasm. Besides, why get up when staying in bed wrapped up in Otabek’s arms was so much comfier and nicer than having to deal with interviewers, Victor, Yuuri, and a gig in the evening.

But Yuri knew he had no choice, better get up on his own than have Victor march into their room and drag him outside. That might’ve happened a few times across the years, and by a few Yuri meant a fuck ton of times. Once Victor even moved as far as pouring a glass of ice cold water onto his face as means of waking him up, which resulted in Yuri yelling furiously and Victor trying his best not to laugh while Yuuri stood somewhere in the background shaking his head at the entire scene.

As carefully as he could so he wouldn’t wake up Otabek, Yuri slid out of bed and hopped into the shower before trying to make himself look presentable enough in case the interview would involve pictures or videos, or both. Saving his better outfit for the gig, Yuri settled on a long sleeved Placebo concert shirt—meeting that band still belonged to the highlights of Yuri’s life, an evening he would definitely never forget though he wished he wouldn’t have drank just that much with Brian so his memories of it wouldn’t be quite that fuzzy around the edges—and a pair of tight black jeans together with his Alexander McQueen heeled boots. This time he wouldn’t have to dance in them for hours like at ‘Moonlight’ so he should be okay.

“Do you need help with your hair?” Otabek asked when Yuri walked back into the room.

“Why are you awake?” Yuri inquired, surprised, and handed Otabek his brush before sinking down onto the floor in front of him while Otabek remained in bed. “It’s way too early to be awake.”

“It’s almost ten,” Otabek said sounding lightly amused. Yuri loved with how much care Otabek ran the brush through his hair, loved the feeling of Otabek’s fingers running through it and pulling it into a few little braids. Every time he did it, Yuri found himself feeling more relaxed than he usually did doing basically anything, his eyes falling shut and his body turning boneless. If he could, this would be everything he would do most of the day, every day. “Besides I’m supposed to meet with JJ and Isabella at eleven thirty.”

“I will never understand why people meet this early, or maybe I’m just too used to sleeping in thanks to spending so much time on tours.” Yuri shrugged. “They’ll come to your gig tomorrow, right?”

“JJ is really excited to finally meet you, as is Isabella.”

“I’m definitely curious to meet him, too,” Yuri said. He’d talked to JJ a few times outside of the Skype calls he had with him, Leo and Otabek, and he seemed like an alright guy, just like Leo. Part of Yuri was really curious if JJ really had that lower back tattoo that Otabek mentioned all the way back at their second meeting. Judging by the fact that Leo really did have that piñata thing, JJ probably had his, too. But Yuri’s biggest hope in all of it was that JJ and Isabella would treat him the same way Leo had, not like Yuri Plisetsky the star but simply Yuri, Otabek’s boyfriend, just another guy, an equal and not someone ‘special’.

Yuri groaned when someone knocked on their door, knowing who stood behind it without having to check. Slowly Yuri picked himself up off the floor and turned back around toward Otabek, his hands gently cupping his face before leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Yuri joked and then pressed another kiss to Otabek’s forehead while most likely Chris knocked on the door again, impatiently. “I’ll see you tonight, if I’ll survive this stupid interview.”

“It’s just a few questions, _tigryenok_.”

“Just a few questions my ass,” Yuri said with a huff. “Depending on who’s asking it can be pure fucking torture, you’ll see soon enough.”

“Don’t be too mean.”

“Me, mean? How can you!” Yuri said with faux shock, his hand on his chest and eyes wide. “I’m wounded and may never recover.”

“I will be wounded in a minute if you let whoever is at the door wait any longer and Victor will murder me for making you late,” Otabek said, amused, a light smile on his face that only made leaving so much less appealing for Yuri.

“Just text Chris once you’ll be done with JJ and he’ll pick you up and drive you to the venue or whatever,” Yuri reminded Otabek, even though they’d already talked about this yesterday. “Love you, _medvezhonok._ See you tonight.”

“Love you, too.”

Finally Yuri walked away, grabbed his fuzzy black coat—who thought sending them to Toronto late into November was a good idea when it was just way too cold already—and opened the door to find Chris standing outside looking less than impressed. After closing the door they walked to the elevator in silence.

Just as they reached the elevator Yuri’s phone rang in his pocket. Quickly he pulled it out and smiled when he looked at the caller ID. He clicked accept and raised the phone to his ear.

“Hi grandpa,” Yuri said, cheerfully, and followed Chris inside.

One of Yuri’s favorite things about Chris was the fact that he didn’t speak any Russian, even after being practically glued to Yuri’s side for now almost four years. Of course he could say very basic things, introduce himself and answer questions about how he was doing, but that was it. That of course gave Yuri the false feeling of privacy during phone calls or during conversations about more private matter in Russian, knowing that Chris didn’t understand so Yuri didn’t have to worry. Of course, to piss him off, Chris tended to have entire conversations about Yuri with Victor in French, since both of them were fluent in it, knowing that in turn Yuri didn’t understand a thing. He could say basic things like hello or thank you, or the short phrases Chris taught him before his gigs in French speaking places, but that was about it.

Yuri wasn’t good with languages, English and Russian being the only ones he was fluent in. He picked up some very, very basic Japanese from Yuuri along the way, during his tours or the occasional vacation in Japan at Yuuri’s families’ inn. Yuri loved being in Hasetsu with its faux feeling of freedom, of Yuri not being a big deal since not a lot of people cared about his status in the small calm town.

It reminded him a bit of Seattle.

When he first moved there it was all crazy and chaotic with his fans trying to hunt him down, but after Victor released a passive aggressive statement asking them to fucking stop, everything calmed down. By the time Yuri moved into his penthouse his fans restricted themselves to just taking not so sneaky pictures of him whenever they spotted him in the city but never bothering him otherwise. People from outside of the city still tended to come at him squealing and asking for pictures and autographs, but he’d been through worse, really.

“Yurochka,” grandpa said on the other end of the line. “How are you doing?”

“I’m great. What about you? Is your back okay?”

“Don’t you worry about me, I’m doing just fine, thanks to you. There is something though I wanted to talk to you about, but it can wait if the timing is bad.”

“I have a few minutes so what is it? Are you sure everything is okay? Did mama say something stupid again?”

A few years ago his mother attempted to guilt trip his grandpa into accepting less of Yuri’s money, presumably so she and papa could have more of it. Once Yuri found out about it he’d been furious because how dared she try and do something like what. In turn, instead of spending less on grandpa, Yuri decided to give him even more money, hired someone to clean his apartment and a nurse that would check in on him every day and be on call whenever he would need her. Yuri much preferred to make grandpa’s life as pleasant as it could be over letting his ungrateful parents throw his hard won cash into the wind like it was somehow theirs, like they had any sort of fucking right to it.

“No, no, this has nothing to do with her, don’t you worry about it, Yurochka,” grandpa assured him and immediately Yuri could breathe that little bit easier. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that new boyfriend of yours. Sasha told me all about him.”

“Did she now?” _Of course she would_. “Well I hope she only told you good things because he’s great, really.”

“I just want you to be sure that his intentions are just as good as yours, Yurochka. I would hate for you to only get hurt again, it’s already been so hard on you the last times.” As if Yuri needed grandpa to remind him of that, the pain still like a dull ache present in the background on certain days, the scars remaining forever.

“Don’t worry grandpa, Otabek is different,” Yuri assured him as he stepped out of the elevator with Chris and they walked toward the lobby. “He really does love me.”

“You know I am happy for you, right? But are you really sure? The last one said that too, and we both know how it ended. Are you really sure this Otabek is a good one?”

“I love him, grandpa, and yes, I am sure, surer than with anyone before,” Yuri said though he could feel that nagging sensation slowly growing in the back of his head, like grandpa planted a seed of worries in his mind that hadn’t been there before and Yuri wanted to curse grandpa for it.

Yuri had no reason to doubt Otabek, no reason to question his motives or feelings, so why did grandpa have to do this to him? For once in his life he felt so sure about a relationship, why couldn’t grandpa just let him be? Of course Yuri appreciated that grandpa worried about him, wanted only the best, but Yuri was already so fucked from everything that was in the past, he really didn’t need this right now.

"Tu es en retard," Victor said as they came closer, of course using fucking French to piss Yuri off, as always, and probably to scold Chris for them being late. Yuri didn’t pay too much attention, listened to grandpa assuring him once again that he only meant well and that he hoped Otabek would make him happy, and that his worries would be in vain. Yuri hoped so too, now that this fucking sour feeling was nagging at him. He could really use a hug and a kiss right now to pull him out of this, damn it.

"Désolé,” Chris said wish a shrug—was that the word for sorry, maybe?—before a smirk grew on his lips. “Je suppose qu'il lui a pris une éternité à finir, si tu vois ce que je veux dire." Yuri was pretty sure he didn’t want to know what Chris just said, especially judging it by the slightly amused but also oddly concerned look on Victor’s face.

"Pourquoi a-t-il l'air troublé? As-tu lui dit quelque chose? Et avec qui est-ce qu'il parle? "

"J'pense que j'ai entendu le mot grand-père, avec des mentions à maman et Otabek." Well now at least Yuri was sure they were definitely talking about him and it took every once of willpower he had to not cut off grandpa and his story about a stray cat he’d seen on his walk earlier today and instead yell at Victor and Chris for talking about him in a language he didn’t understand on fucking purpose.

"Si ce type-là déconne et brise le coeur de Yuri, je jure que je le tuerai de mes propres mains,” Victor said and somehow his words sounded harsh. Was he upset because of something? Come on, they were maybe a minute late, what the fuck? “Sa dernière rupture a failli l'achever, et il n'aimait pas le type autant qu'il aime Otabek."

“Could you assholes have the fucking decency to not speak a language I do not understand, plus I’m pretty sure your fucking husband doesn’t either,” Yuri spat toward Victor after ending his call. “And while you’re at it, could we just fucking go already?”

“Someone’s in a bad mood,” Yuuri noted thankfully in a language Yuri did understand, a concerned expression on his face. “Are you okay, Yuri?”

“Fabulous,” Yuri said, though really he didn’t know why he was so grouchy all of a sudden. Just ten minutes ago, or even less, he’d been in a good mood without anything to worry about but now, he didn’t even know what he felt. _Fuck_.

“Is Nikolai okay?” Victor asked as they walked outside toward the car.

“Just fine,” Yuri said and sighed. “Gave me the worried grandfather talk, since he’s the only fucking adult in this fucking family that cares about me. Can we like not talk about this?”

“Sure.”

**Me: Can you tell me something nice? I need a little cheer me up.**

**Beka: You okay? Did something happen?**

**Beka: I didn’t get the chance to tell you, but you look gorgeous today, I love you and I can’t wait to see you on stage tonight. I’m sure you’ll be amazing and the crowd will loose their minds over ‘Snow Cats’. And if not, you’ll at least have me on the sidelines in awe of how amazing you are while wondering how I got this lucky to have you in my life.**

**Me: Thank you. <3**

Once they reached the studio Yuri felt much better already. Exchanging a few texts with Otabek, reading his words and feelings, was enough to sooth the worries in Yuri’s mind. He could trust Otabek, and he did, really, even if it was hard sometimes, even if it scared him at times, but somehow everything about Otabek made Yuri feel safe in a way everyone before him didn’t. With Otabek Yuri could be free, let his guard down and just be himself, didn’t have to worry about looking perfect at all times, wearing just his best clothes and always be in a flirty mood, be this warped fake perfect version of himself. No, he could walk around with a nest on his head and a wrinkled up shirt somehow knowing that Otabek still thought he was beautiful, reminded him of it with words and actions.

Already back in Almaty in that hotel room Yuri knew that Otabek was different. Yuri had given him any and all chances to reveal himself as just as much of an asshole as most people before him, but no matter how thickly Yuri put on his flirting, pulling the whole picture stunt with his robe and everything, Otabek had merely done what he’d been asked to do. He took the pictures and didn’t comment on Yuri’s appearance at all, didn’t say any of those flirty lines everybody else usually said, didn’t try to get close to him, touch him or anything like all the people before him did. And sure, Yuri would be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed that a part of Otabek definitely did react, but Yuri decided to see that as a complement, especially since Otabek didn’t act upon it, used his brain instead of his dick.

That’s when Yuri knew that Otabek truly was different; that he really wanted this, and that he wasn’t in it for Yuri, for his fame, money or his body, or all three of them, but for the music. It was something Yuri hadn’t encountered in years and he felt impossibly relieved. For such a long time he hoped, longed and wished he would meet someone like that again, and finally he had.

Grandpa was worrying for nothing. Otabek wouldn’t hurt him, wouldn’t do what Jason had done and wouldn’t treat him the way Jason had. Yuri didn’t know how he knew it, didn’t know how it was possible that he was just this sure about it, but the feeling in his gut told him he was right, that this was right, them together. Throughout the last more than seven months they’d spent together, Otabek hadn’t given him any reason to doubt him, his feelings and intentions, even despite his freak out after the whole picture thing. Yuri understood why it happened and the one thing that mattered was that Otabek had realized his mistake, apologized and promised to not do it again. And he hadn’t.

Yuri had given him plenty of reasons to flee as he showed Otabek more of himself, showed him just how damaged he really was, but instead of leaving the sinking ship, Otabek stayed and tried his best to show Yuri that he was worthy, that he was loved and deserving, all the things Yuri hadn’t felt in so long. He still felt doubt about it, if he really deserved any of what he had, if he truly deserved to have someone like Otabek in his life, but he was working on it. Eventually he would get there, someday.

“Mr. Plisetsky,” some guy said with a stupid grin on his face and his hand stretched out toward Yuri. “My name is Adam and I’m the host of today’s interview. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by.”

“Nice to meet you,” Yuri said, shaking his hand.

“If you could follow me, everything is ready and set up for you,” Adam said after greeting the others and exchanging a few quick words with Victor that Yuri didn’t pay any attention to.

They followed Adam into a big room with a stool standing in front of a white backdrop, a camera standing facing the stool, a bunch of soft boxes illuminating all of it. It was a good thing that Yuri had bothered enough to make himself look decent this morning, and he was thankful that Otabek had nicely braided his hair.

A woman came over to Yuri to powder his face so he wouldn’t glisten under the lights and to lightly fix the shadows under his eyes. It didn’t take long before Yuri was sat on the stool waiting for some sort of explanation while his eyes adjusted to the lights.

“This is an interview for our YouTube channel, RockShowTV,” Adam began to explain while Yuri had to try his best not to laugh at that amazingly uninspired name. “We asked your fans to send in questions for you via our social media accounts and then we picked out a bunch of them for you to answer.” At that Adam walked over to Yuri and handed him a stack of cards with printed out posts stuck to them. “Take your time, look through them and then just go ahead, introduce yourself and answer the questions on the cards. If you don’t want to answer one, just skip ahead to the next one. All of this will be edited so don’t worry about misspeaking or repeating yourself somehow.”

It sounded easy enough, easier and more relaxed than some of the interviews Yuri had over the years with uptight assholes trying to discredit him and his music no matter the cost. Yuri rolled his shoulders, sat up a little straighter and put on a smile before introducing himself. Adam gave him a thumbs up from behind the camera.

“All right the first question comes from poochie asked _what inspired the tattoo on your wrist?_ and here I have to ask, which wrist? The right one,” Yuri held up his wrist toward the camera, “was inspired by music, quite obviously I guess, while the left one,” he switched hands, “is quite frankly none of your fucking business.”

Yuri smiled sweetly while he could see Victor look just mildly annoyed by the ending of his answer. Honestly Victor really should be used to answers like that by now. That was still tame as for Yuri’s standards, seriously.

“yoshiyoshi asked _since you and DJ Altin are buddies, do you guys share a cat fanatic_?” Yuri read out and smiled a little. “Well, you see, he’s lucky Katya, my cat, likes him or else we would’ve had a serious problem. I don’t think he is quite as into cats as me, but that’s okay. I love them enough for the both of us.”

Lightly Yuri shook his head as he switched to the next card surprised that this interview wasn’t nearly as awful and painful as he feared it would be. Then again he should’ve known that his fans could ask good questions when need be, not all of them being crazy to a point of some kind of fucked up obsession.

“Speaking of cats, the next question comes from KittyKat who asks _How did it feel to perform for the first time?_ Let me tell you, KittyKat, performing in a school play or participating in a school talent show is a fucking walk in the damn park compared to standing on stage for your very own concert for the first time. As much as I’d like to tell you that I was totally chill, no problem, the truth is I was _terrified_. But I knew what I wanted so I went on that stage, sang my lungs out and now I’m here.”

Thinking about it now, that first concert felt like it’d been almost a lifetime ago. Sure it was a tiny gig with a tiny audience, especially compared to the crowds and venues Yuri now frequented and filled, but back then it seemed like a dream come true already. Little did sixteen year old Yuri know where his music would take him, the things he would achieve and the experiences, good and bad ones, he would make along the way. The ability to forget some of it would’ve been great, but at the end of the day, they were part of him, shaped him into who he was today—a questionable quality damaged product.

“Next up is a question from éclair _Is there one song that you ever regretted writing/releasing?_ First of all, your username now makes me want a éclair, fucking hell, and secondly, I don’t think so. Most of the songs I write are usually connected to some sort of memory or feeling. If I write it, it means that whatever I tried to capture with it needed to come out, no mater how sad or happy it might be. There are some songs I wish I would’ve worked on for a little longer before releasing them so they could be just that little bit better, but generally I’m happy with all the songs that have made it onto my albums so far.”

There was one song that was a non-single crowd favorite that would forever annoy the fuck out of Yuri because there was a single line in it that just made him cringe really hard every time he had to sing it. How he hadn’t noticed it when he wrote and recorded it was completely beyond him. Maybe if they would ever make a remastered version of the album he would change the lyric and pretend like it had always been that way instead of the original one, put the blame on the Mandela Effect or something.

“Another music related question comes from pictureperfectporcelain who asks _Is there a particular reason that you took a break from producing music, and what made you start again?_ ” Yuri read out and then lowered the cards to his lap. “Well fuck, that’s a deep one. The answer mainly consists of personal fucking reasons that are none of your damn business because there are things I very much refuse to discuss, but the important thing is that I’m back to writing music. Despite recent developments in my personal life, don’t worry, I won’t suddenly turn into some sappy asshole making romantic music. I plan on continuing just as hard as I started, the songs maybe even going a bit harder than on album number three. Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Yuri had seen too many artists change their music style after their life changed and usually it never ended well, especially if their new relationships ended a few months later and they were stuck with happy music that didn’t fit their style and mood anymore. Yuri definitely didn’t plan on ending up like that. No, he much rather wanted to use his music to work his way through all of his emotional shit hoping that it would help somehow, just like he told Otabek when he asked weeks ago.

“Okay, next question. This one comes from @WholesomeHowell who asks _okay but what really happened in vegas tho???_ ” Yuri paused for a moment, frowning before looking toward Victor. “Old man, do you know what this person is referring to? When was I in Vegas and did something scandalous?”

“You mean besides the last two times you were there for your tours and decided to go hard or go home?”

Yuri faked an innocent smile. “Precisely.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s referring to that one picture you posted during the last tour with those two British theatre guys,” Victor said looking down at his phone.

“Wait, you mean those tall gay guys, whatever their names were, Dan and Phil or something like that? I meet way too many people, damn.” Yuri lightly shook his head, though slowly he remembered them a little clearer, they were YouTubers or something on tour just like him because of a book or some shit like that, maybe. Or maybe Yuri was just confusing them with someone else. Victor nodded that, yes, that person most likely meant those two guys. “Well, clearly someone has been stalking my Instagram enough to dig up the picture from years ago, huh? I’m sure you want to know all about my crazy adventures with them, all about what we did drunk off our asses, but, unfortunately, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Yuri winked at the camera. “Read their book, I’m pretty sure they talk about it there. _Moving on_.”

“Maybe go for a few more and then it should be enough,” Victor said looking over at the interviewer guy, whose name Yuri had already forgotten again. The dude nodded.

“Fine,” Yuri said and looked through the cards again, picking out some that shared a certain theme. “Enough about music, I suppose, let’s move on to the topic that truly seems to have everyone’s panties in a bunch.” _Honestly same._ “These next two questions kind of work together. The first one comes from @beautifly92 who asks _so we digged up a little on your new eye candy and it turns out he participated in last year's contest for DJs to tour with you. Why didn't you chose him in that moment? Why now and not then?_ to which I can only say that, if that decision had been up to me, I totally would’ve chosen him. That isn’t to say that Emil Nekola isn’t good, because he is very good, but the decision hadn’t been up to me. The other question is from severeminx asking _how exactly did you get involved with that hot new DJ from Kazachstan?_ You know, that’s a really funny story. But, to make it short, I basically showed up on his doorstep one day and now we’re here.”

Yuri tried his best not to grin like a fucking idiot at that. It sounded ridiculous, and it was fucking ridiculous, but that really was how it happened. When Yuri decided to board that plane to Almaty all those months ago, not even for a second did he think things would turn out the way they had. To be honest, Yuri had no idea what he really expected to happen when he decided to go and just show up unannounced offering his help, but he was more than glad that he’d done it, that Otabek somehow started to like him even if he was acting a bit like an ass at first, more out of habit than anything else, though Otabek couldn’t have known that.

“Fitting to these comes a question from @Ain_hat who asks _What drew you to Otabek Altin_ and although I am very tempted to say his unfairly good looks, though that’s very true, it was actually his music, talent and passion. He knew what he wanted, knew what dream he was following, and he was willing to do everything it would take to get it. It reminded me of myself from years ago.”

As he spoke Yuri thought back to that spark in Otabek’s eyes when they talked about music, about how excited and nervous everything was still making him because it was still so kind of new to him. It was cute to see that in his eyes and Yuri dearly hoped he would keep that curiosity and goal-oriented glint forever, that Otabek wouldn’t take a wrong turn at some point and somehow end up like him.

No, Yuri wouldn’t let that happen as long as Otabek would keep him at his side. Otabek would receive the good fame experience, the one that didn’t include an endless stream of shitty parties that were never worth it in the end nor an abundance of people who would only interact with him because they wanted something from him, preferably his fame, money or body, or all three of them with zero regard for his feelings.

"I like this next question, it comes from @fukboytuan—interesting username—who asks _do you still experience language or cultural difficulties in the US? And does ur new bae speak english or do u guys speak russian together?_ ” Yuri read out. “I’ve been living in the US for years now so I don’t really experience any cultural difficulties anymore, not really. I still get weird looks from people when I mention that I don’t celebrate Christmas the way Americans do, since we don’t have that in Russia, but besides that it’s chill. When it comes to Otabek, when it’s just the two of us we speak Russian, but he can speak English perfectly fine. Sometimes I think he might actually be better at it than me, asshole.”

Yuri huffed out a laugh at his own words and watched as Victor shook his head in the background while Yuuri had a tiny smile on his face. Up until this point Yuri had never really thought much about languages nor how much he missed the possibility to talk Russian on a daily basis. He spoke it with grandpa and Sasha on the phone whenever they called, which wasn’t very often, or with Victor and Mila if it was just the two of them, or occasionally Georgi when he came by, but that was it. Everyone else Yuri worked with required him to speak English, which made sense considering he’d chosen to live in the States. Maybe one day Yuri would return to Russia, though definitely not to Moscow, even if that meant he would continue living away from grandpa. St. Petersburg was nice, maybe he would move there one day, or maybe he would end up somewhere completely different with Otabek, who knew, only time would tell.

“Now comes a long question from someone named Diamond Winters, if that’s your real name, I’m officially jealous, just so you know,” Yuri said with a little laugh. “Okay, let’s see what you have to say. _Yuri! Hi, my name is Diamond Winters, and I'm the president of the official Otabek fanclub, the Otababes!_ Wait, there’s a fanclub? First of all, why the fuck was I not invited, I should be like the honorary member or something, and secondly, where’s my shirt, I mean you surely have some, right?” Yuri could see Victor try his best not to start laughing, his hand covering his mouth, and Yuuri looking almost exactly the same next to him. “Moving on, _first, I just want you to know that I love you, and your music! You are my absolute favorite artist other than Otabek_. Well thank you. _Second, congrats on snagging Otabek, he is HOT!! You're so fucking lucky!_ Hell yeah I am. _Okay, so here's my question: will you and Otabek ever work on a project together? Like will you ever write a song just for him to remix? That would be so cool! Anyway, thanks for all the awesome tunes, and give that hunk of a boyfriend a huge kiss from all us Otababes!_ I like this message and your question. I would definitely want to work with Otabek on a track. I think he could really work some magic and make something amazing. I can’t promise anything, but if he’s interested, tell him to call me.”

Yuri winked into the camera knowing how dumb his answer was.

“The next question fits quite well and comes from MadamRed who said _Hey, Yuri!!! We're dying to know... Is DJ Altin a good singer?! If so, would you ever consider collaborating on anything? <3 from Latin America. _Hi back to you to Latin America! DJ Altin, although he would never say so himself, has a great singing voice. He doesn’t let me hear it often, but what I heard was pretty fucking amazing. Who knows maybe I’ll be able to convince him one day to at least give the idea a try.”

Of course he could mention that a surprise was waiting for the people attending Otabek’s gig tomorrow night, but Yuri decided against it. He didn’t want to spoil it, plus he didn’t even know when this video would be posted exactly and, should it be posted days after the gig, it wouldn’t matter anymore. News would travel fast and things were about to change.

“And the final question comes from aypreal who asks _some fans claim that Mr Altin is only using you as his gate in this industry, what can you say to that?_ ” Yuri’s face fell as he finished reading out the question, his good mood vanishing and being replaced by the sour shit he felt before laced with anger. “I’m fucking done,” Yuri declared, threw the cards over his shoulder, got up and walked out of the room not giving a fuck that Victor probably wanted to murder him right about now or if the interviewer guy had anything more to say to him.

 

* * *

 

“Yuri is in a bad mood,” Chris announced once Otabek got into the car and closed the door. Just like he’d discussed it with Yuri, Chris came by two hours before Yuri’s gig to pick him up from JJ’s. “So maybe avoid any and all questions regarding the interview.”

“What happened?” Otabek asked curious but also concerned. He’d been feeling a bit uneasy since Yuri’s texts that morning asking for a pick me up and felt even more uneasy now. What could they possibly have asked Yuri that threw him off his game enough that Chris would ask Otabek to avoid the entire thing all together?

“I’m not entirely sure. I wasn’t present during the interview but it ended with Yuri basically storming out of the building fuming with anger.”

“Will he be okay enough to go on stage?” Otabek asked and looked at Chris who just looked out on the road ahead of them.

“Believe me he’s gone on stage feeling far worse than this so don’t worry,” Chris finally said after a moment of silence with a small shrug. Somehow those words did nothing to calm Otabek’s worried mind, rather did the exact opposite really. “After some of the things that happened in the past we were sure we’d have to cancel shows or reschedule because Yuri was just really barely hanging on but he put his brave face on each time, went on that stage and performed some of his best shows as though purely fueled by spite. If it weren’t so sad it’d be actually kind of impressive. After the whole Jason thing, I was sure that that would be it, the end, but obviously Yuri pulled through since we are here today.”

“Jason?”

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you that story, sorry,” Chris said and finally looked at Otabek apologetically before averting his eyes back on the road. “But I’d advice you to not bring it up today.”

“No, of course not.” Was Jason one of those people Yuri had mentioned that night after their kiss, one of the people who used him and then left? Part of Otabek didn’t want to know, while the other wanted to know all about it no matter how much he knew it would piss him off.

“For what it’s worth, I think you are good for him,” Chris continued. “He seems calmer since you showed up, more relaxed in a way. It’s been years since I last saw him like that, if ever really. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still just as much of a swearing diva as he used to be going off on Victor like it’s his job, but something has changed about him. Thank you for that.”

Otabek wasn’t quite sure what to say to that while a blush made it onto his cheeks. Did he really somehow influence Yuri enough that it was actually noticeable to the people around him? As long as Otabek’s effect on him was positive, made him happier, Otabek was glad. Yuri deserved to live his life just the way he wanted and be treated accordingly, with care and genuine affection, be happy and enjoy it.

A few minutes later they arrived at the venue, a relatively small but very stylized place covered in stickers and graffiti designs of punk looking characters, roses, guns, names and logos of different bands and the smell of beer. Compared to the venues Yuri usually played at, this seemed almost laughable but Yuri said he wanted something small, a mini gig so to say. They didn’t even fly in Emil but instead asked some local kid to open for Yuri.

Quietly Otabek followed Chris inside through the backdoor and through the backstage hallways toward Yuri’s dressing room, the only dressing room the venue really had. Once they walked inside Victor finished whatever he was saying before he and Yuuri excused themselves leaving along with Chris.

“Beka, would you mind braiding my hair again? I don’t have the nerve for it right now,” Yuri asked looking up at Otabek through the mirror instead of turning around. That in and of itself was a bad sign.

“Of course,” Otabek said and picked up the brush lying in front of Yuri, slowly running it through the entire length of his hair. Between strokes he placed a kiss on the crown of Yuri’s hair coaxing the smallest of smiles, barely visible, onto Yuri’s lips.

“Before you ask, can we like not talk about it? At least not now?”

“We don’t have to talk about it at all if you want,” Otabek said, even if his twisted curiosity and enormous mountain of worries were slowly driving him crazy. If Yuri wouldn’t want to talk about it, he would accept that without arguing. Carefully he picked out a few strands of Yuri’s hair and braided them pretty loosely. Otabek knew that tight braids usually gave Yuri a headache, and no matter what Otabek would do to his hair it wouldn’t survive the gig either way, so why add on to his troubles.

“Thank you.”

They stayed quiet while Otabek continued his work and Yuri just sat there with his eyes closed. Otabek imagined this moment a little differently, imagined Yuri still being in the same mood as in the morning laughing with him and smiling, but it seemed like it wasn’t supposed to be like that.

“Tell me about your meeting with JJ,” Yuri said after a while. “I saw some of the pictures you posted. You look so happy on them.”

“It was nice to hang out again in person after so many years,” Otabek said with a smile. “I forgot how funny hanging out together could be, somehow. He has a new tattoo, which he didn’t tell Leo and me about. In addition to the maple leaf on his arm he also had lines from the national anthem inked beneath it.”

“That national pride is really strong in him, huh?” Yuri asked with a light huff.

“I guess so,” Otabek said while putting the finishing touches on Yuri’s hair. Half of it was loosely braided and the rest left untouched, all of it gathered into a loose ponytail so it wouldn’t all fall into Yuri’s face and stick to it halfway through the gig. “Isabella gave me a black little gift bag for you. She said you know what’s inside and refused to tell me what’s inside when I asked. I left it in the car.”

“Awesome.” Yuri smiled again, a little bigger this time, a glimpse of sunshine on the horizon as though his mood was slowly getting better. “I won’t tell you what it is, either, by the way. You’ll see soon enough.”

“Every time you say things like that I feel like I should prepare for the worst.”

“Don’t, this is something maybe a bit stupid but I’m sure you’ll like it,” Yuri assured him. “And thank you, for the hair.”

“Any time,” Otabek said and lightly kissed Yuri’s temple from behind. “You look great.”

Admittedly, as far as Otabek could tell, Yuri didn’t wear anything too flashy but it still looked good, a loose black shirt hanging off of his right shoulder with a replica of his tiger tattoo stitched onto the front in glitter accented silver, a pair of ripped black jeans and boots that looked almost like the one he’d worn for Otabek’s gig at ‘Moonlight’ but without the crazy heels. There was a bit of eyeliner around his eyes and glitter on his eyelids, but nothing too over the top. His spike piercings were back on his ears and his fingers littered with rings of various sizes and designs, silver and golden ones, some with black stones others with engraved shapes or words.

“Ten more minutes,” Victor said, his head poking in through the door before he disappeared again.

Stretching his arms above his head Yuri got up from his chair and turned toward Otabek. “Beka, could you just like, I don’t know, hug me or something?”

Without saying anything Otabek stepped closer and pulled Yuri into a tight hug. Yuri buried his face in the crook of Otabek’s neck and his sighed lightly, holding on even a little bit tighter seemingly craving the contact, knowing that someone was there. If it would help him, Otabek would stay like this all night and just hold him.

The second Yuri stepped on stage his entire demeanor changed, his back seemed straighter, a smile slipped onto his face that looked almost completely genuine and he greeted the crowd with enthusiasm and happiness ringing in his voice. The response was almost deafening.

Standing on the side of the stage just out of view together with Victor and Yuuri, Otabek watched Yuri bloom in his element, jumping around the stage and engaging the crowd, encouraging them to sing along or clap their hands. Watching Yuri in the studio was one thing, yet this was something else. It wasn’t the first time Otabek saw him on stage, but the first time he saw it happening live and only about a handful of meters in front of him.

Victor and Yuuri smiled as they watched Yuri, Victor holding Yuuri from behind resting his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. Chris sat on a chair a little further in the back with his phone out, relaxed, knowing that there were enough security people around so he didn’t have to worry about Yuri’s well being for however long the gig would go.

When Yuri started to sing a cover of ‘[Hole in the Earth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnI_QIXU058)’, Otabek pulled out his phone and shot a few pictures, uploading them to his Instagram without captions. It was one of Otabek’s favorite songs and he found it kind of touching that Yuri would chose to play it at the gig, Yuri looking back toward them every once in a while. The crowd swayed along with the quieter moments of the song, Yuri singing some of it with his eyes closed. His voice fit the song perfectly, every word sang with the right amount of emotions, captivating.

“Next up is a new song,” Yuri announced while a roadie rushed over to hand him one of his guitars, the crowd screaming back at Yuri even louder than before, “not the one I announced I would show you tonight, though don’t worry, we’ll get to that one later, but another one. I wasn’t going to play it yet but I changed my mind. This is ‘[Killing Loneliness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ9JdDAbKH0)'.”

The first piano notes echoed through the venue, the tension among the crowd growing, before the rest of the band joined in followed by Yuri moving close to his microphone stand as though he was carefully touching a lover, his hand hovering around the microphone as he sang. The crowd nearly lost their minds with every new word, more phones raised above their heads trying to take pictures or record pieces of the song. The song sounded quite different from everything else Yuri usually played but no less intriguing, his voice fitting with the instrumental perfectly, the words working and filled with emotions. As the song went on Yuri got more and more into it, singing and playing passages on his guitar along with his guest guitarist.

_With the warmth of your arms you saved me_

_Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you_

Otabek nearly died as Yuri looked back at him as he sang those two lines, Yuri’s finger pointing directly at him during the second one as though to make sure that the message came across clear enough. The crowd went completely haywire at the display screaming the words or just screaming in general, pictures being taken with phones and cameras. Twitter would be full of theories and stories about this very moment later tonight, Otabek had no doubt about it.

Yuri threw back his head as they went into the instrumental part of the song, his body shuddering with every beat of the drums, hard, like a wave crashed over him and the crowd, his eyes closed before he started to sing again.

Next up was ‘[Unsteady](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0lw3qylVfY)’ in its original version, everything seemingly slowing down, the crowd raising their phones into the air like people used to raise up their lighters while the stage lighting was dimmed. Yuri returned to his microphone stand and remained seemingly glued to it throughout the entire song, his eyes closed, his hands hovering near the microphone once more. There was so much feeling in the way he sang, his voice showcasing various layers and dimensions, its rich velvet color. It was the song that started it all so many months ago, emotional and beautiful.

_If you love me, don't let go_

_Hold_

_Hold on_

_Hold on to me_

_Cause I'm a little unsteady_

A few tracks later Yuri finally revealed ‘[Snow Cats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HnsDH7mOnA)’ to the crowd, earning him even more excited screams, some people in the first few rows might even have started to cry though Otabek wasn’t quite sure. All in all the gig was a giant success, not that anyone doubted that it would be. Despite his mediocre mood throughout the day Yuri put on an amazing show, walking off stage smiling and sweaty, his hair sticking to his face and neck.

“I thought you didn’t want to play that song yet?” Victor asked as he handed Yuri his coat on the way back out to the car.

“Changed my mind, it just felt too right not to do it, you know?” Yuri said between gulps of water, panting. Otabek was in awe over how Yuri could go crazy on stage, run and jump around and at the same time never miss a single beat, not a single word. He was a master at his art, easy as that.

Otabek’s phone buzzed in his pocket repeatedly and he simultaneously was and wasn’t surprised by the text waiting for him.

**Leo: What did I hear about Plisetsky declaring his love for you on stage with a brand new song?**

**JJ: What was the whole saving thing about tho?**

**Leo: It’s called being romantic, you wouldn’t understand.**

**JJ: Fuck you, church.**

**Me: I have no idea what you two are going on about … ;)**

“Let me guess, the rumors are going wild and your friends are inquiring if it’s all true?” Yuri asked and bumped Otabek’s arm lightly with his.

“Sometimes I wonder if they actually have lives outside of stalking what’s happening online,” Otabek joked and lightly shook his head.

“I think it’s called caring about someone. Anyway, did you like it?”

“Loved it,” Otabek said, honestly, and slipped his phone back into his pocket before putting his arm around Yuri’s waist as they walked. Otabek smiled only more when Yuri leaned down and kissed his cheek, though seemingly not content with that Yuri stopped walking and pulled Otabek into a proper kiss forgetting all the people around them.

Maybe the gig managed to pull Yuri out of the bad mood he’d been in somehow, or at least Otabek hoped it was so.

Unfortunately Otabek’s hopes were proven to be all in vain when he was pulled out of his sleep in the middle of the night by the sound of whimpering and mumbling coming from Yuri. Normally Yuri barely made any sounds as he slept, rarely even lightly snored, yet now he was curled up on his side with barely distinguishable words slipping across his lips in a strange mix of Russian and English. Otabek’s heart sunk even more as he heard his own name somewhere in the mix said with so much pain and desperation it nearly killed him, followed by another name. Jason, maybe? Who was that? Wait, hadn’t Chris mentioned a Jason earlier today?

“Yura?” Otabek asked, his hand lightly touching Yuri’s shoulder, his body immediately going tense and Yuri’s eyes flying open. “It’s okay, you were just having a dream.”

“Beka?” Yuri said, turning his head to look at him, his eyes filled his tears, his voice weak and sounding almost a little surprised or maybe relieved, or possibly both. Before Otabek even realized it Yuri turned around fully and flung himself into Otabek’s arms while quietly crying into his shoulder. Otabek put his arms around him and lightly drew soothing circles with his hand on Yuri’s back just like he’d always done for Amina when she came into his room at night after a bad dream. “It felt so real and I was so scared.”

“Whatever happened none of it was real, no need to be afraid, no one is going to hurt you,” Otabek said quietly while continuing to run his hand over Yuri’s back and the other lightly through his hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You…you disappeared one day and just left a note behind saying that you didn’t need me anymore, that you don’t love me,” Yuri said, his words marked by more tears, his body lightly shaking. “And it hurt so bad.”

“I could never do something like that, I’d never even want to do it,” Otabek assured him, the mere idea making his heart ache. “I love you, Yura, and I don’t plan on leaving any time soon. I will stay as long as you’ll want to have me. In your dreams you said a name, Jason or something, did he do something like this to you?”

At that Yuri pulled away and sat up, his shoulders still shaking, the tears still coming silently. For a while he said nothing, just sat there until he finally nodded.

“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much.”

Yuri closed his eyes and took a deep breath before letting the air out shakily. Carefully he reached out and took one of Otabek’s hands, running his thumb across his knuckles as he began to speak.

“Jason was a guest musician during the last leg of my tour for album number two, a guitarist. He was fun and nice, treated me like I was just one of the guys and not the star they supported on stage. I liked him, took him to parties with me, something I’ve never done with any of the guest musicians before him, simply because I enjoyed his company, things like that,” Yuri said, his words quiet and unsteady. “Remember how I told you that people used to tell me all the things I wanted to hear just so they could use me? He was one of them, the worst of them all actually. Jason made me feel loved for the first time in a long time and I really thought he did truly love me. That was until I woke up one morning, alone, and found a note on my nightstand written by Jason saying that he’d gotten what he wanted out of me and now didn’t feel like bothering anymore.” Yuri paused for a moment while Otabek felt more speechless than ever before in his entire life. “Do you know what the worst thing was about the entire thing? The one thing that ultimately broke me?”

Otabek wasn’t sure if he wanted to know because how could that story possibly turn even worse than that. What kind of a fucking heartless monster did you have to be to do something like that to someone as special, wonderful and loving as Yuri, or any damn person in general? He nodded anyways.

“Fuck the note, I’ve been there before, well maybe not quite as devastatingly as that time but still. No, the note I could’ve somehow dealt with. The worst thing about it all was that the fucking note was accompanied by a fifty dollar bill like I was some cheap whore.”

No wonder Yuri spoke of loneliness, of the fear of giving himself entirely to someone, of trusting another person with himself, why he preferred to write sad pleading songs over facing his feelings toward another person hoping they would hear his plea instead and be there. Otabek knew Yuri had been through awful things, Yuri had told him so himself, yet this, this was something he had no words for, none at all.

There was impossible anger, deep fury and rage like he wanted to hit something—preferably that asshole—but also pain, the feeling of his heart shattering into little pieces as he looked at Yuri crying and looking so vulnerable and strangely small even though he was anything but. For years Otabek thought that Yuri had everything any person could wish for, yet it seemed like all his fame had done for him was break him instead of empowering him. Sure Yuri could help his family, give money to his grandfather and pay for Sasha’s education, but the price at which it all came, it seemed too much for a single person.

How was it possible that no one noticed? That Victor and Chris didn’t do anything about this, that they didn’t keep Yuri safe? Sure he was an adult and could do whatever he pleased, but didn’t they see how much all those people hurt him? Didn’t they see the pain in his eyes, the wounds they left across his heart, the fear they instilled in him?

“I’m so sorry, Yura,” Otabek said because he truly didn’t know what else to say. What could he say? Lost for words he pulled Yuri into a hug instead, holding him tight against his chest.

“After I left our room in the morning grandpa called me voicing his concerns about you, worrying what if you’ll be a repeat of Jason,” Yuri continued. “I assured him that you wouldn’t do what Jason did.”

“Is that why you texted me?”

“Yeah. After that I felt better, your words calmed me down or whatever. But then during the interview the final question was about how some of my fans think you might be just using me as easier way to get into the industry and I just, I don’t know, I kind of lost it. I was just so angry, you know? What right do they all have to doubt, especially since it’s none of their fucking business? But the damage was done.” Yuri paused and pulled away then, far enough to look at Otabek’s face, to look him into the eyes. Otabek could see this streak of uncertainty in them, this ghost of pain slashed across it, worries and fears. Now he understood clearly where all of it was coming from and he couldn’t blame Yuri for any of it. If Otabek would’ve gone through all of that, he would also struggle with trusting and loving someone again. “You wouldn’t do something like that to me, would you?”

Otabek raised his hand and wiped away one of Yuri’s tears with his thumbs, watched as Yuri leaned into his touch, like a silent way of saying that he trusted Otabek despite everything, the things others had done to him, the many times his trust had been abused.

That simple gesture was enough to make Otabek tear up just a little too. He felt grateful and somehow honored, in a sense, by the fact that Yuri somehow saw him as trustworthy, that he believed in his words and actions, enough to let his guard down and give him a chance.

Yuri was undoubtedly the bravest and strongest person Otabek knew.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that but I promise you will never have to do it again. I might fuck up in the future, I can’t promise with a hundred percent certainty that I won’t, but I will never hurt you like that intentionally. I will never and I could never because it would feel like ripping my own heart out and stomping all over it. I can’t erase what was in your past, can’t erase what that asshole did to you, but I can help you make the future brighter, help you move on and find happiness instead, if you want me to, just like I promised you before because I genuinely and with all my heart love you.”

“I love you, too,” Yuri said quietly, barely more than a murmur. “I love you so much it honestly scares me. Stay, _please_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...that happened. Yuri cried, Beka cried, I cried. After 11 chapters I finally explained what was going on in Yuri's head during the robe scene in chapter 3 (see, I didn't forget about it) and explained some more of Yuri's past like I promised myself that I would, since I didn't like just how vague it was.
> 
> A massive thank you to otayuriistheliteralbest on tumblr, as well as a friend of mine's mom, for translating the French for me for this chapter! Here is the original in English:
> 
> Victor: "You're late."  
> Chris: "Sorry. Guess it took him forever to finish, if you know what I mean."  
> V: "Why does he look sad? Did you say something to him? Also, whom is he talking to?"  
> C: "I'm pretty sure I caught the word grandfather, along with a few mentions of mama and Otabek."  
> V: "If that boy screws up somehow and Yuri will break all over again, I swear I will murder him with my own hands. The last one nearly killed him, and he wasn't nearly into that guy as into this one, so I do not want to see what would happen if this would end badly."
> 
> Another massive thank you goes out to yuppy-art who [drew this amazing Unsteady art!](http://yuppy-art.tumblr.com/post/160023341912/unsteady-fanart-honestly-if-you-havent-read-that)
> 
> Speaking of art, the lovely [severeminx](http://severeminx.tumblr.com) sent me a link to this amazing art of Yuri done by kawaiilo-ren saying that it's basically what Unsteady Yuri looks like, [and DAMN I can only agree.](http://kawaiilo-ren.tumblr.com/post/160005664315/a-tiny-otayuri-mafia-yuri-i-did-while-waiting-for) I mean the robe scene, anyone?
> 
> I promise Chapter 15 will be a fuck ton of fun. I have a lot of silly stuff planned for it, plus something that you've all been waiting for, so don't worry, the angst is not here to stay, probably... ;)
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate the Yuri!!! on Ice movie being announced, here's a new chapter!
> 
> Enjoy! :3

**Victor Nikiforov: Could you meet me in our room, 635? I have something to discuss with you.**

Victor was a highly regarded man in the music industry, someone who used to manage some of the biggest stars, most of them multi-Grammy winners, before dropping all of them to focus solely on Yuri years ago. Victor was known for being a tough negotiation partner who never shied away from fighting for only the best deals for his artists, the best venues and the best prices, usually getting his way with the use of his charm and brilliant sense for business, finance and inter human relations.

An outcry of confusion and wonder had crashed in on the music world when Victor took on Yuri, his career soon turning into one of the most promising of the past decade. In record time Yuri landed one of the best record deals for his first album, a second one included in the deal and business plan for the coming years. The tickets for his tours selling quicker than most other artists, the venues only growing in size as the years went by, the awards coming in along with quick but steady success that never seemed to lessen. As much as Yuri was a master of his art in the studio or on stage, Victor was a master of everything and anything that happened behind the scenes.

That, of course, made receiving a text like that from him nothing less than intimidating and somewhat worrying. Slowly Otabek rolled out of bed, somehow managing not to wake up Yuri, and quickly got ready. Otabek didn’t like letting people wait, especially not when it was Victor Nikiforov of all people. The only time Otabek had ever interacted with him had been back when the whole picture thing happened, at Mila’s when he came by to check out Yuri’s new songs, or in passing backstage last night. What was he supposed to expect? What could Victor want to talk to him about? The only thing that came to mind was Yuri. Maybe he wanted to ask how he was doing after everything that happened. That seemed like the only logical option.

After taking a deep breath Otabek knocked on their hotel room door and waited a few seconds before he heard the lock and Victor appeared in front of him.

“Come in,” he said and stepped aside. As far as Otabek could tell, Victor and Yuuri’s hotel room was almost exactly the same as the one he and Yuri stayed in, though their sofa was black instead of steel gray. “Have a seat.”

“No need to be afraid or nervous, Otabek,” Yuuri said with a smile and soon all three of them were seated.

“First I wanted to ask you how Yuri is doing? He seemed to feel better after the concert last night but, well, the adrenaline wears off sooner or later,” Victor said and then lightly sighed.

“He’s still asleep but he told me about Jason last night,” Otabek said, the name feeling like barbed wire in his mouth, faint grimaces immediately appearing on both Victor and Yuuri’s faces.

“I know what you must be thinking, don’t think I don’t,” Victor began and sat up just a little straighter. “You surely wonder how it could come that far, how it was possible that I didn’t notice anything, or Chris. Believe me, I tried my best to keep him out of harms way, but Yuri is stubborn as all hell if he wants to be. I had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right with that boy, and I tried to talk to Yuri about it, but he was convinced that I was imagining things, assuring me that Jason was a good guy.” Victor paused for a moment while Yuuri lightly touched his shoulder and looked at him with the faintest of smiles. “You know, Yuri is strong, he truly is, if he weren’t he wouldn’t have made it in this world, but that day when I came by his penthouse for a meeting or something, I was sure that that would honestly be it. I was sure he would end his career then and there, return to Russia and we would never see or hear from him again.”

“Did he ever…?”

“No,” Yuuri said, understanding what Otabek wanted to ask but couldn’t, the mere idea too much to handle. “The first weeks were hard on him, but he knew what he signed up for when he became a musician, knew what obligations he had toward his fans, so despite what Jason had done, and believe me we, Yuri’s entire team, were all collectively ready to start a witch hunt for that boy and lynch him for his actions, Yuri went on stage every night and performed as though nothing ever happened. Of course the remaining hours of the day were awful, but for those two hours on stage, Yuri was happy and free, as though everything was okay.”

“So Jason just disappeared from one day to the next? How is that even possible?”

“Chris found him eventually, of course,” Victor said, his expression by now unreadable, “and we asked Yuri if he wanted us to do something, anything. Yuri said no, argued that he wasn’t worth any of our time nor the possibility of going to jail for kicking his ass all the way to Russia.”

“What about all the other people that hurt him?”

“You know, Otabek, sometimes you can try your best but still don’t succeed. Once Yuri turned eighteen, I had no right anymore to dictate what he could or couldn’t do, besides the obvious career threatening things. All I could do was be there for him when he would need me, watch over him and try my best however I could. Unfortunately there was only so much I could do, though I genuinely wish I could’ve prevented some of the things he’s gone through. Some people show unkindness through words, others through actions, and yet others through violence.”

Victor was a good man, it was easy to see and hear in the way he spoke, the words he used and the way he looked as he said them, the genuine look of remorse and streaks of hope for better days in the future painted across ice blue. It was easy to see that the mention of violence almost made him choke on his own words, the way Yuuri barely noticeably flinched next to him while Otabek felt his heart sink, his blood turning cold. All the people who claim fame is a blessing should honestly just go and suck it because looking at Yuri and his past it rather seemed like fame was nothing more than a punishment, an awful curse that lured you in with money and happiness just so it could eventually crush you.

“That’s why I was very much against Yuri’s impromptu trip to Almaty last spring, why I advised him to think about what he was getting himself into before doing it, but Yuri had made up his mind and again, all I can do is stay close and watch, hope, and assure you that should you turn out to just be another Jason, I won’t hesitate a second and become your worst nightmare. I hope I’ve made myself clear on that.”

“Very clear,” Otabek said, his heart beating a little faster, his hands turning clammy, trembling just a tiny bit though enough to be noticeable. “But, just like I told Yuri last night, I might be many things, but I’m definitely not another Jason. I could never hurt him in such a way. The mere idea that someone else did makes me feel sick, honestly. I don’t understand how he could do something like that, how anyone could, and I am very sorry that Yuri had to go through it. I’m beyond thankful for everything Yuri has so far done for me and I definitely don’t take any of it for granted. I hope you don’t think I am with him just because I want his fame or something, because that is most definitely not it. I’m not good enough of an actor to be able to play a role like that in any way convincingly. I hope you believe me when I tell you that Yuri truly means a lot to me and I feel for him in a way I’ve never felt before for another person, which is maybe silly for me to say after only knowing him for just over seven months, but it’s nothing but the truth.”

“Good, very good, because I like you, Otabek, I do, you are good for Yuri, we can all see it,” Victor said, his words reminding Otabek of what Chris said to him the previous day in the car. “Having you around is helping him. As far as I can tell even his mind numbing drinking has stopped for which we are all very grateful and feel relieved. Usually he doesn’t trust people this easily and quickly, which I think we can all agree is very understandable after everything that happened in the past, so this is a very positive testimony going in your favor. I’ve spoken with Mila Babicheva recently, listened to what she had to say about you, spoke to some of the people you have worked with, the clubs you played at, and they all had very good things to say about you. Babicheva is a very tough critic, anyone in the industry will tell you as much, so having her speak out in your favor, Otabek, that does say a lot about your craft.”

“Thank you,” Otabek said feeling speechless on more level than one. He knew Mila liked him, otherwise she wouldn’t have hired him, yet somehow knowing that she talked to Victor and had no complaints whatsoever, it still felt somehow overwhelming.

A whole pallet of emotions simultaneously swirled through Otabek, the swift change of topics somehow going too quickly leaving him too little time to calm his mind down at least a little after everything Victor said regarding Yuri, but he surely wasn’t about to point any of that out to Victor. No, he would listen to what else Victor had to say and later on sort through his feelings once the conversation would be over.

“I have a proposition for you,” Victor finally declared after a small pause, Yuuri now properly smiling next to him, something Otabek took for a good sign. “During the post-picture storm months ago I offered you to temporarily manage you, which I did, of course. Every since I signed with Yuri, I’ve focused all my time and efforts solely on him, which I still plan on doing, but I’ve also been watching you. Partially because you spend so much time with Yuri and it is my job to make sure you don’t fuck up, but also because you have sparked my interest, music wise. Yuri saw something in what you do, and I very much trust Yuri’s opinion. If he wouldn’t have a good one, his music wouldn’t be as brilliant as it is and we wouldn’t be sitting here today.”

“Vitya,” Yuuri quietly said and bumped Victor’s arm with his elbow.

“Sorry,” Victor said with a light huff. “What I am trying to say, apparently using too many words, is that I want to offer you a full time deal. Yuuri and I will be at your gig tonight and, should I like what I see, I would like to offer you to become your manager. Of course you will receive a proper contract and everything, if that is what you would want, that is.”

Before Otabek could even as much as try to process what Victor just said, understand what it meant and then most likely die overwhelmed, surprised and shocked, the door to the hotel room flew open behind them with a loud bang.

“Yo, old man,” Yuri said loudly, appearing in the lounge a moment later, “have you seen…oh, you’re here.” Yuri’s eyes met his across the room, the scowl melting off of Yuri’s face immediately.

“A good morning to you too, Yuri,” Victor said, unfazed, with a smile.

“What is this supposed to be? Some kind of meeting I wasn’t invited to?” Yuri inquired, his hands on his hips. “I swear to god, Victor, if this is what I think it is I will literally murder you.”

“We were just having a little chat with your boyfriend,” Victor said, innocently, and motioned for Yuri to sit down, too. Reluctantly he sat down next to Otabek. “Before your very elegant entry he was actually about to tell me what he thinks of my proposition.”

“What’s this proposition about?”

“You know you shouldn’t butt your head into other people’s things, Yuri,” Yuuri reminded Yuri, the tiny smile giving him away, the fact that he didn’t really mean his words but rather wanted to coax some sort of reaction out of Yuri as though to test his emotional state.

“Fuck you, Katsuki,” Yuri spat back and crossed his arms in front of his chest. It seemed as though both Yuuri and Victor were satisfied with that reaction, exchanging a quick look between each other, silently communicating.

“I offered to manage him, full time, if I’ll like his set tonight,” Victor finally said. “So, Otabek, what do you say?”

“I don’t know what to say.” Otabek still felt overwhelmed by the entire thing all together. Never, not even in his wildest dreams, did he dare imagine Victor offering to manage him for real and not just temporarily during a damage control situation. This felt unreal, like a dream he didn’t want to wake up from. It was also completely and utterly absurd, honestly, how was it possible that Victor Nikiforov was offering to manage him, Otabek Altin, some random guy from Kazakhstan, a no name? Then again, it wasn’t any less insane than the fact that somehow Yuri Plisetsky was his boyfriend.

Crazy and unreal didn’t even begin to cover any of this.

“How about ‘yes’,” Yuri supplied and lightly bumped Otabek’s arm with his. “He might be a giant pain in the ass at times, but you can’t get anyone better than him.”

“Yuuri, my love, did you hear that, he said something nice about me,” Victor quietly said leaning toward Yuuri, his eyes soft while Yuuri just smiled and took his hand. “I always knew you loved me, Yuri.”

“You fucking wish, old man. All spots are already taken, sorry.” As though to drive his point home, Yuri leaned his head against Otabek’s shoulder. Ignoring the fact that Victor and Yuuri were very obviously watching them, Otabek turned his head just enough to lightly kiss Yuri’s hair.

“Yes,” he finally said, answering Victor’s original question. “Thank you. I truly appreciate the offer and I hope the set won’t disappoint you.”

“Great,” Victor said, his eyes seemingly lightening up and an almost heart shaped smile appearing on his face. “Everything should be done and ready to go for tonight’s release. All you need to worry about is delivering a show as good as those before it and we’ll all be happy.”

 

* * *

 

“Just so you know, I had nothing to do with Victor offering to manage you,” Yuri said once they were back in their hotel room after eating breakfast with Victor, Yuuri and Chris. “Now that I think about it, I should’ve thought about it and asked him, but I didn’t. This was all you. Like I said, many times, you have mad talent, Beka, even stupid Victor can’t deny it.”

“I still can’t believe that actually happened,” Otabek said while Yuri placed his hands on Otabek’s waist and pulled him a little closer.

“All you have to do is perform your set and voila, Victor will be yours.”

“No pressure, right?”

“Tch, the crowd will love you,” Yuri said, leaning in close and resting his forehead against Otabek’s. “Not as much as me, but you know. Besides, once they’ll hear ‘Sky and Sand’ they’ll fall for you, hard. I swear that song is amazing. I still can’t believe you actually listened to me.”

“The closer we’re getting to the gig the more I’m starting to wonder if it was such a good idea,” Otabek admitted already feeling slightly terrified.

“Beka, you seriously need to stop doubting yourself,” Yuri said, his words slowly nothing more than a whisper. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re amazing until you’ll finally believe me? So far every crowd you played for loved your sets. No one ever voiced any complaints, so why the doubt?”

“I’m not like you, Yura, this isn’t easy for me.”

“You’re so stupid sometimes, I can’t,” Yuri said and laughed a little. “It’s never easy, not even for me after all these years, but you get used to it. Once the adrenaline and the energy of the crowd kicks in, you stop feeling afraid enough to deliver a killer show. Just remember that those crowds will only grow. Tomorrowland is gigantic.”

“Not helping.”

Not saying another word Yuri leaned in and kissed him, slow and chaste at first while Otabek raised his hands to Yuri’s neck, slowly wandering into his hair, their kiss deepening and turning more demanding, open mouthed and hot. Yuri practically melted against him, their bodies pressed against each other, Yuri’s hands wandering under his shirt and slowly up his back, nails lightly scraping across his skin sending shivers down Otabek’s spine.

Somewhere along the way onto the couch both of them lost their shirts and jeans, hands and lips exploring, the air filled with the sound of heavy breathing and quiet moaning. No matter how much Otabek looked at Yuri, his hair disheveled, his skin like light marble, his eyes intense and expressive, he simply couldn’t get enough. Every time he looked he found something new to discover, another thing to marvel over, his mind swimming as he watched Yuri arch his back, his hand lightly pulling Otabek’s hair, as he teased one of Yuri’s nipples.

Without a doubt Yuri was his favorite flavor of madness, wild and free, demanding yet yielding to his touch like it was everything Yuri ever craved, the shades of desire and wonder in Yuri’s green eyes when he looked at him addicting and intoxicating. As he watched Yuri slowly come undone everything else seemed trivial, the fear and nerves he felt because of the gig nothing more than a far away echo, the idea of ever doing anything else besides this almost ridiculous.

“Beka,” Yuri moaned, the sweetest sound, breathless and passionate, more beautiful than any other sound there was. Panting and rolling his hips Yuri pulled him into another kiss while Otabek worked them both closer to the edge, the feeling coiling inside of him, building until he was so close, Otabek thought he would lose his mind, his own quiet moans stifled by Yuri’s lips.

The expression of bliss on Yuri’s face was indescribable, his head thrown back, lips parted and eyes closed, a sight he would never get enough off no matter how many times they did this, though it always left him hungry for more, that last step they’d still not taken, but there was no rush. No, they had time, and for now, just seeing Yuri fall apart with lust so beautifully at his hand was more than enough.

“At least now I don’t need to come up with some reason to get you to take a shower with me,” Yuri said once he caught his breath and come down enough to form actual words, his eyes looking down at their cum streaked stomachs.

“Should’ve just asked, no need for a reason,” Otabek said and kissed him again. “Like I could say no.”

 

* * *

 

Otabek watched curiously as Yuri walked back into the bedroom with his still half wet hair up in a messy bun and wearing nothing but one of the hotel bathrobes holding the black gift bag from Isabella in his right hand along with a second bag in his left one. He raised a questioning eyebrow as Yuri placed both bags on the bed and then looked at him, smirking, that mischievous glint back in his eyes.

After everything that happened yesterday, their conversation in the middle of the night, it was great to see Yuri’s mood had cleared again. There were still a few sparse moments where he looked a bit sad around the edges when he thought that no one was looking, but compared to yesterday, this was a lot of progress.

“I have something for you, well, technically it’s three things but two of them are literally for you,” Yuri explained and picked up one of the bags before handing it over to him.

“What’s this?” Otabek asked.

“An outfit?” His words sounded like a mixture between a suggestion, a question and an answer. “It’s just a, let’s call it, suggestion. There is a chance you’ll hate it, but trying it on won’t hurt?”

“What did I say about you being vague and having that look in your eyes and how nervous it makes me each time.”

“And what do I always say in response to it?” Yuri countered. “Come on, _Beshka_ , just humor me. It’s literally just a top and some jeans, nothing crazy or anything. If you won’t like it, you can take it off and we’ll forget about this. _Please_.”

Otabek was well aware of the fact that he already lost before the conversation even started and Yuri probably knew that, too, counted on it even. Otabek was weak and after Yuri opened up to him even more last night, how could he decline him such a simple request, deny him the joy of making Otabek put on something that, since it was bought by Yuri, was probably just a bit ridiculous. At the end of the day, Yuri was right, trying it on wouldn’t hurt and Yuri surely wouldn’t put him into something too strange, Yuri did have to show his face along with Otabek at the club that night after all.

“Fine,” Otabek finally said with a light sigh. Yuri’s eyes immediately lit up and he pulled Otabek into a kiss and then pushed him toward the bathroom before jumping back on the bed waiting impatiently.

Once he closed the door behind him, Otabek pulled out the two items that were in the bag and dumped them on the counter next to the sink. Both were black, although slightly different shades, a shirt and a pair of jeans, just like Yuri said they were. After taking off the bathrobe Otabek slipped into the jeans surprised to find that, instead of low cut ones that Yuri usually wore, they were high-waisted and had a few rips across the legs and silver studs and spikes along the front pockets. Looking into the mirror Otabek turned back and forth inspecting the pants. They were incredibly tight but surprisingly comfortable and actually didn’t look half bad.

Just as he reached for the shirt music started to play, the sound coming through the door a little muffled. ‘[Life Itself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd9p4n5hLEg)’ filled the air while Otabek just shook his head. For the past few days Yuri had been obsessing over Glass Animals, having discovered them accidentally on one of Otabek’s playlists, so he wasn’t really surprised by the choice in music. Going back to what he was doing before he got distracted, Otabek pulled the shirt over his head and then looked into the mirror. A crop top. Somehow he was both surprised and not at all because this seemed just like such a Yuri choice of outfit. Thanks to the pants you could barely see any skin between where they ended and the top started but he still looked ridiculous, in no way even nearly as amazing as Yuri whenever he decided to show off with one of his crop tops.

But he agreed to humor Yuri, even if only because of how devastated and honest he’d been last night, so instead of dwelling on his reflection in the mirror any longer, he put on his steel toe capped combat boots, walked over to the door and back into their room. Yuri stood in the middle of it swaying his hips to the music, his head and shoulders moving along with the beat, a smile spreading across his face as he noticed Otabek.

“Well _fuck me_ ,” Yuri said, looking him up and down appreciatively. “Look at you, damn.”

“I look ridiculous,” Otabek said with a light huff while Yuri walked over to him.

“No, you look fucking hot,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows before leaning in for a kiss. “I’m pretty sure those jeans look better on you than they’d look on me.”

“ _Sure_.”

“I’m being completely serious.” Yuri pulled away and slowly walked around him. “Damn your ass looks fine, fuck me. I mean your ass always looks great but this is downright sinful. Do you have a permit for that because I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.”

“Yuri,” Otabek practically whined while Yuri tried his best not to laugh.

“What? Can’t I appreciate how handsome and amazing my boyfriend is?” Otabek lightly shook his head amused by Yuri’s words. If one of them was amazing than it was definitely Yuri and not him. “Do you really hate it that much?”

“The top feels odd but the jeans are fine,” Otabek admitted while Yuri put his arms around his neck.

“You can barely even see any skin, a shame if you ask me, and you look amazing, believe me,” Yuri assured him once more. “Come on, once you’ll stand on that stage no one will be even able to see that it’s a crop top, no one will care, while I’ll be happy.”

“I’ll think about it but now it’s your turn to show me whatever it is you’re hiding in that gift bag.”

“Let’s make a deal,” Yuri said after a moment, the mischief even thicker in his eyes now, “I’ll wear mine if you wear yours.”

“I don’t even know what yours looks like so why should I agree?”

“Because you love and trust me?” Yuri quipped with an innocent little smile on his perfect lips.

“I’ll probably regret this, but okay.”

“You’re the best,” Yuri said, happily, and leaned in for another long kiss.

A few moments later Yuri disappeared into the bathroom with the black gift bag and his arms full of black clothes and a pair of shoes, cheetah print, of course. Whatever it was exactly that Yuri decided to wear for the gig, it definitely took him much longer to put it on than it had taken Otabek, which wasn’t that big of a surprise really. Yuri’s outfits were usually elaborate one way or another, while Otabek just wore jeans and shirts when the choice was up to him.

Waiting Otabek looked at his own clothes again trying to decide how strange it was for him to wear something like this. On Yuri he wouldn’t question it for even a second, but on himself, it was strange, not because it looked bad but rather because it was more daring than what he usually wore, but the longer he looked at it, the longer he wore it, the more he was starting to see whatever it was that Yuri saw. Quickly he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture with the intention of sending it to his sisters to ask for their opinions but before he could paste it into a text he remembered that it was the middle of the night back in Almaty.

In the end he decided to simply trust Yuri’s opinion. If he said it looked good, he would wear this.

The bathroom door finally opened and in came Yuri looking as stunning as ever. His hair was up in a bun on top of his head, a few strands sticking out of it and beautifully framing his face, his eyes accented with black eyeliner and a touch of glitter, his shirt sleeveless and black with studs and spikes in gold and silver running along the collar, the sides halfway cut out and the words ‘Team Altin’ painted across the front. The hem was tucked into a pair of high-waisted black jeans shorts and his legs partially covered by black thigh highs topped off with cheetah print black and white platform sneakers. Yuri’s nails were back to the same burgundy nail polish he wore on their first meeting, his fingers covered by his rings and a leather jacket in his left hand. Slowly Yuri turned around to show off the back of his shirt that looked like someone had cut it up in an angry fit, some of it missing all together, other parts hanging loosely across his back in strips revealing his skin and his lion tattoo.

“What do you think?” Yuri finally asked.

“You look perfect,” Otabek said with an appreciative smirk. “Absolutely gorgeous and breathtaking.”

“The shirt was actually JJ’s idea, as in the whole ‘Team Altin’ thing. Isabella designed mine to fit my style a bit better than just some boring T-Shirt.” Yuri turned back around throwing the jacket over his shoulder. “I’m not sure how JJ’s and Isabella’s look like though, but he thought it was only right to show off our support for our favorite DJ.”

“I love you,” Otabek said overcome by emotions. Not only did Yuri go out of his way to put together Otabek’s outfit, he also talked with his friends and came up with a plan to show even more support, as though everything else Yuri was doing for him wasn’t quite enough yet. It was unbelievable and touching. “Come here,” he said and held out his hand toward Yuri. Without a second of hesitation Yuri took it and came closer.

“Love you, too,” Yuri said, softly, and kissed him once more, again and again, time losing it’s meaning for a little while. “If I’d suggest some golden eyeliner, would you say no?”

“No,” he said on purpose, the word meaning either of two things.

“Beka.”

“Yura.”

“You’re stupid,” Yuri whined, obviously not satisfied with the way the conversation was going.

“Just don’t poke my eyes out.” It was totally worth it even if only to see Yuri grin stupidly but impossibly happily and beautifully. Honestly, how was he supposed to deny him anything at all?

 

* * *

 

Together with Victor, Yuuri and Chris they arrived at the ‘Rebel’ about an hour before Otabek’s gig. The club was just a few meters away from the waterfront, a line forming toward the main entrance, people wearing stylish clothes in dark colors, some in dresses seemingly made entirely of sequins, others wearing heels even taller than the ones Yuri sometimes wore, hair in all sorts of styles and colors, a diverse crowd in every way.

Swiftly Chris led them around the corner, Yuri hidden behind Chris and Victor just out of view, and toward the side entrance. The bouncer looked at their badges and waved them inside. According to JJ’s text, he and Isabella were already inside and waiting for them with drinks, eagerly anticipating the show.

It took them a while to fight their way through the crowd, without anyone really paying enough attention to realize that Yuri wasn’t just another guest, until they spotted JJ and Isabella standing around a tall table littered with different glasses in a slightly fenced off area with a clear view toward the stage. The club looked even more amazing in real life than on the pictures Otabek had seen online, sleek design and strobe lights under the ceiling, steel like decorations and multi colored and layered lighting, giant screens behind the DJ booth on the stage flashing images and designs, dancers trapped in LED littered cages entertaining the guests, and the music quality brilliant and clear seemingly coming from everywhere at once.

“Damn, kitten, it’s nice to finally meet you in person,” JJ said toward Yuri, a giant smile on his face mirroring the one on Isabella’s, though hers looked a less cocky. True to Yuri’s words both of them wore shirts reading ‘Team Altin’ just like Yuri’s. JJ’s was skin tight with short sleeves and some red accents while Isabella’s was a loose crop top with sequins and little spikes similar to those on Yuri’s paired with a black skirt and golden sparkling heels.

“Call me that one more time and I will break your jaw,” Yuri said flatly, his face blank with the smallest of hints pointing toward definitely unimpressed and angry, or maybe hurt, possibly all three at once.

“The shirt looks great on you, Yuri,” Isabella said after shooting JJ a grim look, silently pointing out how much of an idiot he was. Briefly Otabek wondered what exactly struck the wrong chord in Yuri at the word kitten, the mere fact that JJ used it or something else entirely? Otabek never even considered calling him that way and was glad for it right about now. Maybe later, once they’d be back in their room, he’d ask Yuri about it. “I was worried that it might be too tight but it looks perfect.”

“Thank you again for making it,” Yuri said, his entire demeanor changing as he spoke to her. “And it’s nice to meet you two. I heard a lot of stories. Tell me, does he really have that lower back tattoo?”

Isabella lightly laughed and nodded. “He does. I think it’s kind of hilarious.”

“I’m still trying to convince Otabek to get something.”

“Good luck, we’ve been trying for years.” At that Yuri looked over at Otabek who just shrugged. It was true, they had but so far he’d never seen a studio he would trust nor a design he was willing to have on his skin forever.

“So these are your friends?” Victor asked, suddenly appearing next to Otabek out of nowhere with Yuuri at his arm.

“Sorry, yes,” Otabek said, remembering his manners. “Victor, Yuuri, meet JJ and Isabella.”

“Victor, wait, that means you’re Victor Nikiforov, right?” JJ asked, his eyes growing half a size bigger than they normally were.

“The one and only,” Victor said proudly while Yuri just rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, old man, don’t pretend like you’re the main act here,” Yuri said and put his arm around Otabek pulling him closer. “Tonight is all about Beka.”

“Like I could forget,” Victor said and gave Otabek some kind of meaningful look as though to remind him what was on the table tonight. That really didn’t help much to ease Otabek’s nerves the closer he got to having to go up on that stage.

“Yuri said you have some kind of surprise for us tonight, that true?” JJ asked. Otabek was surprised that Yuri mentioned something to him, a smile appearing on Yuri’s face.

“I suppose that’s true,” Otabek said and lightly nodded while he felt even more pressure.

“Beka, you look like you’ll drop dead any minute,” Yuri said, concern in his voice. “Want to go backstage until it’ll be your turn? Maybe the quiet will calm you down a little.”

“JJ, they are so cute,” he heard Isabella quietly say, well, as quietly as one could say anything with loud music playing all around them.

Yuri took his silence as enough of an answer, excused them from the table and then took his hand to lead him away. Otabek followed wordlessly wondering why this gig was freaking him out so much more than even the ‘Moonlight’ one. The crowd was only a bit bigger than the last one. Maybe it was the fact that Victor was there and he simply had to impress him, wanting that contract because he knew it would open so many doors along the way, or maybe it was because of ‘Sky and Sand’, possibly a mixture of both.

Backstage it was much quieter than in the club, the bass still strong but not nearly as extreme. Staff members hushed through the hallways barely paying any sort of attention to them, a security guard checking their badges to make sure they were actually allowed to be there. Finally they slipped into the dressing room the DJs shared though it was currently empty.

“Look at me,” Yuri said, his hands cupping Otabek’s face. Reluctantly he raised his eyes toward Yuri’s holding his gaze. “Breathe with me.” So he did, slowly, the calming effect setting in almost immediately even if it was a gradual process, his heart still pounding in his chest but at least a little slower than before. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“Stage fright?” Yuri suggested. Otabek lightly nodded. “It’ll be okay, you’ll see. Besides I’ll be right there next to you. You know, I used to feel that way, too, for at least the first entire leg of the tour for my first album. The bigger the venues got, the more I was sure I would die on that stage. But then I realized that I had no reason to be afraid. All those people in the crowd couldn’t hurt me in any way, that they’d come just to see me and that they would probably like anything I would do. Forget all that shit about imagining the crowd naked, that doesn’t work. If you start to feel intimidated by them, don’t look at them. Look at your equipment or some fixed point just above the crowd. It sounds stupid but it helps.”

“Thank you,” Otabek said, quietly, and pulled Yuri into a hug, craving that feeling of security and warmth he always got when he felt Yuri’s arms around him. Yuri lightly kissed his temple and then pulled him even closer, whispered silly little stories into his ear to take his mind off of the gig with marginal success.

“Seven more minutes,” one of the staff members said before disappearing again, the door closing quietly behind him.

“Here,” Yuri said and pulled out of their hug. Otabek watched as Yuri pulled one of his rings off of his finger and handed it over to him. “My grandpa gave it to me before my first ever concert as lucky charm. I’ve worn it for every single gig I’ve had since and it did bring me luck, I mean, I am Yuri Plisetsky after all. It won’t fit you, but it’s enough if you put it in your pocket. Maybe it’ll bring you luck, too.”

“Yuri, I can’t possibly,” Otabek said, his heart feeling heavy with the sheer amount of love he felt through that gesture, Yuri trusting him with such an important possession, touched by the fact that Yuri was willing to give it to him in hopes that it would help.

“You can and you will,” Yuri insisted and pushed the ring into Otabek’s pocket himself. “Besides, it’s just for tonight. The next time you won’t need it, you’ll be prepared and less afraid. So shut up and just say thank you.”

“It’s hard to say something when I’m supposed to shut up.”

“Don’t be a fucking smartass,” Yuri said, trying his hardest not to smile, and rolled his eyes. “But see, it’s already working, five minutes ago you wouldn’t have made that comment.”

“It’s time,” the same staff member announced a few minutes later.

“See you soon,” Yuri said, his hand carefully touching his cheek, a subtle smile on his face. “It’ll be okay. And don’t worry about Victor, he’ll sign you even if you mess up, which you won’t so don’t even think about it. Now go, your audience is waiting.”

While Otabek stepped on that stage and took over, hooking up his laptop ready to go, he swore he could feel Yuri’s ring in his pocket as though it was warm, a constant reminder of Yuri’s words, of the reassuring tone of his voice, the unguarded look of honesty and conviction on his face and in his eyes like he somehow knew that Otabek would do amazingly even before he started.

He looked over the crowd as he got ready to transition into his first song, his eyes finding their table, Yuri just reaching it and turning around toward him with what Otabek could only assume was a smile though it was hard to tell from so far away. Next to him JJ pulled Isabella close both giving him a thumbs up just like they’d always done before his gigs when they were younger.

Unlike at the ‘Moonlight’ months ago, Otabek decided to start this set with a harder track, building over time, though he never would’ve thought he would open a set with a Ed Sheeran remix, but then he had this idea in his head and couldn’t stop. ‘[Don’t](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzdLSX0QK3M)’ blasted through the speakers, the bass going hard, the crowd seemingly immediately into it, more bodies joining the dance floor, jumping and dancing skillfully and less so. Everyone seemed to take a deep breath when the song paused for a moment, tension building even more as the track slowly came back building again almost like a rolling snowball until the bass finally dropped and the dancing madness started up once more.

Next up came ‘[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX1JnxE1eH8)’, a song Yuri insisted he had to include on the set list ever since he first heard him play around with it a few weeks ago. Otabek smiled to himself as he remembered Yuri dancing through the living room while the song blasted through the speakers, his eyes closed and his body moving beautifully and intricately. Somehow the song would’ve been way funnier if it were an actual Tuesday and not Friday, but Otabek surely wouldn’t stoop low enough to make a remix of _that_ song. Looking over to their table Otabek could see Yuri lost in his dancing again, JJ and Isabella caught in their own little dance facing each other, Yuuri and Victor smiling at each other and doing strange moves at each other that only made them smile more, Victor finally breaking out into actual laughter while Chris just watched them shaking his head with a drink in his hand.

Next up came ‘[Alive](https://soundcloud.com/empireofthesunsound/alivedavidguettaremix)’ and was followed by ‘[The Alphabeat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzE8d5AXImo)’. What the dancing crowd didn’t know was that the piano they heard was a recording of Yuri playing it absentmindedly one evening. Otabek thought it sounded beautiful so he recorded it with his phone and tried to work with that. Of course Yuri somehow overheard it and insisted on him recording it properly. Going from ‘Alive’ to ‘The Alphabeat’ left the dancing crowd no break to catch their breath, at least not more than those thirty calm seconds in the beginning. They didn’t seem to mind though, jumping enthusiastically along with the main beat and bass line, hands raised, fists pumping and hair flying everywhere. Strobe lights danced across the crowd, the overhead lights switching colors in tact with the music perfectly programmed. Otabek wondered if the screen behind him showed anything but he was too engrossed by the crowd and trying not to mess up that he didn’t turn around to check.

As the song calmed down after two minutes and forty seconds, Otabek watched as JJ pulled out his phone and pulled their entire table into a selfie struggling only a bit to fit six people into a single picture. At some point Yuri took the phone from his hand and raised it at a different angle. Considering how many pictures he must’ve taken over the years with fans he was probably a pro at taking group selfies.

The song turned quiet once more toward the end, the piano returning before Otabek transitioned into the next one. ‘[Aaron](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Pz-7DoB-YA)’ was a stark contrast to the previous two songs, much more mellow and definitely intended to give the crowd a few minutes to relax and calm down, catch their breath and get a drink. Otabek watched as a few small groups or couples appeared in the crowd dancing together standing close to each other, their movement very minimal but nonetheless interesting to watch, intimate somehow. Yuri once told him while listening to this song on the sofa with his head in Otabek’s lap that it sounded like watching a sunrise because of the subtle track line in the background that was overshadowed by the main one but was somehow fascinating. Otabek liked the idea and the image, had smiled at Yuri as he listened to his analysis just the way he smiled now remembering it.

Across the room he caught Yuri’s eye, watched as Yuri lightly moves his head to the beat with a smile on his face.

Next up was one of JJ’s favorites from years ago. Otabek had played it at a club the day of the infamous tattoo incident and somehow every time either of them brought up the song, all three of them had to laugh. It was a bit stupid but who cared. ‘[Kick Out The Epic Motherf**ker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsZJtH32Vm0)’ was a harder track again pulling the crowd back onto the dance floor, the strobe lights flying everywhere again, a smoke machine going off a few times right in tact with the music, the sound of the song even matching with it. Somehow the crowd seemed even more dense now, more people jumping and taking pictures of each other or the stage though everything seemed do turn into almost something like slow motion when the slower part of the song came up, the bass falling away and the lyrics being sung a little dream like. The tension began to build again, the air turning a little thicker while track lines wove in and out until the main track line came back though not quite in its full form. Once the bass dropped with the singer saying the title, the crowd went completely crazy once again.

‘[One (Your Name)](https://youtu.be/PkQ5rEJaTmk?t=20s)’ came up next, the crowd seemingly mouthing along with the words just like Otabek after having heard them so many times while working on the track. Across the room it looked like Yuri was singing along too, pointing his arm toward Otabek each time ‘I want to know your name’ came up before he started to laugh and returned to just dancing along, ignoring everyone around him, carefree. It surprised Otabek, in a way, each time how Yuri managed to blend in with the crowd so skillfully that barely anyone really caught up with the fact that he was there. But even those who did notice somehow never came up to him, never bothered him, something that Otabek knew Yuri was immensely thankful for.

‘[Ghosts ‘n’ Stuff](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpHK69PYZXw)’ was one of Otabek’s favorite tracks of the set list for this particular gig. Yuri once caught him basically shouting along the lyrics while playing it over the speakers at the penthouse and he wanted to hide for the rest of the day because he felt so embarrassed. Yuri, of course, just laughed and said that it was cute, which it definitely wasn’t but he knew there was no use in arguing. After that came ‘[Fire Escape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw1cEqq3nWM)’, the remix of the Civil Twilight song he’d mentioned to Yuri the evening after the picture incident when they lay on the bed listening to music together. Normally a track didn’t take too much time, yet he’d sat on this one for what felt like weeks. Every time the thought he was done and liked it, he found an element that didn’t fit, a track line that didn’t blend well enough so he tried over and over again.

Otabek sent Leo and JJ a copy of the song to get their opinions and soon thereafter JJ posted a video of him and Isabella dancing to it in their kitchen. It had a bunch of hashtags, views and more comments than most of his Instagram posts, half of them asking what song that was and the other why they were dancing in their kitchen of all places.

‘[June](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7jSUlWHrHM)’ was another slightly calmer song opening the generally calmer half of the set. Usually Otabek played during the timeslot where those who came relatively early wanted to go hard one more time before going home, while a new wave of club goers showed up halfway through using the calm half of his set to get into the right club mindset so they’d be ready for whatever would come next. It worked perfectly for him, and for the crowd, the club owners always satisfied with his performances.

Halfway through the track Yuri disappeared from the crowd.

About a month ago Yuri showed up at the studio halfway through Otabek’s shift with two sets of lyrics in hand saying that they simply had to do something with them, together, just the way David Guetta would record a track with Usher or Nicki Minaj. Yuri wanted him to compose the instrumental and produce it while Yuri would give him the vocals and lyrics, along with all creative freedom so he could do with them whatever he wanted, boss him around when it came to how he wanted to have them sung. It was a dream come true, really, watching Yuri sing lyrics for his song, discussing passages with him and finally being able to present the crowd their final product.

As ‘June’ faded out and ‘[Pretty Little Angel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeCrTu2On2M)’ began, the lights in the entire club dimmed so the entire focus was on the DJ booth and the single LED accented swing appearing without the crowd noticing it with Yuri comfortably sitting in it with a microphone in his hand. The designer that worked for the club and created all the looks for their dancers and shows designed a custom silver spike accented black set of wings for Yuri that now securely sat on his back, more glitter dusting his eyes and cheeks. The crowd seemed to loose its mind as they realized what was going on, the fact that the two of them had worked on an original song together and even performed it live. No one had known about this, besides the club and Victor and Yuuri of course.

The track definitely brought out a different side of Yuri, his vocals haunting, commanding in a way, and calmer than normally, at least for certain parts of the song. It was almost a little strange, at least at first, to see Yuri in a song like this without his usual rock music accompanying him, so different than anything he’d done before, but he’d been so happy while they recorded the song together, it was somehow magical.

_Pretty little angel_

_Can we play your game?_

_I will be gentle_

_I will move to your pace_

_Show me the reaction_

_Come home with me_

_Oh give me some attention_

_I was made for you and built to please_

Yuri’s performance, consisting of deliberately slow and somehow flirty glances with that edge of something dangerous, predatory, going across the crowd and gracefully floating above their heads, ended with Yuri stepping onto a set speakers mounted on one end of the stage, climbing down onto the stage itself and finally standing next to Otabek with the most beautiful smile on his face imaginable.

While the track slowly ended Otabek’s heart started to beat harder in his chest again, the fear returning to his mind as ‘[Sky and Sand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ybFb_wKlvQ)’ was about to start playing. Somehow during the past tracks he managed to push the fear aside, even forgot about it completely for a while, but now there was no such possibility anymore. Now was the time.

“Everybody give it up for Otabek Altin,” Yuri called out to the crowd, his hand on Otabek’s shoulder, while the other angled the microphone toward him. It seemed like Yuri meant it literally when he said that he would be next to him.

Despite his nervousness and the terror running through his body turning his blood cold, he started to sing right on queue, an audible gasp ripping through the crowd. This was the second set of lyrics Yuri had given him saying that it was perfect, that he simply had to sing it. After several days of convincing and pouting, puppy eyes and the closest thing to pleading, Otabek had finally given in. Under Yuri’s guidance he recorded the vocals, even though it was way worse than facing his final exams in high school, hearing his own voice through those speakers feeling strange, like it simply didn’t belong there. But, he agreed to do it and he certainly wasn’t in the business of disappointing or letting down Yuri.

But, recording and mastering it was one thing, Yuri saying that he should actually perform it live after he would perform his own song, now that was something completely different. Otabek insisted that he could simply play it the same way he played any other song, that there really was no need for him to sing it live, but Yuri didn’t let up, because of course he didn’t.

_And we build up castles_

_In the sky and in the sand_

_Design our own world_

_Ain't nobody understand_

_I found myself alive_

_In the palm of your hand_

_As long as we are flyin'_

_All this world ain't got no end_

And somehow, the longer he sang, felt Yuri’s presence next to him as well as Yuri’s ring in his pocket, it started to feel less frightening. The crowd seemed to love it, phones were up in the air taking pictures and videos, groups and couples dancing close together again, smiles painting everybody’s faces. It was strange, to wield power over such a large number of people like this, but at the same time it was exciting, electrifying.

Before he knew it, the song was over and he transitioned over into ‘[Sun of a Gun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu0hqNLtMNU)’, the dancing turning quicker again as the track slowly built. Yuri moved the microphone back to himself while Otabek put the beginning beat of the track on a loop to give him time to say whatever it was he had to say to the crowd.

“As of midnight you can buy and listen to both ‘Pretty Little Angel’ and ‘Sky and Sand’, Otabek Altin’s first official singles, anywhere you can get music,” Yuri announced, the crowd taking the info with loud cheering, “except for Tidal because it sucks. If you decide to buy either track via iTunes or the Google play store, use the promo code ‘puregold’, one word lower case, to get the track fifty percent off for the next three days. Show some love and support an amazing artist!”

The idea that people all around the world could now officially own two of his tracks was insane, especially since people would actually pay for them and not just download them from his soundcloud for free. Even as he went on this journey with Yuri toward Torrowland, toward building a career of his own, the thought had somehow never quite occurred to him, not properly at least. He felt impossibly grateful that Yuri had asked Victor take make all of this happen, to organize the midnight release and the whole three day promo code thing to get more people hyped and interested, the song popping up on Spotify and Pandora.

Trying his best to focus, Otabek took out the loop and returned to playing the rest of the song as it should be. After a few more seconds Yuri leaned in to kiss Otabek’s cheek, ignoring the fact that a ton of people were watching their every move and pictures of this exact moment would flood social media in three seconds flat, before moving his mouth closer to Otabek’s ear.

“You and I, tonight,” he whispered just loud enough for Otabek to understand each word clearly, the meaning of them causing his heart to stop for just a moment and his eyes going wide. Yuri kissed his cheek again and then disappeared backstage and toward their table, the crowd paying more attention to him now that they knew with a hundred percent certainty that he really was there. Isabella pulled Yuri into a hug the second he reached their table while JJ took pictures and Victor and Yuuri smiled fondly at the entire display.

Otabek barely realized that he was transitioning into his closing song. Yuri had dubbed ‘[Beauty Mark](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqQg4fPY7hU)’ as ‘the sappy romantic I miss you shit’ one evening, seconds before he pulled Otabek into a slow dance that ended with a huge make out session on the couch, the music forgotten. Somehow Otabek managed to pull himself together enough to vacate his spot behind the booth so the next DJ could took over and then made his way back toward their table while trying his hardest not to think about what Yuri said, though honestly could anyone blame his mind for circling back to it again and again no matter how much he tried to stop himself?

“That was fucking amazing!” JJ called out to him. “Like the streams did not do you any damn justice whatsoever. Also, asshole, why didn’t you tell me you sang your own fucking song?” Otabek just shrugged. “You’re a fucking idiot, one who can sing way better than I remembered, but still.”

“Both your songs were great,” Isabella said, smiling. “I posted a video of ‘Pretty Little Angel’ on my Instagram and my followers are loosing it. Everyone wants a shirt like Yuri’s now.”

“It is a damn good design, you should totally consider it,” Yuri said sounding genuine, the smile on Isabella’s face only growing along with a blush across her cheeks.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, you were the master mind behind this, I’m just being honest.”

“You should definitely keep him, Otabek, he definitely get’s my seal of approval,” Isabella joked while JJ rolled his eyes slightly dramatically making Otabek laugh.

“It seems like Yuri didn’t exaggerate in the slightest when telling me about your gigs,” Victor chimed in, Otabek’s heart skipping a beat, realizing that he might hear the final verdict right about now. Had the set been good enough? Would Victor actually want to sign him and help him reach Tomorrowland just like Yuri? “If you’re interested, I’m interested. I’ll have my people prepare a contract for you to sign when we return to Seattle.”

_Unbelievable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finding all those damn songs on YouTube was such a pain, omg, why didn't anyone tell me that putting fifteen songs into a chapter is a bad idea. Well, I hope you liked them at least. Like I mentioned on tumblr, I've rearranged and changed the songs for this set like five times majorly, and then a few more minor ones. Looking at it, it seems like Otabek's music seems to be partially based on Moonbootica and Paul Kalkbrenner, which is unexpected. And yes I know David Guetta exists in this Universe yet I still gave Otabek one of his songs...just roll with it ;)
> 
> Fun fact: All of chapter 15, and chapter 16, still belong to the outline I originally made for chapter 14. How I honestly thought all of this would fit into a single chapter is seriously beyond me. For the sake of my sanity I hope the next chapter will be a bit shorter than 9.5k or 9.8k.
> 
> Fun fact: The 'Rebel' is an actual club in Toronto.
> 
> Fun fact #2: 'Don't' was my warm up song all season for figure skating. Makes me miss it so bad...
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song, ['Sun' by Sleeping At Last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOQrfLFDUKY), doesn't get mentioned in the chapter yet I will probably still put it on the playlist since I listened to it on repeat while writing this chapter.

There was a distinct difference between the almost manic feeling of appearance based lust when working toward fucking a stranger, and the almost drunk or high feelings, personality and appearance based burning hot desire and indescribable yearning to have sex with someone you actually loved. After years of going through strangers like one-night only designer clothes Yuri could probably give an entire TED presentation on the topic, write a seven album long music journey about it, or direct a visual album detailing all of it with words and pictures.

But the most glaring difference between all the nuances and shades was that one meant nothing while the other everything.

It was strange, somehow, to look at Otabek and see something in him that was so different from anything he’d ever seen in or felt for another person. Yuri couldn’t put it properly into words what it was, but everything about him made Yuri want to hold on to him and never let go again, the way his voice sounded when he spoke, smooth and dark with that accent of his that made all the words that were so familiar to Yuri sound completely new somehow, or the way he moved, walked with purpose, carrying a certain presence without being loud about it or suffocating like other people. Otabek wasn’t tall, not like Yuri himself, but the way he carried himself, the way he acted and behaved made him feel big and important somehow.

Then there was the way Otabek looked at him, his eyes somehow always watching, noticing even the smallest, most trivial things, giving them meaning through it. Every expression in them was different, be it that soft look of fondness that he only got when talking about his family or, and Yuri would never get used to it, when looking at him or speaking about him, or that concentrated one that came in different shades depending on what it was that Otabek was doing, working on new music or reading something. One of Yuri’s favorites was that happy sparkle he sometimes got to see in them turning dark brown somehow a shade lighter, his eyes smiling, beautiful and breathtaking in a way no one else’s eyes were.

Before all of this, Yuri had never given that much thought to anyone’s eyes, never paid that much attention to the way they changed depending on the situation and the mood, but he could lose hours, entire days, just watching Otabek’s. At first glance they were simply a dark brown, but if you looked closer there was so much more to them, different shades and intensities painted in them like watercolors, specs of fine gold and honey around his pupils.

And finally there was the way Otabek touched him, both with his words and with his body, the way Otabek’s hands carefully roamed his body like he couldn’t quite believe that Yuri was real, that he was actually there. Or the way his lips trailed kisses across his skin in different ways each telling something else, words unspoken yet coming across clearly nonetheless, some soft and careful like the touch of a feather, others a little rougher, more intense, sloppy, wet and hot driving Yuri mad and craving so much more, and then there were ones designed to leave marks like signs of Otabek leaving claim to him, like he wanted everyone to know that Yuri was his just by looking at the stark contrast against his pale skin, though he never left any of them in places where strangers could see them. It was enough that they knew the marks were there, similar ones to be found on Otabek’s body.

Maybe it was strange for Yuri to think that way, a little bit crazy and foolish, but no matter how he thought about it, the conclusion he reached always seemed to stay the same. They say that people used to be born with two heads, two sets of arms and legs, two people combined into a single body, but the power they possessed was deemed too great so they were split into two, cursed to roam the earth seeking out their other half all their lives. Looking at Otabek, the way Yuri felt about him after being together for a couple of months now, he could swear that he was the other half of him he’d been subconsciously looking for all his life.

‘ _I was a billion little pieces,’til you pulled me into focus,astronomy in reverse,it was me who was discovered’_ Otabek had sung to him minutes before they’d kissed for the first time and up until now those words never seemed truer to Yuri. Just like in his own lyrics for ‘Train Wreck’, he felt both songs telling the same story, probably unintentionally yet not any less true. Yuri was the broken one and Otabek the one who possessed the power to help him piece himself back together, become human again and begin anew.

Breathlessly Yuri watched Otabek’s eyes and hands move across his body, down his neck and bare chest, Otabek’s lips beautifully swollen from kissing, their lips barely leaving each other since they walked back into their hotel room after Otabek’s gig. Once his hands moved over his hips around onto his ass to pull him closer, Yuri slid his hands around Otabek’s neck and pulled him into another kiss, rough and a bit uncoordinated but he didn’t care. It felt amazing all the same, completely different than kissing any other person before him felt, like a fire was ignited within Yuri, his heart beating faster and his skin almost tingling.

“You’re so gorgeous, Beka,” Yuri murmured, his lips close to Otabek’s ear, underling his words with a series of kisses staring behind his ear and trailing down his neck onto his shoulder. “Sometimes I’m convinced I don’t deserve you, but even if that’s true, I’d be too selfish to let you go.”

“And I’m too selfish to leave,” he said, his tone just as quiet.

“What have you done to me, Altin, making me all sappy and shit.”

“I believe love sometimes does that to people,” Otabek said with a small smirk, his eyes half lidded, pupils blown wide with desire. “Doesn’t fit your image, does it?”

“Fuck my image,” Yuri huffed and pulled him into another kiss, his fingers tangling into Otabek’s beautiful thick hair, his chest flush against Otabek’s as though they could somehow become one if only they’d try hard enough, the only thing marking where one ended and the other began the difference in skin color.

Across the years Yuri had gotten numerous hand and blow jobs, a ‘perk’ that comes with being someone and thus having people practically line up to do whatever you tell them to do while they felt like it was an honor for them to do it. It was ridiculous, but Yuri would lie if he said he hadn’t enjoyed it for a while, the power he could wield just by being him, exploiting the worship like levels with which some people treated him, but in the grand scheme of everything, all of it was completely and utterly meaningless, forgettable in every single way, regrettable even if he thought about it a little too much.

But seeing and feeling Otabek’s perfect damn mouth around his dick, it was like ascending into heaven, or the best shade of complete fucking madness Yuri had ever felt, better than any drug known by humanity or any centuries old drink, like his body was on fire or touching a high voltage line, the pleasure overwhelming. Nothing about it was forgettable, everything was meaningful, special somehow even if only because it was Otabek.

“Are you really sure you want this?” Yuri heard Otabek ask the very same question he heard him ask the first time they fooled around, too. With anyone else that very question, the level of extreme caution with which he proceeded as though Yuri would break if Otabek were to touch him too harshly, would have pissed him off, but right now it only made him melt and fall so much more for him.

Before him, no one gave a damn about what Yuri truly felt, no one paid this much attention to his emotional state or the response of his body. Otabek was different, of course he was. He cared and sometimes that fact alone was almost too much for Yuri to bear, making him want to cry, not because it made him sad but rather because it felt so good to finally have someone like that, someone who took the time to understand him, who wanted to know him, and who was willing to give him however much time needed instead of trying to pressure him into giving the other person whatever they wanted regardless if it was what Yuri wanted too or not.

“This was my idea, remember.”

“Doesn’t mean you couldn’t change your mind,” Otabek pointed out, his hand resting on the inside of Yuri’s thigh, his fingertips lightly running across the expanse of sensitive skin in absentminded little patterns, his eyes fixed on Yuri’s. “It’s okay if you did.”

“Beka, _please_ ,” Yuri said, his voice on the verge of slipping into a pleading whine.

After a moment or two Otabek leaned over him for another kiss, slow and deep, while his hand moved across Yuri’s skin, Yuri spreading his legs further while he felt Otabek’s finger on his rim, a single lubed up finger drawing teasing circles around it before pushing inside ever so slightly. Immediately he knew that this wouldn’t be a quick thing, that Otabek would take his time to take Yuri apart bit by bit, and fuck Yuri was so ready for it, craved it so bad it almost seemed impossible.

By the time Otabek deemed him ready and moved back just enough to put on a condom, Yuri was a moaning, whining mess a handful of seconds away from losing his mind and coming just on Otabek’s fingers alone. Once Otabek finally started to push into him, slowly, excruciatingly so, Yuri felt as though every emotion there was crashed in over him, that stretch induced shade of pain coated in pleasure, bursts and melodies of desire, need, love, freedom, happiness, and wonder chased by other ones he couldn’t even properly name. It felt like too much and not enough all at once, his heart seemingly about to bursting.

“Yura? Are you okay?” Otabek asked, concern on his face. “Am I hurting you?” Yuri almost wanted to laugh at the sheer absurdity of his question.

“No,” he said instead, a tear escaping his eye making him wonder when exactly he started to cry. “I’m just so… _happy_.” He smiled at that, slightly embarrassed by his own fucking sappiness, and then rolled his hips as much as he could to coax Otabek into moving.

Yuri had sex and fucked plenty of times across the years, but _this_ , this wasn’t either of the two. This was what people insisted on calling ‘making love’.

 

* * *

 

The look of complete serenity on Yuri’s face the next morning practically took away Otabek’s breath. The sun fell onto his face just right turning his hair golden and glowing, his lips ever so slightly parted, his hand curled up close to his face as he lay on his side. Otabek wished he could stop time for just a little while so he could look at him a little longer, give him more peaceful sleep, but that wasn’t how life or time worked so he wasn’t really that surprised when Yuri slightly stirred and then slowly opened his eyes.

“Good morning, _tigryenok,_ ” he said and lightly pushed a strand of pale blond hair behind Yuri’s ear which earned him a sleepy smile.

“Morning, _medvezhonok_ ,” Yuri said before moving just enough so he could rest his head between Otabek’s chest and shoulder, his hand on Otabek’s other shoulder, his eyes falling shut again, his breath evening out a moment later. After putting his arms around Yuri, Otabek went back to sleep, too, feeling content, warm and happy.

It wasn’t until way past twelve that they finally woke up properly and got out of bed. After taking a shower together, taking their time knowing that they had nowhere to be, no gigs or interviews looming above their heads, they settled onto the couch and called room service, too lazy to go out and find food. As they sat there, Otabek’s head resting in Yuri’s lap, Yuri’s fingers absentmindedly playing with his hair, Otabek couldn’t help but notice that it felt like something had changed last night though he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was, though it was enough for him to know and feel that it was a good type of change. Yuri seemed brighter somehow and that was all he needed.

Breakfast, that really was more like lunch, arrived twenty minutes later delivered by a skinny bellboy looking star struck as his eyes landed on Yuri. While Otabek took the cart from him and wandered back into their room, Yuri stayed behind for a moment to talk to the bellboy, even signed something for him. Yes, something definitely had changed and it was beautiful.

“Can I ask you something?” Otabek asked after they were done eating, bellies stuffed with waffles and pancakes and way too sweet coffee courtesy of Yuri. How he didn’t have diabetes just yet based on how much sweet stuff he ate and how much sugar he put into his coffee was beyond Otabek.

“Anything.”

“Last night when JJ called you kitten, you got so angry,” Otabek began, not failing to notice that ever so tiny flinch when he said the nickname, the shadow rushing across Yuri’s eyes, “looking at you now, I know it wasn’t the fact that JJ said it, but the word itself. What is it about it that makes you react like that?”

Yuri remained silent at first, closed his eyes and took a deep breath while Otabek regretted bringing up the topic all together. It was easy to see that Yuri didn’t like this, didn’t want to think about whatever memory was connected to that word, but it was too late now, the question already voiced. Lightly Otabek touched Yuri’s shoulder, some of the tension melting off of Yuri in response to it as though his touch was enough to calm the storm raging in Yuri’s mind.

“During the time when Jason and I were…whatever,” Yuri began, opening his eyes again and turning his head enough to look at him, “he always used to call me that. I used to think it was cute, but now every time I hear that word in connection to myself, it feels like I’m being stabbed all over again, the memories I’d so gladly forget coming back like fucking war flashbacks. Hell they might as well be war flashbacks, though that statement is probably fucking disrespectful to soldiers or whatever.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Neither of you could’ve known, especially JJ,” Yuri said and faintly smiled. “Whatever, doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore, it’s part of the past and I’d much rather think of the present and the future, preferably with you in it.”

“Is _tigryenok_ okay?” he asked, just to be sure. He’d used it many times so far and it never seemed to bother Yuri, but somehow he couldn’t help but ask.

Yuri leaned over closer to him, Yuri’s hand on his jaw and their lips a heartbeat apart. “More than okay.”

 

* * *

 

“There’s one more thing left for us to do before we leave Toronto,” Yuri announced an hour later. “Come on, get dressed while I let Chris know that we need his ass to drive us somewhere.”

Somehow Otabek knew that asking would be futile so instead he went back to the bedroom to fetch his shoes and leather jacket, along with Yuri’s coat. Soon they found themselves in the back of their rental car with Chris behind the wheel navigating his way out of the underground garage.

“Where to?” he asked as they reached the street and he had to choose which direction to go in.

“To Ciao Ciao’s,” Yuri said. Chris put on the right turn light and they started their journey evidently knowing how to get there without the help of a GPS or further instructions.

What was ‘Ciao Ciao’s’? Some kind of Italian restaurant maybe? But they’d eaten not that long ago and not even Yuri could be hungry again that quickly, so maybe not. Otabek decided not to ask and instead watched the buildings along the street, the traffic around them, the feeling of Yuri’s head resting against his shoulder. Otabek reached for Yuri’s hand, raised it toward his lips and kissed his knuckles ever so lightly causing Yuri to blush, a beautiful sight no picture could do justice.

Thirty minutes of getting stuck in traffic later they finally arrived at their destination though, from where Otabek was sitting, he couldn’t really see exactly where they were. Chris got out of the car while Yuri turned toward him.

“Okay, this might end up being the first time I’ve come up with something you will not agree to do, and that’s totally okay if that’ll be the case,” Yuri said, a lopsided smile on his face. “This is probably a bit crazy, and possibly asking for too much, but it’s worth a try.”

“What is Ciao Ciao’s?” Otabek finally asked.

“It’s a person, actually, Celestino but I call him Ciao Ciao.” That explanation did exactly nothing for Otabek, his confusion still just as prominent as before. Without saying another word, Yuri motioned for him to get out of the car before doing just that himself.

It definitely wasn’t a restaurant. No, instead it was a tattoo parlor. Wordlessly, though somehow curious and intrigued, Otabek let Yuri lead him inside, Chris holding the door open and following in behind them. The studio was quite spacious with different sections hidden away behind black room dividers with little white name tags stuck to them. The walls were basically covered in different pictures of tattoos or just their designs, a line of framed pictures next to the registry showing all the artists who worked there and the waiting area consisting of two spacious black leather couches.

“Welcome,” a woman, not older than maybe thirty with full tattoo sleeves and several piercings, standing behind the registry said as she looked up and noticed them. “How can I help you?”

“Plisetsky for Ciao Ciao,” Yuri said, understanding immediately dawning on her face, her smile turning bigger and brighter.

Before she could say any more a tall man in his late forties or maybe early fifties with long brown hair and a smile on his face emerged from one of the rooms. “Yuri,” he said, his voice firm but cheerful, fitting to the way he carried himself. “I thought you’d forgotten me.”

“I’m literally wearing three of yours designs, there is no way I could forget you,” Yuri said while lightly shaking his head. “This is Otabek Altin, my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ciao Ciao said and stretched out his hand toward him for a handshake. “That must mean the second design is for you, huh?”

“What?” he asked, confused.

“How about we discuss this somewhere else,” Yuri quipped. Ciao Ciao nodded and led them to his area behind the room dividers.

An abundance of designs were stuck to all the walls, some looking like splashes of watercolors framed by black lines, others geometric designs fused with animals similar to Yuri’s tiger, a wolf made entirely out of triangles or a mountain view made up of hundreds of little dots. A lone black leather chair sat in the middle of the room, shelves behind it lined with all sorts of equipment, another normal chair standing nearby.

“Okay, confession,” Yuri finally said looking almost a little shy, a light blush dusting his cheeks, “remember how, again and again, I said you would surely look amazing with some ink?” Otabek nodded and almost immediately he knew where this was going, probably. “You said you might consider getting something should you find the right motif, right?” He nodded again while Yuri stretched out his hand toward Ciao Ciao who handed him two pieces of paper. “And then you said your favorite animal is a bear. Remember how I mentioned that I did my homework during our second meeting in my hotel room? I repeated that and looked up the national animals of Russia and Kazakhstan. Turns out yours is a cat, mine is a bear. On a whim of probably epic proportions I might have called Ciao Ciao sometime thereafter and asked him to work out two designs. You know, Ciao Ciao is my tattoo guy; I trust his skills and art. The tiger, lion and the blue rose with the geometric shapes around it are all his work.”

This was crazy, though considering it was Yuri, it wasn’t surprising at all. “Okay?”

“Here,” Yuri said and handed over one of the papers. [On it was a blue outline of a bear shaded in with dots](https://victuri-oh-nice.tumblr.com/post/159352328688/unsteady-the-yuri-plisetsky-guide-to-body) and a design of a forest tree line across his body. It was undeniably beautiful, something Ciao Ciao must’ve put some thought and quite the amount of work into, a type of design Otabek would see on another person and think it was great yet never be able to imagine himself, the type of ink he would be tempted to get. After not even a year it seemed like Yuri knew him better than he thought it was able for a person to.

“It’s amazing,” Otabek finally said, Yuri’s face immediately lightening up.

“And that’s mine.” The design was in held in the same style, the outline of the head of a mountain cat of some sort shaded in with dots and the outline of mountains across its neck and jaw. It would undoubtedly look great on Yuri. “What do you think? I know getting each other’s national animals inked sounds really crazy, especially should this not work out or whatever, but even if, no one has to know its meaning. It’s just a bear if you want it to be just that.”

Uncertainty was painted across Yuri’s face as he spoke, his voice a little more quiet toward the end as though the mere idea of what he said made him sad. With a soft smile on his own face, he stepped closer toward Yuri and pulled him into a tight hug, touched by the amount of thought he put into this, the amount of thought he seemed to put into everything he did for Otabek. Sure Leo and JJ had done nice things for him in the past, just like he’d done for them, yet this was different. No one he’d ever been in a relationship with had gone out of their way like that, put just this much thought into surprises and gifts like Yuri had.

It was easy to see that Yuri understood tattoos, that he liked them to carry meanings and not just look pretty. Otabek never liked the idea of couples getting tattoos of each others names or anything alike since, just like Yuri said, should everything not work out in the end it’d be strange to carry an ex-lovers name on your skin. But this, again, was different. Just looking at them, they were two animal tattoos done by the same artist in the same style, nothing more and nothing less. They only carried a deeper meaning if you gave it that, if you told the person asking about them what they meant, otherwise it was just a bear and a cat.

A reminder of Yuri forever on his skin no matter what would happen in the future. Even if, one day everything would end and they would go their separate ways, he would have something that would remind him of this, something he could look at and cherish, though the idea of a future day when he wouldn’t love Yuri anymore seemed hard to even imagine, almost impossible even.

Maybe one day he would regret this decision, maybe there would come a day when he would feel only hate when he would look at the ink on his skin, or maybe neither would ever happen, either way he wanted to do it. It was crazy, a bit stupid, and truly spontaneous on his part, but Otabek didn't care.

“It will never be just a bear,” Otabek finally murmured close to Yuri’s ear, “just like you will never be just another person.”

In the end they got their designs done one after the other in practically the same place almost exactly above their hearts on their chests, sappy as fuck according to Yuri, the comment said with the biggest and fondest smile on his face giving away his true thoughts. They say that love makes you do crazy things and Otabek couldn’t have agreed more though he felt no regret over anything that happened so far, couldn’t imagine that ever changing either.

Yuri was a little wild, a little messy and a little rough around the edges, but Otabek wouldn’t want to have him any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking FINALLY. I've been waiting to write that tattoo scene for so damn long, wanting to share those designs with you and stuff. What do you think of the idea behind them? I love the dude who makes those drawings, you can find him on Instagram, @samlarson.
> 
> Also, that emotional smut, I have no idea how any of that happened but I am so fucking proud of it? Idk.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	17. Chapter 17

Their flight back to Seattle took just over five hours, most of it passed with Otabek and Yuri huddled together watching some show on Netflix, and Victor and Yuuri talking about something or another while staring down at Yuuri’s phone. Chris sat on the side with a book in hand, his eyes occasionally looking down at his phone lying on the table in front of him. At some point Otabek asked him about it, curiosity getting the best of him. Chris smiled and said that his boyfriend was flying in from Switzerland for a visit and that he was simply waiting to hear from him, not wanting to miss his text.

From what Yuri had told him at one point, Otabek knew that Chris’s boyfriend was an ice dancer training and representing Switzerland at competitions. They’d met during Stake America when Yuri had taken his entire team to see the entire thing a few years ago. Being Yuri Plisetsky he’d gotten them into the banquet closing the event and that’s where Chris and his boyfriend had met. Living halfway across the world from each other sucked but Chris said that it made the time they could be together all the more special, plus he was probably going to retire after the next season and then move in with Chris.

After spending every day with Yuri since April, Otabek could slowly hardly even imagine what it would feel like not to see him at least in the evening after work or in the morning after waking up.

Otabek was relieved once they finally made it back to the penthouse. He tried to sleep during the flight but it hadn’t really worked out besides one five minute sleep that wasn’t really sleeping at all which only left him more exhausted than he’d already been. They hadn’t gotten too much sleep last night.

“Fuck its good to be home again,” Yuri groaned as they walked toward the stairs. “Didn’t think just being away for a few days would make me miss this place so hard.”

“If a few days make you feel this way, how did you manage being away for tours a couple of months at a time?” Otabek asked, curiously. Yuri just shrugged as means of answering his question.

Using leftover energy neither thought they had left, they took a shower together to wash away the day, Otabek lovingly washing Yuri’s hair and watching that blissful expression on his face, before they fell into bed, their limbs intertwined, and slipped into a nap.

What felt like not even a full minute but had actually been an hour Otabek woke up to find the bed empty besides him. Sighing he rolled onto his back and debated getting up and looking for Yuri, or just staying in bed wrapped up in the cozy warm blankets. Five minutes passed and he knew there would definitely be no more sleep so he got out of bed, grabbed the nearest hoody lying on a chair and then headed out downstairs.

Halfway down the stairs Otabek picked up the faint sound of Yuri playing the piano, a melody he never heard before, his mind immediately going back to that first time he heard Yuri play the piano, another sad melody, Otabek’s heart aching at the memory. As he got closer to the door, Yuri stopped and then began anew.

[Five notes repeated three times with little moments of silence](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSpGVa7G2IY) between them until they were repeated a fourth time without the pause, the melody continuing, carefully and softly, like the first drops of rain. At first Otabek thought that it sounded sad, but now that he was closer, could listen from the beginning, it actually sounded rather hopeful, like a new beginning instead of an end. The piece had a lot of space, dimensions, although it wasn’t too complicated, wasn’t fast or anything, but it was beautiful, vivid imagery drawn with music alone.

Slowly he walked over to the piano until he stood next to its opening and watched as its insides moved in response to Yuri playing the white and black keys, music happening quite literally right in front of his very eyes. Looking over at Yuri he noticed that Yuri’s eyes were closed, his fingers blindly moving yet never pressing the wrong note, like his body was one with the piano, every single key so familiar that he simply didn’t need to see it to know where each fingers needed to go. Yuri lightly lulled his head from side to side as he played, strands of his hair framing his face, a small smile slipping onto his lips, the only form of acknowledgement Otabek got that Yuri knew that he was actually there.

Another minute passed until the music slowly faded away and Yuri rose from the bench. He closed the cover and ran his hand over the polished black wood as he crossed the short distance between them. His hair was open and falling partially onto his chest and his back, and he wore the dusty pink robe from their second meeting. It went without saying that he looked beautiful, his robe matching the piano and the music, silk in different forms. Silently Yuri walked past him and closed the piano completely, his palm resting on the wood for another few seconds as though they were somehow communicating, Yuri thanking the instrument for its service.

Finally Yuri raised his eyes toward him, the small smile returning, his face and eyes soft. Standing in front of him, Yuri raised his hands to Otabek’s face before leaning in for a kiss, light and careful like the music Yuri had played just a minute ago, growing and transforming into more as time slowly passed. Otabek moved his hands to Yuri’s waist pulling him closer. As they broke the kiss to catch their breath Otabek moved his lips along Yuri’s jaw and down his neck while he could feel Yuri’s hands moving onto his chest zipping open his hoody and then pushing it over his shoulders and down arms until it fell forgotten onto the floor.

Yuri’s robe followed the same fate pooling around his feet leaving both of them standing opposite each other dressed in nothing more than their underwear, eyes moving across each others skin and the only sound their breathing and the rain tapping against the windows, the lighting dimming outside moving toward twilight, the lonely lamp standing on the other end of the room barely doing anything.

In a heartbeat they were kissing again, Yuri’s hands on Otabek’s chest pushing him back just a little until he leaned against the cool surface of the piano, a shiver running down his spine. While Yuri kissed him, long and hard, tongue and teeth, Otabek moved his hands up Yuri's thighs and onto his ass, perfect, soft and plump. As Yuri took his lower lip between his teeth, Otabek used his rather blunt nails to scratch over Yuri's skin.

A while back Yuri mentioned that he liked it, that odd yet satisfying feeling of pain infused with pleasure, as well as seeing those red lines rise across his skin later on even if only in a mirror. Immediately Yuri went back to kissing him, deeper and more desperate, almost feverishly, while Otabek moved his hands up his back and than ran them back down again slowly leaving red lines in his wake, Yuri lightly shuddered against him in response, a stifled moan against his mouth.

"Last night, and the night before that, you blew my mind, so now’s my turn to return the favor and see if I can do the same for you," Yuri said, his voice low with that familiar dangerous yet sexy edge to it. Yuri had an interesting sense for justice and fairness sometimes but Otabek most definitely wasn't about to argue or ask further questions, especially when Yuri had that look in his eyes, a mixture of devotion, desire, and wild that just made Otabek weak every single time. “Have you ever been rimmed before?”

“No,” Otabek said, honestly. He’d suggested it to one or two of his previous lovers before, yet after getting negative responses each time, he’d given up on the idea all together.

“Really?” Yuri asked, one eyebrow raised in surprise. “Would you like to?”

“Yes.” Things had definitely changed but Otabek most definitely did not mind, not even for a second.

“Then today is your lucky day, Beka,” Yuri said with a delighted smile on his face as though he’d just made some kind of wondrous discovery and received the okay to explore it some more.

They kissed again for a little while until Yuri instructed him to turn around and make himself comfortable, as much as it was possible to do so, against the piano. With quick fingers Yuri pulled down his underwear and added it to their pile of clothes once he stepped out of it. With the back of his hand Yuri lightly nudged his ankle so he would stand a little wider, Otabek following without hesitation, before Yuri moved his hands slowly up Otabek’s legs, the air seemingly thickening around them with tension and anticipation.

“You know, usually I don’t let anyone besides me touch the piano, _ever_ ,” Yuri said, his hands on Otabek’s ass cheeks, his warm breath against Otabek’s skin. “The keys, maybe, but its body, never. Yet there is something… _intriguing_ about this, you leaning onto my most beloved possession with your gorgeous ass right in front of my face.”

Feeling someone’s fingers, or his own, on his rim was one thing, yet the feeling of Yuri running his hot, wet tongue across it was way more intense than he could’ve ever imagined and it left him breathless, like the feeling of falling and flying at once. After a few more long and slow licks Yuri switched to smaller flicks and drawing circles around it, his hands gripping Otabek’s hips to keep him in place while Otabek tried to find something, anything, he could hold on to. Little moans joined the uneven pattern of the rain against glass, hushed and mixed with quiet curses in three different languages.

He almost whined at the loss as Yuri pulled back.

“Do you like it?” he inquired and placed a few kisses on the small of his back.

“Yes,” Otabek somehow managed to say. “Feels fucking amazing.”

“It’s interesting how you only curse when you feel strong emotions like pleasure or anger or anxiety,” Yuri observed before he pushed his cheeks further apart and his tongue lapped at his hole again. Any words Otabek might’ve wanted to say, any thought he could voice, were erased from his mind and the only sound was a deep moan and what could resemble Yuri’s name if you listened close enough when Yuri lightly pushed his tongue into him, testing, trying, teasing, measuring his response before moving further, slowly working him open with just his tongue.

Otabek felt like he was simultaneously dying and coming to life, the pleasure breaking in over his body like waves, the feeling only intensified when one of Yuri’s hands left his hip and instead closed around his cock. It didn’t take long until Otabek most definitely lost all control on any and all sounds he was making, random words and praises falling out of his mouth, some of it surely barely coherent enough to be understood.

And then, just as he thought it would all end there, everything stopped. A little confused Otabek looked over his shoulder at Yuri who leaned down toward his robe to retrieve something from it.

“I had a feeling,” Yuri explained as he opened the small bottle of lube and generously coated his fingers with it. “Are you okay?”

“Never better.”

“Good,” Yuri said with a smile. He stepped closer and kissed Otabek’s shoulder and neck, a little down his upper back and then along his other shoulder just as he slid a single digit into Otabek with ease.

Otabek moaned again and Yuri started to move his finger before adding a second one, scissoring and stretching him open some more, carefully and slowly, until he added a third one. Yuri curled his finger just right and hit that sweet spot inside of him making Otabek see little stars on the horizon, moans and groans filling the air.

Quickly Yuri removed his fingers, his already pre-cum soaked underwear and then put on a condom. “You ready?” Otabek almost wanted to scream in a surge of ever so slight frustration until a little voice at the back of his head reminded him that he’d treated Yuri the exact same way before, made sure that everything was okay before ever single step.

“Yes, _please_ ,” he almost begged, the reward following a second later as Yuri started to push inside and Otabek was sure that this time he would truly die, though he could certainly imagine a much worse way for it to happen.

Once Yuri was fully inside of him he remained still, gave Otabek time to adjust while kissing his upper back again. Otabek moved his hips, sign enough for Yuri that he was ready.

“I love you,” he somehow managed to say between moans once they established some kind of pace, Yuri’s thrusts just the right speed, deep and hard—not quite as hard and not nearly as rough as Yuri hinted at liking it but still—as though he somehow knew just how Otabek liked it without him having to say a thing, like Yuri could just read him like an open book, a skill no one he’d been with before ever possessed. “Yura, _fuck_.”

Yuri changed the angel just a little, his thrusts somehow turning even deeper, better, hitting his prostate more often than not, their moans mixing and almost harmonizing even. Waiting to have sex with Yuri for so many weeks had been so worth it, both in form of giving and receiving, as though their bodies had been made for each other, working together just right.

They came almost at the same time with finals moans, loud and hard, the room imploding in stars and light in front of Otabek’s eyes, his legs barely able to keep him upright, most of his weight resting on the piano. For the briefest of seconds he wondered how much of a pain it will be to clean off the stains from it, but the thought melted from his mind when Yuri kissed the back of his neck and carefully pulled out.

“I love you too,” Yuri murmured between heavy breaths once he came down from his own orgasm. Carefully Otabek turned around once he trusted his legs enough and pulled Yuri into his arms. "It seems like my piano is a great place for firsts," Yuri huffed, his face buried in Otabek’s neck where it met his shoulder. "The first time you sang something for me, the first time we kissed, your first time being eaten out, and the wonders of switching. And here I used to think pianos were just good for music."

At that both of them laughed, not loudly or anything, but rather comfortably.

“You’re amazing, Beka. Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for? If anything, I should thank you.”

“Thank you for everything, I guess,” Yuri said and kissed his neck. “Thank you for being you and loving me for me. And for not forcing me into just being your bottom bitch on booty call whenever you feel like it. Don't get me wrong, I _love_ the feeling of you inside me pounding me until I don't even remember my name anymore, but it's nice to be the giving one sometimes, too."

“I can honestly say the same thing,” Otabek said while he softy ran his hand through Yuri’s hair vaguely aware that he was slowly starting to feel a little cold even with Yuri’s warm body pressed against his. “In all my previous relationships it always had to be one or the other, never both, so I’m relieved that you feel and think the way I do.”

“It’s just another point on the long ass list of reasons why we are so good together,” Yuri mused with a little sigh at the end.

“Looks like it.” Otabek moved his head enough to kiss Yuri’s shoulder. “Either way, lets go take a shower and go to bed before we catch a cold standing around naked and sweaty.”

“Always so responsible,” Yuri teased with a smile on his face. He leaned in for another kiss and then led the way back upstairs, their clothes left behind.

 

* * *

 

Three days after they returned from Toronto, Victor showed up at the penthouse with a lawyer, more specifically Yuri’s lawyer, Lilia Baranovskaya, and a stack of papers—Otabek’s contract. For the next few hours, or at least it felt like that, Victor and Lilia went on to explain every single detail of the contract, the terms of services falling onto Victor, his responsibilities in regards to guidance, counseling, and anything else Otabek might need to further his career, points about rights and authority across various things like making Victor his sole representative or be the one to take care of any and all bookings, thus also taking the role of Otabek’s booking agent. Then there were clauses upon clauses detailing what would happen if their business relationship would not work out due to various reasons and thus call for a termination of the contract, and many other smaller things making Otabek wonder how either of them could remember all of it.

It was a lot to process, the language very much what you’d expect from a contract penned down by a lawyer, complicated and sometimes a bit unnecessarily convoluted. Seeing himself referred to as ‘Artist’ felt odd but great at the same time, not quite real even if it was very much so. Seeing Victor’s name under ‘Manager’ was even crazier. This was the type of contract basically ninety nine percent of the music world lusted after, and somehow Otabek was lucky enough to actually get the chance to not only read and hear about it, but actually sign it.

Growing up Otabek dreamed of his moment, signing a contract with a manager, his music finally gaining a more professional status, as well as him as artist. Not even in his wildest dreams did he imagine it would happen sitting in Yuri Plisetsky’s living room in Seattle.

That evening when Otabek called his family at ten pm his time—eleven am the next day Almaty time—his mother cried, Amina screamed and squealed jumping off of the couch and running through the room like she couldn’t contain her happiness, Nura called him an idiot for thinking this would never happen and congratulated him saying that she now finally knew how he must’ve felt like when she won her first gold medal in the senior division, and his father looked prouder than Otabek had ever seen him look at him, his heart beating that little bit faster.

Finally Otabek was making his family proud.

**Leo: Way to fucking go!**

**JJ: I’d tell you I’m proud of you, but I don’t want you to turn cocky.**

**Me: Thanks guys.**

**Leo: Been telling you that you’re the shit for years, maybe now you’ll finally start believing us.**

**JJ: And here you wanted to kill me for uploading that song, huh? See, everything turned out just the way it should. If I don’t see your name on the Tomorrowland artist list I’ll personally kick your ass, Altin, just so you know.**

**Leo: Also don’t fuck up your relationship, surprisingly enough the guy is good for you so don’t mess up, will you?**

All of it felt all the more overwhelming when Yuri showed up at Mila’s two days later with a bottle of Champaign announcing proudly that both of Otabek’s songs had made it not only onto the Bilboard Hot 100 charts, but also onto various other lists internationally, even successfully knocking out some Ed Sheeran song from the top five on iTunes USA, UK, Russia and Argentina.

Otabek was speechless and honestly didn’t believe a word until Yuri showed him all of it on his phone. It was safe to say that Otabek cried like a baby, overwhelmed and so happy he thought his heart would implode, with Yuri holding him tightly and telling him, again and again, just how amazing and brilliant he was, and how badly he deserved this, that he worked so hard for those songs, for his music in general, and was finally rewarded with the recognition he deserved. It seemed like a dream, some kind of elaborate fantasy that somehow couldn’t possibly be real, yet it was real, all of it. The contract, the songs, the chart placing, and even the fact that Yuri loved him.

Otabek lacked the words to put his feelings into sentences, to express any of it properly beyond the most heartfelt caps lock thank you tweet he’d ever had the pleasure of tweeting. Despite his tear streaked face, oddly paired with the biggest smile he ever smiled in connection to his music, Yuri took a picture of them together and posted it on his Instagram proclaiming, once again, just how proud he was.

 

* * *

 

“Yuri?” someone called out over the probably a bit too loud sound of Beyoncé’s ‘[SANDCASTLES](https://youtu.be/RD38JT8rypY?t=1m22s)’ blasting from the speakers. Somehow Yuri had been in the mood to listen to a playlist that contained her album ‘Lemonade’, even if it wasn’t necessarily his usual type of music, but there was something pretty fucking amazing about it that even he could appreciate.

“Kitchen,” Yuri called back, still moving along with the music, just the slightest bit annoyed that his impromptu jam session had been interrupted since he’d just gotten into the song and that sad emotional mindset to sing it properly, and turned the stove onto the lowest setting. After a few seconds Georgi appeared in the doorway with a package in his hands. Yuri pushed pause and suddenly everything seemed way too quiet as the music disappeared. “What’s that?”

“This arrived to your PO Box,” Goergi said and placed the package on the kitchen counter next to him. “Usually I wouldn’t bother you with this outside of our monthly meeting, but the sticker on it stuck out to me and I thought you might want to open it.”

Yuri pulled the package closer toward himself and tried to see which sticker Georgi was on about. There, right above his PO Box address was a sticker in form of a teddy bear head with the word ‘Otababes’ printed across it. It took a moment for Yuri to make the connection, to figure out where he’d heard or read that word before—the interview in Toronto.

“Thanks,” Yuri said trying not to laugh which, the more he thought about it only got harder. He hadn’t actually thought that the fan club would send him something, meant it more as a joke, but this was amazing. Yuri didn’t even care what was inside; just the fact that he got something from them was amazing on its own. Across the years he’d gotten any imaginable cat related gift you could find from his fans, gotten every imaginable letter and other gifts they thought he could like, and he loved each and every one of them, well except for the creepy ones of course—pink frilly panties with kittens on them with a questionable origin definitely made it up there on the ‘hell no’ list.

Once Georgi left, Yuri pressed play on his music again—probably singing and moving along to ‘[Shine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXTAn4ELEwM)’ a little too enthusiastically but Yuri couldn’t help himself—and then picked up the closest knife he could find—coincidentally the biggest and sharpest one in his entire kitchen—so he could open the package, curious what he would possibly find inside. The first thing he saw was a teddy bear with a stoic expression and strong brows wearing what looked like traditional clothes, probably Kazakh ones, logically. A little tag was around his neck. Turning it around Yuri read that the teddy’s name was ‘Otabear’ which was just honestly so fucking cute and hilarious at the same time.

_It's shaking the sky_

_And I'm following lightning_

_I'll recover if you keep me alive_

_Don't leave me behind_

_Can you see me? I'm shining_

_And it's you that I've been waiting to find_

Next, lying on top of something blue was a folded letter with his name on it. Curiously he picked it up and began to read:

_Dear Mr. Plisetsky._

_We are happy to inform you that you are now an official member of the Otababe Fan club. Please accept this Otababe t-shirt and wear it with pride. We've also sent along an official mascot of the Otababes fanclub, Otabear. He'll need lots of love which we are sure you are more than capable of handling, and he also enjoys cuddling._

_If you ever wish to join our discussions of the latest Otabek news, you can find us on Tumblr listed under Otababes. The Captain of our club,[Severe Minx](http://severeminx.tumblr.com/) can give you a virtual tour. All things Otabek, from pictures, to the playlist of all Otabek's music._

_Though we're sure you won't need us to be kept up on such things, however should you like to contribute, we'd appreciate it._

_Thank you for taking the time to show your appreciation for our love of all things Otabek Altin, and we hope to see you on-line._

_Sincerely,_

_Diamond Winters_

_President of the Otababes Fan Club_

_p.s. Yes, my name really is Diamond Winters. FUCKING LOVED your last show. Thanks!!! :D <3_

If it weren’t such a rude thing to think—though since when would he really care—Yuri would honestly say that this was the most amazing thing he’d ever received from fans, even if these fans weren’t really his. And what as that about a shirt?

Quickly Yuri put aside the letter and pulled out the blue fabric, which, true to the letter, was a shirt with his last name on the back and a bear with ‘Otababes’ printed on the front. Swiftly Yuri changed shirts, surprised that they’d gotten his size right, and walked over to the nearest mirror to look at himself. The shirt was amazing and suited him surprisingly well.

Back in the kitchen Yuri looked for his phone, grabbed the bear and then walked into the living room for better lighting before taking a series of selfies. Once he figured out which one looked the best, he slapped a filter or two on it and jumped onto Instagram. There was a chance this would lead to some strange war between Yuri’s Angels and Otababes—he’d definitely have to remember to add something about his fans not going after Otabek’s in the caption—but Yuri didn’t care. This was too amazing not to share it. Maybe he was a bit irrationally excited by this, but who fucking cared. Then he jumped onto twitter and added ‘Otababe’ to his twitter bio. Victor would probably sooner or later call to ask what the fuck tht was about but in that moment it didn’t matter.

Next he sent another picture to Otabek announcing his membership in his fan club, which earned him a confused reply since it seemed like Otabek hadn’t been quite aware of his own fans. It was kind of cute, and so typical. Yuri couldn’t wait for Otabek to come home from Mila’s so he could show him the letter, and the bear more properly since the picture didn’t really do him justice. Who would’ve thought that a joke during an interview would get him a gift in return?

Yuri would have to ask Georgi what they could send back as thank you.

 

* * *

 

“How much do you pay for this place?” Otabek asked one evening while they were sprawled out on the couch. Otabek had tried to read some kind of book, a classic he’d started about two weeks ago but couldn’t really focus properly so he closed the book and looked over at Yuri instead.

“I will not make you pay rent, Beka, so don’t even think about it,” Yuri said without taking his eyes off of his iPad, his finger slowly moving across the screen. “Besides, no offence, but I doubt you could afford it anyway.”

“I don't doubt that either but that doesn’t answer my question.”

Yuri sighed and looked up over the screen at him. “More or less seven and a half thousand dollars, you can’t afford that, I can. Hell I also pay the rent for Chris’ and Georgi’s apartments two floors below us along with paying for anything Sasha and grandpa might need and the fucking apartment my parents live in. I even offered to pay for Victor’s house but he refused. Beka, I have more money that I could reasonably spend in a fucking lifetime. I don’t want your money.”

“I’m well aware of that but I can’t just continue living here on your pocket, it’s not fair.” For the past couple of months he somehow hadn’t really spend much thought on the topic but now that he was making a reasonable income from working at Mila’s, along with the revenue coming in for his music, it just didn’t feel right anymore. Before that he most definitely wouldn’t have been able to pay even a fraction of what Yuri paid for this place, but now he felt like he should at least pay some part of it.

“Says fucking who? I invited you to stay here and it would be rude to make a guest pay for his stay.”

“Guest?”

“Boyfriend, which, see, that would only make it weirder,” Yuri pointed out and locked his iPad, giving up on whatever he was doing to instead focus on the conversation at hand. “I don’t want or need your money.”

“What if I still want to do it? Yes, I am a guest and your boyfriend and that’s exactly why I should pay some kind of rent. Even when I was living at Leo’s and then JJ’s when we were teens my family insisted on paying their families some kind of money so they wouldn’t have to feed and house me for free.”

“Fine,” Yuri groaned after a few moments of silence. “One thousand.”

“Seems hardly fair.”

“You can’t afford half so take what you can get, Beka, or leave me the joy of spending my money on something or rather someone,” Yuri argued and leaned closer toward Otabek, his hand lightly taking Otabek’s chin. “Maybe after Tomorrowland, should you still want to stay here, I’ll think about half.”

“Deal,” Otabek said and leaned in for a kiss, that somehow grew into a whole series of kisses only interrupted by Yuri’s phone chiming with some message.

“Leave it to fucking Victor to have the worlds worst timing,” Yuri said with a huff and fetched his phone from the coffee table. Otabek watched as he unlocked it and scrolled through whatever it was that Victor wrote him, a small smile growing on his lips. “Have you ever been to Germany?”

“No?”

“We’ll be heading there in June,” Yuri announced. “Guess ‘Snow Cats’ and ‘Killing Loneliness’, along with the possibility of a new album, were arguments enough for the organizers of _Rock am Ring_ to book me as headliner.”

“It’ll be your second time there, right?”

“Someone’s been paying attention, huh?” Yuri noted, amused. “But, don’t worry, I won’t drag you along just to stand around and watch me perform songs you’ve already heard.”

“I don’t mind. I’d listen to you sing all day every day.” That earned him another quick kiss.

“Victor said you’ve been booked for the _BigCityBeats World Club Dome_ , stage still pending but I bet by the time June comes around they’ll definitely push you onto Mainstage,” Yuri continued and turned his phone toward Otabek so he could see Victor’s message for himself. “My only hope is that, since both festivals are happening around the same time, that we won’t get scheduled for the same time. I’d hate to miss your show or have to let my diva side show to make them change my scheduled time and date.”

That would definitely suck majorly but there was a good chance it wouldn’t happen, or at least that was Otabek’s hope, too. Either way this was definitely exciting news, a big step toward Tomorrowland, toward the dream he always had, making it onto the big festival stages and being able to share his music with excited crowds, have fun doing what he loved. It was crazy to think that all of it could finally happen during the next festival season, that he would get to travel to all these different places, ones he never thought he’d get to see otherwise, though the best part of it was the fact that he’d get to go there with Yuri by his side. He would definitely call him out for thinking something that sappy, but it was merely the truth, no reason to deny it.

“You still have that sparkle in your eyes,” Yuri noted after putting his phone away and moving in closer, his legs draped across Otabek’s lap. “I love seeing it and I hope you’ll keep it forever. And I hope that soon enough Victor will let me know that Tomorrowland called and wants to have you there because, damn, you deserve it more than anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all of that happened. That smut was what I mentioned on tumblr that a friend slid me the idea for it. Hope you liked my execution of it ;) Also, as for the contract, I actually did look up how those contracts look like and read an entire one to get an idea of what the fuck I was writing about. Turns out I included way less details then I thought I would and I probably could've skipped the research, but it was fun so whatever. 
> 
> Also thank you to DiamondWinters for the Otababe's letter, shirt and teddy that was in this chapter. I loved your comment os much I simply had to have it in the actual story! :3
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	18. Chapter 18

Otabek felt fascinated, time and time again, by Yuri’s ability to somehow drape himself all across Otabek like a cat despite being tall and the position looking anything but comfortable. But judging by Yuri’s peaceful expression as he slept he must’ve liked it enough to not reposition himself or simply migrate onto his own seat instead. An hour into their over five hours long flight to New York City, Otabek woke up from some dream and found everybody else sleeping in their seats. Chris’ book lay open in his lap with his glasses between the pages and Victor and Yuuri slept in a similar position to Otabek and Yuri.

Outside his window the world was dark with merely some occasional city lights kilometers below along with some clouds. Everything was quiet besides the typical sound that airplanes made, the flight attendant nowhere to be seen, probably sitting in the cockpit talking to the pilot. This was the first trip on their long list of gigs and festivals coming up this season taking them from one side of the US to the other and then also to Europe. Slowly Otabek was getting a glimpse at the life Yuri had lived for so long now, tours and traveling. If he were alone, Otabek was sure he wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much as he did by Yuri’s side. Unlike San Francisco, Toronto or LA, this time their trip was purely for Yuri and his gig.

On top of all that it was also Yuri’s birthday today. Looking at their phones lying side by side on the table in front of them, Otabek could see Yuri’s phone light up every once in a while surely with the first birthday wishes coming in. Otabek thought back to his own birthday, the amazing things Yuri had done for him to celebrate, and for a moment he wished he could do something just as amazing for Yuri, even though he knew he very much couldn’t afford it. But he did have a present for him and he dearly hoped Yuri would like it. It wasn’t quite as amazing as motocross or the sight of Yuri in pale blue panties and thigh highs, but it was something coming straight from his heart.

After a while Otabek fell back asleep for what felt like a second before the flight attendant came around to wake them up as they were about to land. Otabek held Yuri close and watched the blush growing on his face as they sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Yuri once the jet reached its final position and stopped moving, the pilot and flight attendant standing in the cockpit door joining in as well.

“This is so embarrassing,” Yuri whined sounding like he didn’t mean it for a second, the almost shy smile on his lips giving him away immediately.

“Just accept our love, Yuri,” Victor said with a big smile. “Isn’t it nice to have so many people around you that like you?”

“Thank you,” Yuri finally said looking toward all the people around him. “Much nicer than last year, or the year before that.” With that Yuri angled himself around enough to kiss Otabek on the cheek, and then more properly, while everybody else slowly got up to leave. Otabek swore he heard Yuuri tell Victor how cute they were but wasn’t willing to break their kiss to say anything or smile.

With their suitcases they walked through the small building and outside toward a black van with tinted windows waiting for them. As they approached the driver exited the van and opened the back to put away their luggage before handing over the keys to Chris. They piled into the van and took off toward their hotel, another unimaginably expensive five star Otabek didn’t even want to look up online.

“As much as I would love to give you the entire day off until sound check, Yuri,” Victor began to say with his phone in hand, “I unfortunately can’t. There are three interviews on your schedule today, along with a photo shoot for one of them, that shouldn’t take more than a few hours, enough so you can relax and eat something before we have to go to the venue for sound check, meeting your guests and then the gig itself.”

“What about Beka?” Yuri asked and lightly squeezed Otabek’s hand.

“Well he can either sit around with Chris and I watching you, or Yuuri could take him on a tour around the city or something,” Victor offered while Yuuri nodded next to him.

“I’m not the best tour guide, but we’ve been here a few times so I guess I know at least some interesting places,” Yuuri said and took Victor’s phone. “Though looking at the weather it looks like it might rain.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind sitting around and watching Yuri,” Otabek said truthfully. He’d never been present for any of Yuri’s previous interviews so he was curious how those actually looked like. Victor told Otabek that he’d gotten a few requests from different blogs and magazines for interviews with him, but he’d rejected all of them saying that it’d be better to wait with interviews until after his first festival gig. Otabek didn’t mind and felt rather nervous just thinking about being interviewed. Maybe watching Yuri would be able to take away some of his worries and he’d be prepared for what he should expect. “Thank you though for offering.”

“Maybe having you around will coax Yuri into being on his best behavior for once,” Victor teased.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Remember what happened in Toronto?”

“Not my fault they asked a shitty question, or rather decided to include it,” Yuri defended and rolled his eyes. “Besides if they want to interview me, they should do their research and expect nothing less than me being me. I sure as fuck won’t pretend to be an angel for their benefit or some shit. I’m Yuri Plisetsky for fucks sake, Ice Tiger of Russia and not some friendly, tame house cat.”

“As much as I know how much you hate anyone arguing against you and your flawless logic,” Victor said with a smirk, “but I’m pretty sure you’ve calmed down at least a little over the past months. Don’t get me wrong you’re still just as much a diva as you used to be, but not quite as explosive as, lets say, around this time last year.”

“Yeah, yeah I get it, Beka’s calmness is rubbing off on me, so what? Also for fucks sake I know I’m not seventeen anymore and the whole angry teen number isn’t as funny anymore as it used to be. Still, if they ask shitty questions they shouldn’t expect me to give non-shitty answers.”

“I expect nothing less, Yuri,” Victor affirmed while taking back his phone from Yuuri and typing away on it as though his life depended on how many words he could type within a minute.

No matter how many times Otabek already traveled with Yuri and slept in hotels he’d never even dreamt of staying at, he would probably never get used to it. The ‘Beekman’ in New York was no exception, nine stories high and atmospheric. Otabek felt like some tourist that got lost on his way and just looked awed and intimidated by the entire thing, the people sitting around the lobby and lounging area in expensive suits and clothes, business people with their laptops and papers, phones ringing here and there, all of it already happening at just past eight am. A bellboy took their luggage and disappeared somewhere with it while Victor talked to some guy at the reception desk to get their keys.

At this point Otabek wasn’t even surprised anymore that they made their way all the way to the ninth floor and walked right into the most luxurious suit the entire place had to offer, because apparently they felt the need to upgrade Yuri’s room, as though the second most luxurious hadn’t been quite good enough. The entire room had dark parquet flooring, a dark bluish gray velvet sofa accompanied by two light burgundy armchairs, two flat screen TV’s, a round glass dining table, a relatively narrow bathroom with a large white freestanding bathtub—judging by the smirk on Yuri’s lips when looking at it, it was clear that he was definitely fond of it—and a honestly gigantic King-sized bed that could easily match Yuri’s back in Seattle.

The twenty minutes Yuri had to spare before the first interview were spent in semi-equal parts on kissing, braining hair and picking an outfit. In the end Yuri settled on an outfit consisting mostly of Alexander McQueen pieces, because of course his interview outfit had to basically be worth about as much as he paid in rent for his penthouse, making Otabek wonder if Yuri had some kind of deal with the designer that he owned just so many of his pieces, or if Yuri simply liked him enough to throw all that money at him. In typical Yuri fashion his [mostly black cardigan had strips of black](http://www.alexandermcqueen.com/Item/index?cod10=39716789UW&siteCode=ALEXANDERMCQUEEN_WX) and white leopard print along the front, around the collar and the cuffs, along with matching low cut leopard print sneakers.

[Just as Otabek finished braiding Yuri’s hair](https://www.instagram.com/p/BTzaGqJBRGb/), Victor appeared in their room announcing that it was time. Wordlessly they followed him toward the elevator and rode down to the third floor where Victor led them into something like a lounge with two people already sitting inside. One of them had a DSLR hanging around his neck and the other was toying with a recorder, surely testing if it worked properly. Chris sat in an armchair near the door and kept a watchful eye on them. Otabek joined him and watched as Yuri and Victor approached the interviewers.

“Rolling Stone,” Chris said quietly, leaning slightly toward Otabek. “They’re also going to be present during the gig tonight.”

As far as Otabek was aware Yuri had been featured in the ‘Rolling Stone’ a couple of times across the years, but according to what he heard one of the interviewers say to Yuri, this would be some kind of special feature due to the nature of his gig and the fact that it was happening on his birthday, in celebration of it at that.

Victor stepped aside and sat down on a chair still close enough to throw in a word or two if needed. Yuri listened attentively to whatever it was they were asking him, answered in various state of elaboration depending on what they asked and if he felt like giving details or not. Over once in a while Otabek could see the DSLR guy look over his shoulder back at him though he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Whenever the interviewer asked questions about their relationship Yuri smiled politely and told him to mind his own business in the calmest and most innocent tone possible. It was kind of fascinating, and hilarious, and just so typically Yuri.

After about an hour everybody stood up, the interviewers thanked Yuri for his time and left. Not even three minutes later Yuuri led the next person inside, a short woman wearing a smart business outfit and glasses. Although she looked nice enough, Yuri’s answers quickly started to feature way more curses and sharp words, a scowl growing on his face only turning darker. Otabek couldn’t hear what exactly she was asking, but it was very obvious that Yuri wasn’t fond of any of it. Looking over at Victor it was clear that he wasn’t too happy about it either, his mouth a pressed line, his jaw tense.

“She interviewed Yuri already like two or three years ago,” Chris supplied quietly, “and it went about as well as it is going now. From what Victor told me she has a tendency to ask very uncomfortable questions about definitely private matter. The last time she started to poke around with questions about Yuri’s family, somehow dug up police mug shots of his father, and things like that.”

A while back Yuri had told Otabek the story of how his father, Mikhail, used to be the kind of guy who would get almost blackout drunk and get into fights with random people at bars. Yuri always worried that his temper stemmed from his father, that he worried he’d end up just like him even if Sasha and grandpa reminded him, again and again, that he was nothing like Mikhail.

One fight, the one that included that mug shot, ended with Mikhail getting into a fight with a group of guys for no reason whatsoever. It was so bad that Mikhail had to get stiches all across his face and had two broken ribs, the other guy not looking any better. Mikhail had a truly bad temper, was careless and reckless, and a raging alcoholic. Yuri paid for more than one round of rehab but it seemed like Mikhail was hell bent on killing his liver, and potentially getting himself killed in a fight, no matter what.

“Why did Victor accept the interview request then if he knows it’s not a good idea?” Otabek asked, confused.

“Around events like these, or album releases, he basically accepts almost any request that comes in. I know he would definitely like to skip her, but I think she knows someone at Yuri’s label and can thus simply make Victor accept her request. Doesn’t mean that Yuri is willing to cooperate though.”

Chris point was underlined by Yuri very loudly barking that the she should mind her own fucking business, anger drawn across Yuri’s face in vivid colors, a sort of fire burning in his eyes, his expression grim enough that you’d not want to encounter it at night in a dark alley. The lady raised her hands in surrender while even Victor looked at her offended.

Ten minutes, and a lot more cursing from Yuri, the interview was over and the woman left looking very satisfied for reasons Otabek most definitely didn’t understand and probably didn’t want to know either.

The final interview, and the photo shoot that came with it, was chaotic with an abundance of people milling around the room, soft boxes being set up, someone trying to manage the light and white balance, another person setting up a tripod with some expensive looking DSLR, a make up guy putting a layer of makeup onto Yuri’s face and Victor talking to the two interviewers that came along with the horde of staff.

Most of the pictures had Yuri draped over an armchair looking cool, smooth and almost a little bored. A few others featured different poses of Yuri standing in various places across the room or looking out of the window, the latter reminding Otabek ever so slightly of the pictures he’d taken of Yuri back in Almaty. It was interesting to listen to the photographer’s directions, the almost constant stream of praises and the curt way with which he directed his own people, a stark contrast in tone.

It seemed as though Yuri’s mood relaxed the longer the shoot went on, the anger caused by the previous interviewer melting away, and his demeanor turning relaxed and seemingly happy again. When asked to smile, Yuri did and it looked genuine, not forced at all. Otabek guessed that the excitement for tonight’s gig and the fact that it was his birthday were simply stronger than whatever questions the interviewer had asked him. Otabek was grateful for it. Yuri deserved to be happy on his birthday, enjoy his time.

Otabek most definitely didn’t expect the photographer to even as much as notice him, much less actually ask him to be in a few pictures along with Yuri. In that moment Otabek wished he would’ve dressed in something a bit fancier than some black jeans and an equally black hoody—it might’ve been one of Yuri’s, possibly something along the lines of Gucci or Versace, but still he didn’t look nearly as amazing as Yuri—but no matter how much he tried to politely decline, the photographer insisted only more.

This was literally crazy.

“This definitely should be the cover shot,” the photographer said at some point looking and sounding incredibly pleased. Otabek wasn’t quite sure why this shot in particular stood out to him since it simply had Yuri sitting in an armchair and Otabek leaning against the armrest, but he definitely was too overwhelmed by the entire thing to ask.

Him along with Yuri on the cover of ‘Alternative Press’, sure, of course, yeah right.

Never did he think something like this would ever happen, though he definitely doubted if the photographer would seriously be able to convince whoever was in charge of choosing the cover to pick that picture, especially since Otabek wasn’t even part of the interview in any sort of way so it didn’t really make much sense for him to be on that cover, or in any of the pictures.

 

* * *

 

They arrived at the Manhattan Center with a few minutes to spare, surprisingly enough despite the awful traffic along the way. As they drove past the main entrance Otabek watched the line of people queuing up for Yuri’s gig already hours early, the line stretching further down the street and taking up at least half the space along the sidewalk earning cat eared fans slightly confused looks from pedestrians walking past them. Once inside the building a member of staff with a clipboard rattled off information’s to Victor, who nodded along, while he led through the backstage area toward the stage entrance.

The [Grand Ballroom](https://www.mceventsnyc.com/grand-ballroom) was breathtakingly beautiful, the ceiling covered in elaborate ornaments along with two heavy chandeliers and a disco ball in the middle, the main floor littered with rows upon rows of chairs just like the side balconies. The light technicians were just testing out different settings for the stage lighting as well as the backdrop consisting of what looked like a mesh curtain of LEDs flashing in different colors. String musicians were setting up their instruments as well as the rest of the guest musicians, all of them politely greeting Yuri as he entered the stage before returning to whatever it was they were doing. The stage itself was covered in different damask carpets in darker colors, blacks and burgundy, dark green and some grays.

From the side of the stage Otabek watched as Yuri was handed a microphone, one of those old silver ones that nobody used anymore nowadays but Yuri insisted on having for this gig because it would look aesthetically pleasing, before going through sound check. Since Yuri arranged the music with different musicians than those on stage that night, sound check quickly morphed into more of a rehearsal, though it was easy to see that everybody present was professional and barely anyone made any sorts of mistakes. Talking to the strings and the rest of the crew it seemed like Yuri established a few hand signs with them so they wouldn’t have to actually talk during the gig before Yuri walked back to the microphone and then tried another song.

A couple of minutes later some staff member handed Otabek a microphone and he was asked to join Yuri on stage so they could make sure everything would go smoothly later. Standing up there and looking down at the giant venue—according to Yuri it was tiny but Otabek thought otherwise—was definitely intimidating and he could only imagine how much more intimidating it would be once the room would be filled with people, the gig sold out, of course. Within minutes of the ticket release they were all gone, to no ones surprise at this point.

Once the sound technicians were satisfied Otabek returned to his previous place on the side of the stage, though a little further in the back this time, while Yuri continued singing his way through a few more tracks though he definitely didn’t even use a fraction of what his voice was capable of as to not strain it before the actual gig.

“Looking at some of the history Yuri and I share, it might not seem like it, but I love him dearly,” a female voice said coming to a halt next to him. Just looking at her for not even more than a second was enough for Otabek to figure out who she was, the resemblance uncanny, blond hair and long legs, vivid green eyes and that sharpness in them. Even though she lived in the States for much less time than Yuri, her accent was almost completely gone. “So I warn you, should you hurt him, I will not hesitate to kill you. Remember, I’m Russian, I know people. I didn’t kill that asshole Jason, but I won’t make that mistake twice.”

“I’m not Jason and I definitely don’t plan on hurting him,” Otabek said calmly while he wondered why Yuri hadn’t told him that Sasha would be here for his gig.

“Good,” she said and ever so lightly smiled at him. “Alexandra Plisetskaya, nice to meet you, Otabek Altin.”

“Likewise.”

“He’s perfect, isn’t he? I always thought he was born to be on stages, and looking at him it’s so clear to see that he is a natural. When we were kids he told me about how he wished to once day record a _MTV Unplugged_ concert but feared it would never happen, that he wouldn’t be good enough. I told him, time and time again, that he’s a moron and it looks like I was right all along.”

“If anyone deserves to be on that stage it’s him,” Otabek agreed. Looking at Sasha he could see something like awe in her eyes, the way they smiled as she continued to watch Yuri like she was seeing a dream come slowly true. Clothing wise she was the complete opposite to Yuri, at least judging by what she wore in that moment, light blue jeans and a light gray Harvard sweater, her hair in a messy bun, her face barely touched by makeup. She was definitely pretty, Otabek couldn’t deny that, but she had nothing on Yuri.

“And here little Yurochka worried that I might try shit, but just looking at the way you look at him for a second is enough to see that no one stands a chance,” Sasha continued and looked at him through the corner of her eye, her head turned toward him just a fraction. “Then again, even if objectively you’re damn handsome, you’re not my type anyway.”

Otabek definitely had no idea what he was supposed to say to that, though it didn’t really seem like Sasha expected him to. For a few more moments they stood next to each other until Sasha turned around and spotted someone behind them.

“Yo, Vicky,” she said loudly, though not loud enough to disturb Yuri’s rehearsal, and then walked off. Turning around Otabek realized, slightly amused, that Vicky was apparently Victor.

As it turned out Victor had invited Sasha as surprise for Yuri, which explained why Yuri hadn’t told him about her coming. It was interesting to see those two together, arguing about something or another, Yuri trying to play the responsible big brother and scolding Sasha for her grades, which according to her were good but apparently not quite good enough to satisfy Yuri. Somehow Otabek ended up in between the two for a selfie that Sasha later on proudly posted on her Instagram proclaiming her approval of her brother’s boyfriend. Contrary to Leo, Sasha’s Instagram account was set on private so she could avoid Yuri’s Angels snooping around her life, something they’d very much done years ago.

Apparently some—too many—of the Angels had decided that hateful comments were the way to go and decided to let out their frustration in the comments below her pictures. Most of them were going on and on about how she would never be as gorgeous as Yuri, or worth as much as him, and other equally disgusting things. Yuri had gotten extremely angry, gone on a almost forty tweet long rant about minding your own business, human decency and something called privacy, which was enough to get his fans to stop, but Sasha still took the extra step just to be sure.

Finally leading up toward eight pm Yuri and Otabek found themselves in Yuri’s dressing room getting ready for the gig. Seeing as it was an unplugged gig, Yuri decided that he wanted to wear something stripped back, too, different than any of the clothes he usually wore on stage. In Yuri’s case stripped back equated itself to a relatively thin pale blue sweater and a pair of black jeans along with black boots, his hair up in a loose messy bun, all his rings and piercings back in place, his nails a dark lightly shimmering blue. How exactly he would survive under those hot stage lights in a sweater was a mystery to Otabek but Yuri seemed satisfied with his look.

Otabek himself opted for an equally simple outfit consisting of a gray shirt, black jeans and his usual boots. He wasn’t the star of the night so he had no reason to wear anything more extravagant. As far as he was aware Yuri’s special guests didn’t wear anything too special either, per Yuri’s request that is.

The gig opened with the stage and ballroom being completely dark with only the emergency exit lights glowing red in a few places barely noticeable. Using the darkness Otabek watched as Yuri hushed onto the stage and slipped behind the piano for the opening number, being ‘[Pacific](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSpGVa7G2IY)’, the piano piece Yuri had played the day they returned from Toronto, though the final version included a string arrangement. It was very subtle yet added so much dimension to the piece; it was amazing.

Although an initial happy outcry had come from the audience when Yuri played the first notes and just the slightest bit of light illuminated the stage around him, they all fell silent a moment later, entranced by the intro piece. While Otabek stood with Victor, Yuuri and Chris on the side of the stage and watched, Sasha had gotten a seat in one of the balconies closer toward the stage.

Once the last notes faded out Yuri got up from the bench, the guest pianist swiftly taking his place, and walked over to his microphone and stool. With a smile on his face he greeted the audience, asked them to smile for all the cameras spread out across the room filming the entire thing, and said that he hoped they would enjoy the show. The cheering of the audience almost sounded like thunders were crashing in over the ballroom, loud and amplified by excited stomping and clapping.

‘[Unsteady](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpckcYoNju0)’ was up first and featured only the pianist and Yuri, the rest of the musicians remaining silent. Yuri’s smooth voice filled the entire room and it felt like the air was electrified, the sound sending a shiver down Otabek’s spine, the audience staying silent even though they usually joined in during all songs, according to Yuri and what Otabek had seen at his Toronto gig. The original version of the song was beautiful, yet the acoustic version was heartbreaking and somehow even more emotional showcasing how well Yuri could work his voice, how much feeling he could put into it.

The next song was a new one, something Yuri wrote specifically just for this gig, which explained why it also just featured him singing and the guy behind the piano. Just like ‘Unsteady’, ‘[Ready For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkMo8Vi3-3A)’ was very emotional with a definitely sad tone. As far as Otabek could see from where he stood, as well as the small monitor showing the people backstage what was happening on stage, Yuri had his eyes closed for most of the song, simply feeling every word, ever note of the piano, his hand lightly raised and moving along, underlining his words.

_Can you tell me, oh, would you lead me on?_

_Would you start me over?_

_I'm ready to be torn apart_

_And oh, would you break my heart?_

_And I'll break it for you, I'm ready to be torn apart_

‘[Another Lonely Night](https://youtu.be/5tzJ4tUZcXA?t=6m54s)’ was the first song that contained more instruments than just the piano. The audience swayed along with it while Yuri tapped his hand on his knee in tact with the beat as he sang. According to what Yuri told him, he’d written the lyrics for this song quite a while back, possibly the last song he wrote before he completely lost his ability to write anything at all, talking about his loneliness and melancholy, even if parts of the songs were supposed to be almost a little uplifting, like a reminder to himself that, yes, he was alone, but that was okay, he could still do it.

_Another day, another lonely night_

_I would do anything to have you by my side_

_Another day, another lonely night_

_Don't wanna throw away another lonely life_

“Are you having a good time so far?” Yuri asked the audience once the song ended. His question was met with another round of very loud screams and clapping that made Yuri smile. “It’s time to welcome my first very special guest. Those of you who have been with me for a while know how much this person’s music means to me, so you can imagine just how excited I was when he agreed to come.” Dramatic pause filled with loud shouts, a mix between hollers and random names. “Please welcome Placebo’s very own Brian Molko!”

Otabek couldn’t help but stare wide eyed as Brian Molko entered the stage from the other side with a small wave toward the audience and sat down on the second stool next to Yuri, microphone in hand.

“Happy birthday, Yuri,” Brian said with a smile, his British accent sounding so different compared to Yuri’s Russian one. Otabek was pretty sure that Yuri blushed as Brian said that, his inner fanboy most likely dying of excitement. Otabek could definitely relate to that sentiment.

“Thank you,” Yuri said sounding almost shy. “And thank you again for coming tonight and being willing to sing two songs with me.”

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“You guys might now know this,” Yuri said and turned back toward the audience, “but this is only the second time ever that the following song has been performed live so I feel honored to be part of it.”

At that Yuri raised his hand and the pianist began to play the first notes of ‘[Bosco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWtg8z4uzL0)’, one of Yuri’s favorite songs in general. It was sad, and tragic, talking about a relationship being torn apart by addiction.

_And when I get drunk, you take me home and keep me safe from harm_

_When I get drunk, you take me home_

When planning the set list and deciding that he wanted to perform this song, Yuri told him that he identified with what Brian as trying to tell with this song, though in Yuri’s case it wasn’t necessarily a relationship with another person that was torn apart, but rather his relationship with himself that took a beating because of the things he’d done in the past.

_I ask you for another second chance, but then I drink it all away_

_And I get bellicose when you react, full of frustration and dismay_

_I was so delicate when we began, so tender when I spoke your name_

_But now I'm nothing but a partisan to my compulsion and my shame_

Hearing Yuri and Brian sing parts of the songs together and then alternating between verses was amazing, their voices sounding quite interestingly together, contrasting in color and sound, though also perfectly harmonizing during some parts.

“The next song is for one of the greatest and most inspirational musicians of our time, and a wonderful friend of Brian’s,” Yuri said once the applause died down a little.

Unlike the previous songs, this one started out with just the acoustic guitar played by some guest musician guy, a melody Otabek didn’t recognize despite the fact that he knew exactly which song it was. He’d gone over the set list with Yuri so many times he could list it probably even while asleep.

Brian began to sing first, the first few words enough for everyone in the audience to immediately know what song it was. ‘[Heroes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBpyJ3bqs6I)’ was definitely a stark contrast to ‘Bosco’, the tone positive even if it was a song about a love that wouldn’t last, couldn’t be. It’d been a while since David Bowie passed away but it was wonderful to see that his music had left an impact on people, that the audience joined in for some parts of the song, and that they knew his amazing music. ‘Heroes’ was definitely completely different from Yuri’s music and not something he would usually consider playing, but it was a fitting, a special song perfect to be played during a special gig with a special person on stage along with Yuri, his own hero.

Once the song was done Yuri thanked Brian and waited for the stage to be cleared again, the audience bidding Brian farewell with loud applause hyped up even more by Yuri. Finally, once the second stool was gone and the audience calmed down again, Yuri moved on to the next song, again starting with the piano.

Thanks to JJ, who mentioned something about it, Yuri found out about the version of ‘[Gorgeous](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr9TaQw-L-M)’ that Otabek recorded at some point and insisted on hearing it. Otabek was surprised to find that Yuri loved his version and brought it up again as he prepared the set list, asking if he could play his version during the gig. Otabek had been speechless, and just a little confused as to why Yuri would feel the need to ask him to play his won song.

_Nobody understands you_

_You ain't nothing they can handle_

_Every man you put your hands on_

_You make him feel so god damn handsome_

‘Gorgeous’ was another one of Yuri’s songs that beautifully showcased just how brilliant of a singer he was, how emotional he could make every word sound and just how high his voice could go without any help from autotune. When the song first came out critics were convinced that the highest notes in the song were all just autotune and that Yuri couldn’t really do it, yet hearing it all happen right there live on stage definitely proved all of them wrong. In his own version Otabek had definitely lowered those high notes since he couldn’t reach them no matter how hard he tried.

_We are young, we are free_

_Like renegades, like James Dean_

_Beat the drum, sing off-key_

_You set me free, you set me free_

“Please welcome my next guess, the one and only Florence Welch,” Yuri announced to loud applause. Just like Brian, Florence entered the stage from the other side though she politely declined the stool and preferred to stand. Yuri decided to join her and pushed his own stool aside for the song they would perform together.

Just like Brian, Florence wished Yuri a happy birthday and gave him a quick hug, earning them even more loud applause from the audience before they swiftly moved into the song. Instead of having Florence sing one of Yuri’s songs, Yuri learned her lyrics and asked her to perform ‘[Heartlines](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dReYOHcxq0c)’ with him.

_And I've seen it in the flights of birds_

_I've seen it in you_

_In the entrails of the animals_

_The blood's running through_

_But in order to get to the heart_

_I think sometimes you have to cut through_

Contrary to the heavy topic of ‘Bosco’, ‘Heartlines’ was a song about following your dreams, trusting your instincts, the tone much more positive and uplifting, a contrast to most of Yuri’s own music, and also a lot of Florence’s.

Keeping up the uplifting and positive mood, the next song after Florence left the stage was ‘[Renegades](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOnnBK8esaQ)’, a song all about exploration and freedom, the most commercial song Yuri had ever written since it was literally a song made for a car commercial in cooperation with Jeep. According to Yuri the song was supposed to appeal to a millennial audience, the Jeep people’s words not his, and this was the sort of thing they wanted the song to be about. Even though Yuri wasn’t a fan of commercial, kind of mainstream sounding music, especially when talking about his own, he really liked the song, which was clear to see in the way he smiled and moved around as he sung.

_Long live the pioneers_

_Rebels and mutineers_

_Go forth and have no fear_

_Come close and lend an ear_

As the song continued Otabek slowly realized that it was almost time for him to step on that stage and sing with Yuri. Although he’d performed a lot lately, even sung live since most clubs now insisted he performed ‘Sky and Sand’ live instead of the way he performed all the other mixes, going up there was still intimidating as hell. Not only were more than a thousand people sitting in the audience, but the entire thing was filmed so should he fuck up in any way, that mistake would be on documented on DVD forever and always for everyone to see. That in and of itself was an awfully horrifying thought.

But when Yuri asked, Otabek couldn’t say no, especially since it was the perfect excuse to be on that stage already so he could give Yuri his birthday present.

“Please welcome, with a warm round of applause, my final guest of the night,” Yuri announced, Otabek’s heart skipping a beat and light panic setting in while one of the staff members handed him his microphone, “the one and only Otabek Altin!”

The audience broke out in loud cheering and applause as Otabek walked on stage, his knees feeling suspiciously weak. Yuri welcomed him with a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek before turning back around toward the audience. Surprisingly enough the ballroom looked completely differently from here than from where he’d stood before, the lights blinding enough that he could only really see the first few rows and nothing much beyond it.

“When putting together this set, I knew I wanted to have Otabek join me for at least one song, so the only logical conclusion I could reach was spending hours trying to figure out a good way to change ‘[Sky and Sand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMf2gi3fq1s)’ into an acoustic version,” Yuri told the audience, his voice cheerful, like he was telling them a funny story. “I hope my work paid off and you’ll enjoy it.”

Relearning the song in its new version had been a bit of a struggle since Otabek kept on slipping into the way the song was originally sung simply out of habit, but after a few hours of practicing with Yuri he somehow finally managed to do it. Otabek dearly hoped that he wouldn’t fuck up this time when it actually mattered.

As means of trying to not loose his nerves, more and more of them building up as the song progressed and the ending came closer, Otabek focused on the happy smile on Yuri’s face. Although the lyrics were Yuri’s, the song was Otabek’s, so hearing Yuri sing parts of it was amazing, like discovering the song anew.

Before Yuri could politely kick Otabek off his stage, Otabek took a deep breath and collected his nerves, smiling at Yuri. “Remember how I said I would give you your birthday present later tonight?” Otabek asked. Looking slightly confused Yuri blinked and then reluctantly nodded. “This one’s for you, _tigryenok_. C Днём рождения.”

Yuri’s eyes turned twice their size and his mouth fell open as the [guest guitarist began to play a song that wasn’t Yuri’s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yW7w8F2TVA). For the past two months Otabek had worked on a song, even went as far as asking Leo for help since his guitar skills were way better than his own, and tried his best to make it worthy, to have the right message only using the right words.

_I met you in the dark_

_You lit me up_

_You made me feel as though_

_I was enough_

Although Yuri claimed to be the broken one of the two, Otabek hadn’t been in the best place in his life either when Yuri entered it like a storm. Otabek’s life had been stagnant without a prospect of anything changing in the future, his jobs not offering him anything more than what they were, his gigs going well but not very promisingly either. But then there was Yuri with his big personality and beautiful smile offering him a chance and made him feel like maybe he was or could be enough after all.

_I knew I loved you then_

_But you'd never know_

_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_

_I knew I needed you_

_But I never showed_

_But I wanna stay with you_

_Until we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

No matter how scared of actually performing this song in front of an audience Otabek had been, it was totally worth it even if only to see that expression on Yuri’s face, all fond and soft, and his eyes filled with disbelief, wonder, surprise and love. His hands were covering his mouth and Otabek was pretty sure he could see tears beginning to pool in his eyes.

Even if some parts of the song were a bit exaggerated, especially when looking at how relatively new their relationship was, it didn’t make it any less true. Otabek wanted this to last, wanted them to last, and he was willing to work for it to be like that. Yuri made him happier than he’d ever been in his life and he cherished every moment they got to spend together, the love he felt for him somehow growing every day even though Otabek had no idea how it would be possible to love Yuri any more than he already did.

_I'm so in love with you_

_And I hope you know_

_Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold_

_We've come so far my dear_

_Look how we've grown_

_And I wanna stay with you_

_Until we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

Even if it now happened less and less than it used to, Otabek knew that Yuri still sometimes struggled with seeing his own worth, with how much it meant to Otabek that Yuri loved him, because of everything that happened in the past, so Otabek hoped that maybe reminding him once more of just how much he was loved and worth would help him somehow. Otabek couldn’t help but smile as he sung those words, as he watched the audience and Yuri, his initial fear of presenting him that song fading away like smoke.

_So I wrote this song for you_

_Now everybody knows_

_That it's just you and me_

_Until we're grey and old_

_Just say you won't let go_

Otabek couldn’t offer Yuri expensive gifts or adventures, but he hoped that laying his feelings bare in front of him, and an entire audience, would be enough. Otabek couldn’t offer Yuri a rich life with expensive hotels and cars, but he could show him how much he loved him with words and actions, things that people claimed were much more important and valuable than gifted objects. Yuri deserved the world, and even though he couldn’t give him that, he could give Yuri the one thing he did have, even if it was worth far less than the world: himself.

The second the song ended and the last note faded away, the audience erupting in loud applause, Yuri jumped from his stool and pulled Otabek into a tight hug while something that sounded like a mix between a sob and a laugh escaped him. Following Yuri’s lead, Otabek put his arms around him and pulled him even closer, as far as that was even possible. Caught in the moment, the applause and ‘awwww’ of the audience fading into the background, Yuri pulled back just enough to kiss him, needy and almost desperate, like Yuri wanted to tell him about his feelings using just that kiss instead of words.

“Thank you,” Yuri said just loud enough for Otabek to hear it. “I love you, fuck, I love you so much I have literally no words.”

Finally after another quick kiss, Otabek left the stage so Yuri could continue his gig though it looked like Yuri was definitely struggling to stop himself from happy crying and getting his emotions enough under control to go back to singing. Yuri took a few deep breaths, laughed a little as he looked toward Otabek, and then returned to his spot on his stool.

“Originally I planned on playing ‘King’ next,” Yuri started to tell the audience, “but that just doesn’t feel right after the song Otabek just played. So, instead, here is ‘[Meteorite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waqM8QF1Bsw)’.”

Foresight, and years of experienced, had saved Yuri from playing a song talking about his toxic time with Jason after Otabek had literally sung him a love song. If it weren’t for ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’, ‘King’ would’ve fit right in with the mostly sad theme of the set, but Otabek was glad that Yuri decided against it, that he rehearsed a few extra songs just in case one wouldn’t work out.

_It's too much, I cannot handle this_

_I taste, the pleasure on your lips_

_You make, planets start to spin_

_I'm ready to ignite_

_Let me feel your devotion_

_Let me feel your emotion_

_Love me like it's the last night_

_Like it's the last night_

‘Meteorite’ was about wondering if your partner feels the same way for you as you do for your partner, a song Yuri said was simply born out of his own insecurities, though Otabek hoped that his actions, words and his song were signs enough that he most definitely loved Yuri just as much as Yuri loved him. Sure, ‘Meteorite’ wasn’t actually about Otabek, rather general, talking about relationships as a whole not their specific one, but he hoped Yuri could see how much he meant to Otabek nonetheless.

Just like ‘Train Wreck’ had been, ‘[Hold On To Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i75jQH7-2hk)’ was another one of Yuri’s pleas type songs, beautiful yet with his melancholic touch asking for another person to hold on to him, not cast him away.

_I am a small and gentle man_

_Who carries the world upon his shoulders_

_Kindly lend a helping hand..._

_Come over_

_And hold onto me_

Yuri once told Otabek how he felt like his life, his name and career were like a weight pushing him down, made him feel like a car crashing into a wall at full speed. It was easy to see just that in those lyrics, the desperation and sadness within him put into words and an instrumental.

The final song called ‘[Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOQrfLFDUKY)’ returned to a more positive mood, a song about life and love, his voice accompanied by the piano, calm and filled with emotions, the strings joining in after a while along with other instruments. It was a beautiful arrangement filled with space and dimensions, depth and a clear sign that Yuri put a lot of thought into what he was doing with it, a perfect choice. Otabek always wondered how Yuri managed to come up with all the puzzle pieces it took to write a piece like that, how he managed to get his idea across to everybody else involved so that the song could become exactly what he had in mind, something born from his imagination turning into reality.

_With golden string_

_Our universe was brought to life_

_That we may fall in love_

_Every time we open up our eyes_

And with that Yuri’s set was over even if the rest of the musicians transitioned into the outro song, ‘[Goes on and on](https://play.spotify.com/track/2YNlJe6uUR7xqC7GyFHrLe)’. Yuri stood up and bowed to the audience, a big smile on his face, happiness radiating off of him. Someone—Yuuri—appeared behind Otabek and pushed him onto the stage to join Yuri just as Brian and Florence walked onto the stage from the other side too. Together they stood with Yuri in the middle between them and bowed.

The applause was deafening and overwhelming, a feeling like no other. Yuri had done it, presented a perfect _Unplugged_ set worthy of being recorded and shared with the world, not that Otabek expected any less from him. The music swelled behind them while first Brian and then Florence hugged Yuri, smiles on their faces and quick words exchanged, loud enough to be heard over the music and the sound of the audience. They bowed one last time before Yuri took Otabek’s hand and led him off of the stage, pulling him into a fevered kiss the second they were in the backstage hallway out of sight.

“Let’s take a nice, hot bath together when we’ll get back to the hotel,” Yuri said as he pulled back to catch his breath, one eyebrow cocked suggestively. Before Otabek could respond in any way, Yuri kissed him again, and again, and again, until Victor showed up to collect them so Yuri could properly say goodbye to his guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we've met Sasha in person, found out more about Yuri's father, Otabek played the song I was hellbent on including in this story, I was self-indulgent as fuck when I made Brian Molko and Florence Welch Yuri's special guests, and of course I had to make a way too big playlist. Hope you enjoyed my choices though.
> 
> As I was working on the playlist and finding all those acoustic songs, I remembered how someone asked me what I think Yuri's voice would sound like and, after this playlist, I am very tempted to say something between Olly Alexander (Years & Years) and Sam Harris (X Ambassadors). Both of them have amazing voices so if one could find a middle ground between them, plus add a slight Russian accent, I think that might be it. What do you think?
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	19. Chapter 19

Swiftly Victor led them back toward something like a backstage lounge littered with couches and tables along the walls. Chris, Yuuri and a camera crew waited for them inside along with two photographers, one hired by MTV and other by the venue, to document everything happening after the gig for the bonus features of the DVD. Brian and Florence where there, too, accompanied by their own people.

Otabek stepped over next to Chris and Yuuri while Yuri stood in front of the camera crew with Brian and Florence answering a few questions, talking about how it felt to be on that stage, to play a completely acoustic set and have those two as guests. The entire time as he spoke Yuri smiled, his eyes bright and the happiness on his face genuine and honest. To probably everybody’s surprise there was a surprisingly small amount of swearing in Yuri’s answers, probably because of the two people next to him.

“You know, it’s a shame Yuri doesn’t allow us to give him any present for his birthday anymore these days,” Yuuri commented quietly, his eyes on Yuri as Yuri looked at Brian with big surprised eyes and Brian handed him a bottle of wine with a sparkling green bow around its neck and wishing him a happy birthday once more. The sounds of DSLR camera shutters joined the mix of sounds, one without a flash and the other one with.

“Really?” Otabek asked though he wasn’t really all that surprised. From what he’d seen so far, Yuri certainly seemed like the kind of person who preferred giving instead of receiving gifts, especially if it was something that was bought.

Yuuri lightly nodded. “But it seems like he loved yours.” Otabek couldn’t help but blush. “I’m fairly certain not a single person in the audience didn’t tear up, including myself and Victor, and believe me, it takes a lot to get him to tear up.”

“Thank you,” Otabek said because he wasn’t quite sure what else to say. Truthfully he didn’t care that much about what the audience thought, if they liked it, really he only cared about if Yuri liked it or not. Judging by his reaction and words he said he did like it, a lot even, and that was everything that counted.

“Time for Champagne,” Victor announced once the camera crew said that they were done with their questions for now. Brian and Florence had said goodbye to Yuri with another quick round of hugs and were led away a few moments ago by their own people. Yuri appeared next to Otabek a moment later, a smile on his face and his hand silently finding Otabek’s.

“You know, funny story, the thing that led to Victor and Yuuri’s first date was actually Champagne,” Yuri told him, quietly, his head resting against Otabek’s shoulder. “I think it was during the end of my South American tour leg for album number two, just a few months after the album came out and all. We were backstage after the closing concert in Buenos Aires and Victor decided he wanted to celebrate how successful the tour had so far been. Unfortunately for Yuuri, Victor is an idiot sometimes and somehow he opened the Champagne like a complete fucking moron and the cork laded full force against Yuuri’s forehead across the room.”

“Damn,” Otabek only managed to say while wincing lightly, the image in his head both hilarious and utterly unfortunate and embarrassing, especially for Victor.

“Yeah, damn indeed,” Yuri agreed. “Yuuri went down like a log and Victor nearly had a heart attack. Of course he was fine, besides some bruise and shit, and so to make it up to him Victor took him out for dinner the next day before we had to board the plane to continue the tour. Everyone, except for Yuuri, knew that Victor had been pining over him for months already at that point; it was both hilarious and annoying as fuck. Anyway, one thing led to another and voila, here we are today.”

As though right on queue Victor pried the cork out of the Champagne bottle, as in the cork flew across the room and hit a lamp with a loud bang and the sound of glass breaking and raining onto the floor.

“I hope you’ve brought some cash, Nikiforov,” Yuri said dryly and rolled his eyes, “because I’m not paying for that, _again_.”

“Brighten up, sunshine, at least it didn’t hit a person so who cares,” Victor proclaimed looking strangely pleased with himself, much more relaxed than he usually looked like, some of that professional aura melting away. While Victor started to fill the flutes standing on one of the tables, Chris opened a second bottle so Victor wouldn’t break another lamp, or hit someone in the face on his second try.

“A toast,” Chris said, raising his flute while everyone followed his lead, including the camera crew, some of the roadies—apparently the ones present tonight were some of those that always came along on Yuri’s actual tours, two of them being part of the team since the start—and the photographers. “To Yuri and another successful gig. Happy birthday, kid.”

“Cheers,” everybody else said in almost perfect unison.

After most of the Champagne was gone and Yuri threatened Victor to keep Yuuri from getting drunk again, the same going for Victor as well, the photographers led Yuri back toward the by now empty ballroom and asked him to pose for a few more pictures on stage. As time went on it was easy to see how all the excitement and performance induced adrenaline started to seep away and Yuri began to look a little tired around the edges. His hair was a mess, not nearly as bad as after the Toronto gig since he didn’t jump around or anything, but it seemed like he didn’t mind or care.

“I’m majorly bad at giving any sort of fucking speeches,” Yuri said once they were back at the hotel gathered in their hotel room close to the door, “I mean you’ve heard my ‘thank you’ speeches at award shows and shit, it’s not pretty and I hate getting all mushy and shit but I suppose tonight’s gig calls for it. Anyway, I want to say thank you to all of you, or something.” Yuri looked almost a little shy as he spoke, like this was way more awkward than it actually was. He turned to Victor first. “Thank you, Victor, for making the gig happen, for making my career happen, and for not dropping me a billion times along the way even though I gave you a fuck ton of reasons to.”

“You might be a pain sometimes, but you’re an amazing artist and all those other managers will sooner have to pry you out of my dead, cold fingers before I’d drop you,” Victor interjected with a smile looking actually a bit touched by Yuri’s words.

“Thank you, Yuuri, for being a friend, for helping the old man not loose his mind and being a valuable addition to my crew and everything you’ve done for me.”

“Any time,” Yuuri said with a soft smile, his head lightly tilted to the side, while Victor put his arm around his waist smiling down on him almost proudly.

“And thank you, Chris, for keeping my ass safe more than once. Without you I’m pretty sure I would’ve fucking died more than once across the years, I mean who would’ve thought fans could be so fucking insane.” Yuri huffed a light laugh and shook his head.

“Keeping you alive and out of trouble is kind of part of my job description,” Chris said and winked at Yuri.

“Anyway, enough of that emotional garbage, I’m tired as fuck,” Yuri finally said looking almost a little embarrassed by his own words of gratitude toward his employees slash friends, a blush dusting his cheeks. It was kind of cute.

Yuuri, Victor and Chris congratulated Yuri for his gig again and wished him a happy birthday once more, even though it was long past midnight, and then left to go back to their own rooms. The second the door clicked shut behind them, Yuri turned toward Otabek and pulled him into a hug.

“So, about that bath,” Yuri said quietly against his neck followed by a few soft kisses across his skin.

“I thought you’re tired.”

“That might be true, but at the same time I’m still way too buzzed from the gig to sleep,” Yuri explained between more kisses turning sloppier with each one. “You don’t have to join me if you don’t want to.”

Of course Otabek would join him, like he could stay away even if he wanted to, so he let Yuri pull him toward the bathroom, grabbing the bottle of wine from Brian, the only bough present Yuri seemed willing to accept, along with two wine glasses along the way. While Yuri turned on the water to fill the tub, Otabek tried his best to open the wine, the cork putting up a surprisingly strong fight but in the end Otabek’s patients still won.

Looking up into the mirror in front of him, Otabek watched Yuri standing somewhere behind him slowly taking off his sweater and letting it fall onto the floor. For a moment Otabek forgot all about the wine, his eyes glued to Yuri’s gorgeous form, his hands reaching up to his hair and pulling out the hair tie, a waterfall of blond locks falling down his back.

“Like what you see, Beka?” Yuri finally asked with a smirk. Slowly Yuri turned his head toward him, his eyes meeting Otabek’s in the mirror, the smirk only growing more prominent. “It’s nice to see that you’re not bored of me just yet.”

Yuri said it casually, like it was just a joke, which it probably was, but Otabek couldn’t help but think that a part of Yuri actually meant those words, that some part of him still feared that exactly that might happen at some point, Otabek growing bored of him and leaving.

There were not enough words in any of the languages Otabek knew to express just how wrong Yuri was.

Wordlessly Otabek placed the corkscrew and wine on the counter next to the sink and then turned around to Yuri. Ignoring the fact that Yuri was in the middle of gathering up his hair into a bun on top of his head so he wouldn’t get it wet, Otabek put his hands on his waist and pulled him closer, Yuri’s skin warm against his palms. He waited just long enough until Yuri was done before he pulled Yuri even closer and into a kiss, Yuri’s hands quickly wandering onto his shoulder, one further onto his back and the other into Otabek’s hair without pulling out his hair tie.

“Did any of my lyrics indicate that I could ever get bored of you, Yura?” Otabek asked after a while, pulling back just enough to look at Yuri’s face. Yuri shook his head ever so lightly, his eyes never leaving Otabek’s. “See, so you have nothing to worry about. Even your sister realized that I only have eyes for you after looking at me for less than a minute.”

“What else did she say to you?”

“Just that she’ll kill me if I’ll hurt you, you know, the usual,” Otabek said lightly amused. He definitely understood the sentiment since he felt the same thing for any lovers his sisters ever had or would have.

“If it makes you feel any better, Nura said she’ll kill me with her skates, or strangle me with her medals, if I hurt you so I guess we’re even on that one.” As funny the mental image of Nura chasing after Yuri with her skates ready to kill was, he truly didn’t like it.

Instead of saying anything more, Otabek leaned in and kissed Yuri again. He still tasted vaguely of Champagne, his mouth demanding, his hands wandering and pulling Otabek closer, though close was never quite close enough.

A couple of minutes, and a tub filled with so much water that it almost spilled over in the meantime, later they shed all their clothes, smothering each others bodies with appreciative kisses, and slipped into the water. Surprisingly enough the tub was big enough to fit them both and still leave enough room so it was still surprisingly comfortable. Of course Yuri’s knees were sticking out of the water way more than Otabek’s, but that was to be expected since his legs were longer and he had less space for them as he sat in front of Otabek with his back resting against Otabek’s chest.

“This is really nice,” Yuri said, his left hand holding his wine glass and swirling around the liquid inside of it. “We should definitely make more use of the tub at home.”

Otabek liked the way home sounded, though of course Yuri didn’t mean it that way. For him Seattle was literally home. Even though he wouldn’t say it out loud, Otabek quietly wished that one day they could maybe call it their home.

“I didn’t tell you yet, at least not properly, but that song…” Yuri trailed off as though he lacked the words to describe what he felt before moving sideways and turning his head enough to look up at Otabek. “It was incredible. I didn’t quite realize that you were that good at writing lyrics.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Otabek said, honestly. He’d been really worried about what would happen if Yuri wouldn’t like it, or if he’d decide that it was way too embarrassing to happen on his stage, too sappy or just bad in general. He’d been beyond relieved when Yuri reacted positively.

“No one has ever written a song like that for me, or any song in general,” Yuri said with a small smile, his eyes seemingly sparkling with emotions, like green stained glass with the sun shining though it. “Thank you, Beka, honestly, it was the best song ever and just talking and thinking about it I swear I’ll start to cry again, happy crying that is.” Otabek leaned forward and lightly kissed Yuri’s cheek and then his temple, his free hand snaking around his stomach a little tighter. “When did you even have time to write it? I mean I know I was busy, alright, but you were a whole different number.”

“Doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you liked it so it was worth it,” Otabek said instead of properly answering. Yuri didn’t have to know that he’d basically sacrificed most of his breaks during work and other similar free moments for the song because really it didn’t matter. Otabek enjoyed working on it no matter how hard it sometimes was, making him realize only more just how tough Yuri’s job was, all the countless hours that went into each of his albums and songs.

“I didn’t just _like_ it, Beka, I _loved_ it, more than any other song, like, ever,” Yuri insisted, the soft smile on his lips only growing, fondness in his eyes, his wineglass hanging precariously sideways in his hand threatening to spill over. Softly Otabek clicked his glass against it enough to straighten it up without really even looking at it, too mesmerized by Yuri. “Even though, honestly, it was probably the sappiest shit I’ve ever heard, but it was the good kind of sappy, romantic and shit, plus it’s you which only makes it so much more amazing.”

“Such high praise.”

“Seven out of five stars, would listen again,” Yuri joked, his free hand reaching around a little awkwardly to touch Otabek’s jaw, his thumb tracing across his cheek, the softest of touches. “Thank you, again.” Almost shyly looking Yuri pulled Otabek down for a slightly oddly angled kiss tasting like wine. “You know, originally I planned on thanking you a little more properly, if you catch my drift, but I honestly think I’m too damn tired.” He sounded almost a little apologetic, like he thought Otabek would be disappointed or mad, or possibly both.

They’d only gotten around five hours of sleep, if even, and Yuri had been busy all day besides that hour or a little more they had to relax and eat lunch, so it only made sense that he was tired. Otabek didn’t even do half as much as Yuri yet he felt tired too, way too tired to do anything more than this, sex being a nice thought but most definitely not doable in this state, so there was no reason for Yuri to indirectly apologize.

“This is more than enough as thank you,” Otabek assured him. “You and I in a bathtub that’s honestly more foamy pink bubbles than water and drinking expensive wine your idol gave you for your birthday, what more could I possibly want right now?”

“Don’t criticize my bubbles, thank you very much,” Yuri said and, as though to prove a point, gathered a handful of them and playfully blew them at Otabek’s face. Both of them started to laugh before Yuri leaned out of the tub enough to fetch his phone to take a selfie of them together, foam sticking to Otabek’s nose and hair, a happy smile on Yuri’s face bright enough to give the sun a good run for its money. There were pictures that went on Instagram, but this one was just for them, a memory of this moment for them to look back at in the future.

Once the water turned too cold to be enjoyable and all the foam dissolved, the bottle of wine half empty, they climbed out of the tub and dried their bodies using the surprisingly soft hotel towels. Then again for the price Yuri paid for their room, it was the least they could expect. Dressing in their pajamas consisting of nothing more special than some shirts and loose pants—silky shorts showing off his beautiful legs in Yuri’s case—they walked into the bedroom and crawled under the covers. Yuri quickly positioned himself half on Otabek, his hand resting on his tattoo, his fingers lazily tracing the design, Yuri’s head resting near his shoulder.

“This was an amazing birthday,” Yuri said softly a few minutes later breaking the quiet. “Thank you, Beka. It wouldn’t have been the same without you, honestly. Having you there with me, it really meant a lot to me.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Otabek said and kissed the crown of his head.

“I love you,” Yuri whispered affectionately against his skin, lightly kissing his chest before resting his head back where it was before and sighed contently.

If Otabek were to describe happiness, this would be what he would say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: whines half the day on tumblr about how I can't write for shit.  
> Also me: sits down and writes 3.1k words purely fueled by spite against myself and my supposed lack of ability to write for the past three days.
> 
> So I decided to go for the shorter chapter, like I mentioned I was considering doing on tumblr, to show what happened after the gig. I thought about writing smut, but honestly running on 5 hours of sleep on a full schedule from 8am to midnight, it just didn't really seem realistic to me. So here's a cute bathtub scene instead, hah. I wanted to draw it but got angry at how shitty it looked and deleted it.
> 
> Next up - the start of the festival season. Anyone want to take a quick guess where we might go from here?
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)  
>  Otabek.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although it doesn't get mentioned in the story, I'm including "Moan - Trentemoller Dub Remix" by Trentemoller on the playlist and recommending it as soundtrack during a certain part of this chapter since I was listening to it while writing.

The first thing Otabek noticed once they stepped through the door of the jet and onto the stairs was just how shockingly hot it was compared to Seattle. They left last night with the temperature sitting definitely below ten degrees yet landed in the morning with over twenty out in the sun, the air even hotter from the asphalt of the runways.

“Welcome to Miami,” Yuri said cheerfully before bouncing down the steps in a surprisingly good mood. “Told you it’ll be hot, fuck, I forgot just how warm it is in places that are not Seattle.”

“You know you could live here if you wanted,” Otabek pointed out, a quite obvious fact, his tone teasing and earning him a mild glare from Yuri over his shoulder.

“You know what happens to people like me in places like this?” As though to emphasize what he meant, Yuri raised his arm and pointed at his fair skin. “Sunburn all day, every day, so I’d rather take the cold and the calming sound of rain over being red and in pain.”

“You didn’t complain during our vacation on Bali two years ago,” Victor said, amused, standing next to the open van door waiting for them to get inside.

“Fuck off, old man, that’s different,” Yuri said and rolled his eyes before sliding into the back of the car, Otabek following suit. Yuuri joined them in the back while Victor sat in the front with Chris.

Slowly Chris maneuvered them through the airport, the first time their car had actually waited near the runway instead of in front of the airport building, and then into the Miami traffic. Relatively quickly they got onto the highway, the traffic picking up but not too badly.

“How about some music?” Chris offered a few minutes later looking into the rearview mirror toward Yuri.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Yuri growled while Otabek just looked back and forth between the two of them wondering what this was about. Judging by Yuuri’s failed attempt at trying not to smile it was probably something everybody but Yuri found funny.

Without saying anything more Chris handed his phone over to Victor who connected it to the car’s sound system and a moment later music filled the space around them.

[ _Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwBS6QGsH_4)

[ _Miami, uh, uh_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwBS6QGsH_4)

_South Beach, bringin the heat, uh_

_Haha, can y'all feel that_

_Can y'all feel that_

_Jig it out, uh_

Otabek actually laughed out loud as he recognized the song, Yuuri, Victor and Chris joining in a moment later while Yuri looked at him as though he’d just betrayed him in the worst way possible. But no matter how much Yuri pretended to hate this moment, and the song, Otabek could still see him ever so lightly tap his foot along to it pretty quickly. It was a damn catchy song, a kind of strange classic, and it fit the moment spectacularly, though Otabek couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing some piece of context.

_Party in the city where the heat is on_

_All night, on the beach till the break of dawn_

_Welcome to Miami_

_Bienvenidos a Miami_

_Bouncin in the club where the heat is on_

_All night, on the beach till the break of dawn_

_I'm goin’ to Miami_

_Welcome to Miami_

By the time the hook came around, Yuri had given in and started to move to the music like the rest of them. Otabek could see Yuuri mouth along with the lyrics, Yuri joining in a moment later, Chris had one of his hands raised and lightly pumped it along with the beat, and was Victor moving probably the most enthusiastically out of the five of them.

“I hate you all,” Yuri proclaimed as the song faded away and lightly shook his head, a small smile betraying him nonetheless. Ignoring the laughter coming from the front, Yuri turned toward Otabek. “They always do this to me, every single fucking time we come to Miami. It was funny, sure, the first two times and then turned stale.”

“You seemed pretty into it though.”

“I did not,” Yuri argued, pronouncing every word with a bit more force behind them as though each formed its own sentence. “You imagined shit.”

“Sure I did,” Otabek said and bumped his shoulder against Yuri’s before lightly kissing his temple.

About twenty minutes later they drove onto a bridge leading onto a triangular island that contained their hotel right at the tip of it facing the bay, the water greenish blue and sparkling as the morning sunlight reflected off of it. Once they stopped in front of the main entrance a valet and a bellboy approached them to take the car keys and their luggage. Together with Victor and Yuuri they walked into the spacious lobby, the cool A/C air a blessing and stark contrast to the hot, stuffy air outside only turning hotter as the day would progress. Quickly Victor checked them in and then guided them toward the elevators and up into their room located all the way at the top on the twentieth floor.

Otabek was almost a little surprised to find the room looking about half the size of the room they stayed at in New York, and only a fraction as big as the loft type room Yuri had in Almaty. Of course the room was still glamorous and expensive beyond measures, Otabek had no doubt about that, but it still seemed just that little bit closer to something he could possibly afford. It was one big room holding a lounging area, TV, and a gigantic King-sized bed, the windows facing out toward the water and leading onto a small balcony, the bathroom white marble with a walk-in shower and a freestanding bathtub.

“You have about four and a half hours until you need to be ready to leave for the gig,” Victor said matter of fact, his demeanor and tone back to professional. “Eat something, take a nap, relax, you’ll need your energy for later. It’s going to be a long night.”

It seemed like Yuri had a very specific idea of what he wanted to do with their free time and Otabek was all too willing to go along with it.

As soon as Yuuri and Victor left, Yuri took Otabek’s hand and all but dragged him toward the bathroom. The only explanation he got was that Yuri wanted to get rid of the airplane air smell sticking to his skin and hair before he stepped closer and leaned in for a kiss. One kiss quickly turned into two, three, five, separated only by short pauses when a piece of their clothing was removed, Yuri’s shirt yanked over his head and a button on the back getting stuck on his hair, Yuri manhandling Otabek’s belt as though it personally offended him by not cooperating.

The lukewarm water felt refreshing on Otabek’s skin though it didn’t take long until it seemed like Yuri wasn’t satisfied by refreshing and turned up the temperature to warm though not quite hot, nothing in comparison to their hot showers back in Seattle. Biting his lower lip Yuri looked Otabek up and down appreciatively while absentmindedly covering his hands in his own ridiculously expensive shower gel that Yuri insisted on taking with him wherever he went. Slowly he worked his hands across Otabek’s skin leaving foamy trails behind as he traced a path along his shoulders, down his chest and stomach, and finally onto his hips pulling him closer.

Otabek leaned his head to the side exposing more of his neck while Yuri seemed determined to kiss every single centimeter of skin he could find, his lips barely lifting as he moved, his teeth lightly grazing Otabek’s skin. Ignoring the water raining down on them from the shower head attached to the ceiling, Yuri kissed his way down toward his right nipple teasing it with his tongue just enough to get a reaction out of Otabek, a low kind of moan. Hungrily Otabek pulled Yuri’s face back up toward him and into another kiss, open mouthed and sloppy yet so good at the same time, his hands wandering across Yuri’s skin, along his sides toward his waist and pulling him even closer than they already were, their cocks touching.

Yuri grinded slowly against him, their moans muffled by their still interlocked mouths, the feeling too much yet at the same time way too little. Without breaking their kiss, Otabek could feel Yuri running his hand down his stomach and then take both of them into his hand, pressing them together while stroking them excruciatingly slow, nothing but pure teasing meant as nothing more than that.

“Has anyone ever told you just how much of a tease you are?” Otabek asked quietly as they broke apart to catch their breath, their foreheads resting against each other. As though to make a point Yuri slowed down his pace even more, running his thumb over Otabek’s sensitive head ever so lightly before moving down again.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Yuri murmured, his lips curling into a smile, his eyes closed.

Otabek moved his head and then kissed along Yuri’s jaw, nibbled at his earlobe and then kissed a sensitive spot behind it, smiling lightly to himself at the moan escaping Yuri and bouncing off the glass shower walls around them, before he wandered down Yuri’s neck. That seemed to be enough to cause Yuri’s resolve and determination to falter, his hand finally moving quicker, his grip firmer.

The sound of their moaning, heavy breathing, seemingly random words of praise and each others names mixed with the sound of the shower filled the space around them almost deafeningly though neither was particularly loud, quiet even as for Yuri’s standards, as Yuri worked them relentlessly toward the edge.

“Beka,” Yuri barely coherently and breathlessly said before he came, Otabek following a moment later. Hearing Yuri say his name like that just did something for him, touched and pushed him in some deep place within, magical and beautiful.

Once they caught their breath again, Otabek enjoyed Yuri’s soft and careful treatment of his hair before doing the same for Yuri, his taken a significantly longer time, logically. Conditioner came next followed by some more kissing and grinding against each other aimlessly.

One thing quickly led to another so once all the soap was washed away and they’d dried their bodies just enough, they stumbled back into their room and onto the bed. Yuri climbed onto him straddling his waist and leaned down for another kiss, his hands holding down Otabek’s by his wrists pinned against the bed.

“Fuck me, Beka,” Yuri murmured into his ear, his voice low with that hint of need and lust coloring it in around the edges. He definitely wouldn’t have to ask twice.

After rolling them over Otabek somehow willed himself to move off of the bed just long enough to dig out the lube from his suitcase before claiming back his favorite spot between Yuri’s beautiful thighs. “You’re so gorgeous, Yura,” he said, not noticing that fact for the first nor last time, his words still making Yuri smile and lightly blush every time.

Otabek leaned over Yuri and into another kiss while he reached between his cheeks and carefully circled and teased Yuri’s rim before pushing in just a little. Yuri’s mouth broke away from his caught in a gasp as he slowly pushed in further stretching him bit by bit while taking Yuri apart with every move of his finger, a second one joining after a little while.

“Beka, come on, we don’t have all fucking day, you horrible tease,” Yuri whined a little while later just before Otabek deemed him ready anyway.

Yuri moaned beautifully once Otabek removed his fingers and instead started to push his cock into him, burying himself in Yuri’s tight warmth, the feeling almost overwhelming every time, especially now that the thin barrier between them was gone. Two months prior they’d gone and gotten tested, both coming back squeaky clean and negative, the half empty box of condoms quickly forgotten in Yuri’s bedside table now just sitting in the drawer collecting dust.

Otabek gave him a moment to adjust to the stretch after he bottomed out, waiting until Yuri rolled his hip as much as he could. Finally Otabek started to move, slowly at first, kissing Yuri again, his hands tangling into Otabek’s wet hair, his recently touched up undercut and the probably way too long top part. He’d considered cutting it but Yuri had talked him out of it.

“Harder,” Yuri demanded between moans. Following that request Otabek started to thrust a little bit slower but harder and deeper than before. Otabek readjusted their angle to hit Yuri’s prostate almost every time, Yuri’s moans getting louder and infused with variations of Otabek’s name and praises in Russian and English, even a couple of Kazakh words Otabek had taught him across the past months sprinkled in between, understandable even if their pronunciation was miles off.

None of that mattered, the only thing that did matter was the unfiltered look of pure pleasure and ecstasy painted across Yuri’s face, the multitude of sounds he made and the feeling of him around Otabek. It was addicting and enticing, something Otabek was sure he could never get bored of, never get enough off always wanting more, happy knowing that Yuri felt the same way, his words and sounds like music to Otabek’s ears.

Messily, yet coordinated enough to not turn it into a disaster, Yuri changed their position by rolling them over so he sat on top riding Otabek at an mild blowing and amazing feeling breakneck pace Otabek wondered, even if only for a second, how Yuri was able to keep up. The thought was quickly forgotten when Yuri leaned down to kiss him, rough and sloppy, intoxicating and addicting. Otabek’s hands wandered across Yuri’s skin, exploring, his nails leaving faint red marks across his upper back.

A supernova seemed to explode right in front of Otabek’s very eyes as he came, the feeling overwhelming and seemingly ripping him into pieces in the best way possible, only somehow getting amplified even more by the sound of Yuri coming a moment later, too, his back arched beautifully, his head thrown back and lips parted around a final moan.

Another shower later they wandered back into their room wrapped in their robes, Yuri back in his dusty pink one and Otabek in a black one that matched Yuri’s, and ordered way too much room service simply because they could and Yuri kept on saying how he could devour an entire horse. A cart stacked with spotless chrome plates and covers arrived about half an hour later, the smell of coffee, waffles, toast, pancakes and about five other things quickly taking over their room. They ate while watching some random lion documentary on TV and then slipped into a nap once all the food was gone.

Feeling Yuri’s chest pressed against his back, his arm around Otabek’s chest loosely holding one of his hands, it was more than enough to put Otabek at ease, keep away the approaching nerves and truck loads of stress and anxiety that would surely soon make an appearance the closer they got to his first ever festival gig.

 

* * *

 

“Beka,” Yuri practically whined somewhere behind him. Confused Otabek turned around while putting on his shirt, a black tank top with the sides almost entirely cut out and a [galaxy colored lion](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/aa/a8/8a/aaa88a2d9d93bdd48dff805339cbaa10.jpg) head printed on the front. Yuri was looking down at something, his right leg angled to the side. Otabek took a moment to admire the [black of his leggings](https://blackmilkclothing.com/collections/blackmilk-essentials/products/sporty-stripes-hosiery-2) contrasting with Yuri’s light skin, the still very much missing shirt, and fishnet cutout panels revealing parts of his thighs. “Look at that.” He pointed at something on his inner thigh.

Otabek took a few steps closer toward him to try and see whatever it was that Yuri saw. It was the shadow of a barely still there hickey Otabek might’ve left there some days ago.

“No one will even notice it,” Otabek finally concluded since it practically blended in with the leggings and the shadows when Yuri stood normally.

“But I know it’s there.”

“Good,” Otabek said with a light smirk and cocked his eyebrow before returning to his suitcase to find his jeans.

“You know, sometimes I miss how much of a blushing mess you used to be in moments like this.”

“You don’t.”

“True,” Yuri agreed, his arms wrapping around Otabek’s stomach from behind, Yuri’s warm chest against his back and his chin resting on Otabek’s shoulder. “I much prefer you speaking your mind freely like this.”

“You should get dressed, Yura, or Victor will get mad,” Otabek said with a smile instead of commenting on Yuri’s words. It’d taken a while but Otabek was glad that he finally managed to overcome his shyness around Yuri, that everything developed the way it had, that he could tease Yuri back almost as shamelessly as Yuri teased him with both words and actions.

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t much rather spend the next half an hour, depending on traffic, fucking me again instead of sitting in the car,” Yuri murmured close to his ear, his warm breath brushing against Otabek’s skin and sending a shiver down his spine.

“Guess you’ll have to wait until tonight, _tigryenok_.”

As though purely out of mostly playful spite Yuri decided on an outfit Otabek was sure Yuri was aware of just how distracting it was. Otabek could practically hear Yuri say ‘paybacks a bitch’ in his mind even if they both knew that going another round would definitely not work out in the limited time they had left until Victor would show up, even if Yuri’s outfit made holding on to that thought challenging.

A pair of tight [booty shorts](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/12/fd/f2/12fdf2081cc0e8a64b4fed4ecdffcb23.jpg) and an equally [tight crop top](https://blackmilkclothing.com/products/mermaid-crop-top) with short sleeves joined Yuri’s leggings, both in a deep green and black that sparkled and had a pattern that made the green parts look like mermaid scales. It looked amazing with the leggings and underlined Yuri’s green eyes. Most of his rings were back too, as well as his piercings, and a pair of [high heeled boots in black with silver spikes](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/6e/eb/1c/6eeb1c18ffee8ad8bf14bc2495d67d0d.jpg) littered across the heels lifting Yuri up even more making Otabek feel even shorter than he was aware he was.

He didn’t mind, not really. He actually kind of liked Yuri being the taller one of them, though now Yuri surely easily stood even taller than Victor and Chris, his legs gorgeous and seemingly endless, even more than usually.

As always Otabek helped Yuri with his hair, using every chance he got to shamelessly touch it, feel how silky it was between his fingers and enjoy the smile on Yuri’s face each time he put his golden locks into yet another braid. Otabek actually looked up a few tutorials on YouTube and Pinterest to learn some new ones, much to Yuri’s delight, his Instagram now sprinkled with pictures of his hair joining the usual mix of selfies, pictures of Katya, and shots of the skyline from the penthouse or whichever hotel they were staying at.

Right on time Victor and Yuuri showed up at their door and together they made their way downstairs to the car, Chris already sitting inside waiting for them. Surprisingly enough, despite the traffic, especially heavy around the festival grounds, they arrived not even twenty minutes later, Chris parking their van between all the other cars and vans belonging to the other DJs present at the festival.

Quickly they all got their proper passes and slipped into the backstage chaos, the heavy bass coming from all the speakers mounted around all the stages currently occupied crashing over them like waves. Every once in a while they could hear the crowd scream back at the performing DJs, incoherent screams dotted by the occasional name or lyrics.

Otabek could feel himself slowly grow nervous the closer they got to his time on the schedule for day two of Ultra Music Festival Miami, a dream come true, even if he hadn’t made it onto main stage this year. He didn’t really care, was overwhelmed by the fact that he’d been invited at all sufficiently enough.

“You’re going be amazing,” Yuri said quietly next to him holding Otabek’s hand between his while running his thumb across his skin. “This is just like performing at any of the clubs you played at before, but a little bigger. They’ll love you, you’ll see.”

“How was it for you, the first time you made a festival stage?”

Yuri huffed lightly and looked away for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “I was absolutely terrified. My venues were getting bigger and bigger and that was fine, I could deal with that, but somehow the idea of having to walk up onto a festival stage knowing that a bunch of people in the crowd probably didn’t know or even like me, I thought I wouldn’t be able to even get a single word out. But then I decided that I’m Yuri fucking Plisetsky, fuck the haters, and so I stepped on that stage, my fear and nerves forgotten and it went well.”

“Somehow I feel like it was a little more than just that but I hope it really will be that simple,” Otabek said and sighed lightly. He knew he could do it, that in the end it wouldn’t be nearly as scary or bad as he was currently making it seem in his own mind, imagination running haywire, but properly believing it, that was somehow a totally different tale.

“That part of the story was more motivational than the part I left out in which Victor found me sitting in one of the bathrooms curled up underneath the sinks crying like a little bitch because I was so fucking afraid,” Yuri said, his tone much lighter than his words seemed to call for. “So if you look at it from that perspective, you’re doing way better than I did.”

“The only difference being that you’re way more talented and deserving than me.”

Over the past months Otabek started to doubt his music and abilities less and less, yet there were still occasional moments like these when he fell back into old and familiar patterns of doubt no matter how much he tried not to. He didn’t like those moments since they made him feel weak and kind of pathetic, especially with Yuri sitting right there next to him, but it was like he simply couldn’t stop the thoughts from eating at his mind, the words from falling out of his mouth.

“Don’t you dare even say things like that, Altin,” Yuri said sounding almost as though Otabek had offended him with his words. Yuri turned in his chair to face Otabek more directly, his eyes focused and serious, the expression on his face almost radiating some kind of urgency. “Listen to me, will you? You are insanely talented, Otabek, seriously, you’re just talented in a different way than me. And dear God you are so fucking deserving I don’t even have the words for it. If you weren’t either of those things you wouldn’t be here today. The only ways to get on these stages, to get booked for some of the most exclusive clubs in this damn country, are by either buying your way in, fucking your way in, or being fucking good at what you do.”

As he spoke, Yuri raised one of his hands up to Otabek’s jaw, his thumb lightly caressing his cheek, Yuri’s eyes never leaving his, his gaze so intense Otabek wouldn’t be able to look away even if he tried, even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He could practically feel Yuri’s conviction in his voice, in the words he used, in the soft and tender way Yuri touched him. It was a crazy thing, really, knowing that Yuri, of all people, cared so much about him. All of it only made Otabek love him only so much more.

“Last time I checked you certainly didn’t earn nearly enough to buy your way in, and you didn’t fuck your way in, which only leaves the last option. I know this is scary, and some of those people out in the crowd might genuinely hate every single minute of your set, I’ve been there and it sucks, I know, but for every person who hates it, there will be exponentially more people who will love it. I’ve said this to you in Toronto, and before the ‘Moonlight’ gig, so I hope that this time around you’ll actually finally believe me, that you’ll finally see your own worth. If only you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d see how amazing, talented, worthy and loved of a person you truly are. I love you, Otabek Altin, more than any other person ever before and I believe in you.”

Yuri’s words still echoed around Otabek’s mind minutes later as he stepped toward the stage, a semi-indoor one, the ceiling made up of hexagonal trusses with a black background, the sea of people stretching out all the way toward the back where the tent opened up toward the main part of the festival ground. Lasers and stage lights flickered and danced across the ceiling building anticipation before darkness fell and [a single church bell rung once](https://youtu.be/8AGMT5glde8), the crowd, those people among it that knew him, chanting his name. It was crazy, unbelievable, his skin rising with goosebumps.

By the time his first proper song filled the space around him and the crowd, Otabek could feel his nerves slowly melting away, could see the crowd reacting to his ministrations, get into the beat, starting to move and jump, faces smiling back at him, screaming some lyrics or just to show that they were loving it. For years he dreamed of Ultra, of festival stages in general wondering how it would feel like to play at them, and now he’d finally made it, the first big leap toward Tomorrowland, although still uncertain and far away, he could almost taste it, feel everything he ever wished for coming true.

Maybe Yuri had been right, maybe he did deserve this, maybe he was good enough after all. He worked so hard for this, had never given up hope even if all of this felt like it would never happen, no matter how hard he would try, yet he had made it this far. A year ago he’d sat in his apartment back in Almaty and wondered if agreeing to Yuri’s deal and following him to Seattle would be a good idea, if maybe he shouldn’t pull back after all wondering what would happen if everything would backfire in the worst way possible.

He was so thankful that he hadn’t changed his mind, that he boarded that plane days later and taken that leap of faith because he’d been rewarded for taking that risk more than he could’ve hoped for. Not only was he building the career he dreamed of, but he also had an amazing relationship with the person he loved more than any other before him, felt more loved than he believed he could ever feel. Of course Otabek always had his family, as well as Leo and JJ, but that was different, just as valuable but something he couldn’t even compare to what he had with and felt for Yuri.

Almost half an hour into his set the first notes of ‘[Cool](https://youtu.be/8AGMT5glde8?t=29m27s)’ began to play, the crowd erupting in loud screams as they spotted Yuri appear next to him. Ever since ‘Pretty Little Angel’ the crowds somehow almost grew to expect Yuri to show up at some point during his set, even though be only did it a handful of times, yet they were surprised that this wasn’t the song they expected, the instrumental all wrong, yet Yuri still climbed onto the long table that held all the electronic equipment, careful not to step onto anything or fall down as he danced or swayed along to the music, and began to sing not missing a single beat.

_It's only you (you)_

_Loves me like you do (do)_

_Trying to keep it cool (cool)_

_But I can't keep cool about it_

_Acted like a fool (fool)_

_Ought to scream it from the roof (roof)_

_I'm trying to keep it cool (cool)_

_But I can't keep cool about it ('bout it)_

Otabek and Yuri had written the lyrics together, even though, if asked about it, Yuri would probably never admit to it since they were much cheerier and sappier than most of the lyircs he’d ever written before. That of course hadn’t stopped him from still falling in love with the song, wanting to record it and share this with Otabek, another memento of their time together, the impact they had on each other’s lives.

They’d even gone as far as having an impromptu cover photo shoot at the penthouse while slightly tipsy after one of Otabek’s gigs at a club. It was all kinds of ridiculous so Otabek really wasn’t surprised at all when Yuri argued that he should actually use one of the pictures they’d taken, even offered up his own messy photo shop job on it to kind of [show him his vision](http://puppybek.tumblr.com/post/160653986194/miss-cigarettes-%E3%82%AA%E3%82%BF%E3%83%A6%E3%83%AAlog-amai-pixiv). It was silly, and extra, and just a bit dumb, probably, but Otabek liked it, even if he’d been very reluctant to admit it. Victor just shook his head when he saw it but didn’t argue against it. Both Leo and JJ had laughed their asses off, of course.

Quicker than it really was, the gig was almost over, the final song playing called ‘[Heroes (We Could Be)](https://youtu.be/8AGMT5glde8?t=52m25s)’. Somehow Mila had not only gotten him a chance to co-work with someone else on producing some of her songs, but also to actually talk to her. One thing somehow—Otabek still had no idea how it really happened, his memories blurry, the feeling still overwhelming—led to another and she actually agreed to record a song, that song, with him. He knew other DJs did this a lot, cooperated with other artists the way he worked with Yuri, yet somehow having it happen to him, working with someone as known as Tove Lo, it was insane.

_Everyday people do everyday things but I_

_Can't be one of them_

_I know you hear me now, we are a different kind_

_We can do anything_

_We could be heroes_

_We could be heroes, me and you_

The crowd seemed to love it, jumped around and screamed, their arms and flags raised up in the air, the energy off the charts.

“Beka, I want to introduce you to someone,” Yuri said, smiling brightly, once Otabek stepped off the stage and calmed down enough for his mind to not race anymore. Wordlessly Otabek followed Yuri through the backstage area and right into another lounge and over to a man standing with his back toward them. As they got closer, the man turned around and Otabek was sure that this wasn’t actually happening, that he was merely dreaming after all. “Otabek, this is David Guetta, David, meet my boyfriend, Otabek Altin.”

_No._

_Fucking._

_Way._

No one would believe this, Otabek himself didn’t even believe it, yet there he stood, his brain most definitely short circuiting, as he talked to one of the most influential DJs currently in the industry with Yuri’s arm around his waist like this was normal, not special at all even though this was unbelievable in ever way possible. This almost felt like Almaty all over again when Yuri just showed up out of nowhere, though Otabek had never seen Guetta the way he’d seen Yuri.

The moment only got stranger and crazier from there starting with Guetta wanting them to take a picture together for Instagram, one selfie taken on Guetta’s phone and the other on Yuri’s, and then, to top it off, Guetta announced that he had two surprises: one for the audience and one for Otabek. This had to be a dream, seriously, because there was simply no way, absolutely none, that this was actually real.

Along with Guetta and his people they were led toward the entrance onto the main stage, the shiny goal still waiting for Otabek in the future, and were told to wait near the stairs leading up behind the booth until their queue. The crowd went nuts as [Guetta stepped onto the stage](https://youtu.be/MgrLRzPycz8), the sheer volume impossible and soon mixing with the music. Every time Otabek looked over at Yuri, his eyes questioning and wondering, Yuri just smiled back at him in that mischievous way, the glint back in his eyes and Otabek knew he wouldn’t say a word, wouldn’t give away what Guetta meant.

All the way back in Otabek’s apartment Yuri had mentioned that he’d worked with Guetta on some new music, something that by now was almost two years ago yet Otabek had never heard about those songs again. That was until one of Guetta’s staff walked up to Yuri and motioned for him to go up, the guy handing him a microphone a second before Yuri ascended the stairs, the crowd going wild.

Otabek wasn’t even surprised anymore when he heard [Yuri’s voice over the speakers blaring across the entire festival ground](https://youtu.be/MgrLRzPycz8?t=14m46s)s, the crowd excited and screaming as though their lives depended on it. This had to be one of the songs Yuri meant over a year ago. It was amazing, no other way to put it, his voice fitting in with the instrumental and beat like it was simply meant to be. Guetta was a master at his craft as much as Yuri, the song showing that just as much as the entire set and their significance in the industry.

“Please welcome here with me on stage once more, Yuri Plisetsky, and as special guest, Otabek Altin,” Guetta announced more than half an hour into his set. In disbelief Otabek followed Yuri up those steps, stood between him and Guetta, his eyes roaming across the seemingly endless ocean of people feeling overwhelmed like never before when one of his songs, ‘[Another Life](https://youtu.be/MgrLRzPycz8?t=38m44s)’, in a new remix came from the speakers.

_I can't imagine what this life would be_

_We holdin' on to fading memories_

_I love you, you love me, but this love sets you free_

_But if you choose to leave, well I hope we'll meet_

_Maybe we'll meet again in another life_

_Maybe we're better in another paradise_

_Maybe we will meet again_

_Maybe we will fall again_

There were no words in any language that Otabek knew that could describe this moment, the way he felt, the way his heart was racing and his mind felt almost blank because he didn’t even know what to think anymore. The only word that rose above the crowd of jumbled words inside his mind was _gratitude_ , for the chance he’d been given, the amazing things he was getting to experience and a promise of a future brighter and happier than he ever could’ve imagined it before the day that Yuri showed up at his door.

Ignoring the crowd, the music, the pictures being taken and the fact that this moment was live streamed all across the globe and recorded to be posted on YouTube later on, Otabek turned to Yuri and pulled him into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't get any smut last chapter, instead you got it this chapter. I hope my "questionable quality smut" was good.
> 
> So the festival season has started with Ultra. I watched like 7 different artist's performances at Ultra to chose which one I wanted to give Otabek. I've narrowed down the sets for all the festivals we'll come across so we're starting with Alesso at Ultra. Also we met David Guetta. I didn't forget the fact that I mentioned him earlier in the story, and some song he worked on with Yuri. I didn't write any sort of dialogue that would include Guetta since I don't know how he talks like, at all, so I opted for avoiding it altogether.
> 
> I've set up a Pinterest [inspiration collection thing whatever.](https://www.pinterest.de/otayuriohnice/unsteady-inspiration/)
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me. To celebrate, here's a new chapter! :3

International flights always confused Otabek no matter how many times he flew in his life and no matter how many times he went to the US or to Canada and then back home. The fact that their flight took just under ten hours yet they landed, in theory, nineteen hours later due to time zones, it definitely messed with him. But that didn’t really matter much since jet lag wouldn’t interfere with his or Yuri’s gig in any sort of way, rather work in their favor since their gigs were in the evening while their bodies would think it was still midday or something along those lines as Frankfurt was nine hours ahead of Seattle.

As they slowly rolled off of the runway toward their assigned parking space, Otabek could slowly feel the nerves seeping back into him as he woke up more. Unfortunately they hadn’t been lucky after all with their festivals and Yuri had been scheduled to play at Rock am Ring about ten minutes after Otabek’s set at World Club Dome would end leaving them no other choice but to separate for the first time in over a year. It would be the first time Otabek would stand on stage without Yuri joining him even if only for a few minutes, the first time Yuri wouldn’t even be inside the venue he played at, or even the same city. Rock am Ring was at the Nürnburgring at least a two hour drive away from Frankfurt so they truly had no choice.

“You’ll be amazing tonight,” Yuri told him once the jet finally stopped moving and everyone but them went outside. Quickly Yuri moved from his seat and slipped onto the floor in front of him and took Otabek’s hands into his carefully, the simple gesture still feeling reassuring somehow. There was an open but small smile on Yuri’s face with just the slightest shade of sadness in it. “You don’t need me to be there to deliver a killer set, even though I hate missing out on your first main stage gig.”

“Not your fault,” Otabek assured him. He knew Yuri had given Victor an ear full about this when Victor brought it up weeks ago, but there was nothing even Victor could do to change it. Besides Otabek had to do this on his own, see that he could do it even without Yuri by his side.

“I know it’s not my fault but that doesn’t change the fact that it still fucking sucks.” Yuri sighed. “Either way you’ll do amazingly and by this time tomorrow we’ll be back together so it’s like less than twenty four hours, no big deal. And don’t worry about main stage, really, it’ll be like playing at the Sahara tent at Coachella, just that little bit bigger, and probably minus all the Bambi shit. You’ll master this and next thing you’ll know we’ll be on our way to Belgium for Tomorrowland and you’ll make main stage and it’ll be everything you hope it will be and more.”

World Club Dome was something like his final exam, the last crowd he needed to impress before he could move over to Tomorrowland next month and finally play on the stage he always dreamed off. As it stood now he had a shot at main stage, if the organizers wouldn’t change their mind last minute for some reason and switch him out for a different artists should a bigger one decide they wanted to play there after all. But if he’d play well in Germany, he’d prove himself worthy of main stage and secure his spot.

Not saying anything more Yuri moved from his spot on the floor onto Otabek’s lap straddling him—that was definitely only possible thanks to the way bigger seats in the jet than what they usually offered in commercial planes—his hands on Otabek’s shoulders and his forehead lightly resting against Otabek’s. Slowly Otabek closed the gap between them and kissed him, his hands moving onto Yuri’s waist, his fingers lightly moving under Yuri’s shirt while Yuri moved one of his hands onto the back of Otabek’s head and gripped his hair. Slowly the kiss melted into something a little deeper, more desperate and sloppy as though they were trying to communicate their feelings through it instead of using words.

Otabek moved his hand further up Yuri’s back feeling his warm skin against his palms, the muscles across his back moving as Yuri shifted his position a little to be even closer. With a light bite onto Otabek’s lower lip Yuri broke their kiss and moved back just a little, his eyes looking into Otabek’s as though searching for some kind of sign or answer.

“I’m going to miss you,” Yuri said quietly, almost shyly, and a light blush dusted his cheeks. “I know it’s stupid, I mean we went more than two decades without each other yet somehow I truly hate the idea of going somewhere without you even though I know that it’s in the nature of our jobs. There will be times when you’ll be booked somewhere while I’ll be somewhere else on tour or doing whatever, but somehow I thought we’d still have a little more time until then.”

“It’s okay, Yura,” Otabek said and touched his cheek carefully, feeling Yuri lean into it. “I’m going to miss you too, but you said it yourself, it’s just twenty four hours. We can totally do this. It’s not like we won’t see each other for a year or something.”

“I know. I told you it’s stupid. Fuck, you must totally think I’m clingy or pathetic, or both.”

“Actually I thought you love me and you’re not clingy, come on, don’t be stupid, Yura,” Otabek said with fondness in his voice. “Also it’s not stupid of you to not like the idea of us not being together. I think the same way but I know we can do this. You’ll play an amazing show, I’ll deliver a good set, and tomorrow morning we’ll fly back home.”

“Home?” Yuri asked with the softest of smiles. “I like the way that sounds.”

“Besides, I’ll be watching your gig so you have to deliver a good one,” Otabek said and lightly raised one eyebrow instead of deepening the ‘home’ discussion. Yuri’s jet wasn’t the right place to talk about that, or right now the time for it either. Once they’d be back in Seattle, maybe they would talk about it more properly then, but not now.

“Yuuri will be there with you so if you have any questions, just ask him and I’m sure he’ll be able to figure it out,” Yuri said before kissing him again. It wasn’t as passionate of a kiss as before but it didn’t have to be, it was more than enough, speaking volumes in its own way.

“Don’t worry, I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Yuri said and kissed his cheek before moving out of his lap and held out his hand toward him. Otabek took it and let Yuri pull him onto his feet, even though he could perfectly stand up on his own. Yuri moved in for a hug pulling Otabek close again. “I love you, _zhanym_.” At that Otabek pulled back just enough to look at Yuri with surprise painted across his face. He definitely hadn’t taught Yuri that particular word, nor used it himself before. “You’re not the only person who knows how to us the Internet. As I said many times before, I do my homework and typing ‘Kazakh terms of endearment’ into Google really isn’t that complicated.”

“Yuri, Otabek,” Victor called out from outside, “we don’t have all day.”

“Fucking mood killer,” Yuri said with a huff and lightly shook his head.

“I like it, you calling me that not Victor being a mood killer,” Otabek said and kissed him again.

Outside two cars waited for them, one SUV for Yuri since Rock am Ring was quite a drive away and an Audi for Otabek and Yuuri to drive into the city to their hotel and later to the venue. Chris just closed the trunk of the SUV as they walked outside and Yuuri and Victor were talking to the new driver.

“Come on, lovebirds, you’ll manage a day without each other,” Victor said jokingly with a smile and opened one of the doors of the SUV for Yuri.

“Shut up, old man, you’re one to talk,” Yuri shot back. “Do I have to remind you of the time you got drunk off your ass because Yuuri had to fly back to Japan because of his dog for literally three days while we were in Russia and you were so damn sad?”

“No, it would be enough if you’d simply get into the car instead.”

After a final kiss they let go and walked over to their respective cars. With a last look toward Yuri, Otabek slid into the Audi's backseat and Yuuri closed the door behind him. Quietly Otabek waited for Yuuri and Victor to say goodbye to each other before the door on the other side opened and Yuuri sat down next to him. A moment later the driver set the car into motion and they waved their way through the airport showing their paperwork to the security guard before leaving the grounds and driving onto the highway toward the city. Unlike in Miami or Seattle the airport was quite a drive away from the city itself, traffic picking up the closer they got and only growing more chaotic as they exited the highway and drove toward their hotel.

Logically, since Yuri wasn't with them, they didn't stay in the most expensive room nor did they get needlessly upgraded. Instead Otabek and Yuuri stayed in a two-bedroom hotel room, which was probably still Yuri's idea and way too big and lavish for their needs.

"What did you do before you got hired by Yuri, or Victor?" Otabek asked a while later over lunch. They'd ordered some room service and sat down at the small round table in the lounge belonging to their room.

"I used to be a principal dancer for a Japanese company before switching to a Russian one," Yuuri explained with a smile. "Once I retired I was looking for a new job possibly as choreographer or anything really related to stages and helping those on it. I met Victor, and then also Yuri, at a charity gala in Moscow and one thing led to another."

"Do you miss it?"

"Ballet?" Otabek nodded lightly. "Often but I don't regret leaving. It was time and I knew my body wouldn't have been able to hold up much longer so I preferred to leave on a high note instead of being carried off stage on stretchers. I like my job, even if the amount of traveling had been a bit much at first. The companies I danced with traveled, too, but that was nothing against Yuri's tours."

"I can only imagine," Otabek agreed. "My younger sister, Amina, used to love ballet after watching my older one practice it almost daily."

"She's the figure skater, right? Nura Altin?"

"Yes," Otabek said with a small yet proud smile. "But around age eleven Amina got some truly mean knee injury and that was it."

"I'm sorry," Yuuri said a little sadly. "I've seen friends of mine end the same way, one slightly off landing or fall and that's it. It's interesting how people always think that ballet is such an easy thing to do because dancers make it seem that way but in reality it's horribly demanding. I'd spent years wondering why I was putting myself through it, torturing my body day in and day out, but I never regretted a second of it."

"Nura says the same about figure skating. The amount of training that goes into those two programs per season that amount to not even eight minutes in total, I've always admired her determination and passion."

"My roommate in Russia used to be a big figure skating enthusiast," Yuuri said and lightly sighed, "he used to tell me all about some Japanese figure skater who was like the shining star in the men's senior division, a five time consecutive world champion or something along those lines."

"Do you have any siblings?" Otabek wasn't sure why he was asking Yuuri so many questions, why he was so curious all of a sudden, but he had a growing suspicion that as long as they talked he couldn't think, couldn't drown himself in wondering and worries, so instead he asked questions.

"An older sister, Mari," Yuuri said and pulled up a picture of her on his phone to show it to him. "She lives with our parents in Hasetsu. During Yuri's visit with us there Mari gave him the nickname 'Yurio', to make the distinction easier between the two of us. Yuri hates it, of course."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

"Victor tried to get the crew to call him that, too, once we returned but Yuri threatened to fire all of them should he hear it as much as a single time from any of them. It's safe to say that all of them are a little intimidated by him and that was enough to convince them not to listen to Victor and instead stick to either Yuri or Plisetsky."

Although Otabek had never seen Yuri scream together a storm at his crew, or other employees, he could still perfectly imagine it. He'd heard enough stories, though on the other hand he'd heard all about Yuri's glamorous and happy life in magazines and online articles but he knew that all of it had been nothing but fabricated stories that were a far cry from reality, nothing but smoke and mirrors. Those stories had been what Yuri wanted them to think because it was easier to smile at their cameras than talk about the truth. Otabek still remembered how different Yuri had seemed and acted when they first met, gruff and distanced, such a stark contrast to how he started to change over time, the sadness slowly vanishing from his eyes replaced by something happier, lighter.

Now he barely resembled the guy who showed up out of nowhere at his apartment, who cried because he couldn't take his own past and loneliness anymore, who simply needed someone to confide in, to trust and feel loved by. Yuri smiled more often than not, made jokes and seemed to glow with a strange positivity Otabek had never seen on him before. It was almost impossible for Otabek to believe that he'd somehow been one of the reasons why Yuri was doing better, felt grateful and honored that Yuri had chosen him, seen him as worthy of his time and affection, and Otabek was more than willing to return him just as much of it or more giving himself to this man he loved.

Otabek could feel it in himself too. Although he'd been happy, this shade of happiness was completely different, more content and bright, waking up with a smile and love on his mind instead of worries about money and his jobs and sparse gigs. He used to feel trapped in his life, even if he hadn't really realized it, and Yuri had given him the key to his cage, a change and a smile, a new job and life with the taste of freedom lingering on his tongue. Even if Otabek wouldn't make it to Tomorrowland after all, he'd still be happy, still be more than satisfied with what he had. He was building himself a life on the basis of his music with his own tracks and gigs, and the job at Mila's as producer.

And somehow along with all of that he'd also fallen in love with Yuri, the least likely person for it to happen yet it was reality. He knew that deep down Yuri still sometimes felt like he wasn't enough, like his affection wasn't enough, like he wasn't good enough as a person, but Otabek told him, time and time again, that Yuri had nothing to worry about. He was everything and so much more than Otabek could've ever hoped for and it made him happy to watch as Yuri slowly started to lose his fears and understood at Otabek loved him just as much, unconditionally, and that they were great together, that Yuri made him happier than any other person before.

After they were done eating Otabek and Yuuri returned to their rooms for a quick nap, the sleep either caught in the jet not nearly enough or really satisfying.

**that hot blond: you doing okay?**

**Me: of course. You?**

**that hot blond: the old man is annoying but what's new. The scenery is pretty but I'd still prefer being somewhere else.**

**Me: I love you.**

**that hot blond: I love you too.**

**that hot blond: what are you doing?**

**Me: was thinking about taking a nap.**

**that hot blond: Beka! You should've told me! Don't let me stop you. Sleep well! <3**

**Me: <3**

Otabek put his phone aside onto the bedside table and then moved on to take off his pants noticing something in his pocket. Curiously he reached inside and pulled out a ring, Yuri's lucky ring. When had Yuri managed to put it there without Otabek even noticing it? He couldn't help but fondly smile down onto it lying in the palm of his hand, the metal warm against his skin. It was such a small yet genuine gesture of love and devotion done wordlessly and with honest care. How could he not love someone like Yuri, someone who was willing to give up something he held on to his entire career trusting Otabek that he wouldn't losing it and hoping it would give him just as much strength and luck as it had Yuri. Yuri had given it to him in Toronto but that had only been an hour and Yuri didn't have a gig of his own, yet today he was willing to give Otabek his luck instead of keeping it to himself.

**Me: thank you, zhanym <3**

**that hot blond: was worried you wouldn't find it. When you'll worry or feel sad, just hold on to it. It's like a piece of me is there with you even if I'm not physically there.**

**Me: will you be okay without it?**

**that hot blond: don't worry about me. I've been doing this for a while, besides, I play after you so I'll kick ass knowing you'll be watching. I promised I would.**

**that hot blond: and now go take your nap! You'll need your strength! <3**

With a smile on his face Otabek fell onto his bed and quickly slipped into a dreamless nap going by as though within a blink of an eye. His mind felt at peace, like playing his first main stage suddenly wasn’t quite as daunting anymore as it had been an hour ago or a week. It was almost strange how Yuri could wield such power over him with his words and actions, little thoughtful gestures or shared thoughts that somehow had a much bigger impact than Otabek would’ve thought they would.

Before he knew it, Otabek and Yuuri made their way downstairs again toward the car to drive toward the venue, the Commerzbank Arena, a gigantic stadium, one of the ten biggest ones in all of Germany, according to what Otabek read online. Somehow, even though he’d been at Ultra and Coachella before, the idea of playing for a filled stadium put the numbers and size of the entire thing more properly into perspective than a field and tent filled with people which somehow felt more abstract.

Despite all the traffic moving toward the arena it didn’t take them more than half an hour to get there and wave their way through to the artist packing lot in the back of the arena away from the crowd. Their car parked amongst a sea of similar cars and tour busses of DJs much bigger than Otabek, which honestly didn’t really help his slightly growing nerves just below the surface. It wasn’t nearly as bad as at Ultra, or Coachella, but it was still there at a manageable level.

“According to Victor we’re supposed to wait in the artist lounge until a member of staff will come to pick us up and lead us toward the stage entrance,” Yuuri told him as they walked through the backstage area, the sound from the stage muffled and distanced but the bass still hard enough to seemingly shake the walls. “You’ll do great, I’m sure of it. When I was still a dancer I used to have horrible anxiety, I still do but it used to be a lot worse back then. Every time when I just as much as thought about going on stage, performing solos or intricate pair pieces with complicated lifts and alike, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I would never be able to do it.

“So every time I started to feel this way I reminded myself that all the people in the audience came to see us, to see me, and that it didn’t matter of it would be the best performance of my life or if I would make a few tiny mistakes. No one would notice or care much, if at all. The only thing that was important, was that I gave my best so I wouldn’t be able to look back later and say that I regretted it.”

In a way Otabek knew what Yuuri meant. Although he’d made that mistake during the ‘Moonlight’ gig last year, he didn’t regret performing that night, didn’t regret stepping onto that stage and playing his set. He’d given his all, performed as well as he could, and he’d loved every minute of it, mistake or no mistake. Maybe perfection wasn’t the goal, maybe giving the crowd a good time was enough, seeing the joy on their faces, screams, and dancing bodies, all those clues pointing toward them enjoying the moment, maybe that was what it was truly about.

“Thank you,” Otabek said because he wasn’t sure what else he could say.

As they passed closed locker room doors Otabek thought back to his childhood, the life his father used to wish for him when he was a kid. His father loved soccer, wanted to become a professional growing up but in the end he decided to put his dreams aside for their family, to marry their mother and be there for his children. So when they had Otabek, his father hoped he could live that dream he never got to dream, but it quickly became all too clear that soccer had never been what Otabek had been meant to do. He enjoyed the sport, playing with his friends after school just for fun, but doing it professionally never sounded appealing to him. Luckily his father wasn’t the type of man who would force his children into anything, gave them the freedom to find their own paths. For Nura it was figure skating, for Otabek it was music and for Amina all doors stood open waiting for her to choose once the time would come.

**Leo: excited for your first main stage?**

**JJ: our boy is all grown up playing a big stage.**

**Me: Nervous but not as bad as I thought I’d be.**

**Leo: See we always told you that you’ll make it, fucking Germany, who would’ve thought.**

**Me: crazy isn’t it? Never thought I’d get to see it, even if I’ve not really seen much of it so far.**

**JJ: On a scale of 1 to 10, how shit is it that Plisetsky isn’t there?**

**Me: It sucks but it was bound to happen. I can totally do this. How much scarier can a German crowd be than American ones?**

**Leo: Heard they are quite shit as audiences so you better shake them hard enough to wake their sorry asses up.**

**JJ: Besides this is just warm up for fucking Tomorrowland. Just think of the goal ahead and give those fuckers hell.**

**Me: I’ll try my best.**

**Leo: Good luck, Altin, not that you’d need it.**

Just like Yuuri said some chick belonging to the backstage staff approached them a few minutes later to lead them toward the stage entrance. Before stepping onto the stairs up onto the actual stage, Otabek stopped for a moment and pulled out Yuri’s ring from his pocket turning it around in his fingers, the dimmed lighting weakly reflecting off of it. For a moment he closed his eyes and brought the metal to his lips lightly kissing it. It was probably just a bit stupid but he didn’t care. Maybe it’d bring extra luck, who knew, besides, it definitely wouldn’t do any harm. Quickly he slipped the ring back into his pocket and walked up the stairs onto the stage just as all the lights went out and the first notes of his intro began to play.

Contrary to what Leo had said in his text the crowd went positively haywire over his set, their screams almost deafening, their faces contorted into gigantic smiles with big happy eyes, their arms raised into the air and their bodies jumping and dancing around in a mesmerizing chaos. The arena looked truly large from the outside, imposing even, yet standing on that stage seeing it from the inside with the entire soccer field filled with people along with the stands wrapping around the entire thing, it was breathtaking. At Coachella or Ultra the crowd had stretched far into the back, far enough that Otabek couldn’t even see them anymore, yet here, raised up high on that stage, he could see all of them, every last person, even if those in the back were nothing more than blurry dots, but they were still there.

The craziest realization in all of it was that they all seemed so happy because of Otabek, he was the hand that guided them through phases of manic dancing and jumping toward slower sways and minimal movement, the anticipation of the drop climbing impossibly high before the waves crashed over them shaking their bodies and unleashing an uncontrollable force and energy that almost set the air on fire, electric and hot. This feeling, this view, it was addicting in the best way possible making Otabek jump along with them hyping them up only so much more, their energy rushing through Otabek, his heart beating fast and hard, his mind almost blank, at ease somehow even if it seemed contradictory.

At some point he asked the lights to be turned down, or even turned off completely while his track ever so slowly built in the background. Talking to the crowd he encouraged them to pull out their phones and turn on their flashlights or screens on full brightness until the entire arena was dotted with silver lights like the night sky, Otabek the moon watching over them while the crowd was the stars. Otabek had seen many artists across the decades do this and always dreamed of seeing it from the stage and now he finally got to experience it. Quickly he pulled out his phone and took a few pictures, none of them doing the real thing any true justice but it was better than nothing.

Finally he dropped the bass and madness broke loose, the lights turning back on and the crowd jumping once more, hard enough that Otabek felt the ground vibrate and shake as though the force was strong enough to raise the arena from the round with each jump.

The final track on his set list was his newest mix of Yuri’s ‘[Jungle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfZIY1b6AGM)’ he’d started to work on a few weeks ago. It was a lot calmer than most of his set, a perfect track to cool down the crowd and pull them down from their dancing high. It was a shame that Yuri wasn’t there to see this, to hear it fill the arena, but when Otabek showed it to him when he was done, Yuri had loved it. Even though Yuri wasn’t there with him, somehow the song and the ring made it okay, the set going amazingly, the worries and nerves Otabek had beforehand melted away and were long forgotten.

_Well it's too long living in the same old lives (yeah)_

_I feel too cold to live, too young to die (yeah)_

_Will you walk the line, like it's there to choose? (oh)_

_(oh lord) Just forget the wit, it's the best to use_

Otabek felt almost like he was high or drunk, or possibly both, as he stumbled from the stage once his set was over. Yuuri welcomed him with a satisfied smile and led him back toward the artist lounge so they could catch the live stream of Yuri’s performance at Rock am Ring. Since the gap between their gigs was so small they stood no chance with traffic to make it to the hotel before it and neither was willing to miss this so instead they settled into a pair of chairs in the lounge, shared a pair of headphones and caught Yuri’s performance on Yuuri’s iPad using the arena’s wifi.

Yuuri handed him a towel so Otabek could wipe his face and wet hair enough to look passable, and not somehow get sick, while the last commercial played before Yuri would walk on stage. Otabek had no idea what his set list looked like or what outfit Yuri had decided on. Somehow sitting there it almost felt like he was back to being just a fanboy watching Yuri’s performances on DVD, YouTube or through live streams, though it was the first time he was doing it backstage at a festival after performing at said festival himself.

Yuri’s set opened with ‘[Gorgeous Nightmare](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YgHcPSUGFA)’ with Yuri walking on stage with his guitar in hand playing the intro part himself, his open hair blowing in the wind. But what really caught Otabek’s attention was Yuri’s outfit because it was the ‘Welcome to the Madness’ outfit he’d seen on the poster at the penthouse, and at his own apartment, making him now even more jealous of the crowd present getting to see it in person while Otabek could only see it through a screen. Yuri looked amazing, a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth as he easily started to sing, his eyes wandering over the crowd and toward the cameras filming the stage.

_Is it the way that you talk_

_That's causing me to freak?_

_Is it the way that you laugh_

_That's making my heart beat?_

_Is it the way that you kiss?_

_It's gotta be the way that you taste (you taste (x3)_

The smile only grew on Yuri’s face when it was time for his guitar solo, the crowd loosing their minds over it while Yuri’s fingers danced across the fret like it was exactly what they were meant to do, like every move was as though he was speaking in a language only he truly understood, the sound coming across with complexity and dimension, passion and fire, it was mind blowing and enticing in a way that only truly good music was.

Otabek could never grow bored of watching Yuri standing on stage performing all those songs he worked so hard on, poured his blood, sweat and tears into them making them the best versions they could do, polishing them until they fit his definition of perfection. Yuri was a true artist, it was easy to see in the way he played the crowd, the way he carried himself on stage, and the way he performed, his body radiating confidence and his own personal shade of grace and wildness, a taste of freedom and a touch of something dark and dangerous.

With an anticipation colored smile Yuri announced the next song, another one that would be on his next album, brand new and never heard by anyone before, expect for all the people involved in its recording. ‘[Amsterdam](https://youtu.be/X2zcG3bcuMI?t=27s)’ was about dependence in form of alcohol and screens, viewing the way through certain lenses that distort the world around us while making us believe that we need them even though we don’t, but also about people who pretend to be your friend until things get tough and suddenly they’re all gone. Even though the sound dealt with heavier topics it was fast and danceable as for Yuri’s music, a perfect piece for Yuri, and his audience, to go crazy and let loose, Yuri’s hair flying all around him as he jumped and sang with so much passion and radiating satisfaction and happiness.

_People don't know much_

_Need a whiskey crush_

_To think of something new_

_Hey you watching me_

_Lookin' through a screen_

_I'm here in front of you_

At some point a few songs into the set Yuuri excused himself to go to the bathroom but Otabek barely paid any attention to it. How could he when Yuri was delivering honestly one of his best performances Otabek had ever seen? People came and went yet Otabek paid no attention to them, the lounge filled with voices and conversations, laughter and ringing phones, the sound from the stage growing louder for a few second whenever someone opened to door to enter or leave, yet all of it was nothing more than white noise to him, barely there at the back of his conscious.

A voice suddenly spoke up next to him just as the next title card showed up with the title of the next song. “So you’re the guy that took pity on kitten, huh? ‘Killing Loneliness’, well, he’s certainly always had a hang for dramatics.”

“Excuse me?” Otabek asked with a frown while pulling out the ear bud somehow convinced he must’ve understood the person incorrectly. He turned around enough to look at the stranger who decided this moment was the right one to talk to him as though he couldn’t see that Otabek was otherwise occupied.

"Just so you'll actually get something out of it and not waste your time,” the stranger continued paying no mind to Otabek’s confusion and rather looking ever so lightly amused even, “here's a little tip: he's a total submissive if you come on strong enough. His little fearful pleas, whimpers and whines are delicious. He acts like it's not true but he loves being manhandled, the rougher the better, bonus points if you make him cry, it's a beautiful sight."

With one quick fluid motion Otabek put the iPad down onto the chair Yuur had used just minutes ago and stood up to face the stranger more properly. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" Otabek was livid. He had no idea who this asshole was, and really he didn't care, but he certainly wouldn't allow him to go and talk about Yuri like that, even if the stranger was even taller than Yuri himself.

"Jason Harom, performing as special guest with Deadpau5," he stranger said and Otabek's jaw nearly hit the ground. _Kitten_ , of course. This wasn't just some random stranger making up stories like the press or some random fan, no it was way worse than that. This was the guy that quite literally shattered Yuri. All the things he said, things that sounded most certainly not like both parties enjoyed them, were those the kinds of things he'd done to Yuri regardless if Yuri liked them or not? Was this the extent of what Yuri meant when he thanked Otabek for not making him his 'bottom bitch on booty call whenever he wanted to'?

Before this moment Otabek hated this guy, definitely, but now that he stood in front of him, could put a face to his feelings, slowly hate changed into a kind of thing he'd never felt about another human before.

"I wonder what he did with the cash I left for him," Jason continued nonchalantly, seemingly oblivious to the expression of unfiltered fury taking over Otabek's face, "I actually planned on just leaving like twenty or something, but the fifty was the only thing in my wallet. Doesn't matter. At least it wasn't a hundred, cause that much he really wasn't worth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....Jason happened... I dearly hope no one saw that one coming, even those people that knew SOMETHING would happen in this chapter because I had to run my stupid mouth. Also I heard 'Amsterdam' on the radio earlier today and simply knew i HAD to give that song to Yuri, it's amazing and I love it.
> 
> There are probably 2, MAYBE 3, more chapters to go until we'll reach the end. I'm already sad because it'll be awful to say goodbye to this AU, though like I mentioned on tumblr, I MIGHT write some extra stuff, like small glimpses into the Unsteady world, later on but I'm no sure yet. Anyway, who wants to take a wild guess at what might happen next? :3
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure if this counts as something that would need a trigger warning but I thought I'd still mention it anyway: implied/vague hints toward and discussion about some form of domestic abuse/violence.
> 
> Also before we get started with this chapter, I just wanted to say thank all of you lovely people leaving comments, kudos and/or just reading this story and enjoying it. I've been getting so many nice comments about 'Unsteady' across all chapters and in messages and asks on tumblr, I still can't really believe it. It truly means the world to me so thank you so much! :3

There were only few places and moments during which Yuri felt as alive as he did whenever he stepped onto a stage. He could feel like shit, half dead all day, yet standing on a stage he always felt like he was alive and could breathe again, even if only for a little while. The Rock am Ring crowd was loud, happy, energetic and enthusiastic in ways that only few crowds were, festivalgoers withstanding weather conditions of all types and were willing to camp out sleeping on the ground just to see their favorites on this very stage. Yuri could feel them, their screams making his heart beat faster, harder, the smile on his face growing despite his best efforts to put on his stage mask, the persona of the wild rock star from Russia.

Putting on the last tour’s promo costume again for one final time felt amazing like album #3 just come out yesterday. But, despite that, standing on that stage still felt like a new beginning and in a way it was. Past Yuri Plisetsky was no more, the sad fuck ripped into pieces by regrets and loneliness. This was the new Yuri Plisetsky, happier, brighter and more creative than ever before. It was insane how much of a difference a year could make, how big of a difference a single person could make, the change gradual but unmistakable, stark and sometimes overwhelming to a point where Yuri woke up in the middle of the night with his heart beating impossibly fast and having to reassure himself that it was all real, that all of it really happened and that it wasn't just some elaborate alcohol induced dream.

He wasn’t alone anymore, he wasn’t stuck anymore, and he felt hopeful again, looking toward the future with positivity on his mind, new chances and possibilities waiting for him, for them, the goal so close Yuri could practically taste it.

As ‘Killing Loneliness’ came to a close, Yuri turned toward his guest musicians and raised his hand to signal for them to pause for a moment while Yuri waited for one of the staff to come on stage and hand him his electro-acoustic guitar. With it Yuri turned back toward the crowd, their anticipation colored faces looking back at him curious what track would come next.

“This is a new track and I hope you’ll like it,” Yuri said with a smile, small and more for himself than the crowd, his eyes seeking out the cameras streaming all of this online, his mind and heart hoping Otabek really was watching like he said he would.

Closing his eyes Yuri began to strum the cords, the sound of his guitar filling their air followed by his voice, a stark contrast to the previous song, and most of the set so far. Ever since Otabek played ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’ during his MTV Unplugged gig, Yuri wanted to write some sort of answer to it. Although Yuri was aware that sappy, romantic and honest in this context wouldn’t fit into his image, his brand and his music in any sort of way, he’d concluded one night that he didn’t care. This wasn’t an album song, at least not the normal version, maybe a deluxe one, he wasn’t sure yet, and was rather written specifically to express his feelings in the language he knew best.

[ _Your love is bright as ever_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L-Rwxoc2jU)

[ _Even in the shadows_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L-Rwxoc2jU)

_Baby kiss me_

_Before they turn the lights out_

_Your heart is glowing_

_And I’m crashing into you_

_Baby kiss me_

_Before they turn the lights out_

Going for melancholy and pleas in the vain of ‘Train Wreck’ would’ve been more the thing everyone would expect from him, but this song was a declaration of love and devotion, wanting to be together forever until ‘lights out’, just like Otabek had said in his own song. The song largely played with darkness and light, the former representing the unknown, the future, the latter representing knowing that their love was stronger than uncertainties and whatever problems might get thrown in their way, or at least so Yuri hoped.

_In the darkest night hour (in the darkest night hour)_

_Search through the crowd (search through the crowd)_

_Your face is all that I see_

_I've given you everything_

_Baby, love me lights out_

_Baby, love me lights out_

_(XO)You can turn my lights out_

Despite how different the song was, Yuri was pleased to see that the crowd still seemed to love it, seemed into it just as much as into all of Yuri’s other songs, and he dearly hoped Otabek truly was watching the stream, listened to the song, recognized it for what it truly was and that he liked it, too, just as much as Yuri liked ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’.

The irony of ‘[Hostage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k56FwaCRZ8E)’ being next on his set list definitely wasn’t lost on Yuri, especially since he was the one who put it there in the first place, but he needed a song that would contrast with ‘XO’ in more than one way and this one was perfect. In a way both songs shared a common theme, love and relationships, though while the first one was more about not wanting to loose what you have and wanting to cherish it, not being afraid to express how much it meant to you and how deep your love was running, ‘Hostage’ was about warping yourself into whatever it is that’ll make your partner happy, even if it isn’t who you really are, and ending up making you feel like you’re being held hostage by this person, this relationship.

Day and night, Otabek and Jason.

_I just want to give myself to it_

_I'll come when you call me a little bitch_

_It gets me when you whisper it_

_I want you to be happy_

_Sometimes I feel like a hostage_

_When I'm in the dark_

_Sometimes I feel like a hostage_

_Point it at my heart_

Handing his guitar back to the staff Yuri wandered across the stage with his microphone in hand singing those brand new lyrics, gauging the crowds reaction to it, the style different than his previous work but still unmistakably him. During the hushed parts Yuri closed his eyes and smiled ever so slightly, sweetly, before going wild on the next harsher parts, the passages in the song all contrasting yet fitting together.

_The day and the night don't separate_

_This ache for you starts to dominate_

_I'm finding it hard to concentrate_

_I want you to be happy_

_I wait for you like a prisoner_

Just as the song came to a close the black curtain behind his musicians was removed and two lines of words written in bold white lettering were uncovered – ‘Metempsychosis’ August 201X.

It definitely wasn’t the most creative way to announce his new album, wasn’t flashy or special, didn’t involve his fans in any way, no hashtag that could trend on twitter, no post to be reblogged on tumblr, no facebook post to be shared and no Instagram picture to be liked and commented on. It was simple, wordless, going with barely any acknowledgement from Yuri who instead just slipped into the next song, ‘[It’s Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sENM2wA_FTg)’, a song from his first album, a throwback feeling appropriate while the next chapter of his career was on display behind him.

Choosing that song had come with another set of irony, the lyrics something he’d written quite some time before he even signed his first contract, words written at a low point in his life when he thought he stood no actual chance at make it yet now he stood on that stage at Rock am Ring announcing his fourth album celebrating his success reaching new heights he used to think were eternally out of his reach.

He used to be just some lowlife boy from Russia but now he was an international superstar.

Everything about the gig went even better than Yuri thought it would. The crowd had eaten up the new tracks with loud screams and love, the reveal went fluidly and Yuri couldn't be happier. No, that was a lie, he could be just that little bit happier if Otabek were there with him. Yuri hoped his gig went well. According to what he read on Twitter, seen scrolling through the official hashtag, he'd done brilliantly so nothing could possibly stand between Otabek and Tomorrowland's main stage. Yuri couldn't wait to call Otabek to ask him about it, to ask him if he'd watched his set, to simply talk because Yuri missed him.

But the second Yuri began to walk off the stage, his eyes searching for Victor, he knew something wasn't right after all.

Normally Victor waited for him right at the edge of the stage just out of sight with a bottle of water and a towel yet he wasn't there, stood a few meters away with his phone glued to his ear. Victor’s tone didn't sound good and Yuri could feel his stomach sink. This wasn't good, everything about the scene in front of him sent off red flags. What was going on?

“Does he want to press charges?” Victor asked whoever was on the other end of the line causing Yuri’s frown to only deepen as he came closer. For once he was certain that he hadn’t messed up in any way, so who was considering pressing charges and for what? “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Thanks my love, I’ll call you once I figure something out.” _Yuuri_. Did something happen to Otabek?

“What the fuck is going on?” Yuri finally asked once Victor ended the call.

Instead of answering, or even as much as looking at Yuri, Victor spun around and made a beeline right toward Chris standing a few meters away from them. “Didn’t I fucking tell you to keep an eye on that bastard?”

“What? Who?” Chris asked, confused, more or less just as much as Yuri felt. This was not how this evening was supposed to go and Yuri didn’t like any of it.

“ _Jason_ ,” Victor all but spat out the name while Yuri felt his heart drop.

“He isn’t here,” Chris said after a moment, catching up with at least part of what was going on. And why the fuck did it matter where the asshole was and how the fuck would Chris even know it? And why the fuck would he consider pressing charges? “I kept track of him just like I’ve been doing for years. He definitely isn’t here, even if I know he’s somewhere in Germany.” _Chris is keeping tabs on Jason’s location? What?_

“Bravo, very true, but do you know where exactly in Germany he is?” Victor asked, his tone turning cold, his eyes practically staring daggers at Chris. _Oh no_ , Yuri thought as a bad feeling slithered up his neck. This was bad, very bad, Yuri knew as much even if he still didn’t have a single clue what was actually happening.

Yuri could almost see the moment when the metaphorical coin dropped in Chris’ mind and he understood where the problem was, at least kind of, his eyes turning just a little wider. “Frankfurt,” he said, quietly. “World Club Dome.”

“Remember where Yuuri and Otabek are?” Time seemed to slow down around them and Yuri felt like he was watching a train accident happening right in front of his eyes. “Exactly. They are at the very fucking same location. I have no clue why Jason is there, and I seriously don’t care, what I do care about through is the fact that you didn’t tell me about this so I could warn Yuuri so he would keep an eye out so that asshole couldn’t try shit to ruin our fucking work.”

“Victor, honestly, you have to calm down,” Chris tried, his words something that was surely supposed to sound calming but didn’t really do it at all. Victor all but laughed, a cold kind of laugh Yuri hadn’t heard from him in years and it did nothing to calm his own nerves, if anything that laugh made everything so much worse.

“I would love to calm down, believe me, there is nothing I would rather do, but excuse me if that is a bit hard to do when Yuuri calls me sounding distressed from the _security office_ of the Commerzbank Arena because apparently Jason decided to do what Jason does fucking best, ruin everybody’s fucking lives, by saying something outrageously stupid and provoking enough to get fucking punched in the face.”

“ _What_?” Yuri blunted out way louder and more shocked sounding than he planned for it. Immediately Victor and Chris turned around toward him, blinking at him as though neither had been aware that Yuri was right there next to them. “Let me get this straight, Beka punched Jason is the face and now Jason dares thinking about pressing charges?” This could seriously not be happening. This was possibly the worst fucking time in history for this to happen.

 _Fuck_. If the press would get wind of this—whom was he kidding, someone definitely saw that happening and everybody on social media was probably already aware of it to some degree—this could cost Otabek way more than it was worth it. What if it would ultimately cost his Tomorrowland invitation?

Yuri wanted to scream, sit down and cry, punch someone in the guts and set something, possibly himself, on fire all at once. Even if Otabek was the one who threw the punch, Yuri knew this was his fault. If not for Jason, none of this would be happening, and Jason being a career-ruining dick was most certainly Yuri’s fault since Jason wouldn’t otherwise have any sort of reason to talk to Otabek. He shouldn’t have let Otabek go on his own, should’ve pulled a diva move to force Rock am Ring to push his gig to a different time slot or day, but he hadn’t. All he’d done was assure Otabek that everything would be okay, even given him his fucking lucky ring hoping it would help him like it did in Toronto. Instead of bringing luck it had certainly done the exact fucking opposite.

Everything Yuri wanted was to help Otabek get to Tomorrowland, build the career he so rightfully deserved, yet now he was responsible for Otabek’s possible downfall before he could even reach his goal. Everything Otabek worked so hard for over the last year depended on what Jason would decide, how much he wanted to blow this out of proportion just to get back at Yuri somehow, to torture him even more as though he hadn’t fucked him enough just yet.

“I swear to god I will kill him,” Yuri said feeling like he would actually be able to murder him in cold blood if Jason were to stand in front of him right now. Fuck his career, fuck how much it internally scared Yuri to even as much as think about ever seeing him again, and fuck going straight to jail, this was major bullshit and Jason deserved way more than just being punched in the face. Yuri didn’t even want to know what Jason said to get Otabek, of all people, the calmed and most peaceful human being Yuri had ever encountered in his entire life, angry enough to use actual violence.

Not saying any more, though still looking royally pissed, Victor led them through the backstage area and toward their SUV. Quietly they slipped inside, Chris handing over the right papers to the security guards and then heading toward their hotel. At some point Victor started to spit something toward Chris in rapid fire French that Yuri didn’t understand besides the occasional name thrown into the mix, but the tone of voice Victor used told Yuri everything he needed to know, really.

The drive to the hotel didn’t take too long and soon they were in the elevator up to their rooms, Yuri bursting into his with the door hitting the wall with a loud bang before he threw it closed behind him. In no time he stripped off his clothes and took the worlds quickest shower wanting to get rid of the stage smell just enough before drying his body and pulling out a different set of clothes, black leggings, a dark gray shirt and a black sleeveless jacket type thing that almost reached until the backs of his knees in the back.

With no regard to his clothes he threw all of them back into his small suitcase, ripped his charger out of the wall and threw it in there, too. Once he was done Yuri stormed out of his room and took the elevator down to the lobby to wait for Chris and Victor. Chris was the first one to show up nodding toward Yuri and then the exit but otherwise remaining perfectly quiet. Together they walked outside to the SUV, put their stuff into the trunk and listened as Victor emerged from the hotel barking something into his phone in Russian.

The air inside the car seemed way too thick as they left the parking lot and started their way toward Frankfurt, the fact that it would take two hours annoying Yuri to no end, that amount of time being way too much for his liking. Victor continued his conversation throwing around jargon that pointed Yuri toward the assumption that he was talking to Lilia. As much as Yuri wanted to listen, to try and piece something together out of what Victor was saying, he couldn’t get himself to do it. Instead he waited patiently, much more patiently than probably ever before when it came to Victor, until he ended his call and put his phone down.

“Would one of you assholes have the fucking decency to explain what the fuck is actually going on?” Yuri finally barked, neither of them as much as flinching at his volume or the harsh tone of his words.

“What exactly would you like to know, Yuri?” Victor asked calmly.

“How about you fucking start with why Chris knows where Jason is right now and all that bullshit?”

Yuri watched as Victor and Chris exchanged a quick look as though evaluating if they wanted to tell Yuri anything or not, or how much they could or should say. Yuri wanted to yell at both of them the longer either waited with speaking up and answering his question. They were his employees, they weren’t supposed to keep shit like this from him, weren’t supposed to keep anything from him, especially if it concerned him in any sort of fucking way.

“For the past few years I’ve asked Chris to keep an eye on Jason and his location,” Victor finally said turning around to look back at Yuri from the front seat.

“That much I understood, asshole, but why?”

“We knew that Jason weaseled his way into the industry so by keeping an eye on him we hoped to avoid you having to ever see him again, avoid you ever running into him at a festival or gig or event,” Victor elaborated while Yuri just sat there and listened, looked at his face refusing to pay attention to how any of Victor’s words made him feel. “Two years ago during the EMAs, Jason was there, too, so Chris, Yuuri and I did virtually anything in our power to keep you as far away from him as possible and it worked, didn’t it? You didn’t see him or anything, right?” Yuri nodded reluctantly.

He’d wondered why everyone seemed so on edge that night, didn’t really buy their explanation of being excited for him for even a second, but once he was called on stage to pick up his award he’d forgotten all about it. Yuri didn’t even want to imagine how much of a mess he would’ve been if he’d seen Jason that night.

In a way Yuri felt strangely touched by their efforts, the fact that they were looking out for him to this extent, tracking a person and where he would be so Yuri would never have to see him again. They’d seen what Jason had done, had witnessed the aftermath from front row seats and they genuinely cared enough about Yuri to try their hardest to never let Jason get close to him again.

Yuri wanted to thank them but he lacked the words to do so.

“Besides after you told us off when we asked if we should take care of him after he disappeared, I thought it’d be good to keep track of him in case you’d change your mind after all,” Chris added without taking his eyes off of the road ahead of them. “I still don’t quite understand why you told us off back then.”

“Believe me, right now I’m wondering the same thing,” Yuri said and slouched a little in his seat. “So what did Beka and Yuuri say exactly? What happened? What did he do?”

“According to what Yuuri told me, Jason approached Otabek while Yuuri wasn’t there and said something stupid in true Jason fashion that got Otabek angry enough to punch Jason in the face. Someone called security and they led them all away to figure out what happened and what to do next.”

“I’m really sorry, Yuri,” Chris said and Yuri could actually hear remorse coloring his voice. “I should’ve paid better attention but I was so used to only looking out for places where you would be, checking if he was somewhere near Otabek didn’t even occur to me. I’m really sorry for failing.”

Yuri had no idea what to say in response to that, especially because no amount of Chris apologizing would change any of it. Saying ‘it’s okay’ or any of that shit wouldn’t do anything either so Yuri decided to not comment on it at all. “Did you call Lilia so she can take care of this?” he asked Victor instead.

“Already did,” Victor said with a nod while Yuri felt a bit like an idiot. He heard Victor talk to her before this conversation started, but who could blame him for being all over the place right about fucking now? “She’s looking into the German laws for this and then getting into contact with Jason’s lawyer to see what she can do. If anyone can get Otabek out of this without charges or further consequences, it’s definitely Lilia.”

Although Yuri knew that they could trust Lilia, that she was basically the Victor Nikiforov of law and everything, Yuri still couldn’t help but worry. He didn’t worry that Jason might press charges and they’d make Otabek pay some sum of money or whatever, that could easily be handled. No, Yuri worried what effect this would have on Tomorrowland and Otabek’s career in general.

_Fuck._

Silence took over the car then, Chris focusing on getting them to Frankfurt as quickly as possible while Victor returned his attention to his phone. At first Yuri just sat there and stared out of the window next to him, watched the occasional car drive past them, but soon felt his mind wander off in all the wrong directions. He needed a distraction, something, anything, to occupy him.

Following a strange sense of curiosity, Yuri pulled up safari on his phone, took a deep breath and typed in Otabek’s name. After a moment pages upon pages of results showed up, the first results being a bunch of newly posted articles with pictures and vague details on what happened in Frankfurt, about Otabek and Jason having some sort of fight according to one source, another claimed that Otabek just punched Jason for no reason, a third one said they heard Jason say some nasty things that made Otabek’s reaction understandable, though no further details were given.

Despite his better judgment Yuri clicked on one of the pictures, his breath getting stuck in his throat once it loaded showing Otabek standing in front of Jason with so much anger between his brows, Yuri had never seen anything like it before. But seeing Jason was far worse than Otabek’s expression, his face so familiar yet so foreign, like a knife being plunged right between Yuri’s ribs once again, his past and present in one picture.

Jason’s expression was cocky, a sly smile pulling up one corner of his mouth and his eyes clearly amused like the bastard actually enjoyed whatever he was saying and seeing Otabek’s reaction. Just looking at that Yuri wondered how he could’ve ever thought of Jason the way he had, how he could have been blind enough not to notice all the things that pointed toward ‘stay the fuck away from that asshole’, how he could’ve ever thought the guy actually loved him.

Taking another calming breath Yuri tried to force those thoughts out of his mind and focus on the task at hand. Quickly he closed the tab and went back to Google typing in Jason’s name instead. Chris and Victor said they didn’t know why Jason was at World Club Dome though Yuuri mentioned that Jason said he was there because of Deadmau5, maybe Yuri could find out something about that, any kind of dirt, something they could use to fuck Jason over so he wouldn’t be able to get Otabek into even more trouble.

“Victor,” Yuri said a couple of minutes later, “do you think I’d help our case that Jason wasn’t actually supposed to be there today?”

“What do you mean?” Victor asked and turned around toward him, his brows pulled together in confusion.

“Yuuri said Jason was there because of Deadmau5, right?” Victor nodded slowly. “But Deadmau5 wasn’t playing today, or even tomorrow, so really there was no real reason for Jason to be there.”

“I’m going to call Lilia,” Victor said curtly and held his phone to his ear a moment later.

Soon Victor talking in quick Russian filled the car while Yuri went back to his Google search results circling back to all of those articles and the pictures that came along with them, the vague descriptions, shitty clickbait titles and crazy theories. As much as Yuri wanted to feel somewhat amused by how ridiculous some of those articles or tumblr posts were, he couldn’t get himself to feel that way. Instead he simply felt…what did he even feel? Yuri had no idea.

At first he’d felt shocked, then guilt followed by anger and now? He didn’t really know. Thinking and reading about Jason made his stomach feel queasy and his mind swim, seeing him in those pictures with Otabek, that disgusting expression on Jason’s face and the still unanswered question of what Jason had said to him, the anger on Otabek’s face.

Yuri almost dropped his phone when it suddenly vibrated with an incoming text message.

**JJ: Otabek isn't answering any of our texts so I guess what the press says is true. Is it?**

**Me: Yes.**

**JJ: Who's the guy he decked?**

**Me: A ghost from my past.**

**JJ: The press says he's an ex. Bad one, eh?**

**Me: You could say that.**

**JJ: I'm sorry. What'll happen next? Will this have an effect on Tomorrowland and his career in general?**

**Me: We're working on it.**

**JJ: Remember what I told you last year?**

**Me: You'll end me if I hurt him.**

**JJ: My word still stands. If /your/ mess fucks up his career, I swear to god, Plisetsky.**

**Me: I'd sooner sacrifice mine than allow that asshole to sabotage his, don't you worry about that. I protect those I love.**

**JJ: Good, that's all I wanted to hear. You mean a lot to him, you know? I've known him most of my life and I've never seen him like this with another person, never heard him speak of another person the way he does about you.**

**Me: The feeling is very much mutual, Leroy, so don't worry. I'll be damned if I won't manage to fix this, fuck I'll personally fly out to Canada so you'll be able to end me if I don't.**

**JJ: I wonder what that asshole did to end up on the receiving end of Otabek's anger. Getting him angry, that really takes quite the effort.**

**Me: I almost don't want to know.**

**JJ: I'm sorry.**

**Me: What for? None of this is your fault or anything.**

**JJ: No, but still I'm sorry the asshole hurt you and is now coming back to haunt you.**

**Me: I'd rather not dwell on the past and instead think of the future, ideally with Beka being part of it.**

**JJ: I'm sure he doesn't put any blame on you for this.**

**Me: Doesn't change the fact that all of it is my fault and I feel terrible.**

**Me: Whatever, I won't bother you with my shit. I'll find a way to fix this and let you and Leo know once I'll know more.**

**JJ: Thanks, Yuri.**

As much as Yuri tried to keep the memories out of his mind, keep them locked away in a place so far away in the back of his brain he hoped they somehow disappeared over time, they still crawled back toward him rearing their ugly heads. Flashes of moments long gone and past rushed through his mind, in front of his inner eye like pictures or short snippets of movie scenes, his heart beating so hard in his chest it literally hurt. Yuri had fought so hard to move on, to override all the horrible things from years ago with new and happy memories yet here they were, scenes of nights and days he'd rather forget with a man he wished he'd never met.

Looking back at all of it, Yuri had no idea how he could've ever thought Jason actually loved him when all he ever did, once he won his trust, was deliver him reasons to flee, to end their relationship or whatever it was. But Yuri knew, now years later, that he'd been desperate and naive, gave in to the illusion unable to see the truth, Jason’s true ugly side even despite all the pain, physical and emotional, which was worse he didn't know.

Yuri couldn't do something like that again, be with someone like that, someone who would only hurt him, make him do things even when he didn't want to, punish him if he didn't follow. But Otabek wasn't Jason, wasn't like him. Otabek was everything Jason never was and never could be. Otabek wouldn't do this to him, right? Yuri never thought Otabek was aggressive, had never seen him as much as get angry in any way, not even rode rage or alike, but he'd still gone and beat the shit out of Jason with anger written across his face in a way Yuri had never seen before, the expression somehow scaring him even though he’d only seen it in a picture and it wasn’t even directed at him. He'd acted in Yuri's defense, Yuri knew as much, Yuuri had told Victor just that, told him everything Otabek said about the incident though Victor refused to tell Yuri what Jason had said exactly.

It was true, Yuri liked it a little harder sometimes, liked to have his back scratched and marked with red lines, but there was a difference between the way Otabek did it for him, rough but still always cautious and controlled making sure he didn't go too far, and the way Jason had treated him with no caution and no care toward Yuri's state of mind or if he liked any of it. Jason was a sadist, a fucking monster, while Otabek was a lover, gentle and careful, loving and wonderful in every way, perfect, like him and Yuri had been made for each other fitting together like two pieces of the same puzzle.

No, Otabek wasn't Jason, he wouldn't force him into submission, disregard his pleas and tears, take pleasure from Yuri's pain, it wasn't possible. Otabek could never, in all the time they'd spent together as friends and then lovers Otabek had never done anything Yuri didn't want, always made sure he was okay with everything they did. Otabek was different, fuck, he had to be. Yuri couldn't do this a second time.

**Me: I do have one more question.**

**JJ: What is it?**

**Me: He isn't the aggressive type, is he? I've never seen him angry but I don't know what I'd do if...**

**JJ: He's the least aggressive person I've ever met. In all the years I've known him I've only seen him get truly angry once, and only punch someone once as well. Both times were justified, I can promise you that. He'd sooner hurt himself than express any aggression or violence toward someone he cares about. I don't know what that asshole did to you, but I can swear on my own life that Altin would never do something like that to you, or anyone.**

**JJ: If he hit that asshole, he must've said something truly awful otherwise Otabek wouldn't have chosen to let aggression rule him.**

**Me: I never wanted him to get in trouble because of me. All I ever wanted was for him to be able to chase his dreams and be the helping hand in reaching it.**

**JJ: We all know that. You have no reason to feel guilty, Plisetsky, it's not your fault though from what I heard about you, you won't believe me, will you?**

**Me: I'll let you know should I find out more.**

Fuck, why couldn't Otabek just let it be?

Years ago when Victor and Chris told Yuri they found Jason and were willing to punish him for what he'd done, Yuri said no. Now, if Otabek would've asked him just like they had, Yuri would say no once more. Regardless of what Jason said, regardless of how vile it must've been, he was a piece of shit, nothing but a parasite not worth Otabek getting into trouble, possibly facing charges and losing everything he worked so fucking hard for. Yuri wasn't worth all of it, and Jason getting punched in the face wasn't worth it either.

As much as Yuri felt oddly touched by Otabek's willingness to defend him, to show the man who hurt Yuri what he deserved, Yuri knew it wasn't the right thing to do, the stakes way too high for Otabek. Tomorrowland was at stake for fucks sake and Yuri didn't want Otabek to lose that because of him, because of a piece of trash like Jason. Yes he'd hurt Yuri, more than Yuri was willing to admit any day of the week, to himself or another person, but seeing Otabek possibly punished because of Yuri's past, it hurt even more.

How sick and fucked up was it then that Yuri still wanted to kiss Otabek for doing what Yuri never got the chance nor bravery and strength to do?

 

* * *

 

By the time they finally took the exit off the highway into Frankfurt Yuri was highly annoyed, on top of everything else he felt. Of course some complete fucking idiot had to cause an accident that ended with the police having to close half the fucking highway turning everything into a giant mess and their two hour drive into nearly three instead.

At some point Yuri received an email from Lilia containing details about what happened so far and what the next steps would be. According to Lilia, who’d gotten into contact with Jason’s lawyer, Jason was hell-bent on pressing charges no matter the cost but, after Victor let Lilia know that Jason wasn’t supposed to be there today at all, Lilia had seen her chance. According to the email she threatened to press charges against Jason for stalking and defamation—the later being for whatever it was that Jason said to Otabek about Yuri, no matter if it was true or not—should Jason not change his mind.

Yuri knew Lilia was good, but this was genius. There was no way in hell even someone as fucking stupid as Jason would be willing to try and go against Lilia, especially knowing Yuri and his money stood behind all of it. Unlike Jason, Yuri could very much afford fighting that asshole over this without any sort of mercy.

It took them another twenty minutes from the highway to the police station to which Otabek and Jason had been moved once the Commerzbank Arena was closing and they obviously couldn’t stay there all night. According to Lilia’s email Otabek and Jason had been separated into different interview rooms and were now waiting for them to arrive and for their lawyers to come to some kind of agreement.

Silently Yuri stood and watched as Victor and Chris approached the front desk and Chris talked to the person behind it in quick German Yuri wasn’t able to understand anyway. After a few more seconds an officer appeared and waved them over to follow her. Yuri had never been inside a police station before and somehow it was far more underwhelming than what he’d imagined or seen in TV shows, the only sounds quiet conversations and the occasional ringing phone, most hallways empty and seemingly dead, the doors all closed, most signs in German, though some also in English.

Yuri didn’t realize how nervous and, no matter how much that realization angered him, scared he was until he felt Victor’s hand on his shoulder in a calming and reassuring gesture. Silently he turned his head just enough to look at Victor and the small smile on his face, his expression calm, way calmer than Yuri felt especially considering his hands were actually lightly trembling. He didn’t think the prospect of facing Jason again would have such an effect on him, would make his heart beat faster and heavier, not in excitement but terror.

Less than twenty hours ago it seemed like this would be another amazing day filled with some more traveling and gigs, happy crowds and a possible night call with Otabek to bridge the hours until they’d be together again. How the fuck had this day gone just this severely south on them? And why couldn’t it just end already? Yuri felt exhausted, mentally and physically, but this wasn’t the first time he had to simply push through and push all of that shit aside to focus on the task at hand. He’d learned that particular skill, ignoring discomfort and exhaustion, years ago during seemingly endless photo shootings in impossible poses during crazy hours of the night in unnecessarily extravagant locations. Why fashion designers were so fucking extra about their shit sometimes was a mystery to Yuri.

With another deep breath followed by a long sigh he smiled weakly at Victor and raised his hand to the doorknob in front of him, the metal cool against his palm.

When Yuri reached the point in Lilia’s email stating that Yuri was asked to talk to Jason, a move Jason’s lawyer saw fitting and as possible step toward avoiding any more trouble than they’d all gotten themselves into already, Yuri had no idea what to even think. His first reaction was rejecting the request quicker than any inquiry ever in his entire life because fuck no, no way in hell. His second reaction, after he thought of Otabek and Tomorrowland, was that no matter how much he despised the idea, he would still do it. They were at a fucking police station and there was no way for Jason to hurt him so Yuri had no reason to be afraid.

Despite all of it Yuri still hadn’t truly been prepared in any sort of way for the moment he pushed the door open and his eyes landed on Jason. The once familiar hazel eyes, the shaggy light brown hair and shadow of stubble, the faintest ghost of something that could resemble a smile in different light, his skin color seeming slightly off under the merciless bright fluorescent light, and the glorious black eye and shiner. A mixed flood of feelings crashed in over Yuri at the sight of that, the fact that Otabek was the one who was behind both.

Now definitely wasn’t the right time to deal with that emotional mess and figuring out how he felt about it.

“ _Kitten_ ,” that voice Yuri hadn’t heard in so long said from across the room, the single word feeling like barbed wire being pulled across his skin. Hearing JJ say it had been awful, hearing Jason say it was a billion times worse. “I knew you’d come to me. One hell of a boy toy you’ve gotten yourself, then again, you’ve always liked these kinds of things so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“What do you want?” Yuri asked instead of reacting in any sort of way to the bullshit coming out of Jason’s mouth. Even though Yuri knew the window to his right was a one-way mirror, that there were people—most likely Victor, Chris and some police officers—standing behind it making sure everything was all right, Yuri still wanted this moment to already be over, the feeling of safety leaving him the second he’d stepped through that door.

“That is a very good question, kitten,” Jason said and batted his eyes innocently, an act so blatant even a blind person would be able to figure it out, the tone of his voice seemingly harmless on the surface but Yuri knew better.

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“But you’ve always liked it so much when I called you my kitten.”

“You have no idea what I like or don’t like, asshole,” Yuri nearly hissed. The pet name was dead to him. “I’m going to ask one more fucking time, and if you won’t give me an answer, I will walk out of this room and make you regret it.”

Yuri felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room as he waited for Jason to say something, felt his skin crawl the longer Jason looked at him making Yuri want to add a second black eye to his collection knowing too well that he definitely couldn’t do that. Looking at him now Yuri had no idea what he’d ever seen in him, what it was about him that drew him in all those years ago, and even more he wondered what fucking madness drove him to stay every fucking time knowing it was a bad idea.

“I want to apologize,” Jason finally said and sat up a little straighter, his arms resting on the table in front of him like he was some kind of business man about to discuss a contract and not decide if he wanted to ruin another man’s career because of Yuri or not.

“You don’t even know what that means.”

“You wound me, kitten.”

“Good,” Yuri said, the single word spoken sharply, “you definitely deserve it.”

“Anyway, I’m sorry for getting your boy toy’s panties in a bunch,” Jason continued, his voice sounding honest in the most twisted way possible. Someone who didn’t know him would probably believe him but Yuri knew better. Years ago he might’ve believed him, but he wasn’t the person he used to be back then. No, he was stronger now, a completely new person, and he could definitely see through Jason’s bullshit. “But it’s not like I said anything that wasn’t true so I really don’t know what got him so mad. I actually told him useful things, gave him tips, nothing else.”

A part of Yuri wanted to know what exactly Jason had said, what kind of damage control he needed to prepare for and how much he could weasel his way out of having to tell Otabek that it was true, or if it was true at all or if it was just bullshit he made up. But another part of Yuri didn’t want to know any of it, didn’t want to be reminded of any of it, especially not if the reminder came from the source of all his pain and damage himself.

“I can only imagine what kind of ‘tips’ that might’ve been,” Yuri finally said and shook his head lightly.

“Come on, kitten, you cannot possibly think that badly about me,” Jason said, sweetly, “you used to love me after all.”

“As if you’d have any idea what love and loving another person even means.”

“I must’ve understood it well enough for you.” The truth in that statement stung more than Yuri thought it would.

Fuck, he used to be so damn easy and cheap, the thought and the memories coming along with it hitting him like a sledgehammer. Telling Otabek about all of it had been one of the hardest things he ever had to do because he’d been so afraid of how Otabek would react, so afraid that he wouldn’t want to be with someone like him after all, but despite Yuri’s more than shameful and regret colored past, Otabek stayed, loved him all the same. How he deserved him was still a mystery to him though he didn’t always feel like that anymore. Otabek reminded him, again and again, that he was deserving, that he was worthy, that he was more than enough, and normally Yuri believed him yet right then with Jason staring at him, it felt so hard to hold on to Otabek's words.

“Don’t look so sad, kitten,” Jason said pulling Yuri back out of his thoughts. “You look so pretty when you smile, it’s a shame to see you sad.  But what I would like to know is if you’ll accept my apology and drop that silly threat coming from your lawyer about stalking and defamation. Come on, you know that’s just stupid, besides, what I said to your boy toy can hardly be called defamation if it was all true.”

“To be quite honest with you, there is nothing I’d like to do more than to have my lawyer sue your ass so hard you’ll still feel it in your fucking grave for everything you’ve fucking done to me and the bullshit you are pulling right now as some twisted way to get back at me for who the fuck knows what, but you are not worth my time, or my lawyers,” Yuri said, his words cold, his face pulled into what the his fans used to refer to as his ‘resting bitch face’, his eyes staring right at Jason, unflinching and murderous.

“What have I done to you?” Jason asked sounding almost genuinely surprised making Yuri want to laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.

“Only you would ask that, think you’ve done nothing wrong,” Yuri said with a light huff. “I want you to sign this.” With quick steps Yuri walked closer to the table in front of Jason and placed the papers in front of him that the police officer had given him.

“What is this? Another silly NDA to make sure I won’t run to the press or something?”

“No, a restraining order so I will never have to see your fucking face again or breathe the same air as you,” Yuri hissed, his emotions getting the best of him again, his control slipping ever so slightly. The restraining order also included Otabek, making sure neither of them would ever have to face Jason again so something like tonight would never be repeated.

“You’re that afraid of me, kitten?” Jason asked sounding genuinely amused, like nothing about tonight truly fazed him in any way, like this really was just some game to him, a way to get under Yuri skin again for reasons he didn’t know and didn’t want to know. “That’s just cute. I’ve always treated you well and given you what you wanted so really I see no reason why I should sign this. Come on, kitten, you’re being childish here.”

Yuri closed his eyes for a moment trying to somehow keep himself under control as dread crawled up his body in response to the tone of voice Jason was using for the last sentence. Yuri was all too familiar with it, knew what him using it had meant years ago and it still made his heart sink and hurt so much time later.

“You have no idea what it means to treat another person well, to give them what they want so don’t pretend that you do.”

“And he does?”

“That is most certainly none of your fucking business, asshole,” Yuri spat. “He is a better man than you could ever be no matter how much you’d try, a better person and a better lover than your tiny brain would even be able to comprehend.”

“What makes you so certain that he isn’t just like me, especially now that he knows the truth about you, about who you truly are?” Yuri almost wanted to laugh at how convinced Jason sounded by his own words as though he truly believed that he knew Yuri in any sort of actual way, like he ever would’ve cared enough to as much as try to get to know the real him and not the version of Yuri he wanted him to be. "You've always been weak, kitten, and no matter how much you'll try to hide it, sooner or later he'll realize that just like I did. It's only a question of time until he'll realize how beautifully submissive and easy you are, how responsive to these sort of things you are and you'll find that he is just like me and that you haven't changed a single bit. If anything you should thank me for uncovering his true side, the one ready to hit another person, the aggressive and violent side, at least now you know what to expect. But I know you kitten, I'm sure this revelation thrills you, doesn't it?"

It was absurd, all of it, ever single word coming from Jason, the way he spoke as though he thought he actually knew Otabek. Jason had no idea what he was talking about. No matter how much Jason would try and manipulate Yuri, he knew better than to allow him to do that yet again. Yuri knew Otabek, knew that he was nothing like Jason. JJ said it too, that Otabek wasn't the violent type, something he'd proven time and time again across the past year. He was careful and gentle in ways Jason didn't even understand, always asked for permission and consent whenever he wanted to try something new, never did anything that caused Yuri discomfort or pain, stopped whenever Yuri as much as lightly flinched. Jason had never done any of it; instead he seemed to strive off of all of it, live for being the cause of it all.

Yuri used to think that what they had was love, that loving someone and being loved meant something like self-sacrifice, that it meant you had to accept these sort of things, that it was the price you had to pay for love. Now he knew better, knew what love actually meant and how it felt like to truly be loved by another person, to feel special and cherished. Otabek showed him how beautiful and wonderful love could actually be and he would sooner stab Jason with his phone or the pen lying on the table than allow him to twist his way into Yuri's mind and ruin all of the progress he'd made.

Time seemed to slow down the longer this hell forsaken conversation was taking, the more words spilled out of Jason's mouth, lies and bullshit of epic proportions. Yuri just wanted it to be over already, to be done with all of this and leave, go and see Otabek, deal with all of the emotional mess he so far tried his hardest to ignore. He needed a hug badly, soothing words spoken in that familiar accent and warm voice, feel his strong arms around him and his warmth against Yuri's skin.

He just wanted to be home already, to know that everything would be okay even if he knew that the true effect of this night wouldn't show until tomorrow or any of the following days. Once they'd leave the station, fly back home, they'd still have to wait and see what Tomrrowland would say, what effect Jason's bullshit would have on all of this though Yuri knew Victor would try his best to do the highest quality damage control imaginable to save the hard work they'd all put into this, the months of work Otabek had put into getting that damn invitation.

“Sign the fucking papers,” Yuri finally said instead of answering his question.

“What if we get invited to the same event? You cannot possibly think I’d be stupid enough to sign this.”

“Do you really think anyone, and I mean absolutely anyone, in our industry would choose you over me if they had to choose which of us to invite? You might think of yourself as some kind of genius, your fucking ego eating away every last of your bran cells, but you are no one and you will always be a no one. You thought you could become someone thanks to me, get rid of me by destroying me in the process to make it easier for you. Jokes on fucking you because your plan has failed,” Yuri said, his hands on the surface of the table as he lightly leaned forward toward Jason, calculated coldness and malice ringing in his voice, his eyes sharp and void of the fear Jason surely hoped to find. Yuri was done letting this asshole try and fuck him over again. “For the last time, sign those papers, drop the bullshit about pressing charges, and we will all walk out of this like it never happened. If you don’t, well, I hope you have a good lawyer and the money to pay him because I am not playing fucking games. You couldn’t destroy me so now you moved on and tried to destroy his career, but again, jokes on you because I will not let that happen.”

“Fuck I forgot how hot you are when you get angry,” Jason said and raised one eyebrow. “Fine, kitten, I’ll sign the fucking papers if it’ll make you sleep better at night. Besides, that boy toy of yours, maybe you truly deserve each other, he hits like a fucking pussy, weak and pathetic just like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of you demanded for Jason to pay for his actions and voila, dude got hit in the face. That was my plan all along, just so you know. Writing that conversation between him and Yuri, that certainly was something. Writing about 'XO' and how much Yuri hoped that Otabek would see it knowing too well that he stopped watching halfway through 'Killing Loneliness' and thus didn't, that kinda hurt, especially since Yuri doesn't know that. 
> 
> This chapter was actually supposed to contain some more stuff but I thought this was a good moment to end it since it was already 9.1k words. That means we might end up with 24 chapters instead of 23, maybe, I'm not quite sure yet.
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like last chapter, I'm still not sure if this counts but I'm putting it here anyway: implied/vague hints toward and discussion about some form of domestic abuse/violence.

_[If you love me, don't let go, woah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpckcYoNju0) _

_If you love me, don't let go_

_Hold, hold on, hold on to me_

_'Cause I'm a little unsteady, a little unsteady_

_Hold, hold on, hold on to me_

_'Cause I'm a little unsteady, a little unsteady_

 

* * *

 

Otabek had no idea what time it was or how much of it had passed. The police had taken away his phone and the interview room didn't have a clock, not that time really mattered right now. The only thing he could think about was the reason why he was there in the first place.

The second he felt Yuuri's arms wrap around him and pull him back and away from Jason, security had stormed the room to figure out what was going on. Once they'd been led away to the security office and the words started to fly across the room, Otabek knew that hitting Jason hadn't been the right thing to do. No, that was a lie to a certain degree. Jason deserved far worse and more than that for the things he said, the way he did, and the things he'd done to Yuri in the past, but doing it right there in a crowded and very public place, _that_ had been a mistake. But in that moment Otabek hadn't thought about the consequences his actions would have on basically everything. Not only would this very likely threaten his spot at Tomorrowland, kick off an avalanche of horrific press with people most likely marking him as violent and a bad person, but he had no doubt that it would also have some sort of effect on his relationship with Yuri.

At some point what seemed like hours later, Yuuri told him that Victor and Lilia would try and take care of the situation, that they were on their way to Frankfurt and Yuuri was certain that at the end everything would be okay. Otabek wished he could feel that certain too. Moments later they were led into police cars and driven to a police station, separated into different interview rooms and told to wait. The longer he did the more anxious he got.

Two police officers walked in asking questions and making Otabek recount what happened from his point of view so they could compare and contrast it with what Jason told them. It felt like he was saying all of it for the twentieth time already, reciting some kind of script making him feel only worse each time he had to talk about it, shame rising in the pit of his stomach each time he got to the moment in the story where he hit Jason in the face.

Somehow, despite everything, he felt some kind of sick satisfaction whenever he thought about the black eye Jason would be parading for a while, an outer unmistakable sign of just how much of an asshole he was, though Otabek didn’t doubt for a second that Jason surely presented himself as the victim in this situation. He seemed like the kind of guy. He probably also left out the vile things he said and the disgusting way in which he did it.

Once the officers gathered all the answers they wanted or needed they left again though Otabek didn’t stay alone for long. Yuuri came inside to tell him that Lilia had come up with some kind of possible solution to their problem and that Victor had approved of it, though Yuuri left out what exactly the solution was supposed to be. He certainly wouldn’t apologize to Jason that much he knew. Normally Otabek hated conflict and avoided it, hated anger and heated situations, but in this single case he didn’t see himself at fault, even if he was the one who threw the punch. Jason was the only one to blame, had been practically asking for it.

Otabek hoped that Yuri would understand that, that he wouldn’t hate him or possibly start being afraid of him because of what he did. He had no idea what he’d do if that were the case and dearly hoped that Yuri knew that he wasn’t the kind of person that would act like this on a daily, that he wasn’t violent in any sort of way, especially not toward someone he loved or was friends with. So far whenever they had some kind of problem they always managed to find a solution, communication never really being a problem between them, their shared trust and honesty a wonderful feature of their relationship already before they even got together in that sense. Hopefully Yuri would let him explain, would understand his reasoning for using violence and the fact that he regretted it, somewhat.

Yuuri left once more saying that the others would arrive soon and that he would let him know what would happen next as soon as Yuuri would know something, that surely Yuri would come by to see him first thing upon arrival. Despite how tired he was of waiting, Otabek sat back and thanked his mother silently for teaching him patience to unimaginable extents. It was a trait that had come in useful so many times across the years, a part of his personality that many people valued, something that surely worked wonders toward Yuri trusting him, the fact that Otabek gave him all the time and space he needed to open up and come to him instead of trying to coax everything out of him immediately. Yuri was way too important to him for that. Looking at everything Yuri had gone through Otabek knew that patience was key.

Sitting there Otabek thought about the things Jason said, wondered if they were true, if Jason was really sick enough to treat Yuri the way he hinted at doing. Looking at how amazing and vulnerable of a person Yuri was, at least around Otabek at the penthouse or anywhere else when it was just the two of them, Otabek couldn’t even imagine how fucked up of a human you had to be to treat him badly. Just the thought of being the reason behind Yuri crying or feeling pain made his heart ache and his blood boil at the thought of Jason thinking the exact opposite way, getting some kind of kick and satisfaction out of it. At some point, if he’d get the chance, he would ask Yuri about this, would make sure that nothing like that would ever happen to him again, that he would feel loved every hour of the day, valued and cherished, if, of course, Yuri would still want to have him that is.

Despite how long he’d sat around waiting, preparing himself for the moment Yuri would arrive, wondered what he could possibly say depending on what Yuri would say to him, whatever reaction he would get, any scenario he could make up in his mind, he still wasn’t even close to prepared for the moment when Yuri did finally walk in what felt like an eternity later.

Across the past year and a couple of months Otabek had seen Yuri in almost any imaginable emotional state there was starting at cold and detached, over calm and subtly smiling, blissed out and incredibly happy, furious beyond measures and even in pain that one time he fell down the stairs at night while he tried to avoid stepping onto Katya's paws as she snuck around his legs in the dark. But as the door opened and Yuri walked inside Otabek felt as though a hand wrapped around his heart in a steely grip and squeezed as hard as it could while the air was punched out of his lungs all at once. Immediately he got up from his chair and met him halfway, watched as Yuri closed the distance between them on unsteady legs and all but collapsed into his arms with a hushed, barely audible and understandable "Beka".

Yuri looked exhausted beyond anything he'd seen on him before, worn out and like he was on the verge of crying, his eyes glassy and somewhat empty, and underlined with dark and deep shadows. Although Otabek had seen him tired and exhausted plenty of times after gigs and very late nights at the studio as he worked on new songs and perfecting his new album loosing all track of time, he'd never seen Yuri look quite like this. In the cracks between his exhaustion Otabek swore he could see something that resembled a look of pure agony and a strange shade of pain mixed with calmness. It was hard to explain, even harder to understand and look at especially knowing that Otabek was part of the reason why Yuri looked like this.

"I'm so sorry," he began, his arms wrapping tighter around Yuri pulling him closer.

"No, please," Yuri nearly whined weakly, "not here, not now, _please_. I can't...take any more. We can talk when we get home."

As much as Otabek hated himself for the way Yuri sounded as he spoke, the way he pleaded for this to be over without quite saying it explicitly, a part of him felt an odd sense of relief because of the fact that Yuri still sought him out, still wanted to touch him, get comforted by him and still wanted to have him around, take him back home. Although he tried his hardest not to think about it, he'd feared that Yuri wouldn't do any of that, that he would banish him from his penthouse and strongly consider ending everything because of what Otabek had done. Not because Yuri cared about Jason but rather because he surely didn't approve of violence, feared it in a way. Looking at what Jason said, the fact that even Victor mentioned how some people showed unkindness toward Yuri through the use of violence in the past, Otabek could understand it and he regretted doing it even though he knew Jason more than fucking deserved that and so much more.

"Of course," he finally said finding his voice again, "when you'll be ready, let me know, _tigryenok_."

"Do you...," Yuri trailed off before he angled his head around just a little so his mouth was closer to Otabek's ear as though he didn't want anyone but him to hear his words, his breath hot against Otabek’s skin. "Do you...still love me?"

Otabek couldn't help but frown at the sheer absurdity of his question. If anything Otabek should be the one asking that question and not the other way around. What reason would he have to stop loving him?

"More than anything, Yura," he said and lightly kissed his cheek.

Following Chris’ lead they made their way through the police station, signed some kind of papers at the front desk and then exited the building. It was already many hours past midnight, the sky littered with weakly shining stars and a slither of silver, the city still loud and on the move despite the lateness of the hour, cars driving past quickly yet not enough to raise any of the officers attention for speeding. Not saying a word they filed into the SUV and began their way somewhere though Otabek wasn’t sure if they were going back to the hotel or straight to the airport, felt too tired to ask.

Not even a minute into the ride Otabek felt Yuri’s head against his shoulder. As he turned his head to look at him he found Yuri with his eyes closed, his breathing calm and even, asleep. Otabek almost felt cruel for waking him up once they arrived at the airport and had to move over into the plane. At least they didn’t have to go far, just through a quick TSA section and then a few meters toward Yuri’s parked jet, their flight attendant waiting for them with a smile looking somehow way more rested then Otabek felt was appropriate.

Just like in the car, Yuri curled up against Otabek and fell asleep even before the door was closed. With a smile Yuuri put a blanket over them and then returned to his seat next to Victor. As they took off and worked their way toward their final height, Otabek watched and listened without really listening as Victor and Yuuri led some kind of conversation in a mix of English and Japanese, their eyes flickering toward Otabek and Yuri every once in a while. Sometime later Victor switched to French as he spoke quietly to Chris, his tone calm yet with a taint of concern marking the edges, his expression mirroring more or less the same notion. Chris looked over at them before saying something to Victor making Otabek wonder what they were saying.

Finally his own exhaustion after everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours got to him and Otabek drifted into sleep, too. Incoherent dreams plagued him though not enough to wake him, a dance of shapeless shadows, sounds and voices, nothing of any significance or meaning leaving him feeling still kind of tired by the end of it.

Together they drove to the penthouse, Yuuri and Chris staying behind in the car while Victor accompanied Yuri and Otabek inside, took Yuri’s bags for him while Otabek carried his own and steadied Yuri with his other arm. Despite having slept through the entire almost eleven hour long flight Yuri immediately excused himself when they walked inside and went upstairs to catch some more sleep. Victor and Otabek exchanged a look that Yuri either didn’t notice or couldn’t be bothered enough to comment on before disappearing toward the stairs, the sound of him walking up the stairs echoing through the open space.

“Yuuri said Lilia figured out a way to fix things,” Otabek began once he was sure Yuri was definitely out of earshot, “but he didn’t tell me how exactly. So, how did you fix things, if you did, that is.” Otabek felt a little left out of the loop, the feeling only heightened by the fact that he was involved in all of it yet didn’t really know what actually happened outside of his interview room, what happened between the time Yuri, Victor and Chris arrived and the moment when Yuri came to him.

“You won’t like the answer,” Victor said honestly and then lightly sighed, “not that I liked it much, or Yuri for that matter. We did fix it, no charges, no further problems, it’s as though nothing ever happened, at least legally. What will happen with Tomorrowland and the press, that’s another shoe. I’ll try my best to do damage control once Tomorrowland will contact me, as they inevitably will, or I’ll make the first move, and I’ll try my best with dealing with the press mess.”

“I might not like it but I think I’d still like to know.” Otabek wasn’t sure if he really did, the fact that Victor specifically pointed out that Yuri didn’t like Lilia’s solution doing nothing to calm his worries. Of course he felt grateful for what they’d done for him to keep him out of legal trouble, but that didn’t mean he didn’t hate the fact that it’d come that far at all.

“Yuri talked to Jason,” Victor finally said and Otabek felt his stomach and heart sink violently, his knees suddenly feeling endlessly weak. That most certainly was the worst version of every possibility Otabek had imagined making him feel endlessly guiltier for dragging Yuri into this, for being responsible for Yuri having to face the one person he never should’ve had to face again. He was a horrible boyfriend, it was clear as day. “His lawyer suggested it to Lilia saying that it could help to get Jason to drop the threat of pressing charges against you. Despite the dread in Yuri’s eyes, and despite how much we thought it was a bad idea and wanted Lilia to try and think of a different way, he didn’t put up a fight, didn’t argue at all, just accepted it and done it.

“He’s much stronger now than he used to be, didn’t let Jason get under his skin again, and even managed to get him to sign a restraining order encompassing the both of you, of course. Yuri has come a long way thanks to you. A year and a half ago this would’ve gone down much differently, but thanks to you, the strength and faith in himself you instilled in him, he mastered his task excellently despite how obviously afraid he was before he walked inside.”

Otabek knew that Victor meant his words as reassuring and probably anything and everything it didn’t make him feel. Instead Otabek just felt his guilt burn with the force of a thousand suns and horrible in any imaginable way, his mind swimming, though at the same time Victor’s words, the information that Yuri talked to Jason, certainly explained the state Yuri was in, his look of exhaustion and agony, his pleading words.

With another smile and a squeeze of Otabek’s shoulder, Victor walked back to the elevator and disappeared leaving nothing but way too much quiet space around him. Katya came walking out of the living room greeting him with a loud meow. Otabek bent down and lightly petted her fur before she walked away, too, making her way upstairs to look for Yuri.

With his heart feeling heavy Otabek grabbed his stuff and followed her upstairs after taking off his shoes and leaving them behind near the entrance. Upstairs it somehow seemed even more quiet than downstairs, the bedroom door half closed with not a single noise coming from inside, something that felt incredibly strange especially considering that Katya surely already reached Yuri by now. Normally he could hear Yuri talk to her, coo at her in that particular voice he only used on her, but now there was nothing.

Otabek left his stuff in front of the guest bedroom closet and then walked over to the master bedroom. Inside he found Yuri hidden away on the bed, the covers pulled up high, his golden hair a mess spread across the pillows around him, Katya curled up near his feet as though watching over him to make sure he was okay. Judging by the way he looked and everything that happened Otabek wasn’t so sure about it.

Picking up the clothes Yuri had shed on his way to the bed and left forgotten across the floor, Otabek folded them over the chair standing next to his closet and then sighed heavily, his eyes lingering on Yuri’s sleeping form. He ached with a million apologies hanging heavy on his heart but now wasn’t the time for it. Yuri needed to rest and some space and Otabek was more than willing to respect that.

Feeling much too restless to try and catch some sleep himself, Otabek returned to the guest room to put away his clothes, gather the ones that needed to go into the laundry basket. Once that was done he dared to look at his phone, the unread messages from his friends and family. Quickly he typed a halfhearted response to his sisters assuring them that everything was okay, that sooner or later he would explain hoping that they would understand. Before he would be willing to talk about everything in detail with them he wanted to know where he stood with Yuri, make sure that they were okay or find out what he could do so they could be okay again, to not lose what they had.

Next he looked at the surprisingly small number of messages in their group chat directed at him. Scrolling up he quickly found out the reason for it, a short text from JJ to Leo that he’d talked to Yuri and that he would let them know what was happening. Otabek couldn’t believe that on top of everything Yuri even took the time to talk to JJ and assure him and Leo that he would find a way to fix things. Yuri shouldn’t have to, shouldn’t even have found himself in a situation where he needed to fix the mess Otabek had gotten himself into, though nonetheless he felt grateful for all of it more than he could coherently express. No one had ever done this much for him, fought the beginning stages of a possible legal battle for him.

Faced with everything Yuri had done for him, Otabek was speechless.

Once he ran out of messages to respond to, avoiding his twitter like it was the plague unwilling to deal with whatever his followers had to say about what happened, Otabek went to take a shower hoping to wash away some of the tension in his body, the tiredness and everything else from both his skin and his mind. He wasn’t really surprised to find that the shower hadn’t really done much of anything. Absentmindedly he went through the motions of drying his hair, for a moment considering to cut off some of it so he would have the same hairstyle he used to have at eighteen, but decided against it, at least for now.

Dressed in some loose pajama pants and a oversized shirt he walked downstairs to make some tea, his eyes glued to the gray Seattle sky as he waited for the water to boil. With two mugs in hand he walked back upstairs and into the bedroom placing both on the nightstand and then carefully sitting down on the side facing toward the window that somehow ended up being his. Katya raised her head and looked at him, a silent conversation seemingly happening between them until Katya got up and walked out of the room as though assured that she could leave Otabek alone with her human, that he would be okay without her watching over him right now.

As though sensing his presence somehow, Yuri stirred in his sleep, turned from one side onto the other, Yuri’s hand somehow finding his without Yuri having to open his eyes. Carefully Otabek reached out and pushed a strand of Yuri’s hair out of his face memorizing the way his skin felt against the tips of his fingers and Yuri’s hair against his skin as though it was the last time he would get to touch both. He would lie if he said that he didn’t fear it actually being that way.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri said, quietly, his words hushed enough that Otabek almost didn’t catch them.

“What?” Otabek asked, the safest question fitting with anything he might’ve actually said since Otabek had a hard time understanding why Yuri would be apologizing to him. He had absolutely no reason to do so.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Yuri said this time a little more coherently, his words still not making any sense at all. “I feel…guilty for all of it, for potentially being the reason your career is threatened right now, your spot at Tomorrowland and everything.”

“Yura, if anyone is at fault for all of it then it’s me and not you,” Otabek said in disbelief over the mere idea that Yuri was blaming him for any of this. “I feel awful for what I’ve done, for the fact that because of me you had to face Jason again. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must’ve been for you, how it must’ve made you feel. I’m so incredibly sorry, Yuri, I really am.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Yuri said not missing a beat. Finally he raised his head and opened his eyes to look up at him. Somehow looking into his eyes, the honest expression in them, open and raw somehow, unguarded the way he only looked in the safety of his bedroom or a hotel room, places where no one but them could hear any of the thoughts he shared. Lightly he tugged Otabek’s hand, wordlessly asking him to lie down next to him properly. Otabek complied immediately, his arms taking in Yuri’s fragile form while he felt Yuri slot himself against him perfectly, the warmth of his body radiating onto Otabek, a reassuring and grounding feeling like coming home. “Even I was surprised when Lilia told me about it, the fact that his lawyer suggested it, so you carry no fault in this.”

Otabek didn’t feel convinced by his words, not in the least, but he would try anyway. “Still, I’m sorry, I really am. The day was supposed to look differently yet I turned it into a mess worrying you and everyone else. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“Neither should you,” Yuri said, his thumb tracing absentminded little patterns across the side of Otabek’s neck. “Jason is an asshole and you really shouldn’t have to deal with anything related to him. If it weren’t for me he wouldn’t have had any reason to talk to you in the first place.”

“Yura, I love you, but shut up and stop blaming yourself for any of this. What Jason did to you and the way he decided to provoke me isn’t your fault in any sort of way. It was simply bad luck that we were there at the same time, that he decided to say what he said. You couldn’t have known he would be there, and neither could I. It was my fault for hitting him, but I can’t change that now, and I don’t want to, though I am sorry for the effect it had on you. Victor told me how you looked before going in to talk to him and I feel awful because of it. You shouldn’t have had to do it.”

“I shouldn’t have, but I still did because I consciously made the decision to do it,” Yuri said, his voice a little firmer now as though to make sure that he was listening, that he would understand. “You know me, Beka, if I wouldn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have. I won’t lie to you and say that it was fun, or even okay in any sort of way, but it’s done and over with.”

“Are you sure?” Instead of answering with words, Yuri shifted up just enough to kiss him, light and chaste, but still more than Otabek could’ve hoped for an hour ago.

Pulling back Yuri looked at him with a smile that looked just a little too sad around the edges, his eyes clouding over with something that looked far too much like dread or maybe fear, or a combination of both. Immediately Otabek’s heart started to beat just a little faster while he felt concerned, wondering what caused Yuri’s shift in expression, wondering if maybe Yuri had changed his mind after all, realized that this was something he couldn’t get over after all.

"What did he tell you?" Yuri asked instead of all the horrible scenarios that flashed through Otabek’s mind in those few seconds of silence.

"Does it matter?"

“Probably not, but somehow I still want to know,” Yuri said honestly, his expression unchanging.

Otabek sighed a little, debating whether or not he should tell Yuri the truth, tell him what Jason said or if he should just gloss over everything with general words so he wouldn’t make Yuri feel worse, wouldn’t remind him of his past even more. As much as the latter sounded like what he wanted to do, maybe even what he should do, he knew it wouldn’t be right. Nothing about this conversation was easy but maybe it wasn’t supposed to be. Maybe they had to have it, work their way through this as some sort of test of their love or something stupid like that. Otabek didn’t know, though he knew he’d be willing to do probably far more things for the boy in his arms than he most likely should but really he didn’t care. He loved Yuri far too much to lie to him, even if the truth was awful. Yuri once said that he valued this about him, his honesty, and he hoped that was still true.

Reluctantly he told Yuri what Jason said, paraphrasing the vile things he spewed dearly hoping that Yuri would tell him that none of it was true. Just imagining any of it being true was almost too much for him to wrap his head around, even worse then thinking of the fact that Yuri endured all of it, the tears and the pain. “Is any of it true?” he finally asked hesitantly, his voice quiet.

"I'm afraid the answer isn't as easy as yes or no," Yuri said and looked away, a streak of something sitting deep and dark, a shade of sadness and pain reflecting in his eyes. "Back then I used to think that being loved came with the condition of accepting certain things, with being willing to sacrifice a part of yourself, to endure things even if you didn't like them to please the other person, that being willing to do all that was what love meant. I didn't know any better, was desperate and naive, let him manipulate me into thinking that that was the best I could hope for, that I was only worthy and good enough if I did whatever he told me to do."

He stopped for a moment, his words wavering at the edges, his eyes closed and his breath coming out shaky. In an effort to give Yuri some silent comfort while he spoke Otabek reached out and lightly ran his fingers through his hair the way that usually calmed Yuri down, the ghost of a smile appearing on Yuri’s lips after a moment. His eyes remained closed as he shifted a little closer and buried his face against the juncture of his neck and shoulder while Otabek turned onto his side a little more, too, and put his other arm a little tighter around him and lightly kissed his temple as he listened. Doing that was hard, but speaking was probably a million times worse.

"It hurt and I hated a lot of it but no one ever taught me any better," Yuri continued a little while later, his words quiet though his mouth close enough to Otabek’s ear that he heard all of them clearly though a small, barely there part of him hoped he didn’t. "What he told you is his side of the story. He's a fucking sadist and forced me into the role of his submissive, someone barely worthy of anything, especially not kindness in any sort of way. I was so stupid, seriously. Time and time again he proved just how bad of an idea the entire thing was yet I stayed every time."

"I'm so incredibly sorry," Otabek said, his own eyes now pooled with tears as his mind conjured up the way Jason looked when he'd told him all that shit, remembered the pain he'd seen on Yuri's face last year whenever his insecurities and memories of the past flared up, all the cracks Jason left behind with a satisfied grin on his face.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Beka," Yuri said quietly against his shoulder, his hand moving across Otabek's back and gripping his shirt ever so lightly.

"I do. Because of me you had to talk to him, had to face him and deal with all of these things I cannot even imagine how agonizing they must've been and must still be. If I hadn't let my control slip none of this would've happened." Although he said it before, he still said it again because he still felt like that, still felt bad for it, no apology he could voice seeming enough in any way, at least not in his mind.

"It might sound crazy, maybe I am crazy, I don't know, but as much as I hated everything about facing Jason again, about having to look at his face and into his eyes, about hearing his fucking voice and listen to him call me that awful name again and again," Yuri said, his voice lightly shaking but still coming out with a sense of urgency, "it also made me realize some things. I finally understand what love really means, what being loved is supposed to feel like, what being truly happy with another person feels like and it's all because of you. When I looked at Jason I saw nothing but regret and pain and fear, but then I thought of you, the things you told me so many times, the way you treat me, look at me and speak to me, and I truly, deeply and honestly understood that what we have is love, true and real, unconditional and warm, gentle and affectionate.

“As much as I wish neither of us would've had to go through all of this bullshit, as much as I wish the press wouldn't be full of crap about you and him, and as much as I wish I wouldn't have to worry about what this will mean for your career and Tomorrowland, I am strangely… _grateful_."

Yuri's words took him by surprise since he expected many things but Yuri being grateful for what happened definitely hadn't made it onto the list. But in a way he understood what Yuri was trying to say, what he meant with it.

"While I sat in that interview room and waited for what would happen next, I was so worried about you and about us," Otabek said quietly, his fingers lightly running through Yuri's hair again. "I worried that what I did would change your opinion of me, that maybe you'd start to think that I was just like him, that you'd start to feel scared of me."

"I won't lie to you, Beka, when I saw those pictures of you and Jason, the anger painted across your face, seeing that expression on you, it did scare me. I'd never seen you look this way and I panicked. Although I knew it was irrational, I wondered what I would do if Jason were right, if you'd turn out to be just like him, use my fear against me, and it _hurt_. Not that thought, no, I quickly came to my senses, reminded myself of how different you are from him, the gentle and fond look in your eyes when we're together. No what hurt was the thought of you and I don't being an _us_ anymore. Maybe it's dramatic, or madness, or possibly both, but it would break my heart if what we have would end, if this would be something we wouldn't be able to work through. I just...I love you so much, do you know that? Although my heart beats inside my chest, in reality it belongs to you and no one else, so please, don't let it fall or hurt it. I can't do this again, not now, not with you. Of course I'm not pathetic enough to say that I need you to live or some bullshit like that, but my life has become so much better with you in it and I don't want you to go, to leave me behind."

"I love you more than I can put into words, Yura, and I won't leave unless you'll ask me to because leaving would feel like ripping out a part of me," Otabek said meaning every word. "And I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through all of this, not only what happened in Frankfurt but everything connected to Jason. I'm honored and grateful that you trust me enough to love me despite how badly you've been burned in the past."

"If I had to go through all of the shit in my past, all the awful things I regret, so I could meet you and have you in my life, to fall in love with you and finally feel loved the way I hoped someone would love me one day, though honestly what we have is better than anything I ever imagined," Yuri said raising his head to meet his eyes, Yuri's hand moving onto his jaw, his thumb softly running over his cheek, the look in his eyes like an ocean of fondness, affection and raw, pure love and devotion, "fuck, I'd do it all over again."

"Luckily you don't have to because you already have me and I don't plan on leaving any time soon."

"Good because that's the last thing I'd want," Yuri said and leaned in to kiss him. Unlike the quick little kisses they shared before, this one lingered and grew from soft and almost timid toward something deeper and more meaningful. They’d surely kissed a million times already, kisses of various types and lengths, yet this one felt different, somehow even more raw, like a silent conversation, the perfect ending to everything they’d just said, the kinds of words that didn’t really exist in any verbal language known to humanity, Russian or English not feeling adequate enough in any sort of way.

Before Otabek knew it Yuri was straddling him, their hands quietly exploring each others bodies, Yuri’s hands moving underneath his shirt slowly pushing it up as he went along, his fingers tracing across his muscles following the lines and ridges like it was the most intricate thing Yuri had ever felt. Otabek moved his hands toward Yuri’s waist and onto his hips, his fingertips touching the silky material of whatever it was that Yuri was wearing, the material strangely cool against his fingers as he moved over it onto Yuri’s perfect ass.

With quick fingers Yuri pulled his shirt off of Otabek’s body and threw it off of the bed somewhere onto the floor, his mouth moving on to kissing Otabek’s jaw and along his neck, teeth and tongue, teasing, hot and wet, the exciting kind of sloppy. Otabek moaned once Yuri reached his nipple teasing it with his tongue and lightly biting it, his hand teasing the other one for good measures, too, slowly driving Otabek insane in the best way possible. With every kiss that Yuri worked his way down his body, Otabek could feel his cock getting harder making him feel needy and strangely lightheaded, wanting so much more though he didn’t voice it knowing that sooner or later Yuri would get there, that his patience would be rewarded. Then again every moment he got to spend with Yuri felt like one.

Desire lit up Yuri’s eyes as he looked up at him, his fingers hooking into Otabek’s waistband before he slowly started to pull down his joggers and underwear, Otabek lifting his hips just enough off of the mattress to make the process quicker and easier. Yuri’s peach silk shorts followed quickly thereafter. Hungrily Otabek pulled Yuri on top of him and into another kiss, his hands holding on to Yuri’s hips while Yuri’s hands were on the mattress, his arms caging in his head, his hair falling around them like a veil of light gold.

After he’d worried that he would never get to do this again, feeling Yuri’s warm skin against his was like magic, his skin tingling, seemingly set on fire wherever Yuri touched him, his senses kicking into overdrive, his heart beating fast and hard. Ever kiss was more than he thought he could bear yet still not quite enough, the desire and lust for more burning hot as it ran through his veins.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Beka,” Yuri said pulling back just enough, words spoken against Otabek’s skin, his voice somehow rough and raw, seemingly deeper than usually with want and colored in with appreciation and shades of unfiltered honesty. Yuri moved on to kiss him all over again as though to drive that point home, his fingertips running across Otabek’s skin like he was mapping every centimeter of it, memorizing every dip and rise, every move and shift of his muscles beneath it, every possible reaction Yuri could get out of him just by touching him like this, so innocent yet intimate at the same time. Somehow the fact that it was Yuri, his mouth and his fingers, only made it so much more exciting even still, a fact he hoped would never change.

The volume and mere sound of his own moan ripping out of his throat as Yuri took his cockhead into his mouth surprised him and he could practically feel Yuri smiling at his reaction, his tongue slowly moving around it, lapping at his slit before running from the base up to the tip along the underside in one fluid lick, his tongue flat, wet and impossibly hot against his sensitive skin. It was simultaneously amazing and horrifying how Yuri simply knew how to wreck him just using his mouth, the pleasure running through Otabek’s body like nothing else ever did, the feeling both burning hot and bright while also a warped variation of cold sending shivers down his spine, moans and groans mixed with Yuri’s name rolling over his lips like it was nothing, part of some easy conversation or lyrics and not his body’s response to Yuri’s skillful ministrations.

“Bedside drawer,” Yuri said and it took Otabek entirely too long to figure out what he meant, the feeling of Yuri’s mouth around his cock a second after he spoke robbing Otabek of any kind of thought process for a few seconds. Finally he understood and reached for the drawer without even looking, pulled it open and fished out the requested item before handing it over to Yuri.

With a lewd pop Yuri pulled off of him just to run up his body with his tongue and kisses, capturing his mouth into a slightly uncoordinated and sloppy kiss. A few seconds later Yuri pulled back again leaving him panting and watching as Yuri returned to the spot between his thighs. The sound of the lube popping open seemed to echo through the room as anticipation and want grew in the air, thick and heavy, leaving Otabek breathless. Gently Yuri ran one hand up the back of his thigh until the inside of his knee raising it off of the bed while the other lube slick one found its way between his cheeks, one finger teasing his rim, a small mischievous smile pulling up the corners of Yuri's perfect lips.

He could almost feel it more than he heard it over his own panting and moaning as Yuri littered praises and 'I love you's against the skin on the inside of his thigh, his lips brushing against it with words and kisses while his fingers slowly and carefully worked him open. It was clear that Yuri was taking his time to thoroughly take him apart and Otabek couldn't find it in him to complain or ask him to hurry up, the feeling too good, the look of unfiltered desire in Yuri's eyes almost too much whenever their eyes met.

Once satisfied with his work, Otabek nothing more than a heavily breathing mess beneath him, Yuri moved in to kiss him again, his teeth lightly biting down onto Otabek’s lower lip. Without breaking their kiss, Otabek moved his legs up and around Yuri’s waist pulling him closer hoping Yuri would get the message. Otabek was a patient man, but even he sometimes reached his limits, that sole fact coaxing another small smirk onto Yuri’s face as though this was what he’d waited for all along.

A lightning of electricity and pleasure zapped through his entire body in the best way possible when Yuri finally started to push in, his forehead resting against Otabek’s, their breath mixing. The feeling of Yuri thrusting into him, filling him and retracting over and over again, was perfect, a million little masterpieces worth more than any art or piece of music, a thousand deaths and a million lifetimes, the expression of pure want and desire in Yuri’s eyes, blown wide and sparkling, the most beautiful sight Otabek could imagine.

“You’re so perfect,” Otabek heard himself say somewhere between broken breaths and moans that sounded too loud in his ears. At that Yuri slightly changed their angle and Otabek was positive that he was about to lose his mind, Yuri wrecking him completely, giving him exactly what he craved, the feeling too much, too little and exactly right all at the same time.

“Can you come for me like this?” Yuri asked sounding way too coherent. Otabek wanted to give him an answer, _yes, no, maybe, I don’t know_ , but the words died on him and the only thing coming out was another moan as Yuri started to thrust in a little rougher and deeper hitting his prostate spot on. “ _Мен сені сүйемін_ , Beka.”

Hearing the combination of Yuri saying ‘I love you’ in his language along with his name in that breathless, lustful way was the last bit needed to throw him over the edge and giving Yuri the answer to his question, his orgasm rolling over Otabek like a freight train at full speed, his muscles constricting and some kind of noise he was barely aware of making ripping out of him. With the last bit of sanity he had left he tried to catch the moment Yuri came, too, the way his lips parted and his eyes falling closed, his back arched impossibly beautifully, his name lingering on Yuri’s lips.

There was nothing more beautiful than this.

 

* * *

 

A shower and throwing together something for dinner later they found their way into the living room with their plates and glasses. Quietly they sat down on the couch and turned on the TV putting on some random movie they’d already seen together but they both liked it and it served well as background noise playing quietly.

“Are we okay?” Yuri asked at some point after he placed his now empty plate on the coffee table and turned around on the couch to look at him, his legs crossed in front of him, his hands resting in his lap. Despite their previous conversation and what followed after, both things that should make that question mostly unnecessary, there was still some kind of uncertainty in Yuri’s voice.

Otabek placed his plate next to Yuri’s and then reached for Yuri’s hands with one of his, the other raised up toward Yuri’s face lingering on his jaw. Otabek could feel Yuri lightly lean into the touch, his eyes falling closed even if only for a moment.

“If you can forgive me, yes,” Otabek finally said calmly and quietly as though to not disturb the air of tranquility around them.

“There is nothing there I would have to forgive you for.” Yuri leaned in to lightly kiss him, nothing more than a soft brush of his lips against Otabek’s. “But if it’ll grant you some peace of mind, fine, I forgive you. And I want to thank you for doing what I was never strong enough to do despite the cost at which it came.”

“For you, anything, any time.”

“As much as I love the sound of that, your career is more important and worth more than fighting my past demons.”

“Nothing is worth more than you and everything that comes along with you,” Otabek said and pulled Yuri closer, moving them around on the couch so he could hold Yuri in his arms as Yuri sat sideways in his lap, feel his warmth against him. “You are far more important and mean more to me than any career I could possibly have, Yura.”

“You’re so fucking sappy, Beka,” Yuri said, his words lacking bite and instead coming out amused with a light laugh, the mood around them clearing, the last bits of uncertainty of where they stood dissolving into thin air.

“You love it.”

“I love _you_ , sappiness and all,” Yuri said softly before burying his face in the crook of Otabek’s neck, his arms lightly tightening around him. “By the way, on the topic of sappiness, what did you think of the song?”

"What song?" Otabek asked a little confused.

"What do you mean what song?” Yuri raised his head quickly and looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable. “You watched my set, or didn't you?"

"I did, at least a part of it." _Until Jason interrupted me with his bullshit_ was left unsaid.

"What's the last song you heard or watched, whatever?"

It took Otabek a moment to remember, most of his memories of what happened after he stepped off the stage after his set tainted by Jason and his words. "’Killing Loneliness’, I think."

"Oh," Yuri said and it was easy to hear universes of disappointment even in that little noise. At once Yuri slipped out of his grasp just enough to fetch his phone off of the coffee table and then returned into almost the same position as before snuggling against Otabek like a cat. With quick fingers he pulled up YouTube and typed in his own name along with Rock am Ring and a song title Otabek wasn't familiar with. Of course in the hours that passed since the gig one of Yuri's Angels, as well as an account led by the Otababes, uploaded the recording of the song in HD quality ripped from the stream. "Listen."

Yuri put the volume up and pressed play on the video, an unfamiliar melody filling the space around them, the sound of Yuri's guitar and his voice singing lyrics filled with emotions and affection, words that would fall under sappy any time of the day surprising Otabek more than he thought they would. He didn't know what he expected the song to be, though it was clear that it was important to Yuri, yet somehow he didn't quite expect this. It was easy to see how Yuri sought out whichever camera was currently filming with his eyes as though looking for someone, trying to communicate something.

Otabek’s heart squeezed just that bit painfully as he realized that this someone was _him_ , the meaning behind the song, what must’ve moved Yuri to write it despite being everything his songs normally weren’t. Just like Otabek had sung about wishing for them to be together until they were old and gray, Yuri mirrored that sentiment in his song by talking about being together until lights out, two different phrases meaning the same thing. Just like Otabek had proclaimed his love for Yuri to over a thousand people that night, recorded for DVDs to be sold, Yuri had done the same thing in front of over eighty thousand and a worldwide livestream.

"Beka?” Yuri asked carefully about two-thirds through the song. “Why are you crying?” Was he crying? Otabek hadn’t even noticed it, felt Yuri’s thumb lightly brush the tear off of his cheek, his eyes full of concern making Otabek’s heart hurt only more. “That bad?”

At that Otabek couldn’t help but laugh though it sounded kind of strangled and broken, a crossing between sobbing and laughing, or at least something that was supposed to resemble the latter. “It’s amazing,” he managed to say, his voice coming out entirely differently than he wanted it to.

“Why are you crying then?”

“You sang that for me, right?” Yuri nodded lightly though still lightly frowning confused. “I missed it, that’s why. You went up there and performed that, even though it’s a song that doesn’t fit your style in any sort of way and I wasn’t there to hear it. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Beka,” Yuri said, his frown dissolving into something much softer, gentler. “I can play it for you whenever you want. It’s not like that was the only time you’d ever get to hear it. What matters is that you heard it now. So, you liked it, yes?”

This must’ve been the most bizarre forty eight hours of Otabek’s life filled with emotions so much that he felt like they would soon spill over. Not even twenty four hours ago he feared he might lose everything they had because of his action yet there they sat in Yuri’s penthouse holding on to each other, Yuri smiling at him in that beautiful soft way he only ever smiled for him, his thumb still lightly caressing his cheek. Otabek knew the storm wasn’t over yet, at least not the one connected to his career, but he felt relieved beyond measures that he managed to talk things through and out with Yuri, that at least they were okay, made it through this okay, maybe even a little stronger than they were before.

When he wrote ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’ months ago he didn’t think, most definitely not expect in any way, that Yuri would write an answer to it, had taken everything that happened in their relationship and free time as enough of an answer, so seeing and hearing that Yuri had still done it, went and written a declaration of his love for him, it was almost too much for Otabek to comprehend. “Like is not nearly a strong enough word,” Otabek said using similar words to the ones Yuri had used when talking about his song back in March. “Thank you, _tigryenok_ , this is more than I could’ve ever hoped for, honestly. I can’t believe I’m actually crying because I feel too happy, how is that even possible?”

“You’re a giant sap, easy,” Yuri said with a light amused huff.

“You’re the one talking, you cried too, remember?”

“Lies I tell you, lies.” Yuri kissed him then, rough, hard and eager, his hands moving onto Otabek’s neck, breaking the kiss only for a second to reposition himself in Otabek’s lap so he was straddling him. Otabek moved his hands onto Yuri’s hips holding on to him probably a little too hard, though judging by the fact that Yuri immediately deepened the kiss and rolled his hips just right was sign enough that he obviously didn’t mind it.

Yuri would be the death of him and he was very much okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter happened, finally. Damn that was one emotional hell to write, I can't. I'm still not 100% sure if I'm COMPLETELY happy with how it turned out, but that's something I have to come to terms with. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Also thank you to my favorite Otababe, Severe_Minx, for listening to me bitch and whine about my smut, I hope this really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. <3
> 
> So any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. It truly helps me stay motivated and write more chapters, make them better each time. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, my very lovely and dear readers, the final chapter, 11.3k words and then THE END. 
> 
> Before we start I wanted to take this final opening note to thank all of you, no mater if you've already been here when I posted chapter 1 as oneshot, when I posted chapter 2 and announced that it would be a multi-chapter after all, or if you just discovered this fic a few hours ago and decided to binge read it, either way, I am impossibly thankful for the fact that you took your time to sit down and read this. I know it turned into quite the beast length wise, but I hope it has been worth your time. Thank you also so very much to everyone who took the time and left comments along the way, or even just on this chapter once you'll finish reading this. Your comments, thoughts and feedback meant and mean the world to me and I honestly couldn't have done it without your continued support.  
> Thank you also to all my beloved mutuals who sat through all my insecurities, teasing and whining that happened along the way. You guys are saints and I love all of you, thank you for not giving up on me. <3
> 
> And now, my lovelies, enjoy the final chapter and I will see you in the end notes! :3

Otabek knew he never should’ve doubted Victor’s ability to somehow save his public face after the entire thing with Jason. Not without a reason did most aspiring agents site Victor as their inspiration and goal career wise, not without a reason did he dream of having Victor as his manager for years, and not without a reason did Yuri put all his trust in the man.

Within twenty four hours after they’d returned from Germany, while Otabek and Yuri made up and somehow had gotten even closer to each other than before, the storm passing, Victor jumped right back into his domain and worked his magic like no other. A considerable amount of emails and calls later he’d contacted every important magazine journalist he knew to bring them the actual story of what _really_ happened in Frankfurt, the online outlets soon bringing stories about ‘The Hero of Kazakhstan defending the Russian Rock Prince’ and alike, stories detailing what Jason had done to get Otabek to hit him, how in reality Jason was the villain in the situation and not the other way around.

Some journalists were skeptical, of course, especially those who’d always been weary of Yuri and his actions, but once Victor pulled out the fact that Jason had signed a restraining order forcing him to stay away from both Yuri and Otabek, even the toughest critiques were out of arguments.

The new, positive headlines were definitely a very effective argument during Victor’s discussions with Tomorrowland, their organizers at first less than impressed by Otabek’s actions voicing their doubts if they really wanted someone violent at their event. Victor had to do his best to not bring up the argument of Chris Brown and his actions, how his career was still striving brilliantly despite what he had done, but he knew Tomorrowland wouldn’t care. Chris Brown was none of their concern, an artist that didn’t even qualify for their festival.

Instead Victor argued that Tomorrowland already announced that Otabek would play main stage months ago, that many of his Otababes, as well as Yuri’s Angels, had bought last minute tickets just to see him, or at least that his appearance had been a big argument for them to want to go. Over the last year Otabek’s fan base had grown considerably, much to Victor’s satisfaction, the fact that Yuri’s fans found a liking in him as well was doing wonders, too. At first Victor worried that maybe they’d fight with each other, brand Otabek was evil for possibly taking advantage of Yuri, his money and career, but that mood quickly passed once it became clear just how much those two meant to each other and what kind of effect Otabek had on Yuri, how much better he’d gotten thanks to Otabek.

As festival organizers, Tomorrowland knew how important it was that their festivalgoers were happy and satisfied, and how unpleasant it could all become for them should they announce the canceling of Otabek’s appearance, especially after the press changed their mind about him. Stripping him of main stage as punishment for a good deed, that would’ve simply been unfair and even Tomorrowland couldn’t argue with that. Maybe Victor was playing a bit dirty, but he didn’t care. His job was to get things done and secure the best stages for his artists and that was exactly what he would do.

In the end Otabek was the hero who stood up for his boyfriend against a vicious abusive ex and would play Tomorrowland’s main stage just like he was supposed to. Yuri was more than pleased with the outcome while Otabek just looked relieved beyond measures, thankful for the great job Victor had done.

 

* * *

 

It’d been over a year since Otabek had last been in Almaty, so when Yuri offered to fly there two weeks before Tomorrowland, Otabek was excited to say the least. The prospect of seeing his family made him happy, being able to congratulate Amina on graduating high school and Nura on the amazing Ice Show he’d helped organize in Almaty that he would definitely take Yuri to see.

But even more than that, even if it made him nervous at the same time, he was excited to show Yuri his home, introduce him to his parents and sisters, to show him the mountains and places he remembered from when he’d been a kid. Seeing Yuri in a setting so familiar to him, being able to call him his boyfriend in front of the people he cared about so much, it made the twenty-one hours long flight more than worth it in every way.

Chris, of course, was ordered to fly out with them, a fact Otabek could understand. Even if Victor trusted Otabek’s family not to murder Yuri during the night, everybody else they would encounter during their stay wasn’t such a safe bet. Otabek’s parents had kindly invited Chris to stay at the house, too, in the spare guest room, even though Victor offered that he could simply stay at a nearby hotel to not be a bother. Otabek’s mother insisted on hosting both Yuri and Chris not then any of Victor’s arguments much to Yuri’s amusement.

“You seem nervous,” Otabek observed while they were in the air during the second leg of their journey, the five and a half hour long flight from Beijing to Almaty.

“Obviously,” Yuri huffed and looked out of the window avoiding looking at anyone, even Otabek, a fact that made him just that little bit nervous himself. Did he regret his decision to come with him? Had he changed his mind after all?

“Why?” Otabek asked even though he felt unsure if he really wanted to ask somehow.

“Isn’t it fucking obvious?”

“No?”

“Sometimes you really are a bit dense, Beka, you know that?” Yuri asked and finally turned his head toward him, his voice lacking the bite his words implied. “This is your family we are talking about here, you know? What if they won’t like me? What if I say something stupid and they’ll decide I’m not worthy of being your boyfriend? What if they’ll straight up hate me?”

“Yura.” Otabek couldn’t help the fond tone in his voice, Yuri’s name coming out somehow breathless. He was touched that Yuri worried so much about this, that it meant so much to him.

“Don’t _Yura_ me. I’m serious about this.”

“They could never hate you, come on.”

“What makes you so sure?” Yuri asked and raised his eyebrows questioningly, almost like a challenge in both his voice and expression. “No one ever introduced me to their parents before, especially not as their fucking boyfriend. I have no idea how to act around parents, especially ones I want to like me. What if I’ll accidentally swear and your mother will dislike me because of that? What if they’ll think I’m just using you somehow to, I don’t know, appear better in the press or some bullshit? Or what if I say something dumb and offend them somehow?”

As Yuri spoke Otabek could see how worked up he was getting, the calm demeanor he usually had about most things slowly slipping away and being replaced by something he’d never really seen on Yuri before. Normally Yuri was the sort of person who rode a very strict policy of ‘if you don’t like it, fuck off’ with most people he met, his personality shining no matter where he went and with whom he talked without a care if they’d think of him as brash or cold, swearing too much or saying the wrong things. Yuri never really seemed to care, but he seemed to care a whole lot about this and it truly meant so much to Otabek.

“Aren’t you worried?” Yuri finally asked and slid to the edge of his seat, his eyes looking straight into Otabek’s, his expression unguarded and raw, the nerves painted across his face in honest colors. “What if I’ll do something to embarrass you? What if seeing me there will somehow change your opinion of me, what if you’ll straight up regret taking me there?”

“Come here,” Otabek finally said with a light sigh and opened his arms toward Yuri. Not hesitating even a second Yuri got up from his seat and slid into Otabek’s lap like an oversized cat. For a moment Otabek was glad that Chris had fallen asleep about an hour ago and didn’t hear or see any of it, not that he would understand any of the Russian but still, since it felt like too private of a moment. “You have no reason to worry about any of this, Yura, believe me. My family will love you just as much as I do. Amina already loves you so you don’t have to worry about her, and Nura helped you out a few times with your Kazakh and has seen the way we are together in the pictures I’ve sent her, the things on your Instagram and the countless stories in the press. As for my parents, the second they’ll see how happy you make me with their own eyes, they’ll practically adopt you into the family so really you have no reason to worry about any of it.”

“How can you be so sure about any of this? You know I’m shit with people, and I’m sure they’ve read plenty of stories about me over the years, not like anyone could really avoid it much. I don’t want them to think of me as the fuckup from years ago.”

“You’ve never been a fuckup,” Otabek assured him, his hand lightly caressing Yuri’s cheek. “We all have our ups and downs and I promise you they won’t judge you based on who you used to be, merely on who you are now and who you are to me. They know how happy you make me, how much you’ve done for me, so why should they dislike you based on that?”

“What about the whole Jason thing?”

“Everyone has had bad relationships and you’ve been less lucky than others and I acted in your defense, both things no one will hold against you, or me.” Yuri didn’t look quite convinced but didn’t say anything, instead he leaned into Otabek’s touch and closed his eyes with a little quiet sigh. Maybe his words finally reached Yuri and he finally understood that it would be okay?

About two hours later, at just past ten pm local time, the jet touched down at Almaty International. As they exited the plane and went to collect their baggage Yuri looked beyond exhausted despite the fact that they’d slept for a good few hours across both their flights, though the sleep they got in the jet never seemed quite enough. With each time Yuri started to complain more how, once he’ll have the time and money to spare, he’d get a bigger jet with an actual bedroom in it so they could sleep like normal people in a bed and not folded into seats. He even went as far as texting Victor about it before the flight attendant had asked him to turn off his phone.

Certain things about Yuri’s life, especially ones like that, were definitely ones Otabek would never quite get used to.

Just like agreed upon they found Nura leaning against her car waiting for them as they stepped out of the building. A smile spread out across her face as she pushed away from the car and walked toward them.

“Beka,” she said before pulling him into a tight hug squeezing the air out of Otabek’s lungs. Up until that moment he hadn’t really realized just how much he’d missed her, a state he really should be used to by now, yet somehow it caught him off guard time and time again. “It’s good to finally see you again, little brother,” she said in Kazakh and then stepped back, her hands still on his shoulders while she looked him up and down. “Happiness has done you good.”

“You know what mama would say about using a language my guests don’t understand,” Otabek teased, guilty himself of doing just the same right now. Nura lightly shook her head and let go of his shoulders instead turning her attention to said guests. “Nura, this is Yuri, my boyfriend, and his bodyguard, Christophe. Yura, Chris, this is my older sister Nura.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Chris said and stepped toward her, his hand stretched out toward her for a handshake. “I’ve only heard good about you, especially your career. Very impressive.”

“Thank you,” Nura said switching easily to English, her back immediately straightening just a little bit. They shook hands quickly before she stepped toward Yuri. He stood at least a head taller than her though it still looked less interesting than when she stood opposite to Chris. “So you are the famous Yuri Plisetsky, huh? It’s nice to finally properly meet you instead of just via texts.”

Otabek swore he could see something like a light blush on Yuri’s cheeks, despite the mediocre lighting, as Nura pulled him into a hug without warning, the surprise clear in Yuri’s eyes. Otabek and Chris watched amused as Yuri tried his best to come across as cool and collected as he spoke with Nura even though it was evident that he was only getting more flustered by the minute. Otabek knew that those two had talked on numerous occasions across the past months, yet it seemed that even someone like Yuri was bound to being just that little bit socially awkward in situations like this, a realization that was somehow reassuring to Otabek, especially since, one day, he would have to face Yuri’s grandfather, and potentially his parents, though the latter seemed rather unlikely.

The drive to their parent’s house didn’t take too long thanks to the late hour and sparse traffic. Briefly Otabek wonders what Yuri would think of it, the level of luxury and wealth nothing against Yuri’s penthouse, but he quickly reminded himself of all the times Yuri told him that these were the things he didn’t care about. This visit wasn’t about some kind of show of money and comparing their backgrounds somehow, instead it was a visit allowing Otabek to introduce the two most important sides of his life to each other, his family and the love of his life.

Looking at the backseat Otabek could see Yuri napping with his head resting against the window, his hands limply in his lap. Chris on the other hand was occupied with his phone, probably sending texts to Victor letting him know they’d made it, and surely also to his boyfriend who would be waiting for him once they would return to Seattle after Tomorrowland.

If seeing Yuri get all flustered with Nura was interesting to see, watching him try keeping his cool when faced with his parents and younger sister was even more of a treat. When they pulled up in front of the garage, the main entrance door opened and the rest of the Altin family walked outside to greet them. The smile on Amina’s excited face could probably have lit up their entire neighborhood alone, her excited chatter to Yuri overwhelming even to Otabek despite the fact that he was only a bystander.

Yuri smiled as he approached Otabek’s parents handing each of them a gift he’d brought along all the way from Seattle stating that it’d be bad manners if he’d show up empty handed. Otabek’s parents seemed delighted enough, his mother smiling back at Yuri, her voice warm and friendly as she welcomed him, his father’s expression a little calmer, a little more collected as he shook Yuri’s hand and invited him inside.

“I had Amina make the bed in your old bedroom, Otabek,” his mother said as they walked upstairs, “so you can go to sleep immediately if you want. As for you, Christophe, you’ll get the guest room. Nura, show it to him, will you?” Nura nodded and quickly translated what had been said as she led Chris down the hallway.

“Thank you so much, once again, Mrs. Altin for letting Chris and I stay at your house,” Yuri said as they stood in front of Otabek’s old childhood bedroom door.

“Please, Yuri, call me Taza,” she said with another warm smile. “Make yourself at home and if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask, yes?”

“I…yes…thank you,” Yuri said blushing once again making Otabek wonder if Yuri was getting this flustered because of the people he was speaking to or if it was brought on by his levels of tiredness.

After a few more quiet words his parents walked off to their own bedroom, Amina sticking around a moment longer before she left too. No matter how you’d look at it, it was already way past eleven pm, a time when his parents at least were usually long asleep.

Otabek didn’t really think much about how it would feel like to see Yuri standing in his childhood bedroom, but whatever he’d mentally prepared for, this certainly wasn’t it. After he’d gotten into Yuri’s music years ago when he heard his single ‘[Born for Greatness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i8uLP71U8Q)’ for the first time, he’d imagined what it would feel like to be friends with someone as cool as Yuri, though by that time he already lived in his own apartment so he’d never pictured him here. Over the years he’d spent at home he’d brought a few friends and maybe a single boyfriend home, yet it never felt quite like this.

Somehow the feeling reminded him of the first time Yuri had seen him naked. This was a side of Otabek Yuri didn’t know yet, a room filled with memories of years past, stories he hadn’t told Yuri yet, little trinkets and evidence of who he used to be as a kid and teen. After this there really wasn’t anything left anymore than Yuri didn’t know about him, hadn’t see of him and strangely enough, it felt okay, good even, though somehow Otabek expected for it to feel scary somehow. But then again, why should he be scared? There was no reason for it.

Was this how Yuri felt the day Otabek arrived at his penthouse last year, the knowledge of letting a stranger into your home, though at this point Yuri was anything but a stranger to him.

“I’m sorry,” Yuri said once they changed into their pajamas and lay in bed with Yuri curled up against his side, his head resting on Otabek’s chest while he lightly ran his fingers through Yuri’s hair.

“For what?”

“For being so painfully fucking awkward with your family,” Yuri said as though it was the most obvious thing ever. Otabek couldn’t help but huff an amused little laugh.

“You’re just tired, Yura, don’t worry about it,” Otabek assured him. “They know we’ve been traveling long and how exhausting these things are. Besides, tomorrow is another day.”

To that Yuri didn’t say anything more, instead he snuggled a little closer and soon his breathing event out as he drifted off into sleep while Otabek lightly smiled waiting for sleep to take him, too.

 

* * *

 

Feeling ever so slightly disoriented Yuri woke up the next day in an unfamiliar room with Otabek draped all over him like a heated blanket. It took him a moment to remember where they were, the fact that they’d just slept in Otabek’s childhood bedroom in Almaty, the walls covered by pictures and posters, shelves littered with old equipment, CDs and books. Last night Yuri didn’t have the mind or energy to take much of it in, to look around properly, so instead he did it now.

Otabek’s room looked definitely different than Yuri’s own room back at his parent’s old apartment, much more organized and clean making Yuri wonder if Mrs. Altin had asked Amina to also dust everything along with making the bed since he couldn’t see any dust, at least not from afar. Running his fingers lightly through Otabek’s hair, careful enough to not actually wake him up, Yuri wondered how Otabek’s childhood looked like, what the stories were behind some of his possessions and just generally how it would’ve been like if they’d already known each other as teenagers. Then again it wasn’t like Yuri would’ve had much time to be a good friend back then anyway.

Even though all odds were against them, Yuri was grateful that they’d still somehow found their way to each other, despite the fact that the chances for it were basically none if JJ hadn’t posted that remix and Yuri’s fans hadn’t tweeted him the link a million and one times. Yuri never really thought much about how much in life depended on chance, on being in the right place at the right time, what chances awaited you if you’d only be somewhere or say something that would struck a chord within another person. After everything that happened, Yuri had no idea how chance decided to be so fucking kind to him and led him down the right path to end up right there in that bed in Almaty.

After another few minutes Yuri untangled himself from Otabek’s arms and legs, managing to somehow guide his head from his chest onto a pillow without Otabek as much as stirring, and then got out of bed. Checking his phone Yuri realized that it was just around twelve, a time when they were normally both already awake for work or simply because they were used to it, but it seemed like Otabek was more exhausted from traveling than Yuri thought. And damn did he look good sleeping peacefully, his hair all messy around his head, his face relaxed and lips lightly parted. He was too fucking handsome, easy as that, and he was all Yuri’s.

After changing into a new set of clothes, taming his hair and brushing his teeth, Yuri wandered through the Altin house to see if he could find anyone. He still felt a little embarrassed for the way he’d acted the previous night, all awkward and weird like he wasn’t used to meeting new people on a daily, like he didn’t know how to interact with strangers. This was Otabek’s family, damn it, and if he wanted them to like him he definitely had to stop acting strange and instead just be himself. Usually he was good at that, so where was the issue now? This one time when it actually mattered he couldn’t be normal, just his fucking luck.

The only way he could explain it to himself was the fact that he simply wasn’t used to parents acting as welcoming and friendly as the Altin’s. His own parents never would’ve welcomed Otabek into their house like this, not that Yuri ever planned on putting him through that particular shade of hell. Mrs. Altin had smiled so warmly at him, hugged him like he was some kind of lost son coming home instead of a stranger they’d previously only seen in pictures on phones or glossy magazine covers. Then there were also Otabek’s sisters, the excitement in Amina’s eyes and the slightly distanced but still friendly aura around Nura, it was a little much at once but Yuri felt touched nonetheless. He’d been so endlessly afraid that they would dislike him the second they’d lay eyes on him, so their reaction had almost taken him by surprise, despite everything that Otabek said, his reassuring words that he had no reason to worry.

Yuri knew that he wasn’t a saint, especially during those few years of his career, and that certainly didn’t qualify him as the perfect material for the kind of guy you’d want to see your son with, right? But maybe he could prove him worthy somehow if only he’d act like a fucking normal human and not a lost for words mess, fuck.

The house seemed suspiciously quiet, too quiet as for the number of people living there. Standing in the hallway Yuri picked up the sound music playing somewhere quietly though still loudly enough for even his slightly fucked hearing to pick it up, which probably meant that it wasn’t that quiet. Following the sound Yuri stopped in front of a door reading ‘Amina’, the door itself standing ajar instead of closed. Not wanting to be disrespectful to people he was trying to get to like him, Yuri raised his hand and knocked on the door, waiting for permission to come inside.

“Come in,” he heard Amina call out from inside in Russian making him wonder how she knew that it was him at her door and not any of her family members. Slowly Yuri pushed open the door and stepped inside.

Amina’s room looked a lot like Otabek’s size wise, the furniture that little bit brighter, her bed definitely bigger, the windows framed by sheer curtains in a pink that was almost white, her desk littered with books and random papers. What caught Yuri’s eye though were all the posters on the walls, some in actual frames, others just stuck to it with clear duck tape. Most of them were of him, his own eyes staring back at him, his photo shopped face and body, pictures across the years of his career. Otabek mentioned that Amina was a fan of his, but this was something else.

“He’s quite a fan,” Amina said with a light laugh to her voice while Yuri lightly frowned.

“Not as much as you,” Yuri finally said, his eyes zeroing in on one of the pictures, one he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Funny you’d say that,” she said suddenly appearing next to him, her hand reaching for the picture in question hidden inside a thin black frame. “Many of the posters are his, not mine. This one, he once said, was one of his favorites.”

At that Yuri just looked at her astonished, the smile on Amina’s face only growing as though she’d just figured something out and it pleased her to no ends. It was easy to see the resemblance between her and Otabek despite their age difference and everything, their hair was almost the same, though Amina’s was almost as long as Yuri’s own, her eyes bright and smiling looking as warm as Otabek’s, the color almost exactly the same, something they also shared with Nura, though Amina was the smallest of the three.

“He didn’t tell you, did he now?”

“I know he liked my music, must’ve liked it enough to make the ‘Unsteady’ remix last year, but…” Yuri trailed off and gestured toward the posters, the picture in Amina’s hand.

“Did you see the poster in his apartment when you were there?” Yuri shook his head. “Shame. He always tells people it’s mine, that I had put it there to tease him or something, but really it was his. After he agreed to go to America with you and everything he asked me to dispose of all the evidence, which was a bit silly to me since why would you have a reason to come to Almaty again, so I kept them. Some of them are limited editions, you know, like this one.”

For a moment Yuri wasn’t quite sure what to think, though really the emotion that stuck out the most was _amusement_. It was kind of cute, the idea of Otabek being a fanboy of his, which definitely would explain his shyness at the beginning of their time together, the slight panic in his eyes and voice when Yuri showed up at his flat last year unannounced. One of the fears Yuri had back then had been that Otabek actually was a fanboy, that he’d end up treating him just the same way everybody else did with that worshipping mentality Yuri grew to hate across the years, that clear sign that whoever was after him, flirting with him and trying to fuck him, was just doing it because of who he was, his fame and all, but he’d been so relieved when Otabek turned out to be different. Of course he did. He was special after all and Yuri was pretty sure that he could very well be the love of his life.

“Do you want to know a few fun facts about that particular picture?” Yuri asked and lightly tapped at the glass.

“Sure!”

“This picture only happened because I owed a photographer a favor,” Yuri began while he thought back to that time which seemed almost a lifetime ago, “and I was like ‘well whatever you want, I’ll do it’. How as I supposed to know that the guy would put me into a white and gray corset and frilly booty shorts, have me lie down on a mess of blankets with my guitar and put a shit ton of make up on my face.”

As he spoke, Yuri looked at Amina, that excited and captivated look in her eyes like she was absorbing every word Yuri said like a sponge, like it was the most exciting story anyone ever told her. In a way Yuri was glad that Amina was a fan of his, no matter how strange and probably egocentric it sounded, since it made getting her onto his side that little bit easier, or at least he hoped so. He wanted the Altin’s to like him, accept him as worthy of their son and brother, and if telling Amina stories about photo shoots would help him in that mission, he was more than willing to tell her any story she’d want to hear.

“One thing that always made me wonder was how there is just so much hair. Did they put extensions in or something?”

“No,” Yuri said and lightly shook his head. “I cut off all my hair a week prior leaving maybe a fraction of what I have now behind. Victor was pissed because I didn’t tell him, of course. I was nineteen and drunk off my ass and didn’t think. So the photographer ordered a wig for me, which I then also used for about a year or more for touring so no one would find out I cut off my hair. It looked basically like mine, the shade a perfect match and all, clearly. I think in the end I had like ten or fifteen identical wigs and a hell of a lot of regret because they were just such a pain!”

“When Beka was younger he always told me about how beautiful he thought your hair was and everything, how he wondered how anyone could just have such angelic blond hair,” Amina said, her expression both fond and mischievous, like she knew exactly that Otabek would probably he pissed at her for telling Yuri about this. “But looking at the way he looks at you now, it’s easy to see the difference.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said with a light nod and put the picture back on the wall making sure it hung straight. “Years ago he looked at you like you were something shiny, something unattainable, something you could only admire from afar, like a piece of art at a museum or something. Now he looks at you the way anyone would like their boyfriend to look at them. I missed out on a portion of Beka’s life, but I swear I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you with that softness in his eyes, the care with which he treats you or speaks to you, it kind of reminds me of the way our parents are around each other, especially when they think none of us are watching, it’s crazy. It’s easy to see that he truly loves you like no one else.”

“I can promise you the same goes for me, too,” Yuri assured her, his heart beating that little bit harder in his chest. He didn’t expect Amina to tell him something like this, never really thought much about how they looked like for other people, that even strangers could see how they felt about each other without knowing anything about them. “I really do love your brother like no one else before. He’s given me so much more than I could’ve ever hoped for.”

“Well I hope so,” Amina said, her hands on her hips. “I know Nura told you that already, but just remember that our family has a lot of members that are very protective of Beka.”

“Just like I told Nura last year, I can just tell you the same, that I could never do anything to hurt him in any way. After that press fiasco in June I was even ready to sacrifice my own career should it be what it would take to save his because he means more to me than my fame ever could.”

“Yuri,” Amina suddenly said, her voice somehow much softer than it was a moment before, her expression a mix of things Yuri couldn’t quite pinpoint, “no need to cry.” Was that why her face was a little blurry all of a sudden? Well fuck, way to go Plisetsky, crying in front of your boyfriend’s younger sister like a complete fucking loser.

Before he knew what was happening Amina pulled him into a hug, her arms around his middle, the gesture unexpected and caring in a way Yuri hadn’t been prepared for it even though she hugged him last night, too. He definitely hoped this conversation would’ve gone down without tears, especially since he’d never been one to cry just like that, but it seemed like Otabek had brought out some kind of softer side in him. Yuri wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

“Did something happen?” a new voice suddenly asked, the sound alone making Yuri’s heart beat a little faster still, a smile slipping onto his face. Fuck, he used to be so cool and poised, how did he turn into such a fucking sappy softy and why was he enjoying it so much? Nineteen-year-old Yuri would laugh at his face and call him a fucking loser. Then again, younger Yuri had no idea about anything so really the laughing should happen the other way around.

“I was just telling your boyfriend how much of a fanboy you were, that’s it,” Amina said not missing a beat, patting Yuri’s back a few more times before pulling away with a smile and a quick little wink. Bizarre, that was the word that best described this entire moment.

 

* * *

 

As much as Otabek felt like he should be embarrassed by everything Amina told Yuri about his time as fanboy, somehow he didn’t feel that way. To a certain extent Otabek knew that Yuri was definitely aware of how much Otabek liked his music, had known that he was at the casting call last year, had made that remix and tweeted about his new singles whenever they came out, so in the end he decided to mark up the entire thing as more of a bonding moment between his sister and Yuri than anything else.

Despite how nervous Yuri was the previous night, it was easy to see him melting back into his usual self the more time they spent at the house and around Otabek’s family. Otabek couldn’t help but smile, more than he usually did throughout a typical day, as he watched Yuri help out his mother in the kitchen with dinner, attentively following her instructions and listening to small stories about whatever family recipe they were following, or discuss classical music with his father, playing little snippets on their family upright piano, listening to stories about figure skating from Nura or patiently answering Amina’s question about his life as musician and all the other celebrities he met over the years.

In the evening Otabek pulled out his old bike from his parents garage and took Yuri for a drive around Almaty, the city illuminated by streetlights and the stars slowly turning clearer once he steered out of the city and more toward the country side and the mountains. There was a lookout point he remembered going to a few times with Nura over the years during summer nights when both of them were home. It felt like an appropriate place to share with Yuri and he told Yuri as much once they arrived after sundown, the city glittering below them and the stars above, no one around but them, the quiet around them like a blanket.

As beautiful as the view might’ve been, Otabek felt much more captivated by Yuri, the way he leaned against the metal fencing keeping them away from the cliff a step or two away from them, his open hair lightly flying in the wind, his eyes watching the city with that calm expression in them, the ghost of a smile on his lips. Standing there with him, it almost felt more like a dream than reality, the picture somehow too perfect to be real, yet Yuri was very much real, the way he smiled only more as he turned his head to look back at Otabek, the way he reached out and took his hand to pull him closer.

Over time just looking at each other turned into kissing, soft and careful at first, no rush, no need to hide, their spot far enough away from the road that no one would find them any time soon. The feeling of privacy only fueling the moment, their kisses turning more passionate and heated, almost a little sloppy, their hands slowly wandering underneath their clothes, with all of it leading to the completion of the seemingly impossible thing that seemed to be having sex on Otabek’s bike. Yuri was hell bent on getting it done—he did wonder for a moment how exactly Yuri had the foresight to take a packet of lube with him on the trip but was too thankful for it to question it—and Otabek was too far gone to offer up a different idea, any worries about the safety of what they were doing disappearing from his mind the second Yuri sunk down onto him, his heat enveloping him so perfectly, his moans like beautiful melodies in his ears mixed with the quiet sound of nature all around them.

Twenty-year old Otabek standing against that metal fencing listening to Yuri’s music would never have believed it if someone would’ve told him that years later he would end up there once more in a position like this.

 

* * *

 

Just like he’d promised last year, Otabek and Nura took Yuri and Chris to Medeu a few days into their stay in Almaty. Nura, being the star of their country, the pride and joy of anyone interested in sports and especially figure skating, managed to get them the rink for a solid three hours in exchange for the three of them posing for a couple of pictures for their website and social media.

Yuri didn’t seem to mind and smiled happily standing to Otabek’s right, while Nura was to his left. After a few pictures shot at different distances and angles, the person seemed satisfied and led them over to where they kept their rental skates so Otabek, Yuri and Chris could grab some while Nura already sat down to put on her own ones.

Despite how reserved Nura tried to be toward Yuri at first, probably simply to fulfill her big sister duties or something along those lines, it melted Otabek’s heart only more as he watched her take Yuri’s hand and guide him across the ice with an encouraging smile on her face. Yuri mentioned how he used to like figure skating when he was a kid, but that’d been years ago, something evident in the way he stood a little unsteady on his blades but still tried his best.

“Beka,” he called out an hour and a half later as he managed to do a simple spin on two feet under Nura’s guidance and a constant stream of praise. Even just the way he said his name showed how proud he was of himself for being able to do that, how he hoped Otabek would feel so too. His eagerness and the sheer amount of fun he seemed to have was contagious coaxing Otabek to try some of the few things he remembered Nura teaching, too, which ended in more stumbling and falling on his ass than he would willingly admit but in the company of two of the most important people in his life, he didn’t care how much of a mess he seemed to be. Chris seemed quite amused by the whole display, too, though he kept mostly to himself, a shadow in the background though Nura tried to include him in their games so he wouldn’t feel left out.

Standing next to each other, Otabek, Yuri and Chris watched as Nura performed a toned down version of her final short program, her signature quad turned into a triple, the rest of her jumps made into doubles, her spins just as flawless as they’d always been. It was easy to see in the way she moved across the ice that she lived for this, that it truly had been her calling, a sense of longing in her eyes for the world she used to be part of until last year.

At some point Yuri took out his phone and took a few pictures of the view from Medeu, as well as pictures of Otabek as he skated a lap around the rink and Nura as she performed a layback spin. Just before their time was up Yuri pulled all four of them into a group selfie, smiles on their faces, their hair lightly sticking to their foreheads, breaths more panted than anything, but the joy they felt was unmistakable even in the picture.

 

* * *

 

Using an evening when everyone was out, Nura visiting their cousin, his parents out for dinner and Amina at a friend’s party, Yuri and Otabek did what Yuri had been teasing him about throughout the entire time they’d been there so far: Yuri fucking him in his childhood bedroom like it was some kind of trophy Yuri wanted to claim. It was something Otabek had never done with anyone before so in a way he could understand Yuri.

Otabek was convinced the mere idea shouldn’t have been such a turn on, yet seeing Yuri naked between his thighs with his childhood memory littered shelves in the background, it did something to him. In true Yuri fashion he took his time to take Otabek apart piece by piece until he was practically begging for it, the smirk on Yuri’s lips only growing so much more prominent when he finally gave in.

Even though they’d had sex in various places and more times than Otabek was willing and able to count, he swore this had to be one of the best times no matter how bizarre that thought was somehow. Otabek was glad that the house had been empty because as loud as Yuri normally was, it was nothing against this, not that Otabek had been any better somehow, though he was aware that he always got louder than usually when bottoming, coming harder and feeling happier and more satiated than it seemed possible, the love he felt for the sweaty boy in his arms only growing exponentially with each day.

 

* * *

 

Two days before their departure they filed into two cars and made their way into the city to see the ice show Nura helped prepare, choreograph and even had a small role in along with Denis Ten. At this point Otabek was more than happy to see that Yuri seemed to have lost all his nerves when around his family, the way he joked around with Amina or complemented his mother on her dress, discussed things with his father with ease, the way he smiled more and just seemed free in the way he acted. Otabek suspected that a big part of it all was the fact that his family treated Yuri like his boyfriend and not the star that he was, that his wealth and status was trivial to them and they were more interested in finding out who he was as a parson and not as celebrity, things he knew meant a lot to Yuri.

The arena was already full of people when they arrived and were guided through the building into the VIP area with a perfect view onto the ice below them. Normally Otabek would’ve told Nura to not go out of her way to organize this, but he knew having Yuri sitting in the audience like any other person was probably something that wouldn’t work out since someone was bound to recognize him sooner or later.

According to Nura the ice show was a lot like Fantasy on Ice, or Stars on Ice, though all the artists that were performing or whose music was used were from Kazakhstan, though many of the figure skaters came from outside, friends of Nura and Denis from their time in the senior circuit. The performances were exquisite and fit perfectly with the music, the choreographies flawless, and the costumes perfect matches fitting with everything else. It was easy to see how much passion stood behind the project from start to finish.

The audience seemed to love it, the entire show designed in hopes of getting more Kazakh kids interested in figure skating to secure a new generation to take Nura’s and Denis places. Looking at Yuri and his family, Otabek could see the wonder and amazement in their eyes, the fact that they enjoyed the show evident on their faces.

After the show was over Nura had a security guard pick them up and lead them into the backstage area so they could meet some of the skaters and artists, take pictures and just congratulate them on the amazing show. It was an amusing picture to see Yuri, the person everyone usually fawned over, chatter away about how much he liked someone or another’s performance, how fantastic it all was, like he was just another figure skating enthusiast and not an international star himself, a way bigger number than everybody else present with him in that room.

The picture of Yuri with Nura and Denis went massively viral that night shared between both figure skating fans and Yuri’s Angels, one of the rare moments that brought both fandoms together.

 

* * *

 

Two days before Otabek’s gig at Tomorrowland they found themselves standing in the entrance hall of the Altin house waiting for Amina and Nura to finish packing and come downstairs. Yuri had invited them both to come along with them claiming that he didn’t want them to miss out on a moment like this, on seeing their brother play at one of the most important EDM stages world wide, of course all expenses paid for by Yuri himself.

“Thank you, Yuri, for taking the girls with you,” Otabek’s mother said with a smile, his father standing next to her, quietly watching.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Yuri said with a brilliant smile. “And thank you for letting Chris and I stay at your house, for welcoming me into your family and giving me a chance to hopefully show you how thankful I am to have your son by my side, how much he means to me and that I don’t have any ulterior motives in all of this.”

“You know, Yuri, I’m going to be honest with you,” Otabek’s father began, Otabek’s mind immediately wondering where this would go and how he could possibly stop his father from saying something less than ideal, “when we first heard about your romantic involvement with Otabek, we were skeptical, though I am sure you can understand that. As his parents we only want what’s best for him, and so we were worried about the outcome of all of it, the fact that you have so much more power than him both money and influence wise, but as time went on and we heard more stories about you two from Otabek, as well as the press and Nura, our opinion started to change. And now that we had the pleasure of meeting you personally, rest assured that we’ve changed our mind completely. You’re a good boy, Yuri, so by all means, welcome to the family.”

It was the second time that Yuri cried since they’d landed in Almaty, and honestly, Otabek himself felt pretty close to doing just the same, too. Hearing his father say that, it meant a lot to Otabek, and even more to Yuri, obviously. Yuri had been so worried that his parents wouldn’t like him, wouldn’t accept him, yet in reality they’d invited him into the family with smiles on their faces and tight hugs, his mother whispering calming words to him to stop him from crying, which somehow only made him cry more.

The expressions of confusion on Nura’s and Amina’s faces once they came downstairs were priceless, yet neither of them asked what happened, were probably able to figure it out without it.

After another round of hugs they made their way outside to the taxi waiting for them to start their journey over to Belgium. Their flight itself would take just over nine hours thanks to a lack of layovers since Yuri’s jet didn’t rely on commercial flight lines or anything. Amina, being the only one of them who hadn’t ever left the country before or been on a plane, sat transfixed looking out of the window for most of the flight, her phone out and taking the occasional pictures of the view to share with her friends or post them online. Meanwhile Nura and Chris seemed deep in conversation about something or another, most of the topics centered on figure skating thanks to Nura’s background and Chris’ boyfriend, sharing stories and memories.

Otabek had never been in Brussels before, of course, though they didn’t really get to see much of it. Once they exited the jet they slid into their rental van and drove off toward their hotel located in a city slightly closer to Tomorrowland, the room him and Yuri would be staying in booked by the organizers of Tomorrowland, while the other rooms ran via Victor’s reservation. Victor and Yuuri were waiting for them in the lobby upon arrival, greeting them with smiles and introductions toward Otabek’s sisters. Never did he think something like this would happen, that he would ever find himself in a place like this in life, flying halfway across the world with his sisters and boyfriend to play at a major EDM festival. He’d dreamt of it, sure, but there was a big difference between dreaming of something and actually experiencing it in real life.

“Surprise!” three all too familiar voices called out as Otabek and Yuri stepped into their hotel room, JJ, Isabella and Leo suddenly appearing in front of them. It was unreal and Otabek swore it had to be a dream somehow because this just couldn’t be, no way.

“What?” he merely managed to say lost for words. Turning his head to look at Yuri, take in the shameless smug grin on his face, it was all the answers he needed.

“A certain someone surprised us by mailing us tickets to come and see you play so here we are,” Leo said.

“Told you he’s a keeper,” JJ added.

“Yuri knew how much it would mean to you to have us here,” Isabella said pulling him into a hug with a light laugh, amused by Otabek’s stunned reaction. You’d think he’d get used to Yuri coming up with ways to surprise him time and time again, yet this, somehow, he truly hadn’t expected it. Having Nura and Amina come along with them was already a big deal, but Yuri also flying in his best friends, it seemed like too much.

They spent the next three hours catching up and sharing stories, Yuri telling Leo, JJ and Isabella about how Amina tried her best to embarrass Otabek by telling him about all the posters and his fanboy times, JJ and Leo making everything only so much worse by pulling out their own stories. Halfway through Otabek was ready for the earth to swallow him whole while Yuri just pulled him closer and kissed his cheek claiming that it was actually kind of cute and that he shouldn’t worry because Yuri was his number one fan, too. Although Otabek had seen Yuri interact with Leo and JJ and Isabella on two separate occasions, seeing them all together at the same time was somehow even better. Otabek was convinced that from the outside they’d just look like your typical group of friends, a thought that pleased him to no end especially because he knew how much Yuri longed for this level of normalcy.

“Are you happy?” Yuri asked hours later once they were alone again and fell into their bed after taking a shower together.

“Thank you, Yura, this is honestly more than I could’ve ever asked for,” he said, honestly, and leaned in for a kiss, his right hand lightly pushing a strand of still damp hair out of Yuri’s face.

“How did you say it, ‘for you, anything, anytime’,” Yuri said with the most beautiful smile making his heart flip in his chest, his voice so honest and loving it shouldn’t be possible for it to sound that way. “This is a special moment for you so I wanted you to have all the most important people in your life with you to see it, to share it with you. I even asked your parents if they’d want to come along, too, but they declined.”

“How are you just so perfect? And how am I so lucky to call you mine?”

“The same way I am lucky to have you, to be loved by you,” Yuri all but whispered against his lips, kissing him a moment later and climbing onto him so Yuri was straddling him.

It didn’t take much time for their kisses to grow more heated, a little desperate and hungry, even though they’d just made out and got each other off in the shower not even an hour ago. Otabek moaned as Yuri peppered his jaw and neck with kisses working his way lower, leaving a mark behind on his collarbone before moving further down his chest and stomach, one of his hands running down his side and the other teasing one of his nipples. Under Yuri’s skillful ministrations it didn’t take long until Oatebk was fully hard again, Yuri smiling satisfied with the view in front of him once he reached his cock.

Otabek whined a little needy as Yuri only teased his head for a moment before moving back up his body capturing his lips in another kiss. Otabek’s hands roamed across Yuri’s perfect body, his sides and hips, running across his back and massaging handfuls of his gorgeous ass.

After another few breathless kisses, Yuri broke away and rolled off of him and onto his stomach, his eyes never leaving Otabek’s as he raised his hips off of the mattress until his ass was up in the air, Yuri wiggling it a little like an unspoken invitation, one eyebrow cocked like a challenge. Yuri always knew what he wanted and how to get just that, Otabek more than willing to give him anything and anyway Yuri wanted it.

“Show me how happy you are, Beka,” Yuri said with that voice and look in his eyes that threw Otabek to his knees every single time, low and seductive, perfect and addictive.

Otabek loved the way Yuri moaned and whined whenever he was working him open with his mouth on his rim and his tongue inside of him. As much as he loved it when Yuri did this for him, doing it to Yuri was somehow even better, his gasps and whines beautiful and intoxicating. After a while Otabek exchanged his tongue for his lubed up fingers to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally hurt Yuri in the end, turning two into three and relishing every moan he got when he teased his prostate.

“Beka,” Yuri whined, his back arched beautifully, his eyes looking back at Otabek over his shoulder, his hair all over the place in a beautiful pale blond mess. “Please.”

With a kiss to Yuri’s lower back, Otabek pulled out his fingers and got up onto his knees behind Yuri, his eyes glued to Yuri’s face, catching every little reaction, gasp and emotion rushing across it as he slowly pushed in, his hands holding Yuri’s hips in place. Giving him a moment to relax and get used to the feeling once he bottomed out, Otabek leaned down to leave a few kisses across Yuri’s back until Yuri grew impatient and wiggled his hips along with another breathless and needy whine of his name shooting right to Otabek’s cock.

Otabek wanted to go slow and tease Yuri some more, push him further, but the more he moaned and arched his back, pushed back to meet him with every thrust, his face so gorgeously painted with pure pleasure, Otabek could barely control himself, keep himself from coming right on the stop like an overly eager teenager. How any of this could be this good, this addicting even still, somehow even more with every time, was beyond him and he didn’t even care. He felt mesmerized by the view of his cock moving in and out of Yuri, the way he so beautifully took all of him in despite the fact that Otabek certainly wasn’t anything anyone would call small, rather quite the opposite, it was almost too much.

“Harder,” Yuri demanded between moans and how could Otabek deny him such a simple request, his thrusts turning rougher, rawer, harsher, deeper somehow as he changed their angel a little bit. With each thrust as he hit Yuri’s prostate he could see Yuri slowly falling apart and drowning in pleasure right in front of him. Otabek still could barely believe that the most beautiful man on this planet looked that way because of him.

With each others names falling out of their mouths with final moans that could most definitely be heard in the room next to them, they came a second or two apart. If heaven was a thing, this was it, Otabek was sure of it.

 

* * *

 

The Tomorrowland main stage looked unreal once again that year, somehow even bigger and more extravagant than it’d seemed on all the pictures and videos from livestreams Otabek had seen over the years. Or maybe it was the same size but it just felt so much more overwhelming because he was there in person this time, because he was about to step onto that stage and in front of the biggest sea of people so far and present them the set he worked on and for so hard.

[Along with photographers and a camera crew](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vii_aEkB_1k) that alternated between which camera was filming him behind the deck, his sisters, friends and Yuri stood there to watch him, be there for him and just enjoy the party and the music together with him and each other.

In preparation for his set Otabek had exchanged numerous emails with the sound and light technicians, the people in charge of the visual effects and FX so that everything would fit together perfectly. The result was brilliant, even if he couldn’t see it that well himself, but the crowd’s reaction was explosive like none he’d played for before.

The irony of Yuri joining him on stage to sing a song called ‘[Lions in the Wild](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95D6zmJreQU)’ was most definitely not lost on anyone because of course Yuri would be part of a song with a name like this. Not only did Yuri sing the track, but he’d also been involved in the songs production, in writing the few lyrics, his face right in that moment up on stage so bright and colored in with happiness, joy and a shade of proud whenever their eyes met, it melted Otabek’s heart. The fact that Yuri decided to wear his ‘Team Altin’ shirt once more only adding on to that effect.

_Looking out at the open skyline_

_Reaching out, I can almost touch the place_

_Where the lost ones find their freedom_

_In the dark, but I am not afraid_

_No, I am not afraid_

_We'll be free, but I don't know where we're going_

_You and me, this is our life and we own it_

_Like lions in the wild_

Hand in hand they jumped and danced during the instrumental parts of the song, the crowd going completely haywire at the display, even more so as Yuri quickly kissed him before leaving the stage once the song was over and Otabek transitioned into the next one.

Tomorrowland had always been his dream, this unattainable goal on the horizon, yet somehow within a year he’d achieved more than he thought he would in a lifetime, seen so much of the world, found love and created a career for himself he thought he would never have.

Taking a moment Otabek asked the crowd to pull out their phones and lighters, anything that created light, while also asking the light technicians to turn down the venue’s lights, a sea of tens of thousands white lights stretching out in front of him like the sky had fallen onto the earth and placed itself across the crowd like a blanket. It was a beautiful view and Otabek would never get enough of it, the way the crowd waved back at him and then exploded into jumping and dancing when he dropped the bass and turned up the music, the beat perfectly danceable, inviting everyone to go wild, the lights flashing all around them.

Looking back at Yuri before be transitioned into the next song, he knew that what he was about to do was absolutely crazy, rushing things most likely way too much, but seeing that gorgeous smile in Yuri’s face, his fondness and admiration in his eyes, he knew it would be okay. If there was a perfect place for this, it was right there on that stage.

The song had been a last minute addition to his set, the lyrics taking him a while to write and even more to record during times when he hoped no one was around at the studio to hear him, to potentially ask questions or somehow spill any of it to Yuri. Luckily no one, not even Mila, had heard any of it. Otabek could only imagine the teasing he would’ve had to endure if she would’ve heard it, found out about his plan.

Looking back at Yuri one more time he extended his hand toward him as an invitation for him to come back on stage. After sharing a surprised and just a little confused look with the others, Yuri complied and climbed onto the stage next to him, his eyes looking over his face and then turning toward the crowd. Having him there next to him somehow did nothing for the amount of nerves he felt, only made it worse, though he found himself only strengthened in his resolve to do it. It would be okay, the possible beginning of forever.

 _Now or never_.

Taking a deep breath he began to transition into the song, knowing that the third lines of the lyrics would immediately give away where this was going. His heart was beating so hard he wondered if it would jump out of his chest any moment now.

[ _It's a beautiful night_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eyGC28gjQY)

[ _We're looking for something dumb to do_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eyGC28gjQY)

_Hey baby, I think I want to_ marry you

_Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?_

_Who cares baby, I think I want to marry you_

The look on Yuri’s face combined with the sheer volume of the crowds cheering was brilliant and overwhelming all at once, deafening. Doing this so publicly was probably a dumb idea, and he probably should’ve asked Victor about it, but it was too late now. Yuri’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened about two sizes, disbelief and shock all too clear on it, as well as the question if Otabek seriously meant was he was singing.

_Don't say no, no, no, no, no_

_Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_And we'll go, go, go, go, go_

_If you're ready, like I'm ready_

The longer Yuri just stood there as though frozen in time, his eyes constantly switching between looking at the ring held out toward him and Otabek’s face, the more Otabek began to wonder if maybe this had been a mistake after all even though it hadn’t felt like it, but maybe he’d been wrong?

Finally after what felt like an eternity, though was only two thirds of the song in reality, Yuri broke out of his stupor, closed the distance between them and practically threw himself at Otabek, tears running down his cheeks contradicting the smile on his lips.

“Yes, yes, yes and again fucking yes, fucking hell, Beka,” Yuri muttered close to his ear, his words wavering around the edges interrupted by something that sounded a bit like strangled sobs and laughs.

“Are you sure?”

“More sure than about anything else in my entire fucking life,” Yuri assured him, pulling back enough to look into his eyes as he said those words before kissing him like his life depended on it, like they were completely alone and not watched by a more people than Otabek was willing to think about in that moment. “I love you so much, Beka, fuck, more than anything and anyone ever before and after and just forever.”

“I love you, too, Yura,” Otabek said, kissing him again. “You are the love of my life and I wish for nothing more than to spend the rest of the time we have on this planet together with you.”

“You fucking sap,” Yuri said and lightly laughed, “but fuck, at least you are my sap, forever, fuck. Yuri Altin, it does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Also the shirt will then finally count for the both of us.”

When Otabek got that little bit drunk last year and decided to make the ‘Unsteady’ remix sitting alone in his apartment, never, not even in a million years, would he have guessed or even as much as dared to dream that anything like this would happen. When Yuri showed up at his place and declared that he wanted to help him, had him flown in to Seattle and hosted him at his penthouse, not even for a second did Otabek even consider the possibility that they could ever become anything more than friends. When they kissed sitting at Yuri’s piano and explored their relationship and love across the following months, not even in his dreams did he imagine that, should he ever propose to him, Yuri would actually say yes, and even less so did he think it would happen at his gig at Tomorrowland, the location he always dreamed of.

So many things happened since the begging of last year and Otabek couldn’t believe where this journey started by ‘Unsteady’ had taken him. Never in his entire life did anything feel as right as this, holding his idol-turn-friend-turn-boyfriend-turn-fiancé in his arms standing on a giant stage in Belgium declaring their engagement to potentially millions of people.

“So that means you will stay even though we’re reached the end?” Yuri asked with his chin resting against Otabek’s shoulder from behind, his arms around his waist, after Otabek was done transitioning into the next song the crowd going crazy even more than before.

“This, my love, my _tigryenok_ , is only the beginning.”

Life worked in unexpected ways and Otabek couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. I never thought that 'Unsteady' would take you, my lovely readers, and me on such a wild ride but I am thankful that it did. I had so much fun working on this story, writing all those different sets and locations, exploring the dynamic between Yuri and Otabek in this, as well as just seeing where the story would take us in general. All I knew was that it would all end at Tomorrowland, the proposal was a surprise even to me. But, I said it in the summary, this was, at least when it comes to the beginning and now also the proposal, inspired by Victuuri and their storyline so really, were you THAT surprised? Were you surprised at all? Have I failed as a writer? Let me know!
> 
> Also three portions of smut, THAT was also definitely not in my plan for this chapter either, BUT the mood just felt right so I couldn't help myself, especially the brief appearances of bottom!beka and hung!beka. 
> 
> So, of the final time, any thoughts? I greatly appreciate every comment and kudos you guys leave me. :)
> 
> [The official 'Unsteady' playlist featuring all the songs that have so far made it into this fic.](https://open.spotify.com/user/otayuri_oh_nice/playlist/0X5WbaXOLwrwttqebhKDlL)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [For Bambi and Cheshire Cat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11741994) by [thisiseclair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisiseclair/pseuds/thisiseclair)




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